Them stretch marks on ya' hips are just bungee cords...

I have a ton of stretch marks. I swear as soon as the + appears on the pregnancy test I get a belly and get HUGE by the end (not just me thinking that either...by 6 months I was so big my dr started triple checking my due date at each appt and my baby was only 5lb3oz). I also had pre-e with both pregnancies and the water weight was horrendous. The only ones that still bug me are the ones on my ankles and backs of my knees from swelling so bad. My hubby (he's Army) calls them my service stripes (like the ones he puts on his dress uniform signifying how long he's been in) proving that I've served my time.
Anyways...I've tried lots of things to get rid of them with no success...