Splitting up the bill
Replies
-
I'm also a widow . . . for about the same amount of time. Generally, if I make it clear I'm hosting a group intentionally, I expect to pay the whole bill, but not otherwise. Some of my male relatives always try to grab the whole bill for all when I dine out with them and spouse/kids - I try not to let them always do it, but accede gracefully often. With friends (couples/singles or families) in large groups, we usually get separate checks. With a single woman friend, we sometimes split the bill 50/50, but usually only when that's fair (roughly equal alcohol, we've split apps, etc.). IF your relatives routinely expect to split by "family" when that's a different number of people, that simply isn't fair or reasonable.
I agree with those who suggest you affirmatively ask for separate checks up front, if your friends/relatives don't trend toward some kind of fair split. Polite assertiveness is just fine.1 -
I would expect to only pay for the food or drinks that I ordered at a restaurant. With my dh, dd and I having a meal at a restaurant with other people a representative of our family group would pay for what each of us ordered and other people would take care of their part. If I were with someone like my father he would aggresively pick up the check for the whole group and refuse to let anyone else pay anything toward the meal.
I would not expect the bill at a restaurant to be evenly divided unless it was a shared food like a bunch of pizzas and each person was counted as one unit. If there are 2 couples and 1 single person the bill is divided by 5 not 3.
When I invite people to my home I do not expect finacial compensation of any sort. When I am invited to a dinner at a friend's home I would not expect to chip in for groceries. I might bring a dish to share.
If I was on a trip and we were sharing a cabin/house with others and cooking as a group then splitting the cost of groceries makes sense but still divided with each person being 1 unit.
I don't think it is right that one person is paying the same amount as a couple.1 -
There's no way you should pay for an imaginary person so to speak. You're being penalized for being single. I like all of the tips, your own bill saves the day.1
-
This content has been removed.
-
Is it just one couple or a specific person who is calling you petty or is it the "bill splitter" (the person who does the math)? I would suggest having cash with a lot of change every time you go out or prepare meals with this family grouping. The bills should be split by #of people and you should pay for 1 person. If there is some excessively expensive drinks or an expensive bottle of wine- take that amount off the top and divide that new total by # of people. (assuming you didn't have any alcohol) And don't forget to add some tip money. Asking for your own check of course also solves the problem but, it can feel awkward if everyone else is paying after the split. Up to you. But, you are actually paying TWICE as much as you should! It is ridiculous. I would be surprised if you put forth your feelings in this way that ALL family members would think anything wrong at all. If you truly feel the entire group expects you to subsidize their meals-- I would start finding excuses not to go. Otherwise, confide, in someone in your family that you feel close to-- they can step up for you-- support your reasoning, that way you can turn the tide to enjoying yourself more & not resenting spending time with family.2
-
I have never heard of splitting by couple. So if there’s two couples and you, it gets divided how? By three? That seems bizarre.
Various options I would accept -
Split by number of people evenly - assuming everyone had roughly the same to eat, and in my experience it balances out in the end.
Each pay what for what they ate - this can create conflict, take time, and can be seen as petty. For some reason the bill never seems to add up properly when you do this
Take the wine off the bill and split that amongst the drinkers, then split the food evenly - this is the most common way we do things, as it reduces conflict and is quicker.
Hang around with friends who pay for everything - this happens, but I don’t much like it.0 -
This reminds me of the Friends episode where Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are upset that the other three (who make more money), expect them to split the tab 5 ways (because birthday girl doesn't pay), and they had intentionally ordered very small and inexpensive items off the menu.
OP, you need to stand up to them to change it, or suck it up and accept it. Is it fair? Of course not, but it's been going on for this long and it works out in their favor, so why would they want it to change? Expect some kickback, but over time they'll either get used to it, or they'll stop inviting you. Either way, I think you win.2 -
SurfyPantsResurfaced wrote: »I have trouble letting anyone pay for anything! I will either pay for everyone or fight to the death with a fork to pay my half
*My response will be of no use to you at all.
You can put your fork away. There would be no fight. If I even suspect one is coming I will go ahead and give a credit card to the wait staff in advance and promise a bigger tip. I am undefeated in check paying.3 -
girlinahat wrote: »I have never heard of splitting by couple. So if there’s two couples and you, it gets divided how? By three? That seems bizarre.
Various options I would accept -
Split by number of people evenly - assuming everyone had roughly the same to eat, and in my experience it balances out in the end.
