Changing the dialogue about "OMG you lost how much? Well, you look great"...

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lc_simmons
lc_simmons Posts: 6 Member
in Motivation and Support
When some one has lost some or a significant amount of weight most people will say "you look great/fabulous" etc., but I feel this this day and age of people [body] acceptance it's antiquated and kinda backhanded compliment, i.e., "are you saying I didn't look great before?" which is NOT what the person is saying nor intention at all. Saying "You look great" is just what people say to be supportive and happy for the person. But everyone's weight loss/maintenance story is deeply personal, and it's time to update the language.

So, I ask the members two questions:
  • What are some alternatives to the "you look great/fabulous" ... statement?
  • How would you / do you respond when given a compliment about your weight loss?

    (For the record, now having the confidence of 40+ years on this earth I have been known to respond 'I know right, but I looked great before', but that's can be interpreted as aggressively passive-aggressive).

    Thanks for your feedback. Good luck with whatever journey you're on.

Replies

  • GOT_Obsessed
    GOT_Obsessed Posts: 817 Member
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    What are some alternatives to the "you look great/fabulous" ... statement?

    -I see no need for alternatives for these comments. I don't find them back handed at all. I give and receive them all the time.


    How would you / do you respond when given a compliment about your weight loss?

    -I usually end up with a huge smile on my face because to me it confirms my hard work has paid off and even other people can see. I just say "Thanks so much! " Sometimes I say "I feel great."
  • raviiin
    raviiin Posts: 13 Member
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    I get what youre saying OP, and if you'd feel more comfortable with an alternative that is less likely to be taken the wrong way, you can say things that don't involve a subjective comment on their appearance, for example you can say something like "congratulations, i'm proud of you/happy for you, that must have been a lot of hard work!"
  • Zinka61
    Zinka61 Posts: 523 Member
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    I had a moment's hesitation when greeting a neighborhood friend who has lost around 100 lbs. I knew she'd had bariatric surgery and was losing but haven't seen her for a while). What came out of my mouth was, "You're a shadow of your former self! How do you feel?" I mulled my response over afterward and am still not sure the first part was right, but I feel better about the second part, focusing on her feelings rather than her looks. She seemed happy anyway, but it's so hard to always say the right words...

  • determined_M_91
    determined_M_91 Posts: 60 Member
    edited June 2018
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    I don't see it as an insult in any way. The person just states the obvious - I do look better than I used to and what's even better is that I feel great too. I think there's always room for improvement no matter where you at on your health journey, even if you're at the finish line. I take it as a way of cheering me on and I am thankful and humbled that people care enough to notice. Normally I just respond with a simple "thank you" and continue on with my day with a boosted confidence and better mood, no need to be too sensitive about it or read too much into it.
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,287 Member
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    in this day and age, you can't win for losing. i think that is why a lot of people don't mention a persons weight loss. Some love it..others hate the phrasing or don't want it mentioned; and what was intended to be a compliment becomes a problem.
  • kdbulger
    kdbulger Posts: 396 Member
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    I never give it a second thought when people tell me I've lost weight or look great - I know, it's on purpose that I've lost weight and I'm trying to look great.

    If I know that somebody has been working hard on their fitness I'll tell them that they look so healthy and strong/fit. Or that their hard work is apparent.
  • afflatushead
    afflatushead Posts: 15 Member
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    I totally get what you're saying. I'm ashamed about how I looked and treated my health before and I don't want to talk about it. I actually feel quite accomplished in my life and don't need the focus to be on my appearance. However I've only ever not been annoyed when someone is like "damn girl, body lookin bangin". (My female friends). Focus on how hot I look now not on why I look hot now. Like saying "you look hot now that you've lost weight," is different than just saying I look good.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    I start with a gracious thank you.

    If I am quizzed further I say it was very, very hard and I had a lot of help. Both true.

    I think my response shuts down any closet jealousy.
  • VUA21
    VUA21 Posts: 2,072 Member
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    Say "Thanks" and move on. That's it.

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