The art of conversation
I just spent a lunch sitting in the dining area of our campus and people watched and people listened...nothing creepy, I swear...but what I overheard in brief snatches of a variety of conversations was interesting to me.
So, before diving in too deeply, is the art of conversation (meaning being engaged in the topic and having intelligent discussion) a lost art? Or am I just getting to be the jaded old man that screams, "Get off my lawn!" to the young whipersnappers of today...? Or do you even notice?
Having asked those question, I will simply state for now that a fair number of people in one-on-one conversations today seemed to spend a whole lot more time thinking about what they're going to say next, and how to sound smart saying it, than really hearing what the other person was saying...
So, before diving in too deeply, is the art of conversation (meaning being engaged in the topic and having intelligent discussion) a lost art? Or am I just getting to be the jaded old man that screams, "Get off my lawn!" to the young whipersnappers of today...? Or do you even notice?
Having asked those question, I will simply state for now that a fair number of people in one-on-one conversations today seemed to spend a whole lot more time thinking about what they're going to say next, and how to sound smart saying it, than really hearing what the other person was saying...
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nvm. Not looking for serious conversation.
I too like chatting with crazy people, I'm one of those crazy people.3 -
I think among the younger generation it is. Nowadays half the people at restaurants are on their cell phones and people just wanna text. That is lame. Pick up the phone people. My good friends and I still enjoy scintillating convos.2
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We're becoming more polarized, I think.1
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It depends on where you are perhaps? I maybe don't have very meaningful conversations out and about but have more earnest and meaningful chats with friends in private, cosy, quarters.
I do feel like the older I get I am less interested in 'deep' chats with people just for conversations sake - I guard what I say with lots of people (probably this has something to do with work too - things can get political and I get suspicious of peoples factions). That said, the older I get the more meaningful conversations I seem to have with people I want to talk to, and have relationships with.3 -
It depends on where you are perhaps? I maybe don't have very meaningful conversations out and about but have more earnest and meaningful chats with friends in private, cosy, quarters.
I do feel like the older I get I am less interested in 'deep' chats with people just for conversations sake - I guard what I say with lots of people (probably this has something to do with work too - things can get political and I get suspicious of peoples factions). That said, the older I get the more meaningful conversations I seem to have with people I want to talk to, and have relationships with.
I guess if I think about it, it's not even a need for the conversation to be "deep" per se.
I'm just thinking, based on today and some recent history, that people don't seem to listen to each other any more. Some of it may be, as @nooshi713 says, the distraction of technology, some of it may be self-absorption (I am in California, remember), and some of it may be the fact that some people live in a little bubble and expect that whatever they say is SO important that others will just naturally listen.
But I, personally, would rather have silence than listen to someone use the word "like" incorrectly in one sentence more than 4 times before there is some kind of punctuation mark (verbally).
Damn kids these days...
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I just spent a lunch sitting in the dining area of our campus and people watched and people listened...nothing creepy, I swear...but what I overheard in brief snatches of a variety of conversations was interesting to me.
So, before diving in too deeply, is the art of conversation (meaning being engaged in the topic and having intelligent discussion) a lost art? Or am I just getting to be the jaded old man that screams, "Get off my lawn!" to the young whipersnappers of today...? Or do you even notice?
Having asked those question, I will simply state for now that a fair number of people in one-on-one conversations today seemed to spend a whole lot more time thinking about what they're going to say next, and how to sound smart saying it, than really hearing what the other person was saying...
No. You just have to search for the right people. Somehow, I have managed to find a couple of rather engaging people to have discussions with over the short course of my lifetime and I really value them as people when I get to spend time with them (we all live states apart, so that's difficult these days).
I wouldn't say a "lost art" so much as a "potentially dying art, but that is still practiced by a few".3 -
It depends on where you are perhaps? I maybe don't have very meaningful conversations out and about but have more earnest and meaningful chats with friends in private, cosy, quarters.
I do feel like the older I get I am less interested in 'deep' chats with people just for conversations sake - I guard what I say with lots of people (probably this has something to do with work too - things can get political and I get suspicious of peoples factions). That said, the older I get the more meaningful conversations I seem to have with people I want to talk to, and have relationships with.
