My biggest secret- literally! (That *lightbulb moment.*)
Han_Han
Posts: 32 Member
Starting weight: 337lb/153kg.
Currently: 238lb/108kg.
Goal: To be decided but the future is looking brighter:)
I'm a 30 year old female, no kids and I live alone. This is a very random post and is actually my first post ever. This is something I have never told anyone and possibly never will outside of these boards but I desperately wanted to share it with someone!
So far I have lost 45kg/99lbs and people often ask me what my motivation for weightloss was/is and what prompted me to start my weight loss journey. I always respond the same way, "oh, nothing in particular, it just felt like the right time." This is an absolute lie!
The truth is, on July 31st of last year, I was in my kitchen doing the dishes. I had been standing there in my PJ's for all of about 5 minutes when my back started to ache. An achey back is nothing new for me, particularly when I'm not wearing a supportive bra (tmi?) but the pain this particular time was extra bad. It got to the point when the pain was so bad, I couldn't bare to stand for one more second so I abandoned the dishes and rushed to the nearest chair to just make the pain go away. I guess I sat too quickly or something as I suffered my first ever dizzy spell, followed by the feeling that I was going to pass out.
I wasn't sure if what I was experiencing was a head rush or a heart attack or a stroke but I questioned if I should call for help- maybe a family member, a neighbour or an ambulance since it was the first time I'd felt that unwell.
I hesitated when I realised that (as I was 153kg/337lbs) no one I knew would be able to help me off the floor if I did pass out or assist me to the car. I questioned if the ambulance stretcher was designed for someone of my weight/size. Did I need to tell them to send extra crew members or bigger equipment? I doubted that the ambulance crew could even get me down my narrow stairs if in fact the stretcher could hold me.
If something even worse was to happen, I had this awful feeling that I might just die on the spot- without a bra, arms exposed (I always covered up with a cardigan) with chocolate wrappers and chip bags on display when I'd done so well to hide them over the years.
I made the decision not to call anyone and to just wait it out, alone. I literally lay on the floor, freaking out, waiting to pass out. I promised myself that if I woke up and everything was OK, I wouldn't wait one more day to start looking after myself. It was an epiphany. I never wanted to feel that helplessness, anxiety or shame ever again. I wanted to be able to ask for help if I needed it instead of just hoping it'll be OK because I was so mortified of my current state.
Anyway, that's it! That was my lightbulb moment. 45kg down and still going but I still have a way to go.
I would love to hear anyone elses lightbulb moment/s or epiphanies, embarrassing moments or secret stories.
Even if no one can relate or if no one replies, at least I've written mine down! *Phew*
Currently: 238lb/108kg.
Goal: To be decided but the future is looking brighter:)
I'm a 30 year old female, no kids and I live alone. This is a very random post and is actually my first post ever. This is something I have never told anyone and possibly never will outside of these boards but I desperately wanted to share it with someone!
So far I have lost 45kg/99lbs and people often ask me what my motivation for weightloss was/is and what prompted me to start my weight loss journey. I always respond the same way, "oh, nothing in particular, it just felt like the right time." This is an absolute lie!
The truth is, on July 31st of last year, I was in my kitchen doing the dishes. I had been standing there in my PJ's for all of about 5 minutes when my back started to ache. An achey back is nothing new for me, particularly when I'm not wearing a supportive bra (tmi?) but the pain this particular time was extra bad. It got to the point when the pain was so bad, I couldn't bare to stand for one more second so I abandoned the dishes and rushed to the nearest chair to just make the pain go away. I guess I sat too quickly or something as I suffered my first ever dizzy spell, followed by the feeling that I was going to pass out.
I wasn't sure if what I was experiencing was a head rush or a heart attack or a stroke but I questioned if I should call for help- maybe a family member, a neighbour or an ambulance since it was the first time I'd felt that unwell.
I hesitated when I realised that (as I was 153kg/337lbs) no one I knew would be able to help me off the floor if I did pass out or assist me to the car. I questioned if the ambulance stretcher was designed for someone of my weight/size. Did I need to tell them to send extra crew members or bigger equipment? I doubted that the ambulance crew could even get me down my narrow stairs if in fact the stretcher could hold me.
If something even worse was to happen, I had this awful feeling that I might just die on the spot- without a bra, arms exposed (I always covered up with a cardigan) with chocolate wrappers and chip bags on display when I'd done so well to hide them over the years.
