OH won’t eat vegetables. Any advice for my own health?
Replies
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Veggies keep for several days so if you can supplement your meals for a few days with one batch of veggies or salad. Just don't dress the salad until you're ready to eat it.
Im trying to figure out what's going on here...does your husband get upset if you have veggies during a meal? Does it cause conflict if you have different food on your plate? I'm just trying to figure out why this is even an issue. I don't understand why you both can't just eat what you want. My initial thought is this is a controlling relationship, but I don't want to jump to conclusions. Roast some root veggies or microwave a can of green beans for something simple.4 -
I've been mulling this over. There are only choices and consequences. You said....It’s affecting my health and how I feel about me.
You choose. This is about control. That is all.5 -
If he's not letting you eat veggies, then there's something wrong with your relationship if it's to the point you feel obligated not to eat veggies or at least give you the opportunity to buy some for yourself. This is the first time I ever hear something like this. I mean your both adults, if you want to eat vegetables, buy them and eat them. If he doesn't want, don't force him to eat any, but for you to feel weird about buying and eating veggies is nonsense. This shouldn't even be an issue in a relationship.10
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In my part of the country Wal-Mart provides a pickup service. You could do your shopping online before you return from work for Friday and pick it up on your way home.
For workaday snacking I get frozen edamame. I package them in to single serving sizes and by the time lunchtime rolls around they are defrosted enough for eating.
I'm not sure why you are bothering to get him sorted for weekday dinners. If I were you I'd be happy to let him fend for himself.
You mentioned tomato sauce. Tomato is a fruit/vegetable. So he's getting something. If you feel like sneaking a little in, shredded carrot bulks up tomato sauce quite nicely.4 -
I am confused. You simply...eat vegetables. Why does he have to in order for you to?9
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There’s a very unhealthy dynamic at play here that is concerning. OP, what would happen if you went to the store without him and just bought vegetables? You shouldn’t have to resort to that, but you might need to.
I also think you should ask yourself why he’s putting up obstacles every step of the way for you.3 -
He doesn’t have to shop with me but he lives at home and I work away during the week so get home Friday evening and usually leave on a Sunday evening or Monday evening if I can work from home. I have to sort out weekend food and get him set up for the week which he should be capable of doing but it doesn’t happen. Instead he’ll happily get alternating dominos and kebab takeaways.
Then that’s his problem, isn’t it?
You seem to be going to a lot of effort to give him something he doesn’t care about. It sounds to me like he’s making good use of ‘strategic incompetence’ to make you do all the work around mealtimes, and I don’t see why you should enable him.
If the problem is that you can’t afford for him to be getting takeaways all week - well, again, it’s his problem if he runs out of money on Wednesday and can’t eat for the second half of the week, and you shouldn’t let him make it yours. Maybe having to deal with the consequences for himself will force him to grow up!8 -
Thank you for all the comments.
I probably should have put more background for context. My husband is very lucky with his genes and comes from a family of runners. They’re all very slim and gifted at running so they can eat what they like and vast quantities of it.
I am not a natural runner and have to pass yearly fitness tests for my work. I work full time (60+ hrs not including travel) while trying to complete 2 Masters courses part time. I don’t have control of my work and can be sent away to various places with a moments notice. It makes it challenging to manage time and it makes it easy to throw money at the challenges faced which is what I don’t want to do.
I was using sainsburys home delivery but the quality of the fresh fruit and veg was awful. Spinach was only lasting a couple of days. That’s why I then went back to normal shopping but there isn’t a great range or good shelf life. It would be crazy to do 2 different food shops and pay twice for home delivery when we’re under the same roof. Frozen veggie is definitely an option and I did have some in until there was a recall notice due to listeria. That’s where frozen root veg could be a really good option.
I don’t think it’s control/relationship issue. He’s an idiot male plus the baby of his family so he has never had to learn to compromise/negotiate. The key thing to remember is I can change me but I can’t change him.
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Marriage sounds like a great place to learn how to compromise. I also married the baby in the family and he's learned, on certain issues, to approach me very, very carefully. So he does.
Go for the frozen veggies! Spinach only lasts a few days. That's what it's like. Spinach also comes frozen.
Now, root vegetables can keep very well in a cool dark cupboard. This includes the sweet potatoes, potatoes, parsnips and carrots. If you want to throw money away you can get frozen potatoes, but I've never found reason to do that.4 -
I'm vegan and my husband eats keto (mostly meat!) We cook for ourselves. In our house the importance of "mealtime" is the TIME, not the "meal".5
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My husband is happy if I buy him a bag of frozen chicken, flour tortillas, and shredded cheese....he'll just make cheese and chicken "quesadillas" all week every day without me....luckily he doesn't demand much in the "extra shopping" department.