Each pay what for what they ate - this can create conflict, take time, and can be seen as petty. For some reason the bill never seems to add up properly when you do this
Take the wine off the bill and split that amongst the drinkers, then split the food evenly - this is the most common way we do things, as it reduces conflict and is quicker.
Hang around with friends who pay for everything - this happens, but I don’t much like it.
3 couples and me - they ALWAYS divide the bill by 4. I edited out about kids bc the kids are not with us much in the past ten years.
0 -
When I go out with friends we pretty much always ask for separate checks, if I want to order an app to share with the table I pay for it, same with drinks. The others in my group often do the same, especially if we're doing tapas we'll all chat about what looks good and decide what to order with consideration for what other people are planning on ordering, so we still have a good sampling but no one is left with a larger bill than they can afford. My wife and I pretty much always want an app to share, but we will nurse 1-2 beers each for the night, some of my friends will have 4-5 high end cocktails and an additional app if given the chance, and others don't drink and pick some of the least expensive items every meal (tighter budgets) so it's never made sense to me that we should split check equally. I do tip highly for the server keeping the checks separate, and I've never had an issue with it, in my area it's usually the first thing the servers ask when you order your drinks.1
-
girlinahat wrote: »I have never heard of splitting by couple. So if there’s two couples and you, it gets divided how? By three? That seems bizarre.
Various options I would accept -
Split by number of people evenly - assuming everyone had roughly the same to eat, and in my experience it balances out in the end.
Each pay what for what they ate - this can create conflict, take time, and can be seen as petty. For some reason the bill never seems to add up properly when you do this
Take the wine off the bill and split that amongst the drinkers, then split the food evenly - this is the most common way we do things, as it reduces conflict and is quicker.
Hang around with friends who pay for everything - this happens, but I don’t much like it.
3 couples and me - they ALWAYS divide the bill by 4. I edited out about kids bc the kids are not with us much in the past ten years.
Well, that's just weird. How did you let this happen even one time?
I was a server for nearly 20 years. People ask for separate checks all the time. Do that next time. Especially with drinkers.
I can't believe you let this go on...7 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »This reminds me of the Friends episode where Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are upset that the other three (who make more money), expect them to split the tab 5 ways (because birthday girl doesn't pay), and they had intentionally ordered very small and inexpensive items off the menu.
OP, you need to stand up to them to change it, or suck it up and accept it. Is it fair? Of course not, but it's been going on for this long and it works out in their favor, so why would they want it to change? Expect some kickback, but over time they'll either get used to it, or they'll stop inviting you. Either way, I think you win.
I have stood up in the past three weeks - bc one of the people (who has observed my behavior forever) offered a mber of the group to drive WITH me to a weekend away..without even asking me - I was upset. the person offering has a much less stressful and more financially flush life as does the person they offered my services too. I did stand up. I have been being ignored or given the cold shoulder for three weeks now. I guess it may be time to re evaluate the word friend...and move on.
4 -
Have cash on hand if possible and use your phone’s calculator to add up your portion plus your portion of tip and hand it off to the person handing back to waitress. “Here’s my portion plus tip” leave it at that.1
-
cmriverside wrote: »girlinahat wrote: »I have never heard of splitting by couple. So if there’s two couples and you, it gets divided how? By three? That seems bizarre.
Various options I would accept -
Split by number of people evenly - assuming everyone had roughly the same to eat, and in my experience it balances out in the end.
Each pay what for what they ate - this can create conflict, take time, and can be seen as petty. For some reason the bill never seems to add up properly when you do this
Take the wine off the bill and split that amongst the drinkers, then split the food evenly - this is the most common way we do things, as it reduces conflict and is quicker.
Hang around with friends who pay for everything - this happens, but I don’t much like it.
3 couples and me - they ALWAYS divide the bill by 4. I edited out about kids bc the kids are not with us much in the past ten years.
Well, that's just weird. How did you let this happen even one time?
I was a server for nearly 20 years. People ask for separate checks all the time. Do that next time. Especially with drinkers.
I can't believe you let this go on...
I am a very assertive person - HOWEVER - my husband died I had two kids under 6 years old. no one in our family had ever been a single/widowed parent - I was hurt, tried, vulnerable...alone and over the years it just rolled forward In the status quo - everyone learned that I COULD HANDLE ANYTHING IN ANYWAY REGARDLESS THE COST because I never said anything - fast forward 20 years..AND its still going on.
