Lying to friends and family about weighing myself
checkmatekingtwo
Posts: 118 Member
Serial dieter here ... have in the past tried so many different diets with temporary success, only to gain it back again.
This time, I'm not doing a diet, really doing the life change. I started in February this year (on Valentine's Day), and have lost 51 pounds so far. But I didn't tell ANYONE I was "dieting" or making any changes.
People started to notice after I'd lost about 30 pounds, and when they ask how much I've lost, I tell them I don't know, I'm not weighing myself, just making changes and trusting to the process.
THAT IS A LIE. Well, not the "trusting the process" part, but, yes, I am weighing myself regularly.
I just didn't want to get into the awful weekly "helpful support" I used to get from my Mother and one of my best friends. Every Monday they'd ask how much I'd lost this week, and give my pity or high fives depending on the answer. In previous weight loss journeys, I'd find I'd be dreading seeing them on weigh in day if I didn't have something good to report, even to the point that sometimes I lied just to avoid the pity and unsolicited advice on what I could do better next week. These are people who never can accept that weight loss is not linear.
So, this time, I lie. They find it hard to believe I can't be weighing myself (well, they are right). But I just say I judge success by how I feel and how my clothes fit. At first, Mom then started asking me each week about my clothes (ah, mothers, gotta love 'em). But she's finally stopped that.
I'm feeling kind of bad about lying, but I'm so much happier with that weekly pressure taken off me! I'm making a change in my life, it's not a weekly race, and it's so much easier without friends and family treating my life like a weekly contest or reality show.
So, have you deliberately lied to loved ones about your weight loss journey?
This time, I'm not doing a diet, really doing the life change. I started in February this year (on Valentine's Day), and have lost 51 pounds so far. But I didn't tell ANYONE I was "dieting" or making any changes.
People started to notice after I'd lost about 30 pounds, and when they ask how much I've lost, I tell them I don't know, I'm not weighing myself, just making changes and trusting to the process.
THAT IS A LIE. Well, not the "trusting the process" part, but, yes, I am weighing myself regularly.
I just didn't want to get into the awful weekly "helpful support" I used to get from my Mother and one of my best friends. Every Monday they'd ask how much I'd lost this week, and give my pity or high fives depending on the answer. In previous weight loss journeys, I'd find I'd be dreading seeing them on weigh in day if I didn't have something good to report, even to the point that sometimes I lied just to avoid the pity and unsolicited advice on what I could do better next week. These are people who never can accept that weight loss is not linear.
So, this time, I lie. They find it hard to believe I can't be weighing myself (well, they are right). But I just say I judge success by how I feel and how my clothes fit. At first, Mom then started asking me each week about my clothes (ah, mothers, gotta love 'em). But she's finally stopped that.
I'm feeling kind of bad about lying, but I'm so much happier with that weekly pressure taken off me! I'm making a change in my life, it's not a weekly race, and it's so much easier without friends and family treating my life like a weekly contest or reality show.
So, have you deliberately lied to loved ones about your weight loss journey?
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Replies
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I did not lie about weighing, but I did not have people saying those things. I support your choice,, it's none of their business. You need to do what helps you be successful!19
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If you really want to shut someone up when they ask if you have lost weight look hurt and say "No! I have actually gained some. Thanks for asking!" I mean if you are going to lie make it a good one.
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I didn’t quite lie about my weight loss, but I did give vague answers to relatives who made negative comments. Your weight is none of their business. If relatives keep pushing it, you can say, “My doctor thinks I’m doing great!” and leave it at that. If they’re genuinely concerned about your well being, then that’s all they need to know.4
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I'm glad nobody seems to take that much interest in my weight loss or diet! If someone does mention something, I sort of answer vaguely (honestly, the mere mention of calorie counting is usually enough to make their eyes glaze over) and then change the subject to them - 'But what about you, you look amazing! It's that new hairstyle??' etc. People love to talk about themselves.10
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I feel like being honest holds me accountable. If I tell someone in April that I am trying to lose weight, and then fall off the wagon in May, that means people who see me in June could potentially follow up with me and ask how it's going. Not wanting to say, "Actually, I gave up on that!" is enough of a deterrent to keep me on plan.
