Why do some friends discourage weight loss?

missphoenix
missphoenix Posts: 67
edited October 11 in Health and Weight Loss
I was out on Friday and saw a mate who I havent seen in about 3 months, she mentioned that I looked slimmer (which was nice!) especially as I've only lost 10 pounds (and 1 inch loss on my hips) I personally didnt think I looked any different.

She then proceeded to tell me that I looked too skinny and to make a promise that I wouldnt loose anymore! (im currently a plump size 14, used to be a size 10) I told her that I still have another 26 pounds to go to get back to my normal 'comfortable' weight.

Now I thought this was really odd comment seeing as I am in the 'overweight' BMI catagory and still have considerable amount of weight to lose to get into my normal zone. She has known me for years and has seen me when I was loads lighter (at my comfortable weight). She also knows how hard it has been to lose the weight I gained after I suffered a breakdown 3 years ago (I have confided in her many a time),

Personally I found her comment to be very discouraging, I thought she would be the first person to encourage me. Do you think I am being a bit over sensitive?
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Replies

  • hikeout470
    hikeout470 Posts: 628 Member
    Watch out. Sounds like a sign of jealousy to me. This person could perceive you have something that they believe that they deserve, or something along those lines.
  • nimbi
    nimbi Posts: 27
    Some people like to have a "fat friend". Makes them feel better about themselves.
  • lindasain
    lindasain Posts: 163 Member
    I just hate it when some friends do that.. she is just feeling like you are doing well so she is i guess thinking my relationship might change.. or she is want to be the center of attention... don't let it discourage you.. you are doing GREAT and who needs friends that can't be on your side.. hang in there.. there will be others to encourage you if not come here and i will
  • barbiex3
    barbiex3 Posts: 1,036 Member
    people do this all the time. it's either jealousy, or she is just so used to thinking you look good at a size 14, she has problems losing weight, so she assumes what you are doing it unhealthy, she literally doesn't see your size as unhealthy, many things... just keep doing what you are doing.
  • janetb21
    janetb21 Posts: 182 Member
    "Some people like to have a "fat friend". Makes them feel better about themselves"

    That is so true.
  • blwood860
    blwood860 Posts: 31
    I have definitely had some friends who are negative or even try to sabotage my healthy choices.

    I have found that either the friend is jealous and wishes she were losing weight/making healthy choices herself or the friend is already thin/healthy to begin with but has counted on me to the "bigger friend" and now she might feel threatened.

    Those are obviously both very cynical responses, but I have found them to be unfortunately true. You just have to keep doing what you're doing and not worry about anyone else.
  • Libby81
    Libby81 Posts: 734 Member
    Watch out. Sounds like a sign of jealousy to me. This person could perceive you have something that they believe that they deserve, or something along those lines.

    Exactly what I was going to say. I think some people think they deserve to be thin but begrudge having to work to get there and so are jealous of the people who actually have the ambition to do something themselves. This is the same across a lot of things i.e. careers, relationships. Some people just like things handed out on a plate.

    Take no notice and remember why you decided to do this in the first place xx
  • neenaj33
    neenaj33 Posts: 347 Member
    They feel horrible about themselves and dont have what it takes to lose weight like you do so they try to bring u back down to their level. JEALOUS!
  • ShoeGal81
    ShoeGal81 Posts: 29 Member
    Some people like to have a "fat friend". Makes them feel better about themselves.


    I agree with this 100% Do what makes you feel comfortable and at your best!!!
  • megz4987
    megz4987 Posts: 1,008 Member
    Jealousy. Seriously.
  • pazzescauna1
    pazzescauna1 Posts: 43 Member
    Some friends are jealous that you could potentially get to your goal weight and look better than they do. They're referred to as "frenemies." Don't let her discourage you. I have actually had friends that stopped talking to me because I lost so much weight. They said that I looked annorexic, used to tease me saying that I didn't eat, when in reality, I have just been watching what I eat and I hit the gym. I went from a size 14 now to a size 10. I still have more weight to go, but if they can't support me, I don't need the negativity and ignorant remarks.

    Your true friends will encourage your weightloss-- trust me. Sometimes making a change shows who your true friends are. They're the ones that encourage you to keep going. Best of luck. You can "friend" me if you'd like. I would be more than happy to try to keep you on track. :)
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    I'm afraid I would be short with ppl who are NOT encouraging. I'd limit contact and probably eventually dump them. Life is too short to go thru life with negative ppl in it. It's not good for you and doesn't get either of you anywhere. My life is MUCH happier since I started cutting negative ppl out.
    My life motto is: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything.

    It's fine for girlfriends to make a catty or snarky comment from time to time but NOT to live their lives that way and I don't want or need it around me.
    Your friend sounds like a 'downer' to me. No matter WHAT happens, she finds the negative side of it? Call her on it. Don't put up with it anymore - it MIGHT be a habit she's not aware of & she might try to work on it. If not, dump her. With friends like that, you don't need enemies
  • illwillie
    illwillie Posts: 19
    I get that all the time too. Probably different for an guy but you should always do best for yourself @ anything.
  • ☆ShawnsMom08☆
    ☆ShawnsMom08☆ Posts: 74 Member
    I understand what you are going through. My friends are not supportive what so ever. I have one real life friend who is on MFP and she is awesome. Then I have my mom and honey. I have embrassed my MFP friends. They keep me going. I really have the perfect bunch.
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
    Is she bigger than you are? If so next time tell her she can have all of your fat clothes when you get to your goal weight because you wont need them anymore. lol
  • RunningAddict
    RunningAddict Posts: 548 Member
    "Some people like to have a "fat friend". Makes them feel better about themselves"

    That is so true.

