How can I love myself if I haven't reached my goal yet?

HakunaMatata137
HakunaMatata137 Posts: 63 Member
edited June 2018 in Motivation and Support
Hey guys,

This is like my third post in a row tonight, but this is the first time I ever really thought to post my questions to the forum and now it's all just coming out like word vomit lol! I've had a struggle ever since starting my weight loss journey a few months ago, and I want to know if anyone else can relate.

At my fittest (4-5 years ago), I weighed 120 lbs (at 5'3). But then, college happened and I got to 205 lbs. But I am now at 174 lbs, which I am so proud of! But it's still not 120 lbs. And 174 lbs is still overweight for my height.

When I first started gaining the college weight, my parents would tell me that I'm getting fat when I was only at 150 lbs. I saw pictures of myself when I was like 165 lbs, and I hate the way I look in those pictures. So why should I, at 174 lbs, believe that I look good? When me (and others) didn't think I looked good at even 140, or 150 lbs because it was still considered overweight?

So I guess my question is, how can I be happy with myself throughout the process of my weight loss? When I still haven't reached my goal? How can I look in the mirror and be proud of myself and like what I see, when I'm still technically "fat" and bigger than I was when I was 120 lbs?

I hope this question makes sense. And even if you don't have the answers, I'd love to hear from people who have or are currently experiencing this issue. Thanks in advance yall :)

Replies

  • emmies_123
    emmies_123 Posts: 513 Member
    You are working towards reaching your goal every day, not just saying "well this is who i am now." The weight didn't get put on all at once, it won't come off all at once. Take pride in yourself for taking the steps each day to improve yourself.

    Give yourself many little goals along the way instead of one finish line in the future. Maybe make your mini goal for each 10 lbs off, so you don't find yourself thinking "well 20 off, 60 to go...". Instead it becomes "yay 20 lbs off!"

    Another example is look at how you are working out. I started a 30 min full body workout at the start of April. When I first started it beat me up, and I wasn't even using weights for the upper body portion. In May I could keep up with all the movements so I added weights, and I could only do a third of the set before my arms gave out, and I felt terrible that I couldn't do it. As of the start of June I can do the weights for about 2/3 of the upper body portion. Am I doing the whole thing yet, no. Can I love myself for the fact I persevered and can now do more than I could manage a month ago? Yes!

    I bet you have had similar growth that happened so gradually you didn't even register it was happening =)
  • rj0150684
    rj0150684 Posts: 227 Member
    You’re more than a number on a scale or the way you look in the mirror. You can hate your appearance and you can hate your weight, but that’s hopefully not how you define yourself as a person

    Look at other people you know. Do you think of your friends as merely fat, skinny, average, etc? Or do you think of them as actual human beings with thoughts and opinions and characteristics well beyond the physical? That’s how other people think of you too, or at least the ones that know you and who knows you better than you?

    It’s ok to be unhappy with how you look. Lots of people are, but you’re doing something about that. Don’t let that define who you are, especially to yourself.
  • kbmnurse1
    kbmnurse1 Posts: 316 Member
    Why not embrace the body that you were blessed with? Cut yourself some slack.
  • Ainadan
    Ainadan Posts: 158 Member
    Making mistakes and having to live with the consequences always sucks. You, like most of us, made the mistake of overeating at some point in your life, and it had physical consequences. You are now in the process of making amends. Recognize that, and forgive yourself for your mistakes. All of them, even if some are staring you in the mirror every morning. Then love the fact that you can make amends and lose the weight. And love what your body can do and get excited about what it will do in the future.

  • HakunaMatata137
    HakunaMatata137 Posts: 63 Member
    Kimmotion5783 wrote: »
    I'm sorry to hear your parents said that to you. Even with the best of intentions, family can be so cruel. I completely relate to what you are saying. My family members have said and tried so many things to get me to lose weight, none of which worked because their methods were hurtful. They don't realize that even though they mean well, their words do damage, especially to one's self esteem.

    Two years ago, when I first started my weight loss journey, I said the very same thing you are saying now. One thing I did that has helped me tremendously: stand in front of the bathroom mirror, look yourself square in the eyes and say "I love you" to yourself. As many times as it takes. You will feel a bit silly at first, but then it will sink in. It actually works.

    You do actually love yourself, you just don't realize it yet. If you didn't love yourself, you wouldn't be here trying to live a healthy lifestyle, get back to a healthy weight, etc. You wouldn't be here trying to take care of yourself.

    PS- you are already beautiful. Get back to a healthy weight for your health, because you are worth it. You got this!

    Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry to hear that your family has done something similar to mine. Family means well (most of the time) but there's really no non-hurtful way to tell someone that they've gained weight. My dad has done it in the form of lighthearted "jokes". "So you've been eating a lot of cheeseburgers I see!" While my mom has said it in the form of concern. "You've gained a lot of weight honey. It's not healthy. Let me help you." (She constantly has to bring up my weight. Whether I've lost, or gained.)
    It hurts a lot and does *wonders* for my self esteem, ha. But their comments have fueled me to lose weight, and allowed me to recognize that I'd gained weight (which I actually was not aware of, because I was not looking at the scale). But it still makes me self-conscious.