2 -
cmriverside wrote: »girlinahat wrote: »I have never heard of splitting by couple. So if there’s two couples and you, it gets divided how? By three? That seems bizarre.
Various options I would accept -
Split by number of people evenly - assuming everyone had roughly the same to eat, and in my experience it balances out in the end.
Each pay what for what they ate - this can create conflict, take time, and can be seen as petty. For some reason the bill never seems to add up properly when you do this
Take the wine off the bill and split that amongst the drinkers, then split the food evenly - this is the most common way we do things, as it reduces conflict and is quicker.
Hang around with friends who pay for everything - this happens, but I don’t much like it.
3 couples and me - they ALWAYS divide the bill by 4. I edited out about kids bc the kids are not with us much in the past ten years.
Well, that's just weird. How did you let this happen even one time?
I was a server for nearly 20 years. People ask for separate checks all the time. Do that next time. Especially with drinkers.
I can't believe you let this go on...
I am a very assertive person - HOWEVER - my husband died I had two kids under 6 years old. no one in our family had ever been a single/widowed parent - I was hurt, tried, vulnerable...alone and over the years it just rolled forward In the status quo - everyone learned that I COULD HANDLE ANYTHING IN ANYWAY REGARDLESS THE COST because I never said anything - fast forward 20 years..AND its still going on.
Okay, but here you are complaining about it and we are offering solutions:People ask for separate checks all the time. Do that next time.
5 -
I wouldn't worry about the past. I think we can all find parts of our lives that stink that we let go on for longer than we should. I can't imagine why one of your "friends" never spoke up about the inequality of the situation though. I am sure they have some redeeming qualities but yikes.3
-
cmriverside wrote: »girlinahat wrote: »I have never heard of splitting by couple. So if there’s two couples and you, it gets divided how? By three? That seems bizarre.
Various options I would accept -
Split by number of people evenly - assuming everyone had roughly the same to eat, and in my experience it balances out in the end.
Each pay what for what they ate - this can create conflict, take time, and can be seen as petty. For some reason the bill never seems to add up properly when you do this
Take the wine off the bill and split that amongst the drinkers, then split the food evenly - this is the most common way we do things, as it reduces conflict and is quicker.
Hang around with friends who pay for everything - this happens, but I don’t much like it.
3 couples and me - they ALWAYS divide the bill by 4. I edited out about kids bc the kids are not with us much in the past ten years.
Well, that's just weird. How did you let this happen even one time?
I was a server for nearly 20 years. People ask for separate checks all the time. Do that next time. Especially with drinkers.
I can't believe you let this go on...
It seems that with the computers that most restaurants use, splitting bills isn't much of an issue. At least the places I go. I go to dinner with a friend regularly and we order a half order of nachos(which is an option on the menu)...my bill gets half of the half and hers gets the other half of the half. We have told them not to worry and they always tell us it's not an issue.
That being said, it depends on who I am out to dinner with. My best friends and I will take turns paying or just split evenly amongst the group. We all are fairly close in the amount we drink. Sometimes the restaurants see three women out together and automatically give us separate checks.0 -
If you are a party of 5 at a restaurant, what would happen if you suggested splitting the bill by 5?
I think bill splitting can be a bummer for non-drinkers if people in the group have lots of alcoholic drinks, too. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep bill splitting basically fair as long as it doesn't over-complicate or end up dominating the experience. I've seen some people just put a wad of cash on the bill folder to cover their portion, and no one seems to mind that.
I did that once.. not only bc I was with couples but because I DONT DRINK and they do, especially the men. They felt that I was being petty. (and mind you I raised two daughters on my one paycheck)
That is absolutely insane. It makes ZERO sense. Personally I would stop eating out with these people, that is taking advantage of you for many years it sounds like.
Alternatively (if that isn't an option), I would ask for a separate bill for myself at beginning of meal. A dinner out isn't a charity outing!! you are not there to subsidize their meal! If there is a celebration where people are paying for someone else's meal (ex: birthday person) then you can contribute an extra something for that (you decide amount).
As for groceries, depends on the situation. If I am having people over I will pay for the meal. Often people bring a contribution.
with friends and even family we always pay for what we ate/drank. I've never been in a situation were a bill was just "split". ever.
0 -
cmriverside wrote: »Okay, but here you are complaining about it and we are offering solutions:
Maybe she just wants to rant about it a little more. I don't blame her.