I guess if I think about it, it's not even a need for the conversation to be "deep" per se.
I'm just thinking, based on today and some recent history, that people don't seem to listen to each other any more. Some of it may be, as @nooshi713 says, the distraction of technology, some of it may be self-absorption (I am in California, remember), and some of it may be the fact that some people live in a little bubble and expect that whatever they say is SO important that others will just naturally listen.
But I, personally, would rather have silence than listen to someone use the word "like" incorrectly in one sentence more than 4 times before there is some kind of punctuation mark (verbally).
Damn kids these days...
That's because people would rather have an echo chamber than a conversation that might potentially challenge their views. And that's on those people as individuals.
It does not help that we live in a society (at least here in the U.S.) that really seems to punish anyone and anything that's deemed politically incorrect or somehow running against current societal norms. So if you happen to have a dissenting opinion, you often times will find that you get crucified in public conversations or just "tuned out" as soon as someone realizes they disagree with you.
We also don't really teach debate or critical thinking in schools as much as we once did, so maybe people have either forgotten how to engage or were never really trained in how to do so without getting emotional in the first place.
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I give up, I listen and try to make life easier for them .1 -
I think among the younger generation it is. Nowadays half the people at restaurants are on their cell phones and people just wanna text. That is lame. Pick up the phone people. My good friends and I still enjoy scintillating convos.
This is true. There’s a a very interesting article a few years back about a struggling restaurant. They were around many years, over recent years they were struggling to turn over tables fast enough. Customers were starting to get irritated and complained of slow service. So, they hired this company to investigate it. They installed camera everywhere watched the restaurant during opened hours. What they found out was that it was the customers that were the problem. They spent half of their seated time snapping photos and writing and posting on social media’s. I think few with out this information from an unbiased source would have wanted to admit that cell addiction was killings business.4 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »I just spent a lunch sitting in the dining area of our campus and people watched and people listened...nothing creepy, I swear...but what I overheard in brief snatches of a variety of conversations was interesting to me.
So, before diving in too deeply, is the art of conversation (meaning being engaged in the topic and having intelligent discussion) a lost art? Or am I just getting to be the jaded old man that screams, "Get off my lawn!" to the young whipersnappers of today...? Or do you even notice?
Having asked those question, I will simply state for now that a fair number of people in one-on-one conversations today seemed to spend a whole lot more time thinking about what they're going to say next, and how to sound smart saying it, than really hearing what the other person was saying...
No. You just have to search for the right people. Somehow, I have managed to find a couple of rather engaging people to have discussions with over the short course of my lifetime and I really value them as people when I get to spend time with them (we all live states apart, so that's difficult these days).
I wouldn't say a "lost art" so much as a "potentially dying art, but that is still practiced by a few".
Spending time with the handful of people that I can sit and converse with for hours is a rare treat. I love getting to know new people and would love to find more people like those few, but that’s been a struggle lately. (In non-online life, at least - I’ve been thrilled to find some here who are good conversationalists!)3 -
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AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »I think among the younger generation it is. Nowadays half the people at restaurants are on their cell phones and people just wanna text. That is lame. Pick up the phone people. My good friends and I still enjoy scintillating convos.
This is true. There’s a a very interesting article a few years back about a struggling restaurant. They were around many years, over recent years they were struggling to turn over tables fast enough. Customers were starting to get irritated and complained of slow service. So, they hired this company to investigate it. They installed camera everywhere watched the restaurant during opened hours. What they found out was that it was the customers that were the problem. They spent half of their seated time snapping photos and writing and posting on social media’s. I think few with out this information from an unbiased source would have wanted to admit that cell addiction was killings business.
Wow. I believe it. How sad though1 -
people ?
in real life ?
talk ?
..... let's not get carried away, alright?
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I really miss being able to debate with people. People get offended so easily if you dare to disagree and put forward another point of view. The people I can debate with best are my brother, sister in law and my two nephews. Christmas is a blast. Nothing like deep drunken conversation laced with sarcasm and humour to make you use your brain cells. It took my husband a while to understand that we were not arguing we were enjoying insulting each other and challenging one another's point of view. In his defense it does get quite loud at times.
