Splitting up the bill

urloved33
urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
edited 7:45AM in Food and Nutrition
I have been single (widowed) for almost 24 years...when I go to dinner, buy groceries, out to lunch - with all the couples in my family - I always pay "as if" I am part of a couple. After all these years...im sick of it. Now I am asking the question...when you go out to dinner, lunch or grocery store for a dinner party w friends at home (either their house or yours) HOW SHOULD THE BILL BE SPLIT?
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Replies

  • WholeFoods4Lyfe
    WholeFoods4Lyfe Posts: 1,518 Member
    If you are doing an even split, it should be by person, not by couple. That said, when we go out it's always with the same couples so we just all take turns picking up the bill.
  • debtay123
    debtay123 Posts: 1,327 Member
    I think each person or couple should pay for what they ordered so that a couple will pay for two and a single will pay for only what was ordered.
  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,053 Member
    edited June 2018
    If you are a party of 5 at a restaurant, what would happen if you suggested splitting the bill by 5?

    I think bill splitting can be a bummer for non-drinkers if people in the group have lots of alcoholic drinks, too. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep bill splitting basically fair as long as it doesn't over-complicate or end up dominating the experience. I've seen some people just put a wad of cash on the bill folder to cover their portion, and no one seems to mind that.

    ETA: I can't speak to the grocery shopping part. Why would you split someone else's groceries? Unless it is for a meal you are jointly preparing?
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
    ahoy_m8 wrote: »
    If you are a party of 5 at a restaurant, what would happen if you suggested splitting the bill by 5?

    I think bill splitting can be a bummer for non-drinkers if people in the group have lots of alcoholic drinks, too. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep bill splitting basically fair as long as it doesn't over-complicate or end up dominating the experience. I've seen some people just put a wad of cash on the bill folder to cover their portion, and no one seems to mind that.

    I did that once.. not only bc I was with couples but because I DONT DRINK and they do, especially the men. They felt that I was being petty. (and mind you I raised two daughters on my one paycheck)

  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,053 Member
    Maybe if you did it every time they'd eventually get used to it?
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    edited June 2018
    We're doing shared dinners with friends throughout Summertime @2 dinners per house, but for Sunday Lunch (Lunch/Dinner). When we host, we pay. When they host, they pay. On Sunday, their husbands and buddies from work/gym, are BBQing or smoking or grilling, where all 3 houses + friends will contribute to the spread.
  • COGypsy
    COGypsy Posts: 1,353 Member
    I have a supper club once a week where usually 6 or 8 of us all go to dinner. Depending on what people have ordered, we either throw in money for what we specifically ordered or, if all our entrees were pretty similar in price, we just do a "per person" contribution. I'm one of the singles in the group and I've never contributed the same amount as a couple. And frankly, my friends wouldn't think of asking me to. For dinner parties (that aren't a potluck type of deal) I usually offer to swing by the store on my way in case anything last minute was forgotten. On the rare occasions I've picked up something, I usually just pay for it--it's never been anything big enough to worry about.
  • TheMrWobbly
    TheMrWobbly Posts: 2,541 Member
    Totally agree with @ahoy_m8 that you should pay for your share in a restaurant. I always insisted that those who had less, especially the designated driver, only had to pay for what they had. Now I am often the designated driver, don't tend to have a dessert and sit with people who order a bottle of wine each they know better than to ask to split the bill. It happened the first few times and I told them if they want to order the most expensive dish or a £40 bottle of wine they had better be ready to pay for it themselves.

    When I host I always pay for everything, generally people bring some form of drinks, and when I am invited to someone else's home I don't expect it to come with a price tag and I always bring a decent bottle of something with me.
  • DomesticKat
    DomesticKat Posts: 565 Member
    Each person should pay their own bill for what they actually consumed, unless it's being paid by the host. It's incredibly rude for the people you're dining with to force some of their bill onto you. I would tell the server at the start of the meal that you will be paying a separate check for yourself so they can keep track of what you're eating and drinking. I used to have a friend who did that with alcohol. She would buy pitchers of mimosas and try to split it even though I didn't drink. I would tell the server to keep our checks separate.
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    Pay for what you order, plus tip. If you are a couple, pay for what was ordered as a couple, plus tip. For a buying groceries for a group, it should be divided up equally by the number of people you are feeding.

    Unless there is a circumstance where a different agreement was made.

    You have every right to be upset by how it is unfairly divided up.
  • IMintraining
    IMintraining Posts: 5 Member
    Zelle®
  • rkcampbell
    rkcampbell Posts: 188 Member
    When going out I would never pay for something I didn’t order. That just seems silly. Servers usually ask if it’s going to be separate checks. Now if I’m hosting a dinner party, I pay. If guests offer to bring something I’ll let the them know what I’m making and they can bring something to complement it. Our family does Sunday dinners with our best friends and alternate houses. We each provide the main food at our own house and the other brings veggies or bread or something like that.
  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,899 Member
    Server needs to give you YOUR bill. The rest can do as they wish.
  • MelanieCN77
    MelanieCN77 Posts: 4,047 Member
    I feel like I might get caught by this once, but not again. That's *kitten* lol. Make a point of saying you're putting your fraction down or ask for your own check.
  • deannalfisher
    deannalfisher Posts: 5,600 Member
    separate checks if the restaurant does it; if not, split the check up by what each individual ordered (we annotate names on bill, but server should also be able to divide it up by who ordered what
  • Cbean08
    Cbean08 Posts: 1,092 Member
    edited June 2018
    My friends and I occasionally do that, but we also eat at a lot of tapas or shared dish type restaurants where we are all eating a bit of everything.

    If this is a regular meal where you order your own plate and eat nothing of anyone else's, then tell the server when you order that you are on a separate check. The first time you do it, your family might give you a strange look because they aren't used to it. A couple of ways to handle it.
    1. be blunt - I'm not paying for a couple's meal, when I'm only eating 1.
    2. ignore it - give no response
    3. use humor/be relaxed- I was looking at my accounts for the month and wondered why the price of food hadn't dropped since my husband died. Then I realized, oh duh, I'm still paying for both of us. I'll have them split mine off now so we don't have to recalculate at the end.

    Being that this is family, I hope you are close enough to be able to be honest with them. Also, realize that they might not even know they are doing it or don't know that it has been bothering you.
  • malibu927
    malibu927 Posts: 17,562 Member
    If I go out to eat with my mom she pays, no matter who else is there. She usually argues with her friends until they relent as she sets her credit card out. If I pick up some groceries (because I work at a grocery store) she'll reimburse me, unless it's food specifically for me.

    When I go to Sunday brunch post-work with one of my coworkers, we trade off on who buys. It's usually in the same price range since we only go between three different places. The only time it was split more is when I decided to take a piece of cake home, I paid for it on my own. I wasn't going to make her do so.

    On vacation with friends? We all pay our own ways.
  • madwells1
    madwells1 Posts: 510 Member
    If you go out, pay only your part + tip (don't forget that).

    If you buy groceries for a dinner party at YOUR house, the etiquette is you should pay for the groceries. If it's someone elses house, they should pay for the groceries.

    If your friends don't understand that at a restaurant, the relationship should be evaluated.
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,966 Member
    So you are having the bill split equally amongst all the couples? Why not just have the waitress separate your bill?
  • happytree923
    happytree923 Posts: 463 Member
    Not to be rude but what is wrong with the couples in your family. Super bizarre to expect a single person to subsidize some of their shared cost. I think even splitting evenly by the number of people is kind of inconsiderate and risks creating tension but that is next level.
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