I made the decision not to call anyone and to just wait it out, alone. I literally lay on the floor, freaking out, waiting to pass out. I promised myself that if I woke up and everything was OK, I wouldn't wait one more day to start looking after myself. It was an epiphany. I never wanted to feel that helplessness, anxiety or shame ever again. I wanted to be able to ask for help if I needed it instead of just hoping it'll be OK because I was so mortified of my current state.
Anyway, that's it! That was my lightbulb moment. 45kg down and still going but I still have a way to go.
I would love to hear anyone elses lightbulb moment/s or epiphanies, embarrassing moments or secret stories.
Even if no one can relate or if no one replies, at least I've written mine down! *Phew*
107
Replies
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Your story is amazing! Keep going you are doing an absolutely incredible job
1 -
My lightbulb moment was when one day I was sitting on the toilet (also tmi) and I realised that my stomach was not only resting on my thighs, but was halfway to my knees. That gave me the fright I needed. I have recently got comfortable again and I haven't reached my goal. I'm exhausted trying to eat right and exercise while still controlling everyone else's diet and their specific needs.6
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I'm glad you're still with us! Great job, another pound and you'll be in the 100 club!
I don't have a lightbulb moment - my weight loss started after a diabetes diagnosis. But I do have an embarrassing moment to share. I was wearing what I thought was a cute new shirt and my father, who had recently had a stroke and had no filters on his speech, he would just say whatever came into his head, said, "I didn't recognize you at first, you look like a fat Russian grandmother." And the worst part is, once he mentioned it, I could definitely see it.10 -
I weighed 285 lbs, had a CPAP, HBP, debilitating back pain that left me unable to walk father than 1 block without stopping and a seemingly permanent cough. I had a coughing fit so bad that I passed out. Just seconds but we had 2 little kids. I was just going to fat myself to death and leave 2 little kids with no dad. Who would do something like that?
Like you, I considered emergency people coming to help me, rolling their eyes as the struggled to get me down the stairs.
At that point, I was delivered. No other way to explain it. I quit drinking alcohol then and there. Turns out it was no more than a bad habit. Short version of the story, I started at 285 lbs, yesterday I weighed 172.6lbs. I’ve been maintaining 11+yrs.
BTW, I still fight back pain now and again. But it’s mostly because my age and activities put strain on various muscles. More yoga seems to be the answer.
14 -
Mine was a few months ago when I was at a soft play with my neice and nephew (4 and 2 and a half) I had one on each leg pulling me to climb up into the play area with them. I wanted to so badly but I had this image of all 349.9lbs of me getting stuck somewhere and having to get the fire brigade etc out to get me out. Telling them that I couldn't and trying to get them off me with a load of parents staring just broke my heart in two.
This and the thought of not being able to do it with my own kids in the future (that's if I could have them in the future at this weight) was all the motivation I needed.17 -
Thank you for sharing this. You're doing an amazing job - keep it up!4
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Stretch marks and the scale. I remember seeing a chair that hangs from the cieling once and it said max weight at 230lb. At the time I struggled with my weight but never thought I would ever get this heavy. Now I am frequently afraid of sitting in small unstable looking chairs in case I'm too fat and break it. Also airplane seat belts now have to stretch a lot farther to accommodate me. I'm close to your current weight (a little higher) Can I friend you? You seem like you're doing well and that's super inspiring to me.5
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Wow!! What an incredible story. You've come so far!!! Your AWESOME is showing.
You keep on keeping on being incredible and waltzing into a healthier, happier, AWESOME you!
My story isn't nearly so inspiring. I caught sight of myself in a picture and had to come face to face with the truth of what I had let myself become. I'd hidden it from myself (and not really that successfully from others) -- I'm incredible at lying to myself and managed to make myself belief I hadn't gotten that big. I'd topped out at 243 pounds and when I saw my picture, I knew that I hadn't imagined how difficult it had become to get up off the couch.
So I lost it -- I lost a lot of it and was glad to see it go! Then I gained a little back through a different health issue, and now I'm on the epic journey of getting to my original goal. I have donned my sword and shield, and am tromping through the deadly adventure of my closet to slay the dragon pants that I used to fit into and now try to eat me alive if I can even manage to squeeze into them. It's a journey of hilarity, tears, self-doubt, but above, the belief that I, too, can find my awesome and achieve what I set out to achieve.
TO SLAY THE DRAGON(pants)!