I also don't like not being honest in general. I don't like being afraid of what the truth is and how people will react to it. It's part of an overall change in my life where I've become more assertive and feel more comfortable saying how I feel and worrying less about whether my needs/thoughts are inconveniencing other people. So I now try to answer truthfully whenever I can just because my natural, eager-to-please tendency is to say things that won't rock the boat.5 -
Running_and_Coffee wrote: »I feel like being honest holds me accountable. If I tell someone in April that I am trying to lose weight, and then fall off the wagon in May, that means people who see me in June could potentially follow up with me and ask how it's going. Not wanting to say, "Actually, I gave up on that!" is enough of a deterrent to keep me on plan.
I also don't like not being honest in general. I don't like being afraid of what the truth is and how people will react to it. It's part of an overall change in my life where I've become more assertive and feel more comfortable saying how I feel and worrying less about whether my needs/thoughts are inconveniencing other people. So I now try to answer truthfully whenever I can just because my natural, eager-to-please tendency is to say things that won't rock the boat.
I think being accountable is great if it helps you, but I also think there’s a difference between being accountable vs. feeling pressured to tell unsupportive people about your weight. Accountability doesn’t have to mean you talk honestly about your weight to *everyone* unless you want it to mean that. It can just be about choosing a few people with whom you will share your progress, and those people committing to checking in with you regularly. I think a relationship of accountability is a different type of relationship than the ones OP described, since OP doesn’t find those relationships supportive of their weight loss process.18 -
Just a thought, can you change your wording so it is not a lie? Something like "I'm not really sure, I haven't weighed myself in a while", then change the subject...'so, what did you do this weekend?'. A while could be defined as 10 minutes, 2 weeks or 2 months. I'm also positive at that exact moment of responding you do not know what you weigh since weight can fluctuate so much during the day.8
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No one knows I have a scale because that would be a little suspicious, what with the ED history and all. No one believes I'm actually sane (ish) now... wonder why.
Whenever my psych or another medical professional asks if I've lost weight, I just say that I don't know and I don't weigh myself.5 -
Running_and_Coffee wrote: »I feel like being honest holds me accountable. If I tell someone in April that I am trying to lose weight, and then fall off the wagon in May, that means people who see me in June could potentially follow up with me and ask how it's going. Not wanting to say, "Actually, I gave up on that!" is enough of a deterrent to keep me on plan.
I also don't like not being honest in general. I don't like being afraid of what the truth is and how people will react to it. It's part of an overall change in my life where I've become more assertive and feel more comfortable saying how I feel and worrying less about whether my needs/thoughts are inconveniencing other people. So I now try to answer truthfully whenever I can just because my natural, eager-to-please tendency is to say things that won't rock the boat.
I think being accountable is great if it helps you, but I also think there’s a difference between being accountable vs. feeling pressured to tell unsupportive people about your weight. Accountability doesn’t have to mean you talk honestly about your weight to *everyone* unless you want it to mean that. It can just be about choosing a few people with whom you will share your progress, and those people committing to checking in with you regularly. I think a relationship of accountability is a different type of relationship than the ones OP described, since OP doesn’t find those relationships supportive of their weight loss process.
Yes, I think the most important thing is to protect herself from anything and anyone who will sabotage her weight loss efforts. However, for me personally, there is a connection between asserting my own truth without apology and keeping the promise to myself to follow my plan. I find that the more open and honest I am, the more likely I am to take good care of myself. Not that it's like that for everyone, of course! OP needs to do what she needs to do. I just found it was an interesting revelation for me, that's all!2 -
Been there, done that. Work what works for you and your situation.2
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Nothing wrong with this lie in my book. It's nobody else's business, and you're doing it for self-preservation. Not only that, but it's allowing you to stick to your plan and be successful! I wouldn't feel bad about it at all. You already know that it isn't helpful to tell other people your weight. So don't. Congratulations on your progress, by the way. It sounds like you have figured out what works for you
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No.
