Mainly needing support and/or comments please

OKmac3 · August 2011

I moved to Oklahoma to start a new life after my ex wife took our four kids and left me and filed for divorce. I have loved living in Oklahoma and have met some wonderful people. I even started dating again and have been with my gf for two years.

Here is my issue, my kids live with their mother and her husband in Omaha and it takes me 8 hours to see them. I am really missing the things that my kids are doing and want to be involved more. BUT my gf has made it known to me and my kids that if I go back to Omaha, she is not coming with me because she does not want to take her daughter away from her dad. I understand that and respect that. She also says that I made the choice to move down here and need to continue to do what I need to do to keep the life we have built over the last two years.

I love her and I love my kids more. It is hard and is not something that I wish on anyone. Thank you for letting me post a little bit and to get my thoughts out.

Any thoughts from all of you will be welcomed and appreciated.

Thank you

kpersons1 · August 2011

Your new Gf does have a point about not wanting to take her daughter away from her dad. But she has to understand your need to be with your other kids too.
Its very important to try to keep that relationship with the kids that are 8 hours away. Are they older kids? Can they choose to come live with you for a while?

wickedcricket · August 2011

I would never put another person ahead of my kids - is this the only woman you've ever known? no
Lovers are temporary - your kids are your kids forever and trust me when I tell you - they will remember. The decisions you make when they are children will be with you AND THEM for the rest of your lives.
MY ex husband left me (and our children) to move to another state and remarry. He has children with the new wife, they have no contact with their half sibs - NO relationship with my children and his grandkids have never met him. Is that what you want?
Once they became adults & started having kids, he tried to re-connect with them but they resent his abandonment & are detached from him now. Most of them went to visit but found they don't like him w/o the 'father' bond and want nothing to do with him.

You are making life decisions.
Good luck with your choice

chevy88grl · August 2011

What about moving a few hours away from where you are now, but not the full 8 hours? I can understand her not wanting to take her daughter away from her dad -- but you need to see your kids more too. How about a nice compromise? Move 3-4 hours away from where you are now (closer to your kids)? That would make it so you have to drive to see your kids and so would her ex to see their daughter.

Life is about compromises. My boyfriend lived 1.5 hours away when we met - he doesn't have kids, but grew up there, had friends there, a job, etc.

Last Sept he gave that all up and moved 1.5 hours to live with me. If you truly want to be together, you need to sit down and discuss this.

Good Luck.

hllamaster · August 2011

Really...its like I told my girl friend when I ready to move close to my daughter and grandkids I'm going with or without her..nothing or nobody will come between my children and me..buck up mister

cnewyou · August 2011

Take some time to yourself and really face the situation. The solution will come to you. You will then be able to act and feel at peace. Life is definitely not easy. Hang in there.

sandy2006 · August 2011

I think the most important thing in life is family. Sorry but I think you should be accesible to your children.(Im assuming they are young) Also in all reality if you choose to stay there with the girlfriend you have choosen her over your kids. Your GF sees the importance to keep her duaghter close to her dad so she should understand if you decide to move closer to yours. You are in a tough situation but at the end of the day you have to decide how much you want to see your kids. Good luck to you..

OKmac3 · August 2011

I guess I should put the ages of my kids in this (though it really makes no difference)...I have an almost 16 yr old daughter, 13 yr old daughter, 7 yr old son, and almost 6 yr old daughter

dakoerber · August 2011

I agree with most everyone that your kids come first. Your kids NEED you and they will only be little for such a short period. I would hope that you could continue to have a relationship with your girlfriend long distance and that she would understand since she has kids.

This is a tough situation and really only you can decide what is the best for you. It sounds like you want to be with your kids and you should do that. I am confident you won't regret moving closer but may regret not moving closer

jbing07 · August 2011

I agree with dakoerber, we can tell tha you want to be with your kids, do what you want and no one else. Your kids are the most important people in your life, you don't want to miss out.

TiffanyA2008 · August 2011

I personally believe that NO ONE and I mean NO ONE should EVER come before your children. Your children definitely need you in their life. I do understand your girlfriend not wanting to move away because of her daughter and not wanting to take her away from her dad, but she has to realize that you're a father and your children need you. I don't want to seem rude and please don't take this wrong, but maybe she isn't exactly the one for you. Or maybe she is and you guys can work on a long distance relationship. I think I would rather be closer to my children and work on a long distance relationship with someone rather than working on a long distance relationship with my children. You know?? Children grow so quickly and I would never want to miss a moment of it. Are you a praying person? Pray about this, if you are! Have faith that everything will work out the way it should!

Mainly needing support and/or comments please

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