(i'mmagetchadragonpants)5 -
MikaMaca92 wrote: »Stretch marks and the scale. I remember seeing a chair that hangs from the cieling once and it said max weight at 230lb. At the time I struggled with my weight but never thought I would ever get this heavy. Now I am frequently afraid of sitting in small unstable looking chairs in case I'm too fat and break it. Also airplane seat belts now have to stretch a lot farther to accommodate me. I'm close to your current weight (a little higher) Can I friend you? You seem like you're doing well and that's super inspiring to me.
Oh those terrifying plastic chairs with the flimsy legs are a fear of mine also! I'm also trying to convince myself to take the plunge and get on a plane to visit my brother in Australia but the idea of not being able to buckle up and needing an extender is still pretty scary to me. Please do add me. I'm always up for New friends and New conversation:)4 -
Versicolour wrote: »My lightbulb moment was when one day I was sitting on the toilet (also tmi) and I realised that my stomach was not only resting on my thighs, but was halfway to my knees. That gave me the fright I needed. I have recently got comfortable again and I haven't reached my goal. I'm exhausted trying to eat right and exercise while still controlling everyone else's diet and their specific needs.
Don't feel too discouraged. I know it's super cliche but no one is perfect. I know it can be hard to regain motivation once it slips but remind yourself that you deserve it and you're worth it.rheddmobile wrote: »I'm glad you're still with us! Great job, another pound and you'll be in the 100 club!
I don't have a lightbulb moment - my weight loss started after a diabetes diagnosis. But I do have an embarrassing moment to share. I was wearing what I thought was a cute new shirt and my father, who had recently had a stroke and had no filters on his speech, he would just say whatever came into his head, said, "I didn't recognize you at first, you look like a fat Russian grandmother." And the worst part is, once he mentioned it, I could definitely see it.
Oh gosh, sorry to head about the diabetes. I hope it's under control. I admit I actually laughed out loud at "Fat Russian grandmother!" Did you keep the shirt? Hehe.lyndsfattofit wrote: »Mine was a few months ago when I was at a soft play with my neice and nephew (4 and 2 and a half) I had one on each leg pulling me to climb up into the play area with them. I wanted to so badly but I had this image of all 349.9lbs of me getting stuck somewhere and having to get the fire brigade etc out to get me out. Telling them that I couldn't and trying to get them off me with a load of parents staring just broke my heart in two.
This and the thought of not being able to do it with my own kids in the future (that's if I could have them in the future at this weight) was all the motivation I needed.
I totally get this. I've worked as a nanny for 12 years and I LOVE those indoor play places but the kids never understand that they're designed for children and not extra wide adults! I've been awkwardly forced through tunnels and looked like a stuffed sausage and being stuck in there is a legitimate fear. I relate to wanting to do those things with my own kids in the future- I think being able to have a baby one day is another big motivation for me. I hope you're having success in your weightloss/healthy lifestyle 1 -
dhiammarath wrote: »Wow!! What an incredible story. You've come so far!!! Your AWESOME is showing. You keep on keeping on being incredible and waltzing into a healthier, happier, AWESOME you!
My story isn't nearly so inspiring. I caught sight of myself in a picture and had to come face to face with the truth of what I had let myself become. I'd hidden it from myself (and not really that successfully from others) -- I'm incredible at lying to myself and managed to make myself belief I hadn't gotten that big. I'd topped out at 243 pounds and when I saw my picture, I knew that I hadn't imagined how difficult it had become to get up off the couch.
So I lost it -- I lost a lot of it and was glad to see it go! Then I gained a little back through a different health issue, and now I'm on the epic journey of getting to my original goal. I have donned my sword and shield, and am tromping through the deadly adventure of my closet to slay the dragon pants that I used to fit into and now try to eat me alive if I can even manage to squeeze into them. It's a journey of hilarity, tears, self-doubt, but above, the belief that I, too, can find my awesome and achieve what I set out to achieve.
TO SLAY THE DRAGON(pants)!
(i'mmagetchadragonpants)
Sounds like you've already found your awesome
I hope you're on track and achieving your goals. Thanks for sharing! You slay those dragon pants!!I weighed 285 lbs, had a CPAP, HBP, debilitating back pain that left me unable to walk father than 1 block without stopping and a seemingly permanent cough. I had a coughing fit so bad that I passed out. Just seconds but we had 2 little kids. I was just going to fat myself to death and leave 2 little kids with no dad. Who would do something like that?
Like you, I considered emergency people coming to help me, rolling their eyes as the struggled to get me down the stairs.
