Grieving 42yo Widow

TexasTallchick · August 2018

My husband died unexpectedly last year and I’ve just been in a tailspin. I never thought I’d be a widow at 42. I miss him so damn much. I miss him with every ounce of my being. I’m depressed and sad and I eat to bring me comfort and happiness. I have no friends or a job...just my dogs. I don’t know how to get over this or even begin to move on. He was my whole world. I cry every day. Eating is the only thing I enjoy. I pig out every day. I’ve gained 30lbs since he died. I don’t know what to do to get past this.

100_PROOF_ · August 2018

I'm so sorry. I wish I had advice for you

klorben · August 2018

I am so sorry for your loss— I can imagine how overwhelming this must be.

My only advice would be to go see a therapist if you’re able. My mother and brother both unexpectedly passed away within 5 months of each other, and talking to a therapist helped me move through my grief.

Be kind to yourself.

dsboohead · August 2018

Please go to your nearest therapist or church to look into grief counseling. Possibly with groups.
Your husband would never wish you to live your life like you are. You must learn to carry on....go for a walk with the dogs and share everything you experience with him......he is with you

kami3006 · August 2018

I, too, am extremely sorry for your loss. I agree with the others that you would do yourself a favor by seeking out grief counseling in some form.

My thoughts are with you.

AliNouveau · August 2018

Oh my goodness so sorry for your loss.
You need to talk to someone to sort through your emotions. There is no shame in going to a therapist they are so comforting. I know when we lost my dad the funeral home offered grief counselling and called after a year asking if we needed any help.

Hope you are able to get help and as someone said be kind to yourself

kcs76 · August 2018

I'm so very sorry. I know how you feel. I lost my s/o in April. While we never married, we were together six years and planned on the rest of our lives. He was my best friend and it's so hard to move forward in a world without him. Like many of the previous replies, I suggest getting in touch with a therapist. This is a person that you can be so open with, all the sad and ugly feelings that you might feel like you cannot say. It really helps. Also, please feel free to pm me if you'd like to talk or rant...... Hugs and love to you. I'm so sorry ❤️❤️

MrsH78 · August 2018

I can’t imagine how you are feeling - I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with all the above about therapy. But would also encourage some long walks with your dogs. Nothing gets me out of my depressive states like exercise and walking is free.
Take care of yourself and don’t feel guilty for eating, if it gives you comfort, let it... you will get through this. 💪

Hamsibian · August 2018

I am so so sorry for your loss.

shaf238 · August 2018

I am so so sorry to hear about your sudden loss. I can't imagine how devastated you are.

dsboohead wrote: »

Please go to your nearest therapist or church to look into grief counseling. Possibly with groups.
Your husband would never wish you to live your life like you are. You must learn to carry on....go for a walk with the dogs and share everything you experience with him......he is with you

Please take this advice.

mochapygmy · August 2018

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain and sadness you are experiencing. I'm glad you are finding comfort with your dogs and think a slow walk with them might bring a little peace.

A therapist is a wonderful suggestion and can help tremendously though it may seem like a big step now. If it is too much for now look for a free grief group nearby. You can go and just listen for awhile or share. You might also want to reach out to your Doctor's office and tell them how you are doing. They should have some suggestions for local counselors. I wish you solace and love.

neugebauer52 · August 2018

I am writing from my (our) own experience: our dear son George Paul died shortly after birth. There are several stages within the grieving process and everyone has different ways dealing with them / going through them. Unfortunately the world "out there" does not understand: Comments like "get over it", "get a life", "are you STILL grieving?" etc. etc. are only too common. In time - when you think you can cope a little bit better - find a support group in your area, so at least once a month for an hour or so you are around people who understand you, understand your pain, understand where in your own grieving process you are. Grieving is not a straight line - you will have a couple of good hours, good mornings, even good days and suddenly you'll find yourself in a not - so - happy mood. Treat yourself with little things - you deserve it whole hardheartedly. And I don't mean food - unfortunately that's the easiest way of feeling better and that's not always good for us. Other easy ways out are alcohol and drugs. The terrible thing is that by next morning real life comes back - a double whammy. Go and have a pedicure, a foot massage, go out and see an easy, light movie, go for a short walk in the sunshine if you can cope. Start writing - write about all those special moments, how you felt, what you saw, what you smelled. Unfortunately the traumatic pain will never go away - there also will be that little thought, that little memory within you. Please let us know how you are getting on, best wishes.

keodell1966 · August 2018

Oh my, so sorry for your loss. Like others have said, reach out to someone. A friend, church, community group, someone is bound to be able to help.

mom23mangos · August 2018

My MIL moved in with us after my FIL passed away. I couldn't get her out of the house to attend therapy. I found this book that really helped her be able to start moving on with her life.

https://www.amazon.com/Meet-Me-Bakery-Journey-Through/dp/1462717098

She slowly began going to the YMCA and joining water aerobics classes. She was an ex-teacher, so I signed her up for Care.com so she could start tutoring. She loved having a purpose again.

After 5 years, I also signed her up for an online senior dating website. Within a month she met her now second husband and is very happy. She continues to tutor (in between their monthly cruises).

As you can see, I had to push her along the way. I hope you have someone to do that for you. Otherwise, you will need to be extra strong and start thinking of ways you can help yourself. As others mentioned, the best thing you can do is attend therapy and grief support group. Almost all churches have one and you don't have to be a member. After that, start volunteering. Sitting at home with no job is not doing you any good. You need to start getting out and around other people and what better way to take your mind off of your own grief, then to help others. Hold babies at the hospital, pet kittens, walk dogs, help at a food pantry...anything will help.

My deepest condolences on your loss.

kimber0607 · August 2018

So sorry..feel free to message me talk (I can understand)....

Kim

mbaker566 · August 2018

been there. coming up on 2 years now.
it is a trauma. when we have a sudden death. and when someone is ripped suddenly from your life, there is damage.
seek out a therapist. or friend-i'm not a therapist person personally.

i grieved for him and the suddenly whole but the greater grief came when i realized i wouldn't be making any more memories with him.

food is fuel, not comfort.
would your loved one want you to be so, or would he want you to discover this new path your on...

hugs. I still miss my husband greatly but i think he'd be amused of who i've become.

wannabesmaller2017 · August 2018

I am so very sorry for your loss. I could not imagine losing my spouse. My mom passed away 6 years ago and that was so painful. Grief is such a hard thing and I turned to food as well. Trust me, it’s not the answer. Talk to a therapist, pastor, grief counselor, someone you can talk to. My dad joined a group for widowers and he said it was helpful. Just knowing that there are others going through this awful pain, too. Because grief can be isolating, thinking you are the only one going through it as the world moves on. Again, I am so sorry, I will pray for you. ((Hugs))

amgreenwell · August 2018

I'm so very sorry for your loss. My sister lost her husband in her 30s and it has been a very rough time for her these last ten years. I still don't think she is totally back to "herself" yet but she is working on it.
I would suggest therapy as quickly as possible. Possibly a support group of some kind as well.
I'd also suggest getting a job or something to do each day to take 8 hours of your life and make them yours again. Dwelling on the loss is not healthy. Yes, you need to grieve but you've also got to start living for yourself. Even if being a dog walker or working at a animal shelter is what you need to get through, then do it. There is no need to sit at home, grieve and eat. You are better than that and you can make your life different.
I wish you luck and will pray for you.

dejavuohlala · August 2018

So sorry for you loss, I know it is no comfort now but it will get easier with time, no you will never forget but after some time your pain eases and lovely memories take over. Iknowfrom when I lost my daughter, she is forever in my thoughts and the very best of me rotors have come to the forefront of my mind. For the weight loss it's good to keep the food log and invite some friends on mfp to support you and visa versa. Good luck and do take care.

mbaker566 · August 2018

someone said soon after my husband died, one day you will think of them and it will bring a smile and not a tear. and that's when the healing has begun.

that stuck with me

cherchechristine · August 2018

I lost my husband, best friend, suddenly last year too. It's painful and unimaginable-the hole in your heart that no one can even imagine unless you've lived through it. YOU MUST get to a support group-- call a local church or funeral home and they'll direct you. GO!! It's hard to push yourself out the door but you MUST! Your life depends on it and he would not want you to wallow in self pity...would he? YOU can do this. Start today and take ONE DAY AT A TIME! PLEASE call today! Talking to others who are experiencing the same is so helpful. xoxoGod Bless YOU

xbrittney90 · August 2018

What you're feeling is normal, but you really need to get a little help to guide you through the grieving process and try to create your new normal. I am so sorry for your loss and the unimaginable pain you're going through. Please find yourself a therapist. This is coming from a therapist who is seeing a therapist right now to deal with grief and loss. You can work on your emotional eating with them. Don't beat yourself up over the weight gain- you're doing the absolute best that you can right now with what you've been left with. I know you want to lose weight but it's definitely a package deal and I would honestly say focus more on your mental health and let the eating follow.

hesn92 · August 2018

I'm so sorry

Grieving 42yo Widow

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