A bit off the point but confirming the power of talking on a device as opposed to in person. I saw a mother the other day walking through a crowded shopping center texting on her phone and completely ignoring her little girl of around 4 who was trailing further and further behind. Anyone could have walked off with her. It hurt my heart that her mum's texting was more important than that little girls safety in a crowded place.3 -
manderson27 wrote: »I really miss being able to debate with people. People get offended so easily if you dare to disagree and put forward another point of view. The people I can debate with best are my brother, sister in law and my two nephews. Christmas is a blast. Nothing like deep drunken conversation laced with sarcasm and humour to make you use your brain cells. It took my husband a while to understand that we were not arguing we were enjoying insulting each other and challenging one another's point of view. In his defense it does get quite loud at times.
A bit off the point but confirming the power of talking on a device as opposed to in person. I saw a mother the other day walking through a crowded shopping center texting on her phone and completely ignoring her little girl of around 4 who was trailing further and further behind. Anyone could have walked off with her. It hurt my heart that her mum's texting was more important than that little girls safety in a crowded place.
Social media is not connection. There's no real sense of belonging to anything. In a world where peace and quiet are in seemingly short supply with everyone texting and detached, your family sounds like a great group.2 -
I am grateful for all of you because in your responses, even the crazy train folks, there is humor, there is thought, and there is insight that I can appreciate and learn from! Thank you!5
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It's impossible to have a conversation with me.1
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bhadbahabi wrote: »It's impossible to have a conversation with me.
Oh really? Why? Oops...sorry...answering would be a conversation...
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bhadbahabi wrote: »It's impossible to have a conversation with me.
Oh really? Why?
I'm a millennial1 -
I think so many people are always in a rush and don't have time
I talk to lots of people. I made friendswirj drugstore, now hardware store Wolverine. He asks after my family, he's told me about his. He tells me what he's lifting and eating and what he weighs.
I think the art of convos is just dying cause we don't have time. I have lots of time so I talk.1 -
AliNouveau wrote: »I think so many people are always in a rush and don't have time
I talk to lots of people. I made friendswirj drugstore, now hardware store Wolverine. He asks after my family, he's told me about his. He tells me what he's lifting and eating and what he weighs.
I think the art of convos is just dying cause we don't have time. I have lots of time so I talk.
I think people have more time than they are willing to admit. If we spent less doing certain things that didn't matter in the long run, we would find we had way more free time than we previously thought.
Most of the time (and mind you, this is just anecdotal), people say they don't have time when in reality, they are using it as an excuse to actively not engage because using their cellphones or computers at home have become more important and possibly comforting. I do not know, however, if they are running from actual conversation because it doesn't interest them, they find some comfort in isolating themselves or if they have anxiety issues.
But very few people who say they "don't have time" actually have more time than they let on. I'm guilty of this; I'm sure I'm not alone.2 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »AliNouveau wrote: »I think so many people are always in a rush and don't have time
I talk to lots of people. I made friendswirj drugstore, now hardware store Wolverine. He asks after my family, he's told me about his. He tells me what he's lifting and eating and what he weighs.
I think the art of convos is just dying cause we don't have time. I have lots of time so I talk.
I think people have more time than they are willing to admit. If we spent less doing certain things that didn't matter in the long run, we would find we had way more free time than we previously thought.
Most of the time (and mind you, this is just anecdotal), people say they don't have time when in reality, they are using it as an excuse to actively not engage because using their cellphones or computers at home have become more important and possibly comforting. I do not know, however, if they are running from actual conversation because it doesn't interest them, they find some comfort in isolating themselves or if they have anxiety issues.
But very few people who say they "don't have time" actually have more time than they let on. I'm guilty of this; I'm sure I'm not alone.
You have a point but many do overload their schedules. We want to do it all, heaven forbid we miss out on an experience.
We're in Saskatchewan right now and have been in small towns. We went for a walk with someone for her to shown us something we were looking for. It was so quaint and nice1 -
AliNouveau wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »AliNouveau wrote: »I think so many people are always in a rush and don't have time
I talk to lots of people. I made friendswirj drugstore, now hardware store Wolverine. He asks after my family, he's told me about his. He tells me what he's lifting and eating and what he weighs.
I think the art of convos is just dying cause we don't have time. I have lots of time so I talk.