At that point, I was delivered. No other way to explain it. I quit drinking alcohol then and there. Turns out it was no more than a bad habit. Short version of the story, I started at 285 lbs, yesterday I weighed 172.6lbs. I’ve been maintaining 11+yrs.
BTW, I still fight back pain now and again. But it’s mostly because my age and activities put strain on various muscles. More yoga seems to be the answer.
Amazing! Go you! What a blessing for you and your family Thanks for sharing- it's nice to know I'm not alone in this and in feeling those thoughts! 2 -
You are doing amazing! I don’t know if I really had onesingle lightbulb moment that changed it for me, but the light bulb that has continuously stayed on has been the one about getting to a healthier weight and healthy habits so I can become the mom I want to be one day (both for maternal health and parenting style reasons). Ironically, the other semi-consistent light bulb was my doctor refusing to prescribe birth control pills due to weight concerns combined with elevated blood pressure. She did do a 3-month period and then a longer prescription when I showed her the MFP weight graph for those three months on a follow-up visit. I did gain some of that weight back since but I’m now losing again, so I’m hoping she’ll be pleased with the progress when I have to go back in a few months.
The other light bulbs have been more like seasonal christmas lights, like the ones that are related to clothing, photographs, envying other people, things having weight limits etc.1 -
That must have been a very painful time for you lying there on the floor. How proud you must be now, an incredible story thank you so much for sharing.
I never had a big epiphany like that, mine was much more subtle. My Mom who was a type 2 diabetic lost over 60 pounds just by portion control that my brother maintained for her, she had been diagnosed with Alzheimers. She is no longer considered a diabetic. I thought if she could do it at 70 with no exercise, surely I could do it.3 -
You are doing amazing! I don’t know if I really had onesingle lightbulb moment that changed it for me, but the light bulb that has continuously stayed on has been the one about getting to a healthier weight and healthy habits so I can become the mom I want to be one day (both for maternal health and parenting style reasons). Ironically, the other semi-consistent light bulb was my doctor refusing to prescribe birth control pills due to weight concerns combined with elevated blood pressure. She did do a 3-month period and then a longer prescription when I showed her the MFP weight graph for those three months on a follow-up visit. I did gain some of that weight back since but I’m now losing again, so I’m hoping she’ll be pleased with the progress when I have to go back in a few months.
The other light bulbs have been more like seasonal christmas lights, like the ones that are related to clothing, photographs, envying other people, things having weight limits etc.
Good luck with that upcoming doctor visit then! Having babies is a huge motivation for me too. I have a few of those Christmas-light-bulbs as well- photos, boots that don't zip up, not being able to breathe because the seatbelt in other people's cars are just too darn tight etc. Thanks for your responseSnowflake1968 wrote: »That must have been a very painful time for you lying there on the floor. How proud you must be now, an incredible story thank you so much for sharing.
I never had a big epiphany like that, mine was much more subtle. My Mom who was a type 2 diabetic lost over 60 pounds just by portion control that my brother maintained for her, she had been diagnosed with Alzheimers. She is no longer considered a diabetic. I thought if she could do it at 70 with no exercise, surely I could do it.
Thank you! I do feel proud of myself but stll have a long way to go so hopefully that motivation will stick! Thats so cool that you were able to take control and find motivation/inspiration in your mum's weight loss. Glad to hear she and your family have helped to get her diabetes under control 2 -
Wow! Not a lightbulb moment. More like an iron skillet to the head moment! I'm really impressed with what you've accomplished so far. You cans and WILL reach your goal. Good luck to you! ❤️️2
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I’m incredibly happy for the progress you’ve made and will continue to make! Amazing!
My moment of clarity was when I took my daughter to an amusement park and I tried to go on a rollercoaster with her and I couldn’t fit. It was humiliating and the beginning of something great! That was 90 lbs ago. Now I’m more focused on gaining strength.
Keep up the hard work!3 -
Awesome job so far! Keep it up! We didn't gain the weight over night so it takes time.
My moment was on March 27th when I found out that I was pre-diabetic. To this it was enough to get my a** in gear. I have four children I need to be healthy for. I am down 18lbs so far.2 -
Awesome job so far! Keep it up! We didn't gain the weight over night so it takes time.
My moment was on March 27th when I found out that I was pre-diabetic. To this it was enough to get my a** in gear. I have four children I need to be healthy for. I am down 18lbs so far.
Absolutely. Awesome getting those 18lbs off! Thanks for adding me- I look forward to following your progress:)0
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