Splitting up the bill
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Replies
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girlinahat wrote: »I have never heard of splitting by couple. So if there’s two couples and you, it gets divided how? By three? That seems bizarre.
Various options I would accept -
Split by number of people evenly - assuming everyone had roughly the same to eat, and in my experience it balances out in the end.
Each pay what for what they ate - this can create conflict, take time, and can be seen as petty. For some reason the bill never seems to add up properly when you do this
Take the wine off the bill and split that amongst the drinkers, then split the food evenly - this is the most common way we do things, as it reduces conflict and is quicker.
Hang around with friends who pay for everything - this happens, but I don’t much like it.
3 couples and me - they ALWAYS divide the bill by 4. I edited out about kids bc the kids are not with us much in the past ten years.
Well, that's just weird. How did you let this happen even one time?
I was a server for nearly 20 years. People ask for separate checks all the time. Do that next time. Especially with drinkers.
I can't believe you let this go on...7 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »This reminds me of the Friends episode where Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are upset that the other three (who make more money), expect them to split the tab 5 ways (because birthday girl doesn't pay), and they had intentionally ordered very small and inexpensive items off the menu.
OP, you need to stand up to them to change it, or suck it up and accept it. Is it fair? Of course not, but it's been going on for this long and it works out in their favor, so why would they want it to change? Expect some kickback, but over time they'll either get used to it, or they'll stop inviting you. Either way, I think you win.
I have stood up in the past three weeks - bc one of the people (who has observed my behavior forever) offered a mber of the group to drive WITH me to a weekend away..without even asking me - I was upset. the person offering has a much less stressful and more financially flush life as does the person they offered my services too. I did stand up. I have been being ignored or given the cold shoulder for three weeks now. I guess it may be time to re evaluate the word friend...and move on.
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Have cash on hand if possible and use your phone’s calculator to add up your portion plus your portion of tip and hand it off to the person handing back to waitress. “Here’s my portion plus tip” leave it at that.1
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cmriverside wrote: »girlinahat wrote: »I have never heard of splitting by couple. So if there’s two couples and you, it gets divided how? By three? That seems bizarre.
Various options I would accept -
Split by number of people evenly - assuming everyone had roughly the same to eat, and in my experience it balances out in the end.
Each pay what for what they ate - this can create conflict, take time, and can be seen as petty. For some reason the bill never seems to add up properly when you do this
Take the wine off the bill and split that amongst the drinkers, then split the food evenly - this is the most common way we do things, as it reduces conflict and is quicker.
Hang around with friends who pay for everything - this happens, but I don’t much like it.
3 couples and me - they ALWAYS divide the bill by 4. I edited out about kids bc the kids are not with us much in the past ten years.
Well, that's just weird. How did you let this happen even one time?
I was a server for nearly 20 years. People ask for separate checks all the time. Do that next time. Especially with drinkers.
I can't believe you let this go on...
I am a very assertive person - HOWEVER - my husband died I had two kids under 6 years old. no one in our family had ever been a single/widowed parent - I was hurt, tried, vulnerable...alone and over the years it just rolled forward In the status quo - everyone learned that I COULD HANDLE ANYTHING IN ANYWAY REGARDLESS THE COST because I never said anything - fast forward 20 years..AND its still going on.
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cmriverside wrote: »girlinahat wrote: »I have never heard of splitting by couple. So if there’s two couples and you, it gets divided how? By three? That seems bizarre.
Various options I would accept -
Split by number of people evenly - assuming everyone had roughly the same to eat, and in my experience it balances out in the end.
Each pay what for what they ate - this can create conflict, take time, and can be seen as petty. For some reason the bill never seems to add up properly when you do this
Take the wine off the bill and split that amongst the drinkers, then split the food evenly - this is the most common way we do things, as it reduces conflict and is quicker.
Hang around with friends who pay for everything - this happens, but I don’t much like it.
3 couples and me - they ALWAYS divide the bill by 4. I edited out about kids bc the kids are not with us much in the past ten years.