Don't start none. Won't be none. No one has to live in our body. Our close family and friends can clearly see what's going on. They know us well. The best way to keep this tamped down is to simply change the subject. Don't engage the non-stop banter about diets and weight.
I know people who lie about medical conditions so they can pretend their disordered eating is 'normal'. They lie to everyone. I have gluten problems or I'm on a fodmap/IBS protocol or I have this or that...just to dupe themselves and others. No, I don't believe in making up imaginary medical conditions or lies or whoppers to deal with anything. The brain knows exactly what you're doing and telling others. The brain rebels. Be honest with yourself. You don't have to share your personal stats with others. Just draw a line in the sand and be done with it.7 -
I have not lied. I have refrained from talking about it. I have not said I am using MFP. I have not uttered a word about calories or exercise.
I think you are giving your family the information they need- you are making some changes and making progress in your own way. They don't need any more involvement than that.5 -
Maybe I wouldn't lie flat out, but say something like, "You're just noticing I've gotten a lot taller." They'll probably get the hint at that point.4
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I am doing the same thing--when people ask if I've lost weight I just say that I'm more active in the summer. That's not technically a lie.4
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I wish I could not tell anyone I'm on a diet, but it's obvious from the 70 + lbs I've lost. I swear, when I wasn't on a diet I could sit down and eat half a pizza and no one would say a word. However now, if I reach for one cookie or decide I'm going to get a little wild and order some mashed potatoes it starts. "You can't have that! Can you?" Well I could've before you made me feel like crap about it.
I completely see where your coming from, people at work always asked me weekly how much I'd lost. If I said just a lb or so they always looked disappointed and offered some annoying advice or made sure to patrol my eating throughout the shift. I say lie all you want!
I just might start! 13 -
I wish I could not tell anyone I'm on a diet, but it's obvious from the 70 + lbs I've lost. I swear, when I wasn't on a diet I could sit down and eat half a pizza and no one would say a word. However now, if I reach for one cookie or decide I'm going to get a little wild and order some mashed potatoes it starts. "You can't have that! Can you?" Well I could've before you made me feel like crap about it.
I completely see where your coming from, people at work always asked me weekly how much I'd lost. If I said just a lb or so they always looked disappointed and offered some annoying advice or made sure to patrol my eating throughout the shift. I say lie all you want! I just might start!
People - and, yes....using that word specifically and intentionally here - can be subtly cruel without realizing it. Kinda like "blissful ignorance". Not sure why everyone (and, clearly being lazy with language here....not "everyone") has to stick their nose in other's business. Maybe they all have a lot of weight to lose and are living vicariously through you? No idea.....but, in my 51 years on this planet, I have noticed that people are strange!8 -
@checkmatekingtwo I fully understand why you would not want to get into a discussion about weighing, how much lost etc. After all, the actual weight we end up is really something between us and perhaps our doctor. People being helpful and supportive can be a pain - however well meaning. I never tell people I am dieting any more - I don't need 3rd party analysis of what I eat, especially by people who may not have a clue themselves. I am glad and encouraged by support from my mfp friends - other than that, as far as the world is concerned 'What diet?' If someone comments that I have lost weight I just say 'Oh, perhaps a bit, thank you' and move on. Fortunately my weight loss has been slow, interrupted, reversed and then back on so people have kind of got used to me at a whole variety of weights You do what works for you - it really is a very unimportant untruth and is not designed to harm anyone - or even mislead them about anything much. Good luck as you carry on losing. 2
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People lie about all sorts of things, much worse lies than yours! So I really would worry about that.
It’s your choice who you tell about you weight loss journey, and it’s fine if that means telling no one. In fact if this is a lifestyle change forever, and not a fad, then it might very well be something you just do with no fanfare.
Having said that, be glad you have people who care around you. Are they annoying? is it sometimes counter productive? Sure! But you’re still lucky to have them in your corner. 😀4 -
I don't see anything wrong with that, it's none of their business. I hate the unsolicited advice too.6
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I guess you could work around responding without lying
You are doing what you need to do for yourself and if and when you choose to have that conversation that is what you can share with them. During the process you did what you needed for your sake and well being, no apologies necessary.
All of us have had to figure out what processes work for us . . . by the way great job!!!!3 -
I feel uncomfortable if someone mentions weight loss because 1. It means they've been looking at my body 2. They noticed I was less fat and therefore they thought that I had needed to lose weight I'd think in modern society that people would have learned by now that that it's not cool to comment on someone's physical appearnance beyond a "you look nice" or something equally benign.4
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No one asks me about how I’m doing with my weight loss so I don’t have this issue. I think you’re doing the right thing. If telling them when you weigh is going to derail your hard work then they don’t need to know.2
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Once my weight loss became obvious (30-ish pounds or so?) people started commenting. A LOT. I was cool with the “you look great!” comments, but beyond that I didn’t really want to talk about it because in times past I have tended toward self-sabotage and I was determined for this time to be different.
So I lied. People would ask how much I had lost and I said over and over again, “I have no idea, I don’t keep track” like a broken record. I did it to protect myself and I don’t regret it lol.6 -
Good for you!! I think you should do whatever works for you!!! It's not the type of lie that is hurting anybody. Keep up the good work!2
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When I lost weight initially I was getting so much grief from some people around me telling me that I looked too skinny and that I needed to stop losing weight. At one point I just casually mentioned how my diet failed and I gained 20 lb back.
They seem so thrilled to hear the news. They told me how my face looked fuller and how I look so much healthier with the extra weight and that I should keep it on. It was pretty funny to see the reaction because I just kept getting leaner and it was pretty obvious I didn't put 20 lb back on but it completely stopped the comments and nobody's ever commented since then.
I always lie to the same people and ask them if they lost weight and tell them that they look amazing every time I see them.They didnt and they don't, but it seems to make their day so I keep doing it.7 -
It's your business, but the ones you love can't help but cheer you, cheer you up, and be involved in the process .The truth is, weight doesn't affect just the overweight person. Your loved ones may have been genuinely concerned about your health for many years, but maybe they have held their tongues (or sometimes not), and maybe they want to celebrate your achievements with you.
I am biased. My parents passed away when I was young, and I would give anything to get a comforting or celebratory word from my mother on my weight loss journey. Unless your mother is toxic or there are other factors involved, most moms want their kids to be happy and healthy and mom can be your biggest cheerleader.
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checkmatekingtwo wrote: »So, have you deliberately lied to loved ones about your weight loss journey?
Not to my loved ones; my husband knows and my parents live far away so no reason to say anything.
My coworkers, on the other hand...I lie my face off. My job has medical standards and continued employment hinges on meeting them. BMI is one criterion we have to meet (I'm aware of its shortcomings but I don't make the rules) and the range has been tightened this year so several coworkers are worried. Our medical review comes around in a couple of months so everyone is jumping on fad plans. There's been lots of contentious "why your plan is wrong" discussions and emotions are high with the pressure of meeting the standard. I don't even want to get dragged into it.
A couple coworkers have asked me if I'm losing weight. I said nah, maybe just tightened up a little from working out more, which is true but not the whole truth. I don't want my weight loss to be a topic of conversation so I don't discuss my strategy or progress, and I don't ask other people about theirs. I don't need outside commentary and other people don't need mine.6 -
I don't lie; they just don't know I'm trying. But I've got a great out. I cannot eat sugary stuff because I've got gout.0
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Lie to them....none of their da** business! It's your personal voyage and they have no ticket to jump on your ride! I give you permission to lie!
Especially if it means you are doing it without the stress of others input! Good for you!2
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