He cooks me frozen veg when we cook dinner, spices it and dresses it how I like, even if he hates it. I guess I'll put that in the "things I love about DH" column
Every relationship is different though, if you guys are happy with the way things are, I'm sure there are other parts of your relationship that make you smile the same way, you know? 2 -
Thanks for the clarification. It sounds like your issue is more of a logistics issue. I think a few bags of frozen veggies, a bagged salad and a couple pieces of fruit per week might be an easy way for you to have fruit and veggies for yourself that will last a bit and not cost a lot.3
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I shop once a week for food for my family. I do an online order and go pick it up the next day.
Everyone in the household has a week to get the foods and drinks they want on the shopping list posted on the refrigerator. If dh wants chips or dd wants canned spaghetti it needs to be on the list just like things I want. I don't make two seperate orders.
The order is a mix of packaged foods and fresh.
If we go to the store together to shop we often tear our list in half and dh goes and collects the part he has while I pick up the rest and then we meet up and pay for everything together. Our goal is to get in and out of the store quickly.
Why is it so hard to buy the different food you two want in the same shopping trip? It just seems like you are making this so much harder on yourself than it needs to be.4 -
My husband won’t eat vegetables. He’s not interested in side salads. He won’t have beans, peas or sweet corn with anything. It’s very frustrating and I don’t want to generate food waste so I eat what he eats. It’s affecting my health and how I feel about me. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he’s not interested. What can I do that’s good for me? I want to not generate food waste or cause an increase in my work load.
I'm not understanding where the waste would occur. Just cook everything including the healthy stuff you think you need to include. He can eat what he wants and the other stuff is yours.
What is your approach to mealtimes? Do you plate the food and bring it to the table, or do you each help yourselves from the pot(s)? No need to put things on his plate that he won't eat, but you can still cook enough for yourself and include on your plate.0 -
DancingMoosie wrote: »Burgers with burgers? Lol. He doesn't have to shop with you...mine doesn't. Just get what you want. I mostly eat fresh. I find a lot of frozen veggies get mushy.
He doesn’t have to shop with me but he lives at home and I work away during the week so get home Friday evening and usually leave on a Sunday evening or Monday evening if I can work from home. I have to sort out weekend food and get him set up for the week which he should be capable of doing but it doesn’t happen. Instead he’ll happily get alternating dominos and kebab takeaways.
What do you mean by "he lives at home"? Does he work? I'm thinking if you're away from home the whole work week, you get to choose what healthy meals you eat on the road, and he gets to choose what he eats at home.1 -
I reread the original question. It's human nature to cut our loved ones slack with rationalization. You asked for any advice for your own health and It’s affecting my health and how I feel about me. If all is well so be it but you asked and it was clear. I wish you health and wellness in the future. If you can't buy vegetables then you might reassess down the road because it's more confusing and complicated now than it was in the beginning.1
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Thank you for all the comments.
I probably should have put more background for context. My husband is very lucky with his genes and comes from a family of runners. They’re all very slim and gifted at running so they can eat what they like and vast quantities of it.
I am not a natural runner and have to pass yearly fitness tests for my work. I work full time (60+ hrs not including travel) while trying to complete 2 Masters courses part time. I don’t have control of my work and can be sent away to various places with a moments notice. It makes it challenging to manage time and it makes it easy to throw money at the challenges faced which is what I don’t want to do.
I was using sainsburys home delivery but the quality of the fresh fruit and veg was awful. Spinach was only lasting a couple of days. That’s why I then went back to normal shopping but there isn’t a great range or good shelf life. It would be crazy to do 2 different food shops and pay twice for home delivery when we’re under the same roof. Frozen veggie is definitely an option and I did have some in until there was a recall notice due to listeria. That’s where frozen root veg could be a really good option.
I don’t think it’s control/relationship issue. He’s an idiot male plus the baby of his family so he has never had to learn to compromise/negotiate. The key thing to remember is I can change me but I can’t change him.
I don't understand why you think you'd be doing two sets of food shopping. Wouldn't it be one set of shopping, with stuff in there for you and other stuff in there to accommodate his taste?
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Thank you for all the comments.
I probably should have put more background for context. My husband is very lucky with his genes and comes from a family of runners. They’re all very slim and gifted at running so they can eat what they like and vast quantities of it.