Well, that's just weird. How did you let this happen even one time?
I was a server for nearly 20 years. People ask for separate checks all the time. Do that next time. Especially with drinkers.
I can't believe you let this go on...
I am a very assertive person - HOWEVER - my husband died I had two kids under 6 years old. no one in our family had ever been a single/widowed parent - I was hurt, tried, vulnerable...alone and over the years it just rolled forward In the status quo - everyone learned that I COULD HANDLE ANYTHING IN ANYWAY REGARDLESS THE COST because I never said anything - fast forward 20 years..AND its still going on.
Okay, but here you are complaining about it and we are offering solutions:People ask for separate checks all the time. Do that next time.
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I wouldn't worry about the past. I think we can all find parts of our lives that stink that we let go on for longer than we should. I can't imagine why one of your "friends" never spoke up about the inequality of the situation though. I am sure they have some redeeming qualities but yikes.3
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cmriverside wrote: »girlinahat wrote: »I have never heard of splitting by couple. So if there’s two couples and you, it gets divided how? By three? That seems bizarre.
Various options I would accept -
Split by number of people evenly - assuming everyone had roughly the same to eat, and in my experience it balances out in the end.
Each pay what for what they ate - this can create conflict, take time, and can be seen as petty. For some reason the bill never seems to add up properly when you do this
Take the wine off the bill and split that amongst the drinkers, then split the food evenly - this is the most common way we do things, as it reduces conflict and is quicker.
Hang around with friends who pay for everything - this happens, but I don’t much like it.
3 couples and me - they ALWAYS divide the bill by 4. I edited out about kids bc the kids are not with us much in the past ten years.
Well, that's just weird. How did you let this happen even one time?
I was a server for nearly 20 years. People ask for separate checks all the time. Do that next time. Especially with drinkers.
I can't believe you let this go on...
It seems that with the computers that most restaurants use, splitting bills isn't much of an issue. At least the places I go. I go to dinner with a friend regularly and we order a half order of nachos(which is an option on the menu)...my bill gets half of the half and hers gets the other half of the half. We have told them not to worry and they always tell us it's not an issue.
That being said, it depends on who I am out to dinner with. My best friends and I will take turns paying or just split evenly amongst the group. We all are fairly close in the amount we drink. Sometimes the restaurants see three women out together and automatically give us separate checks.0 -
If you are a party of 5 at a restaurant, what would happen if you suggested splitting the bill by 5?
I think bill splitting can be a bummer for non-drinkers if people in the group have lots of alcoholic drinks, too. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep bill splitting basically fair as long as it doesn't over-complicate or end up dominating the experience. I've seen some people just put a wad of cash on the bill folder to cover their portion, and no one seems to mind that.
I did that once.. not only bc I was with couples but because I DONT DRINK and they do, especially the men. They felt that I was being petty. (and mind you I raised two daughters on my one paycheck)
That is absolutely insane. It makes ZERO sense. Personally I would stop eating out with these people, that is taking advantage of you for many years it sounds like.
Alternatively (if that isn't an option), I would ask for a separate bill for myself at beginning of meal. A dinner out isn't a charity outing!! you are not there to subsidize their meal! If there is a celebration where people are paying for someone else's meal (ex: birthday person) then you can contribute an extra something for that (you decide amount).
As for groceries, depends on the situation. If I am having people over I will pay for the meal. Often people bring a contribution.
with friends and even family we always pay for what we ate/drank. I've never been in a situation were a bill was just "split". ever.
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cmriverside wrote: »Okay, but here you are complaining about it and we are offering solutions:
Maybe she just wants to rant about it a little more. I don't blame her.
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Your friends are really rude and ignorant in this matter. When hubby and I go out with my sis, we don’t expect her to pay half the total bill. Separate checks makes everything simpler and most waitstaff don’t mind doing it. (Years ago separate checks tended to be more of an issue because it created more work for staff. )0
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nutmegoreo wrote: »This reminds me of the Friends episode where Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are upset that the other three (who make more money), expect them to split the tab 5 ways (because birthday girl doesn't pay), and they had intentionally ordered very small and inexpensive items off the menu.