6 -
Your friends are really rude and ignorant in this matter. When hubby and I go out with my sis, we don’t expect her to pay half the total bill. Separate checks makes everything simpler and most waitstaff don’t mind doing it. (Years ago separate checks tended to be more of an issue because it created more work for staff. )0
-
nutmegoreo wrote: »This reminds me of the Friends episode where Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are upset that the other three (who make more money), expect them to split the tab 5 ways (because birthday girl doesn't pay), and they had intentionally ordered very small and inexpensive items off the menu.
OP, you need to stand up to them to change it, or suck it up and accept it. Is it fair? Of course not, but it's been going on for this long and it works out in their favor, so why would they want it to change? Expect some kickback, but over time they'll either get used to it, or they'll stop inviting you. Either way, I think you win.
I have stood up in the past three weeks - bc one of the people (who has observed my behavior forever) offered a mber of the group to drive WITH me to a weekend away..without even asking me - I was upset. the person offering has a much less stressful and more financially flush life as does the person they offered my services too. I did stand up. I have been being ignored or given the cold shoulder for three weeks now. I guess it may be time to re evaluate the word friend...and move on.
these people are not your friends.2 -
Maybe it's different in Canada, but 99% of the restaurants I go to are happy to separate the bill into individual payments - so you're just paying for what you personally ate/drank. Is this not the norm?0
-
Maybe it's different in Canada, but 99% of the restaurants I go to are happy to separate the bill into individual payments - so you're just paying for what you personally ate/drank. Is this not the norm?
It's the norm where I am in the US, as well. In fact, most waitstaff will ask before ordering if you'll be needing separate checks if you aren't obviously a couple or single-family table. I'm sure it's easier for them to start that way than to split it later.0 -
cmriverside wrote: »Okay, but here you are complaining about it and we are offering solutions:
Maybe she just wants to rant about it a little more. I don't blame her.
Ranting isn't a solution.6 -
Maybe it's different in Canada, but 99% of the restaurants I go to are happy to separate the bill into individual payments - so you're just paying for what you personally ate/drank. Is this not the norm?
It's the norm where I am in the US, as well. In fact, most waitstaff will ask before ordering if you'll be needing separate checks if you aren't obviously a couple or single-family table. I'm sure it's easier for them to start that way than to split it later.
Yep! Same here. Basically as soon as we sit down in a group, the server will ask how to split the bill. It's very convenient!0 -
I make it clear if I'm taking up the bill for the party, either when inviting people or really during the whole thing if I feel like that one should be on me. If not, I would never expect to pay anything other than what I order. Splitting the bill evenly around here is not customary and frankly doesn't make sense to me... either someone pays for everything, or we all pay what we ordered. Or any variation thereof.
If I understood correctly, when you go out with another 8 people you pay one fifth of the bill? As if there were 10 of you in total? That is absurd. Or maybe I just didn't get it right...0 -
cmriverside wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Okay, but here you are complaining about it and we are offering solutions:
Maybe she just wants to rant about it a little more. I don't blame her.
Ranting isn't a solution.
True, but if it makes OP feel better, it's cheaper than therapy.
2 -
cmriverside wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Okay, but here you are complaining about it and we are offering solutions:
Maybe she just wants to rant about it a little more. I don't blame her.
Ranting isn't a solution.
For some people it is if the problem is how to let go of your hurt and anger nonviolently.
3 -
girlinahat wrote: »I have never heard of splitting by couple. So if there’s two couples and you, it gets divided how? By three? That seems bizarre.
Various options I would accept -
Split by number of people evenly - assuming everyone had roughly the same to eat, and in my experience it balances out in the end.
Each pay what for what they ate - this can create conflict, take time, and can be seen as petty. For some reason the bill never seems to add up properly when you do this
Take the wine off the bill and split that amongst the drinkers, then split the food evenly - this is the most common way we do things, as it reduces conflict and is quicker.
Hang around with friends who pay for everything - this happens, but I don’t much like it.
3 couples and me - they ALWAYS divide the bill by 4. I edited out about kids bc the kids are not with us much in the past ten years.
Wow, some friends you have...0 -
Yep, when you are ordering, tell the server directly "I will be on a separate bill from the rest of the group" in a clear but nonchalant manner, as if you've been saying it for 20 years. I wouldn't even address it with the others.6
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 426 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions