At rock bottom

My story is a yo yo one. Gained large amounts of weight (4 times) in my adult life. Last loss was 14 stones. Then after my marriage went on the rocks 2 years ago, I started gaining again. Gained 5 stones back, and my body joints are screaming out at me. This is the first day after surgery I’ve had on my knee. All the problems that weight causes has sunk me to rock bottom, and I need to find my way back.

Spent last night sobbing. I know I can do this because I’ve done it 4 times before. But it always takes great pain and sufferings before I do anything. Over and over again. How do I stop the pattern of behaviour? I’m getting to old to keep doing this.

Replies

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,731 Member
    that might be a question best asked to a therapist?
  • Deborah271
    Deborah271 Posts: 73 Member
    I believe we use food to cope with life instead of turning our worries, hopes & fears over to our higher power, my higher power I call God. I also struggle with binge eating, I’m up & down like a yo yo, I need to lose lots of weight, maybe we could support each other
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,256 Member
    edited August 2018
    Agree about the therapy.
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    I actually disagree with the advice of therapist, at least before you've examined the matter.

    It sounds to me that you dread the weightloss process, way more than being overweight. Maybe I'm wrong, but just reassure me, and then, yes, it's time to see a therapist: What did you do to lose weight?
  • hduke1977
    hduke1977 Posts: 7 Member
    I feel you on the knee recovery. I'm still recovering from a knee injury earlier this year, and it's had me feeling pretty low and helpless at times. Certainly hard to get moving when you hurt or risk reinjury!

    Recent advice I got from a wellness consultant was that I should spend some time looking at why I slip and revert back to unhealthy patterns. Still a work in progress but it was eye opening to start focus on the root cause itself rather than the bad habits. Therapy would be helpful, as would other activities to help you be more mindful about it. Using this app is a great start, it helps to keep you accountable. Journaling is great too, even short journal entries on how the day went and if you did get off track, why.

    And connect with others! Feel free to add me on here if you like, I'm finding connecting with others is helping me on my own journey.
  • mulecanter
    mulecanter Posts: 1,745 Member
    Here's my tough love: make a decision to improve yourself. Get in a virtuous circle of lower weight, increasing exercise, increasing self-esteem. You are indeed getting too old to keep doing this--stop it. Set your goals and get on with it. You don't need a therapist, you need a plan.
  • msperkey3
    msperkey3 Posts: 93 Member
    I agree with leaning on God for help and making your mind up that you have had enough of the yoyo dieting and mental exhaustion it causes. I worked out for years, spending hours a day only to sabotage myself with the wrong foods. U must eat to live and not live to eat! I had an eating disorder for decades before i was able to be freed from it. I actually went through a step study at church to overcome my food addiction and it was one of the hardest things Ive done because i LOVE food and it makes me happy! The best thing i did was get a meal plan with healthy foods, ate the same thing every day for a month, but it gave me the structure I needed and i now have a different relationship with food. Good luck and i will try to help any way i can if you want
    Michelle
  • emmamcgarity
    emmamcgarity Posts: 1,577 Member
    It sounds like you are really struggling and don't know how to take the first step. I recommend you start by logging everything you have already eaten today (even if over your calorie goal). It will help you put the wheels in motion, and motivation to keep repeating the process at each meal will come from forming the habit. Don't even worry about going over calories at first, get a few days in logging your food. Then each day make small changes to get closer to your calorie goal.

    There are several podcasts out there that help me stay focused. Ï listen to them on my commute each day and at other times when I am having trouble staying on track. "Half Size Me" is a particularly good one. I find her style very down to earth and she has some great strategies.

    As others have mentioned, I also lean on God for strength. Consider prayer that is consistent with your beliefs. Some people also find that meditation is helpful.
  • maureenkhilde
    maureenkhilde Posts: 850 Member
    Somewhere in your journey you sound like you need a Therapist. Because from what you wrote you need to get to your true root cause of why.
    But in the meantime I agree, you can start here and start logging, what you eat each day, and remember to make it work it has to be everything you eat. And if you do not have a food scale or did not keep one you had. You will want to get one. As I have found the food scale to be one of the things that really keeps me accountable. Before I eat anything I weigh it. So I know exactly what I am eating.

    To make it easier I often eat the exact same thing for 7 days, then change it slightly and eat the same thing for next 7 days. Sounds kind of boring I know but it works. And me, I did not come up with that idea, I borrowed it from someone here on site who had been working on losing weight much longer than me. So many great ideas, and so many people willing to share that knowledge. Which is awesome and so helpful.

    So I get it you feel so overwhelmed right now, but you want to start. And we want you to start as well. Good Luck.
  • elsie6hickman
    elsie6hickman Posts: 3,863 Member
    I think therapists are an underused resource. If you get one you click with, it's an exploration of self - and who knows what you might find out. It's easy to feel overwhelmed at the start of a lifestyle change, but just take it one day at a time and you'll get into the routine.