OP, you need to stand up to them to change it, or suck it up and accept it. Is it fair? Of course not, but it's been going on for this long and it works out in their favor, so why would they want it to change? Expect some kickback, but over time they'll either get used to it, or they'll stop inviting you. Either way, I think you win.
I have stood up in the past three weeks - bc one of the people (who has observed my behavior forever) offered a mber of the group to drive WITH me to a weekend away..without even asking me - I was upset. the person offering has a much less stressful and more financially flush life as does the person they offered my services too. I did stand up. I have been being ignored or given the cold shoulder for three weeks now. I guess it may be time to re evaluate the word friend...and move on.
these people are not your friends.2 -
Maybe it's different in Canada, but 99% of the restaurants I go to are happy to separate the bill into individual payments - so you're just paying for what you personally ate/drank. Is this not the norm?0
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Maybe it's different in Canada, but 99% of the restaurants I go to are happy to separate the bill into individual payments - so you're just paying for what you personally ate/drank. Is this not the norm?
It's the norm where I am in the US, as well. In fact, most waitstaff will ask before ordering if you'll be needing separate checks if you aren't obviously a couple or single-family table. I'm sure it's easier for them to start that way than to split it later.0 -
cmriverside wrote: »Okay, but here you are complaining about it and we are offering solutions:
Maybe she just wants to rant about it a little more. I don't blame her.
Ranting isn't a solution.6 -
Maybe it's different in Canada, but 99% of the restaurants I go to are happy to separate the bill into individual payments - so you're just paying for what you personally ate/drank. Is this not the norm?
It's the norm where I am in the US, as well. In fact, most waitstaff will ask before ordering if you'll be needing separate checks if you aren't obviously a couple or single-family table. I'm sure it's easier for them to start that way than to split it later.
Yep! Same here. Basically as soon as we sit down in a group, the server will ask how to split the bill. It's very convenient!0 -
I make it clear if I'm taking up the bill for the party, either when inviting people or really during the whole thing if I feel like that one should be on me. If not, I would never expect to pay anything other than what I order. Splitting the bill evenly around here is not customary and frankly doesn't make sense to me... either someone pays for everything, or we all pay what we ordered. Or any variation thereof.
If I understood correctly, when you go out with another 8 people you pay one fifth of the bill? As if there were 10 of you in total? That is absurd. Or maybe I just didn't get it right...0 -
cmriverside wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Okay, but here you are complaining about it and we are offering solutions:
Maybe she just wants to rant about it a little more. I don't blame her.
Ranting isn't a solution.
True, but if it makes OP feel better, it's cheaper than therapy.
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cmriverside wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »Okay, but here you are complaining about it and we are offering solutions:
Maybe she just wants to rant about it a little more. I don't blame her.
Ranting isn't a solution.
For some people it is if the problem is how to let go of your hurt and anger nonviolently.
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girlinahat wrote: »I have never heard of splitting by couple. So if there’s two couples and you, it gets divided how? By three? That seems bizarre.
Various options I would accept -
Split by number of people evenly - assuming everyone had roughly the same to eat, and in my experience it balances out in the end.
Each pay what for what they ate - this can create conflict, take time, and can be seen as petty. For some reason the bill never seems to add up properly when you do this
Take the wine off the bill and split that amongst the drinkers, then split the food evenly - this is the most common way we do things, as it reduces conflict and is quicker.
Hang around with friends who pay for everything - this happens, but I don’t much like it.
3 couples and me - they ALWAYS divide the bill by 4. I edited out about kids bc the kids are not with us much in the past ten years.
Wow, some friends you have...0 -
Yep, when you are ordering, tell the server directly "I will be on a separate bill from the rest of the group" in a clear but nonchalant manner, as if you've been saying it for 20 years. I wouldn't even address it with the others.6
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