    I agree!!
  • bearsfan68
    bearsfan68 Posts: 85 Member
    If she is overweight she may want you, her friend to "be in the same boat." Could she have possibly been trying to compliment you by saying more or less that you shouldn't lose any more? Either way, keep up the great work!!
  • shaunacq
    shaunacq Posts: 3
    I totally agree with nimbi. I have a friend that lost weight by not eating for days at a time, and now that i am trying to so it the healthy way she always has something to say. i try to tell her that when she goes back to eating regular she sill gain all the weight plus some back. She calls me on the phone during the times she knows I'm exercising and tries to make jokes about me killing myself with exercise. Her saying is just eat a salad. I think she believes if I lose as much weight as i want to there will be competition with the men, but we don't even like the same type of men.
  • ShaoonaRae
    ShaoonaRae Posts: 60 Member
    ...It could also be that she's worried. I'm surprised at the people who automatically think negatively. It's true that she could be jealous, but if you suffered a breakdown and you gained a lot of weight, especially if you confided in her, she may just be worried about that happening again.

    My mother suffered from bulimia and anorexia. And I went through a period of both, nothing severe, I was not diagnosed, and don't do it anymore, but sometimes I still have those thoughts and behaviors. I am technically in the obese category of my BMI. Now, I don't look obese because I have quite large breasts, but I am, and my fiance knows this. But he constantly tells me that I am perfect the way I am and that I don't NEED to lose weight to be attractive.

    If you had something emotionally happen to you that effected your weight, and you focus on your weight, people who are close to you will get worried. They just care.
  • Toots2012
    Toots2012 Posts: 25
    You know people dont want you to succes at something that they feel they can succed at. Or the simple fact they hate for you to be or do better than you. Insecurity warrants for a person to someone in their corner whom they feel like they have leg up on so they can somehow make themselves feel better by an illution of always thinking someone is worse off than them

    She sounds jealous to me. Someone said that to me once and I'm thinking "why the world would they say that KNOWING that my goal is to loose weight"......Oh yeah I know....because she fat and lazy and dont wanna put in the work to loose weight so she want people around her to be fat and lazy too.....NOT!!!

    Ignore people like that and know that anyone who does not have your well being at heart, somewhere along the lines they are not really for you.
  • missphoenix
    missphoenix Posts: 67
    Is she bigger than you are? If so next time tell her she can have all of your fat clothes when you get to your goal weight because you wont need them anymore. lol

    hee hee that made me giggle :)
  • ohwhataday
    ohwhataday Posts: 1,398 Member
    I've had some people say this to me. And when they were trying to lose weight as well. Just kind of made me giggle.
  • ohwhataday
    ohwhataday Posts: 1,398 Member
    "Some people like to have a "fat friend". Makes them feel better about themselves"

    That is so true.

    I agree!!

    haha yes.
  • flutterqueen04
    flutterqueen04 Posts: 278
    The first time I told someone what my current weight was and what my goal weight was I got the same reaction. I was told not to lose anymore because I am too skinny. This was when I was 160 - still considered overweight BMI. It kind of upset me because it was like my weight loss progress went from congratulatory to shameful. I tried to politely tell them that I have done my research and I know what healthy BMI is for my height and that its not all about just losing weight. I was trying to get HEALTHY! I wanted a healthy waist measurement. I wanted lean muscle. I wanted a lower body fat percentage. I wanted to reduce my risk of heart and health problems. It was NOT just about pounds on a scale! They didn't get it. Finally I just changed the subject. Needless to say I don't give away my weight stats to anyone who isn't on MFP with me.

    Some people just don't get it. Sometimes its jealousy but sometimes I think they feel like they are trying to give you the ok to stop losing weight, like you really don't want to do you are just doing it for everyone else. If they tell you to stop then you'll appreciate it. But its not like that. I am doing this for ME. And I know what is healthy for ME. Don't let it discourage you. Just keep doing what your doing. :-)
  • 1smemae94
    1smemae94 Posts: 365 Member
    Some people feel jelous that youre making the right choices when they are still eeating crap, she might also feel guilty because youre taking better care of your body now.
  • hikeout470
    hikeout470 Posts: 628 Member
    Love it "frenemies"!
  • happydeer
    happydeer Posts: 10
    It also might be that your group of friends doesn't "see" weight according to the health standards. A few years ago I was dismayed by one of my friends who started working out and openly losing weight (and I thought she was crazy to do so). She has a smaller build than I do and I literally couldn't tell why she'd want to take pounds off. I thought she was nuts! And I thought it was scary (I remember asking my pals if she was depressed, or her husband was cheating on her, or something, and they all thought those were possibilities).

    Fast-forward to now, not only am I copying a lot of the tricks I saw her use, but I just saw a video of her and this time I could tell that she'd put on the weight again! I really honestly couldn't see it before and I'm sure my attitude would have been different if I'd understood more about what people with smaller frames look like within a healthy weight range.
  • bethdris
    bethdris Posts: 1,090 Member
    Some people like to have a "fat friend". Makes them feel better about themselves.

    Oh yes that was me!! )
  • chryssa11
    chryssa11 Posts: 3
    Hi, I am sorry to say that some friends(that we think are friends) are jealous of us and that's why they don't encourage weight loss! Keep up the good work. If you like yourself and how you look-forget about what others say! If you feel healthy, don't worry about negative people.
  • missphoenix
    missphoenix Posts: 67
    Thanks everyone, its weird how friends change. My friend is slim and curvy (looks fab) and does get lots of attention as she is gorgeous, but I have never seen a jealous side of her (until now).

    Thanks for all the encouraging comments, I may distance myself from her for a while. If some of my mates are not going to be there for me I have got lots of great new buddies on MFP that have been really encouraging!
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