The mentality of "Accountability Buddies"

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  • serindipte
    serindipte Posts: 1,557 Member
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    AnvilHead wrote: »
    NovusDies wrote: »
    I am not a good buddy to have I am afraid. I have never been a Facebook person so I am not accustomed to checking the news feeds for stuff I am supposed to like or comment on. I forget it is there almost all of the time...

    I'm guilty of this as well. But mostly because MFP's newsfeed feature is so primitive/limited that it's all but completely useless. You have no way of knowing if/when somebody responded to your posts, nor if they replied to your comments on their posts, and they're not brought back up to the top in the newsfeed when somebody responds. It's really not useful for anything more than a quick 'attaboy!', as there's no way to track any ongoing conversation.

    To top that off, the MFP blogs/ads in the newsfeed are ridiculously overwhelming and clutter it up so badly that it's almost unreadable anyway. Especially in the mobile version. So basically, I don't even bother looking at the newsfeed.

    I get notifications when someone comments on my posts or if they comment on one I've commented on.

    As far as the OP... I don't really get the blanket requests for friends, but will often send a friend request (with a note) to those that I've enjoyed interacting with in the forums. Now and then, I will message if I notice something that seems out of the ordinary (a steady logger that isn't logging all of a sudden), but it's rare and depends on the person and how our 'friendship' has progressed. For instance, Novus is in my friend list because we bump into each other a lot on the boards, but I don't know anything at all about his logging. Sorry, @NovusDies, Guess I'm not much of an accountability buddy for ya. :wink:
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
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    serindipte wrote: »
    I get notifications when someone comments on my posts or if they comment on one I've commented on.

    As far as the OP... I don't really get the blanket requests for friends, but will often send a friend request (with a note) to those that I've enjoyed interacting with in the forums. Now and then, I will message if I notice something that seems out of the ordinary (a steady logger that isn't logging all of a sudden), but it's rare and depends on the person and how our 'friendship' has progressed. For instance, Novus is in my friend list because we bump into each other a lot on the boards, but I don't know anything at all about his logging. Sorry, @NovusDies, Guess I'm not much of an accountability buddy for ya. :wink:

    None of my logging shows up on the newsfeed so if you did know something about it I would be worried. I don't really need an accountability buddy which is probably another reason I am not a good one. I do enjoy our interactions which makes you more of a forum friend which I prefer.
  • ereck44
    ereck44 Posts: 1,170 Member
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    I think that a person can succeed without an accountability friends. However being accountable does help with started those good habits...those life changing elements. I know plenty of times that I didn't want to go to the gym but did so because I felt accountable for someone taking the time to work with me. I do have friends who haven't logged in 4 months and I ask myself, " are they really serious about this?" I love helping other people to find the tools to get there. I itself have gotten great advice from my mfp friends.
  • VUA21
    VUA21 Posts: 2,072 Member
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    I'm probably going to get some negativity here, but:

    Accountability is you, not anyone else. If you "need" someone else to keep you accountable for what you do, there's an immensely high change of long term failure. Why, because when it comes right down to it only one person is the reason you will succeed or fail at fitness/weight goals: you.
  • AnvilHead
    AnvilHead Posts: 18,344 Member
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    VUA21 wrote: »
    I'm probably going to get some negativity here, but:

    Accountability is you, not anyone else. If you "need" someone else to keep you accountable for what you do, there's an immensely high change of long term failure. Why, because when it comes right down to it only one person is the reason you will succeed or fail at fitness/weight goals: you.

    I won't disagree with that at all.

    With that said, I think the best possible scenario in terms of extrinsic accountability (if one is into that) is either a good workout partner or a coach/trainer who you've paid money to. Knowing that an actual, live somebody is going to be there and counting on you to show up is (IMO) far more powerful motivation than any "cyber relationship", and you can't lie or fake it because they're actually there waiting for you. And if you've paid a trainer, you know you're throwing money down the drain by not showing up.
  • Keladelphia
    Keladelphia Posts: 820 Member
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    For me making "friends" here was less about receiving support or having someone pat me on the back or someone to hold me accountable and more about just giving me a reason to log into this site everyday.

    The first time I joined MFP I didn't add any friends and lost interest in the entire site pretty quickly. Because of this I stopped logging in and therefore stopped logging food and exercise. When I rejoined and added friends, I found entertainment value in the site and found myself logging in everyday simply because I wanted to laugh at silly posts and enjoy the non fitness related discussions I had with the friends I made here. Even though our conversations were not directly health and fitness related, my focus remained on health and fitness since it the site in general was smacking me in the face with it everyday when I logged in (seeing the food journal, friends logging exercise etc). I started logging and tracking because I was here anyway and lost the weight and maintained it.
  • ereck44
    ereck44 Posts: 1,170 Member
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    AnvilHead wrote: »
    VUA21 wrote: »
    I'm probably going to get some negativity here, but:

    Accountability is you, not anyone else. If you "need" someone else to keep you accountable for what you do, there's an immensely high change of long term failure. Why, because when it comes right down to it only one person is the reason you will succeed or fail at fitness/weight goals: you.

    I won't disagree with that at all.

