Why do some friends discourage weight loss?
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What if your friend only said that so that you weren't depressed if you didn't lose more weight and end up w/ another breakdown? I'm just playing Devil's Advocate saying that maybe her intentions are in the right place and it came off differently to you as it would to most.0
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I know I've been guilty of foot-in-mouth disease more than once in my life. :ohwell:
Sometimes, the mouth is engaged before the brain is in gear.
If she was a good friend and that is one of the few things she's done to upset you, try to forgive her. If this is a pattern of behavior, that's a different problem.0 -
...It could also be that she's worried. I'm surprised at the people who automatically think negatively. It's true that she could be jealous, but if you suffered a breakdown and you gained a lot of weight, especially if you confided in her, she may just be worried about that happening again.
My breakdown was related to stress and trauma, the weight gain came about as a bi-product of the breakdown (medication etc). At the time the weight gain didnt bother me as it was way down on the list of things that I needed to deal with. However after the worse of the breakdown was over I pieced together my life the weight never dropped off and I have been trying to sort it out for 3 years.
Thank you for another view point, she could be worried about me and maybe I need to explain to her how important it is for me to get back to my old weight in a controlled and healthy way (as my weight is a constant reminder of bad episode).0 -
The first time I told someone what my current weight was and what my goal weight was I got the same reaction. I was told not to lose anymore because I am too skinny. This was when I was 160 - still considered overweight BMI. It kind of upset me because it was like my weight loss progress went from congratulatory to shameful. I tried to politely tell them that I have done my research and I know what healthy BMI is for my height and that its not all about just losing weight. I was trying to get HEALTHY! I wanted a healthy waist measurement. I wanted lean muscle. I wanted a lower body fat percentage. I wanted to reduce my risk of heart and health problems. It was NOT just about pounds on a scale! They didn't get it. Finally I just changed the subject. Needless to say I don't give away my weight stats to anyone who isn't on MFP with me.
Some people just don't get it. Sometimes its jealousy but sometimes I think they feel like they are trying to give you the ok to stop losing weight, like you really don't want to do you are just doing it for everyone else. If they tell you to stop then you'll appreciate it. But its not like that. I am doing this for ME. And I know what is healthy for ME. Don't let it discourage you. Just keep doing what your doing. :-)
Yes agreed, for me its about being healthy rather than being 'skinny' I love my running program and it makes me feel well mentally and physically!0 -
this is what i was thinking tooWatch out. Sounds like a sign of jealousy to me. This person could perceive you have something that they believe that they deserve, or something along those lines.0 -
I haven't had anyone tell me to stop losing, but I do have a friend who makes it into a competition, our weight loss. She's given up and continues to gain and keeps saying things like, "pretty soon, you'll weigh less than me!" Or, "I don't weigh much less than you do."0
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misery loves company.. stick to your guns and blow her out of the water!! i LOVE the comment of giving her your "fat" clothes!! i have had to do LOTS of "spring cleaning" with my already group of friends.. i am down to next to nothing! but, if your friends can't be there for you thru "thick and thin" then my opinion is, they weren't very good friends to begin with.. your friends should want only the best for you.. regardless of THEIR insecurities..0
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misery loves company.. stick to your guns and blow her out of the water!! i LOVE the comment of giving her your "fat" clothes!! i have had to do LOTS of "spring cleaning" with my already group of friends.. i am down to next to nothing! but, if your friends can't be there for you thru "thick and thin" then my opinion is, they weren't very good friends to begin with.. your friends should want only the best for you.. regardless of THEIR insecurities..
Thank you!
And thanks to everyone for ALL your opinions and advice, very much appreciated! x0 -
It could be jealousy but it could be something as simple as you're friend is so used to you looking one way that it's going to take her time to get used to slimmer you. I have a friend tell me just yesterday that I was thin and that I shouldn't lose any more weight and compared to what I used to weigh I am thin. I've lost 46 lbs since May and I'd lost 19 before that over the course of about 8 months. Do I think she's jealous? Not at all. She along with everyone else I know (including myself) are used to me being so much heavier that I really do look thin comparatively. I know I've got about 35 lbs to go to put myself at the very top of my healthy BMI range and I'll get there eventually. Long story short, if I were you, I'd think twice about dumping a friend whose been there for you for years unless there are problems other than her thinking you look good at the weight you are now. I hate to say it but if that's all it takes then it wouldn't necessarily reflect well on you as a friend either.0
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I've had people say this, but honestly, I never thought it was malicious. I took it almost as a compliment. They think I look great as I am! That doesn't mean I have to stop. I have people say "Wow, you've lost a ton of weight!" and when I say I still have 20 lbs or so to lose, they say "No way! You'll look anorexic" or something like that. I am tall, so many of them think 20 lbs would make a huge difference. Really, it will just put me in the middle of a healthy weight range. They are trying to say "you are ok the way you are" which is nice, but misguided. Thankfully, I don't have friends who would try to sabotage me.