    Words are so so damaging and even though your family has done the same to you, I'm glad to see that you are on your own journey of health and weight loss. And that your family's comments did not have the reverse effect on you! You look amazing. I like your idea of saying "I love you" to yourself. I will definitely try that. And the point you made about not trying to take care of yourself if you didn't love yourself is such a good one. You got this too girl :)
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
    kommodevaran wrote: »
    I think it's the other way around. You can't lose weight if you don't love yourself. If you lose weight as some kind of punishment, you won't last long. Taking care of your health, including eating less and moving more, in a healthy way, is something that you can be proud of. Eating and moving in ways you like, makes you happy.

    Exactly! We don't invest valuable time, money, and energy into things we don't love. You love yourself enough to want to do the most difficult task on Earth - change and improve yourself. You loved yourself at 120 lbs, 205 lbs, and 174 lbs...these are just arbitrary numbers on a scale, not a measure of personal value.

    Any act of self improvement is an inherent act of love.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    The Dream Weight is not a substitute for love. I think the positive body movement has been hijacked and gone way too far the other direction. Self-care, self this and self that, usually meaning some brutal diet. Belly Selfies.

    You can find mental wellbeing at every size. That's where it begins. Not loving yourself until you reach the dream weight is not body positivity. Weight loss isn't always the answer to anything.

    We can't reverse a lifetime of thinking through a couple of rounds of paleo dieting or primal eating. That's malarkey. We've been taught through social media to think of weight loss as the answer to everything. That's a total mind warp. When people speak of themselves using extremes...I'm terrified to get on the scale, that's a real red flag for me. Extremes beget more extremes.

    Go to the mirror and say, I love you.
  • mulecanter
    mulecanter Posts: 1,792 Member
    The mirror will always be a source of mixed feedback. Wait until aging takes its toll in addition to some extra pounds. I think the key is accept imperfection as normal. Losing weight gives lots of benefits in addition to better appearance (there is joy in crossing one's legs without effort for example) so it's not just an exercise in vanity. Making the best of what God gave you is all you can and should do--you can love yourself for that alone.
  • Bry_Fitness70
    Bry_Fitness70 Posts: 2,480 Member
    At one time in my life, I was able to run unlimited miles at an average of 2-3 minutes per mile faster and lift over 150% more weight than I currently do. If I dwelled on the performance standards of a past version of myself, I would hate everything that I currently do fitness-wise.

    You should pick a reasonable baseline for yourself (perhaps your current weight) and then measure your progress against that. Never mind the 120lbs you once were, if you go from 174 to 169 that is a significant accomplishment that you should celebrate and feel good about.
  • tmoneyag99
    tmoneyag99 Posts: 480 Member
    How are you going to feel about yourself when you are 90?

    How would you feel about yourself if you got hit by a car and were paralyzed from the neck down?

    Your exterior and image is just the wrapping on the gift that is you. When you get a present what do you do with the pretty wrapping? You usually throw it away. Why? Because it's what's inside that counts.

    You need to go RIGHT NOW and right down 10 things about yourself that has nothing to do with asthetics that you love about yourself. You need to read them to yourself morning noon and night.

    Then next month you need to write down ANOTHER 10 things and read all 20.

    Why? Because there is more to you than that pretty wrapping, and if you don't learn to put priority on what is inside the wrapping, and just sit and stare at the wrapping, being critical of the wrapping, without ever taking a look at the potentally awesome gift inside... you're going to risk that gift getting old, and unusable before you can finally enjoy it.

    Imagine this... someone gives you a gift wrapped in news paper. You sit a round staring at it trying to make that gift as pretty as possible. but the news paper just gets older and more worn and "uglier". Then one day when the newspaper is just utterly nonredeemable you decide to finally open the damn present. And inside was the world's most wonderful and rare and most expensive chocolates. BUT because you waited so long to see what was inside and enjoy them, you could no longer eat the chocolates. They are now brittle, hard, and tasteless from neglect.


    THAT is what you are doing to your soul. If you put the physical appearance before the inner character, you will see it wither before you one day due to neglect.
  • VUA21
    VUA21 Posts: 2,072 Member
    Then get angry! Get downright pissed off. Get angry at the fat and get rid of it. I wasn't happy with myself for a long time, I was angry at myself for letting myself get so bad (+350lbs). I used that anger to drive me to change myself into who I wanted to be.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    I went through a time period with a lot of self hatred because of my body. So much so that I envisioned hurting myself. I was angry and I punished myself daily. I was vicious and horrible. Exercise was punishment. Diet was punishment. It was really hard to stick to punishing plans btw.
    At a certain point I decided I needed to accept myself and like myself. I wrote a list of 10 things I liked about myself. Not things other people liked. Not all physical. It was really hard to do that. I worked hard at finding positive things about others too because I found out the thoughts I had about myself poisoned how I saw others too. After a long time I felt okay with myself. I concluded that I am who I am no matter my size and my size is not my worth as a person.
    I am losing weight because I deserve to live a full healthy life. I exercise and watch my diet to treat myself well.