I am not a natural runner and have to pass yearly fitness tests for my work. I work full time (60+ hrs not including travel) while trying to complete 2 Masters courses part time. I don’t have control of my work and can be sent away to various places with a moments notice. It makes it challenging to manage time and it makes it easy to throw money at the challenges faced which is what I don’t want to do.
I was using sainsburys home delivery but the quality of the fresh fruit and veg was awful. Spinach was only lasting a couple of days. That’s why I then went back to normal shopping but there isn’t a great range or good shelf life. It would be crazy to do 2 different food shops and pay twice for home delivery when we’re under the same roof. Frozen veggie is definitely an option and I did have some in until there was a recall notice due to listeria. That’s where frozen root veg could be a really good option.
I don’t think it’s control/relationship issue. He’s an idiot male plus the baby of his family so he has never had to learn to compromise/negotiate. The key thing to remember is I can change me but I can’t change him.
I don't understand why you think you'd be doing two sets of food shopping. Wouldn't it be one set of shopping, with stuff in there for you and other stuff in there to accommodate his taste?
No, because if I'm understanding correctly, he doesn't let her buy vegetables in the store because he gets impatient with visiting the produce aisle....1 -
DomesticKat wrote: »Thank you for all the comments.
I probably should have put more background for context. My husband is very lucky with his genes and comes from a family of runners. They’re all very slim and gifted at running so they can eat what they like and vast quantities of it.
I am not a natural runner and have to pass yearly fitness tests for my work. I work full time (60+ hrs not including travel) while trying to complete 2 Masters courses part time. I don’t have control of my work and can be sent away to various places with a moments notice. It makes it challenging to manage time and it makes it easy to throw money at the challenges faced which is what I don’t want to do.
I was using sainsburys home delivery but the quality of the fresh fruit and veg was awful. Spinach was only lasting a couple of days. That’s why I then went back to normal shopping but there isn’t a great range or good shelf life. It would be crazy to do 2 different food shops and pay twice for home delivery when we’re under the same roof. Frozen veggie is definitely an option and I did have some in until there was a recall notice due to listeria. That’s where frozen root veg could be a really good option.
I don’t think it’s control/relationship issue. He’s an idiot male plus the baby of his family so he has never had to learn to compromise/negotiate. The key thing to remember is I can change me but I can’t change him.
I don't understand why you think you'd be doing two sets of food shopping. Wouldn't it be one set of shopping, with stuff in there for you and other stuff in there to accommodate his taste?
No, because if I'm understanding correctly, he doesn't let her buy vegetables in the store because he gets impatient with visiting the produce aisle....
But here she is talking about having groceries delivered right? This is kind of confusing really. I don't understand why he can't just feed himself during the week and she feed herself while she is away at work. Then on weekends plan meals together.4 -
DomesticKat wrote: »Thank you for all the comments.
I probably should have put more background for context. My husband is very lucky with his genes and comes from a family of runners. They’re all very slim and gifted at running so they can eat what they like and vast quantities of it.
I am not a natural runner and have to pass yearly fitness tests for my work. I work full time (60+ hrs not including travel) while trying to complete 2 Masters courses part time. I don’t have control of my work and can be sent away to various places with a moments notice. It makes it challenging to manage time and it makes it easy to throw money at the challenges faced which is what I don’t want to do.
I was using sainsburys home delivery but the quality of the fresh fruit and veg was awful. Spinach was only lasting a couple of days. That’s why I then went back to normal shopping but there isn’t a great range or good shelf life. It would be crazy to do 2 different food shops and pay twice for home delivery when we’re under the same roof. Frozen veggie is definitely an option and I did have some in until there was a recall notice due to listeria. That’s where frozen root veg could be a really good option.
I don’t think it’s control/relationship issue. He’s an idiot male plus the baby of his family so he has never had to learn to compromise/negotiate. The key thing to remember is I can change me but I can’t change him.
I don't understand why you think you'd be doing two sets of food shopping. Wouldn't it be one set of shopping, with stuff in there for you and other stuff in there to accommodate his taste?
No, because if I'm understanding correctly, he doesn't let her buy vegetables in the store because he gets impatient with visiting the produce aisle....