Perhaps look at your history with this friend to find out her real intentions.0 -
Some people like to have a "fat friend". Makes them feel better about themselves.
WORD! That is so true in the case of some people.
Maybe your friend doesn't realise that subconsciously, even though it is clear there is weight to lose, she doesn't want you to continue with your progress and in turn look better and be far more fitter looking than her.
Either way you won't know till you speak with her.
If it has made you feel this way, you should bring it up with her politely and say her support and encouragement means a lot to you and you WANT to and NEED to lose this weight for YOURSELF to make YOU feel better and not what she thinks.
In my world, I've had way too many people telling me to lose the weight because I'd look better lol x0 -
Another perspective is this. If you are losing weight with exercise you look slimmer than your weight. It amplifies the loss. So you may truly look like you lost more than 10 pounds. Just be strong in what you want for yourself. If she can accept it down the line fine if she can't then she isn't a real friend. With your running I bet you are looking great. Enjoy it and know you can reach your goal.0
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Some people like to have a "fat friend". Makes them feel better about themselves.
This is the truest thing I ever read. No one likes to see you losing weight especially when they aren't losing and wish they were.0 -
It could be jealousy but it could be something as simple as you're friend is so used to you looking one way that it's going to take her time to get used to slimmer you. I have a friend tell me just yesterday that I was thin and that I shouldn't lose any more weight and compared to what I used to weigh I am thin. I've lost 46 lbs since May and I'd lost 19 before that over the course of about 8 months. Do I think she's jealous? Not at all. She along with everyone else I know (including myself) are used to me being so much heavier that I really do look thin comparatively. I know I've got about 35 lbs to go to put myself at the very top of my healthy BMI range and I'll get there eventually. Long story short, if I were you, I'd think twice about dumping a friend whose been there for you for years unless there are problems other than her thinking you look good at the weight you are now. I hate to say it but if that's all it takes then it wouldn't necessarily reflect well on you as a friend either.
I totally hear ya, it was out of character of my friend to discourage me (but have not really been in a situation where I have lost weight in her company before) and I most wouldnt drop my mates over nothing. I would however distance myself if it meant staying on track with my weight loss. My mate has seen me a lot slimmer before but maybe she has got used to the chubbier me (and I look a lot slimmer than comparison) I appreciate the alternative view point
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Some people like to have a "fat friend". Makes them feel better about themselves.
WORD! That is so true in the case of some people.
Maybe your friend doesn't realise that subconsciously, even though it is clear there is weight to lose, she doesn't want you to continue with your progress and in turn look better and be far more fitter looking than her.
Either way you won't know till you speak with her.
If it has made you feel this way, you should bring it up with her politely and say her support and encouragement means a lot to you and you WANT to and NEED to lose this weight for YOURSELF to make YOU feel better and not what she thinks.
In my world, I've had way too many people telling me to lose the weight because I'd look better lol x
Thank you! I am def going to speak to her about it as I dont want it to become a major issue between us, I signed up to my first 10k race and want to really get into my training so could do with the support from my circle of mates.0 -
This is precisely why I only told my friend (mmwiggins) who told me about MFP that I am losing weight. It is no one's business but my own & I am not setting myself up for unsolicited "advice" from well meaning (or jealous) friends.
You are losing weight for yourself not for her or anyone else! Good luck to you! Stay strong!0 -
Another perspective is this. If you are losing weight with exercise you look slimmer than your weight. It amplifies the loss. So you may truly look like you lost more than 10 pounds. Just be strong in what you want for yourself. If she can accept it down the line fine if she can't then she isn't a real friend. With your running I bet you are looking great. Enjoy it and know you can reach your goal.
Thank you hun! Yes I love running and you guys are always great with the support on MFP, I guess I was just taken a back by her comment (especially as I dont think I look different at all) so kinda weird to be told to stop slimming. I am really happy with my progress, the weight loss if very slow but now I can run and I have a new powerful tool to be able to maintain my weight and keep healthy!0 -
True friends will support your goals no matter what size you are. I struggle to lose those 10 pounds and I seldom inform my co-workers due to typically comments, "you don't need to lose weight.' However, those 5 pounds I gained and 5 never lost for a year made my 10 pound gain more stressful due to work clothes too tight, contributing to co-workers' unhealthy eating habits, and minimal exercise. Best approach tackle those 5 pounds before they become 10 pounds. Tell your true friends who are willing to support you but not sabotage your goals!. Cheers to all those who want to stay healthy and fit for ever young, like me!!!
Best,
Rosie0 -
When I first starting my diet, my parents and brother and sister were concerned. All this exercise and a plant based diet, to them, was extreme. However, I kept talking to them, I showed them my fitness and nutrition goals were based on, that what I believe, is good science. Once they understood my goals, they are now supportive. I recently met my old work friends and he was willing to hear me out, we are still friends.