I think people have more time than they are willing to admit. If we spent less doing certain things that didn't matter in the long run, we would find we had way more free time than we previously thought.
Most of the time (and mind you, this is just anecdotal), people say they don't have time when in reality, they are using it as an excuse to actively not engage because using their cellphones or computers at home have become more important and possibly comforting. I do not know, however, if they are running from actual conversation because it doesn't interest them, they find some comfort in isolating themselves or if they have anxiety issues.
But very few people who say they "don't have time" actually have more time than they let on. I'm guilty of this; I'm sure I'm not alone.
You have a point but many do overload their schedules. We want to do it all, heaven forbid we miss out on an experience.
We're in Saskatchewan right now and have been in small towns. We went for a walk with someone for her to shown us something we were looking for. It was so quaint and nice
I suppose. I do not know what that's like unless it's in relation to crafts/art, lol. I make myself a list for every day and pretty rigidly stick to it, but do not schedule multiple appt. for myself in a day.
It helps that I work from home and do my own thing, though.. so I get time to people watch and interact. 2 -
manderson27 wrote: »
A bit off the point but confirming the power of talking on a device as opposed to in person. I saw a mother the other day walking through a crowded shopping center texting on her phone and completely ignoring her little girl of around 4 who was trailing further and further behind. Anyone could have walked off with her. It hurt my heart that her mum's texting was more important than that little girls safety in a crowded place.
In a similar vein, today I was walking behind a fellow and his little girl, she was probably about 3 or 4 years old. They headed into a school playground. My first thought was, awww, that's so sweet, daddy taking his daughter to the playground. As soon as they stepped off the sidewalk the little girl ran to the climbing equipment... and dad immediately glued himself to (reading) his phone. Dude, maybe you should pay a little more attention to what your youngster is doing?
I'm starting to think that maybe little text bites are what passes for conversation these days? I've heard several people complain about people asking questions to which they could just google the answer. Whatever happened to hearing (and appreciating) another person's wisdom or expertise on a topic, instead of reading it on a web page? Instead it seems to be viewed as a waste of time to actually have a personal dialogue about something.1 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »AliNouveau wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »AliNouveau wrote: »I think so many people are always in a rush and don't have time
I talk to lots of people. I made friendswirj drugstore, now hardware store Wolverine. He asks after my family, he's told me about his. He tells me what he's lifting and eating and what he weighs.
I think the art of convos is just dying cause we don't have time. I have lots of time so I talk.
I think people have more time than they are willing to admit. If we spent less doing certain things that didn't matter in the long run, we would find we had way more free time than we previously thought.
Most of the time (and mind you, this is just anecdotal), people say they don't have time when in reality, they are using it as an excuse to actively not engage because using their cellphones or computers at home have become more important and possibly comforting. I do not know, however, if they are running from actual conversation because it doesn't interest them, they find some comfort in isolating themselves or if they have anxiety issues.
But very few people who say they "don't have time" actually have more time than they let on. I'm guilty of this; I'm sure I'm not alone.
You have a point but many do overload their schedules. We want to do it all, heaven forbid we miss out on an experience.
We're in Saskatchewan right now and have been in small towns. We went for a walk with someone for her to shown us something we were looking for. It was so quaint and nice
I suppose. I do not know what that's like unless it's in relation to crafts/art, lol. I make myself a list for every day and pretty rigidly stick to it, but do not schedule multiple appt. for myself in a day.
It helps that I work from home and do my own thing, though.. so I get time to people watch and interact.
I get stressed when i have a schedule to stick to. I get really anxious when inhave time constraints. I have lots of neighbourhood mom friends who rattle off their schedules and it's insane. One boy we get for playdates often because the mom is off with the other two brothers for hockey. Seems like they're always rushing around.
I'd be miserable living like that2 -
AliNouveau wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »AliNouveau wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »AliNouveau wrote: »I think so many people are always in a rush and don't have time
I talk to lots of people. I made friendswirj drugstore, now hardware store Wolverine. He asks after my family, he's told me about his. He tells me what he's lifting and eating and what he weighs.
I think the art of convos is just dying cause we don't have time. I have lots of time so I talk.
I think people have more time than they are willing to admit. If we spent less doing certain things that didn't matter in the long run, we would find we had way more free time than we previously thought.
Most of the time (and mind you, this is just anecdotal), people say they don't have time when in reality, they are using it as an excuse to actively not engage because using their cellphones or computers at home have become more important and possibly comforting. I do not know, however, if they are running from actual conversation because it doesn't interest them, they find some comfort in isolating themselves or if they have anxiety issues.
But very few people who say they "don't have time" actually have more time than they let on. I'm guilty of this; I'm sure I'm not alone.
You have a point but many do overload their schedules. We want to do it all, heaven forbid we miss out on an experience.
We're in Saskatchewan right now and have been in small towns. We went for a walk with someone for her to shown us something we were looking for. It was so quaint and nice
I suppose. I do not know what that's like unless it's in relation to crafts/art, lol. I make myself a list for every day and pretty rigidly stick to it, but do not schedule multiple appt. for myself in a day.
It helps that I work from home and do my own thing, though.. so I get time to people watch and interact.
I get stressed when i have a schedule to stick to. I get really anxious when inhave time constraints. I have lots of neighbourhood mom friends who rattle off their schedules and it's insane. One boy we get for playdates often because the mom is off with the other two brothers for hockey. Seems like they're always rushing around.
I'd be miserable living like that
Eh, it's more like a "to do" list than a schedule. I just make sure I don't actually schedule multiple appointments in the same day if I have to go/be somewhere.
I have a kid, but I haven't figured out this weird thing other moms do where they schedule their kids for all these random after school activities so they aren't home until well after 7PM every night. Seems way more stressful to me than necessary. If the kid was interested in the activity, I would understand.. but we're talking about classes and things that the parents decided the child should take, but that maybe he or she isn't old enough to really appreciate or be interested in it. Just seems more like busywork.1 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »AliNouveau wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »AliNouveau wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »AliNouveau wrote: »I think so many people are always in a rush and don't have time
I talk to lots of people. I made friendswirj drugstore, now hardware store Wolverine. He asks after my family, he's told me about his. He tells me what he's lifting and eating and what he weighs.
I think the art of convos is just dying cause we don't have time. I have lots of time so I talk.
I think people have more time than they are willing to admit. If we spent less doing certain things that didn't matter in the long run, we would find we had way more free time than we previously thought.
Most of the time (and mind you, this is just anecdotal), people say they don't have time when in reality, they are using it as an excuse to actively not engage because using their cellphones or computers at home have become more important and possibly comforting. I do not know, however, if they are running from actual conversation because it doesn't interest them, they find some comfort in isolating themselves or if they have anxiety issues.
But very few people who say they "don't have time" actually have more time than they let on. I'm guilty of this; I'm sure I'm not alone.
You have a point but many do overload their schedules. We want to do it all, heaven forbid we miss out on an experience.
We're in Saskatchewan right now and have been in small towns. We went for a walk with someone for her to shown us something we were looking for. It was so quaint and nice
I suppose. I do not know what that's like unless it's in relation to crafts/art, lol. I make myself a list for every day and pretty rigidly stick to it, but do not schedule multiple appt. for myself in a day.
It helps that I work from home and do my own thing, though.. so I get time to people watch and interact.
I get stressed when i have a schedule to stick to. I get really anxious when inhave time constraints. I have lots of neighbourhood mom friends who rattle off their schedules and it's insane. One boy we get for playdates often because the mom is off with the other two brothers for hockey. Seems like they're always rushing around.
I'd be miserable living like that
Eh, it's more like a "to do" list than a schedule. I just make sure I don't actually schedule multiple appointments in the same day if I have to go/be somewhere.
I have a kid, but I haven't figured out this weird thing other moms do where they schedule their kids for all these random after school activities so they aren't home until well after 7PM every night. Seems way more stressful to me than necessary. If the kid was interested in the activity, I would understand.. but we're talking about classes and things that the parents decided the child should take, but that maybe he or she isn't old enough to really appreciate or be interested in it. Just seems more like busywork.
I let my boy pretty much pick what he wants to do. I'm kind of a hippie that way? Also if he doesn't feel like going chances are I don't so we skip it. I'm a terrible parent.2
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