How fat would you let your spouse get?

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Replies

  • TS65
    TS65 Posts: 1,024 Member
    I'm perfectly aware that I'm overweight, and get extremely angry when someone tells me that I am, as if I didn't already know. I refuse to treat my husband like that. If he's overweight, he knows it. Not my job to clean him up.

    THIS. They already know. When they are ready, they will lose weight. I wouldn't want my husband pointing out how much weight I've gained (duh... I already know) and I'm pretty sure he would feel the same way.
  • shannon877
    shannon877 Posts: 55 Member
    I think being silent while they get FAT, would be no different than ignoring them taking up drug use or destructive behavior.

    I believe that saying 'their body, their life' is cowardice, and selfish.
    And along these lines, if they're not ready to change then nothing you say can change them.
    You can cook them grilled salmon and asparagus, but on the way to work they'll drive thru McDonald's.

    I'm looking out for #1, and I'll make every effort to help...when they are ready to change.
  • CSelf1
    CSelf1 Posts: 431 Member
    I don't think you can "let" your spouse get fat...you don't own them. You are their partner and should support them in everything, through thick and thin ;-). My husband and I both let ourselves go a bit too much but that was never a deal breaker for either of us and while we both knew that we needed to lose weight and get in shape, sometimes life gets in the way. In between working and raising kids, along with all of the other activities, sometimes you are just plain tired and you get pushed to the bottom of the list. I'm not saying that's the best way to do things but you also have to be ready to make the change yourself, not because someone else tells you to. If you don't do it for you then it will never truly work and the weight will come back. I am happy to say that now that our kids are more self sufficient, we have both found the time and put the energy into making ourselves look and feel better! I am DEFINITELY glad I stuck it out with him because he is even hotter now than when we first met in high school, lol!!
  • darkangelnc
    darkangelnc Posts: 1
    I like to have something to hold onto. Right now I'm a big guy though and I know how down I get about my appearance. The more we work on getting healthy together, the closer we are becoming emotionally.

    I would never "make" her loose weight but I would also never "make" her eat herself into depression. Food often replaces an emotional need in people. If you can nurture that need then there will never be a reason to tell your spouse how big they are getting.

    ~I step off of milk crate now...lol~
  • jenbusick
    jenbusick Posts: 528 Member
    I wouldn't want him to say anything to me -- I know how much I weigh! -- so, the Golden Rule applies, I think.

    Howesomever, I'm the one who does the meal planning in the household, and buys the groceries, and I can/have changed our diets without anybody else noticing.
  • Chunkabutt83
    Chunkabutt83 Posts: 461
    my hubby is a bit overweight, but thats just who he is and i would love him no matter what. He loves all 375 pounds of my *kitten* so i have no room to judge :)
  • sabified
    sabified Posts: 1,035 Member
    I've never said anything to my SO (significant other) cuz of his weight, but his health habits bother me, and that I do mention (CONDIMENTS DO NOT EQUAL VEGETABLES... KETCHUP IS NOT A TOMATO!!!!)...

    to all the people saying their SO's weight is their problem.... I want mine to live as long as, if not longer than me... it is my problem if I lose him to a heart attack/diabetes/the myriad other issues that come up with being overweight.
  • Zedama
    Zedama Posts: 33 Member
    I think I would have to say something to him if it were getting out of control. Out of control meaning that his health would be at high risk. I don't think it would matter to me as far as physical attraction. He would still be sexy! He has love muffins (love handles) and I absolutely love them. (:
  • LauraMarie37
    LauraMarie37 Posts: 283 Member
    Regarding his weight, I wouldn't really care as long as it wasn't physically hindering him and causing him pain.

    I had a bf who had so many health related issues because he was very overweight. Bad knees, bad back, and he even had gout (even if it is or isn't related by weight he continued to eat things he shouldnt have that caused him to swell up from it). He was very unhealthy and didn't do anything about his problems. I left him because of how inconsiderate he was about himself, and how mean he was to me. He had issues.. haha.

    My current bf (1 year anni today), is obsessed with his weight. I wouldn't want him to ever get fat, but ONLY because I know how he would try to lose it, and it is one of the worst ways. I would help keep him on track, and he is my motivation for me to get thinner. He was around 50 pounds heavier before I met him.

    Wow, I didn't even know people got gout anymore. I don't mean that to sound mean - I just thought it was one of those 1700s diseases that had been eradicated with modern health/hygiene, like scurvy.

    On a related note, I asked my husband the other night if being a woman's becoming morbidly obese was an excuse for her husband to cheat, and his response (I am totally not kidding) was a ten minute freestyle rap he titled, "Keep Her on the Track".

    As for me, I wouldn't tell him to change for cosmetic reasons. I love who he is inside first, outside secondarily. But I would (and have, even when he isn't overweight) point out things like, "Maybe it would be better to drink a liter of water instead of a liter of orange soda" or "Since you've mentioned being concerned about your weight, do you know that cup of ceasar dressing adds a lot of calories you may not want to your salad?"
  • mscoco10
    mscoco10 Posts: 527 Member
    Well I would say something depending on health. Also we need to be honest with our spouses. Of course they know as we know and feel extra weight packing on. So gestures can help and give a person that nudge they need to get moving in the right direction. It can hurt for someone you love to say your packing on the pounds but atleast they are being real and honest.