If you have friend or family member and they are true to you, they will listen to what you have to say. Not to say my health goals are perfect, but they agree in a lot of what I had to say and we are still friends & family. So no, I am not on a twinke diet and I try to eat vegetables every day, cut out a lot of crap and everyone close to me supports me and agrees that my final weight is a great weight. I hope you are able to do the same, if those still mock you, then maybe it is time to let them go or to adjust your perception of them.0 -
I think some people are jealous. Honestly. I think they feel like THEY are not happy with how THEY look and how much THEY weigh, so when they see us really making progress it makes THEM feel self conscience. And I honestly don't feel like those people are true friends.
It would be one thing if you were already udnerweight, or were at a healthy BMI and wanted to keep loosing..but to be overweight and making progress towards healthy... the people who discourage that have their own issues to deal with and project onto others.
Good for you for pushing forward. I am down 17 pounds and just the other day had my first unsolicited "You've lost weight. You're looking good," coment. So good for you that other people are noticing.
I'd take it as positive feedback that she noticed, and ignore the rest!
God bless!0 -
I dont think its that she is jealous. sometimes when ppl lose weight they look ill or look alittle better with alittle meat on their bones. i havent seen a full body pic of you, but maybe instead of lossing weight, u might want to tone up???? i think her intesions were good. Sometimes friends can b brutely honest. I hope my friends r & always will b!!
Do what makes u happy! This was her opinion & atleast she said it to ur face & to no one else. If it will make u happy & feel good & is healthy to lose more weight, GO FOR IT!! Dont let anyone get in ur way!!0 -
Maybe your friend wants you to know that she likes you the way you are... It may not be jealousy or any other negative reason other than to let you know she accepts you for you no matter what size you are. I wouldn't take offense or change my mind about losing the weight. Just smile, and move forward:-)0
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I would guess jealousy as well. About halfway through my weight loss journey before my daughter came along I reached about the same size as one of my friends, as soon as she realized I weighed less than her, she was saying I was too thin and should put weight back on. Just nod and smile..0
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I face the same thing regularly. Right now I am only a bit below the cutoff for the upper end of a healthy BMI. I still have a lot of fat on my belly and chest which I want gone. I am not even particularly dieting right now (actually on maintenance calories) since I am looking more toward body re-sculpting, but I keep being told I should not lose more. BTW I have been told that by people since about 25 or 30 pounds back when I was well into the overweight BMI. My suggestion is ignore it, and if they are persistent, kindly tell them that until you are at a healthy BMI you are still at increased rise of weight related diseases.0
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Well, if you get skinnier who is she going to talk about behind their back? You are cramping her style by being good to yourself. Ignore. Do not be discouraged - be encouraged :-)0
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I dont think its that she is jealous. sometimes when ppl lose weight they look ill or look alittle better with alittle meat on their bones. i havent seen a full body pic of you, but maybe instead of lossing weight, u might want to tone up???? i think her intesions were good. Sometimes friends can b brutely honest. I hope my friends r & always will b!!
Do what makes u happy! This was her opinion & atleast she said it to ur face & to no one else. If it will make u happy & feel good & is healthy to lose more weight, GO FOR IT!! Dont let anyone get in ur way!!
Im approx 26 pounds overweight and only 5'3 and in the upper part of the 'overweight' BMI (I am in no doubt overweight'). I wont let her comments stop me but I was very suprised with her persistance that I stopped loosing more.0 -
haha yep.. I've had weight loss "buddies" who were pretty close to me try to sabotage my eating......they were clearly 50lbs or more smaller than me..but they must like to have me around so it makes them feel better about how they look. It's that simple..
"Just keep moving forward and don't give a *kitten* about what anybody thinks. Do what you have to do for you." -Johnny Depp0 -
Yep! I used to have friends that would get upset over me losing weight.Watch out. Sounds like a sign of jealousy to me. This person could perceive you have something that they believe that they deserve, or something along those lines.
They got mad because I got all of the attention. It's time to pick new friends.0 -
I would guess jealousy as well. About halfway through my weight loss journey before my daughter came along I reached about the same size as one of my friends, as soon as she realized I weighed less than her, she was saying I was too thin and should put weight back on. Just nod and smile..
Yeah that tends to happen or your friends suddenly need to lose weight too. Which is cool because you're inspiring them, but what are their motives? To be healthier or make sure their always thinner then you. I think seeing their former "fat friend" get thin lights a fire under their *kitten* that they need to work on themselves.0 -
I am thinking it is jealousy and if you feel like your not at the weight you want to be then you keep going regardless of what anyone else thinks! the only time u would say someone is to skinny is when a girl or guy is skin and bones lol0
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