But she also saysHe doesn’t have to shop with me
It just seems like she's making it harder than it has to be. She has lots of choices here. She can order her groceries for delivery. She can buy frozen veggies (because it sure sounds like from the foods he wants to eat that she'll be in the frozen section anyway). She can go shopping by herself (once -- there's no need to buy each person's food on a separate trip). She can ignore his impatience and go to the produce section anyway. She can send him to the meat or frozen section while she visits the produce section. She can actually have a conversation with him and tell him she is going to buy vegetables for herself and if a grown-kitten adult can't handle a few minutes in the produce section, he can choose from all these options or come up with some solution of his own, but he doesn't get to stop another adult from doing something that's beneficial to her health.
Edited to fix a typo9 -
Yeah, I'm confused by this thread as well. Buy what you want, buy what he wants, it can happen in one trip together or by yourself. If I'm going to the store by myself, my hubby tells me what he wants for the week, and I get what I want. If we go together, we pick our own stuff and can meet at some designated point if it takes us to different areas. If I'm working out of town for the week, I get him some frozen dinners for when I'm gone and he makes sandwiches for lunch. None of it is a big deal, extra expenses or extra trips.4
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I think there's a whole lot of missing pieces here and none of them have to do with vegetables. Confusing, to say the least. OP, good luck with your quest for more veg, from the sounds of it that's the least of your issues.5
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DomesticKat wrote: »Thank you for all the comments.
I probably should have put more background for context. My husband is very lucky with his genes and comes from a family of runners. They’re all very slim and gifted at running so they can eat what they like and vast quantities of it.
I am not a natural runner and have to pass yearly fitness tests for my work. I work full time (60+ hrs not including travel) while trying to complete 2 Masters courses part time. I don’t have control of my work and can be sent away to various places with a moments notice. It makes it challenging to manage time and it makes it easy to throw money at the challenges faced which is what I don’t want to do.
I was using sainsburys home delivery but the quality of the fresh fruit and veg was awful. Spinach was only lasting a couple of days. That’s why I then went back to normal shopping but there isn’t a great range or good shelf life. It would be crazy to do 2 different food shops and pay twice for home delivery when we’re under the same roof. Frozen veggie is definitely an option and I did have some in until there was a recall notice due to listeria. That’s where frozen root veg could be a really good option.
I don’t think it’s control/relationship issue. He’s an idiot male plus the baby of his family so he has never had to learn to compromise/negotiate. The key thing to remember is I can change me but I can’t change him.
I don't understand why you think you'd be doing two sets of food shopping. Wouldn't it be one set of shopping, with stuff in there for you and other stuff in there to accommodate his taste?
No, because if I'm understanding correctly, he doesn't let her buy vegetables in the store because he gets impatient with visiting the produce aisle....
There was also a comment about paying twice for home delivery. Couldn't everything be delivered at once instead of "his list" separate from "her list"?4 -
DomesticKat wrote: »Thank you for all the comments.
I probably should have put more background for context. My husband is very lucky with his genes and comes from a family of runners. They’re all very slim and gifted at running so they can eat what they like and vast quantities of it.
I am not a natural runner and have to pass yearly fitness tests for my work. I work full time (60+ hrs not including travel) while trying to complete 2 Masters courses part time. I don’t have control of my work and can be sent away to various places with a moments notice. It makes it challenging to manage time and it makes it easy to throw money at the challenges faced which is what I don’t want to do.
I was using sainsburys home delivery but the quality of the fresh fruit and veg was awful. Spinach was only lasting a couple of days. That’s why I then went back to normal shopping but there isn’t a great range or good shelf life. It would be crazy to do 2 different food shops and pay twice for home delivery when we’re under the same roof. Frozen veggie is definitely an option and I did have some in until there was a recall notice due to listeria. That’s where frozen root veg could be a really good option.
I don’t think it’s control/relationship issue. He’s an idiot male plus the baby of his family so he has never had to learn to compromise/negotiate. The key thing to remember is I can change me but I can’t change him.
I don't understand why you think you'd be doing two sets of food shopping. Wouldn't it be one set of shopping, with stuff in there for you and other stuff in there to accommodate his taste?
No, because if I'm understanding correctly, he doesn't let her buy vegetables in the store because he gets impatient with visiting the produce aisle....
There was also a comment about paying twice for home delivery. Couldn't everything be delivered at once instead of "his list" separate from "her list"?
Maybe she needs to hide the evidence from him? Who knows.1 -
I'm confused but for a different reason. Just because someone can "eat what they like" and stay relatively slim doesn't mean they're healthy. Everyone needs nutrients, and if he's training/running a lot he probably needs more than someone who trains less. Do you not suggest he eat well for his health?2
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