    If you can not work through your feelings about your body on your own I encourage you to seek professional counseling.
  • peaceout_aly
    peaceout_aly Posts: 2,018 Member
    HakunaMatata137 wrote: »
    Hey guys,

    This is like my third post in a row tonight, but this is the first time I ever really thought to post my questions to the forum and now it's all just coming out like word vomit lol! I've had a struggle ever since starting my weight loss journey a few months ago, and I want to know if anyone else can relate.

    At my fittest (4-5 years ago), I weighed 120 lbs (at 5'3). But then, college happened and I got to 205 lbs. But I am now at 174 lbs, which I am so proud of! But it's still not 120 lbs. And 174 lbs is still overweight for my height.

    When I first started gaining the college weight, my parents would tell me that I'm getting fat when I was only at 150 lbs. I saw pictures of myself when I was like 165 lbs, and I hate the way I look in those pictures. So why should I, at 174 lbs, believe that I look good? When me (and others) didn't think I looked good at even 140, or 150 lbs because it was still considered overweight?

    So I guess my question is, how can I be happy with myself throughout the process of my weight loss? When I still haven't reached my goal? How can I look in the mirror and be proud of myself and like what I see, when I'm still technically "fat" and bigger than I was when I was 120 lbs?

    I hope this question makes sense. And even if you don't have the answers, I'd love to hear from people who have or are currently experiencing this issue. Thanks in advance yall :)

    First off, let me tell you there are bikini competitors who STILL don't love themselves. And there are curvy girls that flaunt all they got and think they put the stars in the sky. It's mind set.

    Learn to love the process. Learn to love the feeling of being healthier. Of little "wins" at the gym - like being able to take time off your mile, or walk the stair master at a higher level. If you're using weights, it's even easier to stay motivated and build confidence because you'll constantly be increasing the weights and reps you're using especially as a beginner while also creating a healthy body and better body composition. You can love yourself at any weight. Appreciate what your body can do for you, not just what it looks like.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    It's best if weight loss comes from a place of loving yourself, and from that having a desire to take care of yourself and be the best that you can. Telling yourself that you love yourself AFTER meeting your goal is a really bad idea, especially since the goal post tends to move around all the time.
  • thelettermegan
    thelettermegan Posts: 49 Member
    You can love yourself and also work towards specific goals.

    I'm a big fan of me. I'm not a big fan of flappy arms. I am a big fan of the endorphin burst I get after a good bootcamp session. I'm pretty proud of myself when I cook something healthy. BUT DARN THOSE FLAPPY ARMS. I've accepted them as part of the package, for now.

    Happiness and pride comes in moments - when my weight is down just a little bit from the starting weight, I look in the mirror and find that it's not perfect but I'm way happier with how I look and it makes the exercise and nutrition worth it.

    When my mood is down, I do a check - Did I eat something that is causing a reaction? Did I get enough sleep? Have I been sitting in front of the TV for too long? Am I thirsty? Am I hungry? Am I hot? Am I cold? Am I bored? Am I lonely?

    Do I just need to stretch for a minute?

    A physical need can manifest itself as anxiety. If you're feeling depressed or anxious, check that those needs are being met. Sometimes it just takes a glass of water to boost the mood.
  • lovelylisa555
    lovelylisa555 Posts: 2 Member
    To repeat what so many here have already said ... your weight doesn’t reflect your worth. So take care of yourself because of your worth not to create it. Your body, your being is sacred whether you weigh 120 pounds or 320 pounds. Because it is sacred it deserves good clean food, water and exercise. It deserves to be at a weight that can serve the beautiful soul inside of it. So stop with the negative self talk, make yourself a wonderful, healthy lo cal breakfast and exercise today. You deserve it.
  • vanmep
    vanmep Posts: 410 Member
    Presumably your life is bigger (pardon the pun :smiley: ) than just your size. You went to college! You have a family! What other things have you accomplished? What other things are you interested in? What other things do you love about yourself.
  • pdw901
    pdw901 Posts: 2 Member
    The reason you can look at yourself and be proud at 174 lbs when people said you were fat at a lower weight is context and effort. 174 is better than 205, and you did the work to make that happen. You may like how you look better at 120 lbs or even 150, but you also didn’t have to do anything to earn it. I’m a lot heavier than you but a mean girl at work has made comments about my weight, and I look at it like maybe I have more weight to lose than her, but I’ve also lost more weight than her by percentage. So you should be proud of where you are - you worked way harder for that than someone who was always that weight.

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