    With that said, I think the best possible scenario in terms of extrinsic accountability (if one is into that) is either a good workout partner or a coach/trainer who you've paid money to. Knowing that an actual, live somebody is going to be there and counting on you to show up is (IMO) far more powerful motivation than any "cyber relationship", and you can't lie or fake it because they're actually there waiting for you. And if you've paid a trainer, you know you're throwing money down the drain by not showing up.

    I agree with what you are saying. I almost never missed a session with my personal trainer.....and it was expensive plus that was time that trainer we couldn't work with another client.Whereas if I am also spending money at a gym but not going, other clients can still use the gym.
    There is not that same type of accountability with mfp friends. However sometimes that word of encouragement can keep one going. I never criticize a diary but may make a comment that might help someone else keep track. Its the small changes that make a big difference.
  • Ainadan
    Ainadan Posts: 158 Member
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    It depends on the person. Like someone earlier said- some people are intrinsically motivated, while others are more extrinsically motivated. I think we can all be motivated in some way or another by other people, but the way they motivate us may be different.

    For instance, if someone tells me I should work out then I will not work out. I don't like being told by someone else that I need to do something, even if I really need to do it. So accountability doesn't work really well for me, I like figuring things out on my own and I don't like being told what to do. However, I do like to share my successes, so the Non-scale victory thread and threads like it in the success forum really motivate me.
  • TonyB0588
    TonyB0588 Posts: 9,520 Member
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    Wow!! This thread has certainly gained momentum since i posted a day ago.

    The facts are thag I started off with no friends and actually refused the first few Requests I received. I don't do Facebook, and didn't see any point in doing the social networking aspect of this site.

    After I finally accepted a few, it just got addictive and my list grew, but I still don't think it makes a great deal of diffetence.
  • no6016
    no6016 Posts: 44 Member
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    For me I’ve done it both ways with friends and then when I got lazy and really wasn’t committed to myself my program I deleted my friends who I hadn’t known that long anyway, and you did seem a little bit weird to talk to people you were never going to meet. So then I just sort of used MFP on my own. Which meant that soon after I started doing that I really really abandoned it and got very very unfocused. I don’t like tracking my world with people locally because I feel judged which is my own problem, which I know is ridiculous. But there is something powerful about reading other peoples challenges of the day or successes or having someone who takes the time to reply to something that you post that you’re proud of. So today, I’ve gone on and found people and started to attempt to friend people in an effort to build a small but fun community or maybe it’ll be large who knows of people that are committed to never being where they were Before again.
  • GaleHawkins
    GaleHawkins Posts: 8,160 Member
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    UncaToddly wrote: »
    So I see a lot of people posting that they are looking for friends to help them in their process and to help keep them accountable. Different people are different in how they respond to things or whatever but how do those of you who want this or do this have it really make a difference for you?

    I ask because for me, it isn't anything that is going to help nor do I see myself being able to help anyone else in that regard. Yes, you can rah-rah when people have good days resisting temptation or "I really pushed myself at the gym today" but when I am standing in the accounting department in front of that box of donuts or in the lunchroom staring at the wall of candy bars & chips, having someone in Botswana or Kiev or even the next town over here in the Seattle, USA area that would say "walk away, you don't need that, you can do it" isn't going to make me stop making a bad choice. For some people though, complete strangers who know little about them is enough to help them make better decisions?

    I am not trying to knock those who do this kind of thing and for whom it works but more a matter of trying to understand or see if I am missing something.

    For me, what helps is when I am standing there in front of the wall of candy and chips and one of my co-workers who knows I am losing weight walks by and says, "Don't do it. Be Strong." or "Walk away brother, walk away, you are better than that."

    What helps me is when I wasn't planning on taking a walk during work and one of my co-workers says "Are you going for a walk at lunch today? I will go with you.".... so now I have a little motivation I didn't have before. :)

    For those of you that do seek the accountability buddies or whatever, how does it make you do anything different knowing that Todd in Seattle or Lisa in Ireland will know what you did/didn't do if you are completely honest about everything?

    @UncaToddly when it comes to health practices I only see myself accountable myself and no one else. Maybe people just mean "supportive" buddy when they type "accountability" buddy. If one liked their parole officer then that would be a real "accountability" buddy perhaps. :)

    I do learn so much from other MFP posters who may or may not be in my friends list with my need for magnesium and the best source for that need for example.

    It seems like asking a stranger to be an "accountability" buddy could be as dangerous as mush of the "free" eating advice out there today can be.

    In my case I was obese until I learn how to eat all I wanted without triggering the cravings and binging that I had lived with the prior 40 years and that wrecked my health. It was no wanting my kids to watch me die prematurely that drove me to find a new WOE over time.

    What goes in my mouth and when it goes in my mouth is only under my control as long I remain a free man so 100% of the accountability belongs to me and no one else. That is why at age 67 personally I still do not understand why peer pressure really exist.

    Now support from "knowledge and experience" buddies is awesome to have where it be from a healthcare provider, coworker, coffee drinking buddy, etc.

    People that "tell" others how they should eat using social media are totally NON buddies in my view even if they are well meaning perhaps.

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