    You can't wonder why he or she is distant or treats you funny. Just take it and give it with kindness.
  • EricInArlington
    EricInArlington Posts: 531 Member
    I draw the line at 4 tons
  • Valechka
    Valechka Posts: 192
    I think husband or wife are kind of responsible for each other health at least. We are the closest to each other, right? Just say it in a polite way, not hard joke. Actually ,what worked for my husband, by accident I just made one "bad" picture of my hubby on the beach and he start losing his "baby weight" , he was one of those husbands who gain sympathy weight during my pregnancy. I was very supportive and only cooking healthy stuff :) Naturally, as a man, he lost weight rather fast. Gym helped too. I myself trying to get last couple of kilos off, and my hubby is also very supportive :) so, yes, I think married people should def worry about each other!!
  • chezmama
    chezmama Posts: 396 Member
    Actual quotes from my husband:

    Motivating: " I am concerned about your health. You know how hard it was for me to grow up without a mom. Can you imagine what it would be like for (our daughter) if she lost you at an early age? It would kill her."

    Not Motivating, But In Fact Soul Crushing: "Have you noticed how big your thighs have gotten?"
  • _David_
    _David_ Posts: 476 Member
    I don't think you can "let" your spouse get fat...you don't own them. You are their partner and should support them in everything, through thick and thin ;-). My husband and I both let ourselves go a bit too much but that was never a deal breaker for either of us and while we both knew that we needed to lose weight and get in shape, sometimes life gets in the way. In between working and raising kids, along with all of the other activities, sometimes you are just plain tired and you get pushed to the bottom of the list. I'm not saying that's the best way to do things but you also have to be ready to make the change yourself, not because someone else tells you to. If you don't do it for you then it will never truly work and the weight will come back. I am happy to say that now that our kids are more self sufficient, we have both found the time and put the energy into making ourselves look and feel better! I am DEFINITELY glad I stuck it out with him because he is even hotter now than when we first met in high school, lol!!
    I am said husband and yes I got really big and this beautiful woman hung in there!
  • beccau_20
    beccau_20 Posts: 191 Member
    When we were dating, we were watching one of those half-ton person type shows... you know the hour long documentaries? Anyway, I asked my husband if he would stay with me if I weighed 700 pounds and he told me no. So, I can get up to 699 and we're good :o)
  • sgv0918
    sgv0918 Posts: 851 Member
    I think it depends. If I feel that it's becoming a health problem, I would say something. I mean, you're supposed to be looking out for each other, right? I'd hope that any spouse I have would do the same for me.

    I obviously wouldn't be like "Damn, honey, you're really packing on those pounds!" But more of a "You look like you're starting to gain a little weight, would you like me to start buying some healthier foods?" or if it was becoming a real problem, I would be a little more blunt about it.

    This - my guy is laid off all winter and by his own admission he sits around and eats and drinks. I got him to agree to one healthy meal and a walk once a week. This is HUGE!!! Lol
  • sauerkrautpolka
    sauerkrautpolka Posts: 266 Member
    I would never ever say anything.. He was much bigger when I met him and I fell in love with him. Large or small (he weighs way less than I do now), he is perfect. Like it was previously said, they already know if they're gaining weight and have the decision whether they want to do anything about it. For health reasons such as diabetes (which is what my husband suffers from), he has to eat right now anyway and has been on a mission to lose more weight.. knowing that I'm on the same mission, we both encourage each other and it makes things a lot easier. But we are doing this for our health more than anything. He has never said to me that I was gaining too much weight, when I rocketed to over 100lbs more than what I was when I married him (and I was still pretty chubby back then). And I would never say anything to him if he had gained over 100lbs since getting married.. I'd say it's pretty damn obvious to them, if they have. I think had he said something to me, I would have broken down and not done anything about it.. just spiraled more into depression and not cared what anyone thought. It wasn't until I decided for myself that I wanted to make a change, that I did something about it.
  • bluevwgurl
    bluevwgurl Posts: 220 Member
    I like 'em round, and big
    And when I'm throwin' a gig
    I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
    Now here's my scandal
    I wanna get you home
    And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
    I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
    'Cause silicone parts are made for toys
    I want 'em real thick and juicy
    So find that juicy double
    Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
    Beggin' for a piece of that bubble

    LOL. that is funny! i was teaching my 7 year old to sing some baby got back earlier tonight. (we had to change ALOT of words. cant be having him gettin kicked out of daycare!) it was funny.
  • JsGirl93
    JsGirl93 Posts: 1,156
    I like 'em round, and big
    And when I'm throwin' a gig
    I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
    Now here's my scandal
    I wanna get you home
    And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
    I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
    'Cause silicone parts are made for toys
    I want 'em real thick and juicy
    So find that juicy double
    Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
    Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
    Omg! You just TRY & get into trouble don't ya?!
  • messyinthekitchen
    messyinthekitchen Posts: 662 Member
    Unless it was a danger to his health I would not say a thing. He knows how he looks I don't need to tell him. I would just invite him along to the gym with me and if he wanted to come he is more them welcome, if not I'd be 100% supportive.
  • Zombriana
    Zombriana Posts: 764 Member
    He said he doesn't really care, but that he doesn't have to worry about it either, since I complain if i gain half a pound. He knows I'd never let myself get too big. lol
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