Dating while still losing weight
happytree923
Posts: 463 Member
What are your experiences dating while still in the process of losing weight? I broke up with my partner of three years at the beginning of this year, I'm just now starting to think about dating again but I'm kind of nervous to try to meet people while still at a much higher weight than I'd like to be. Realistically I know I probably won't be at my goal weight until next year and I can't stop living in the meantime, but the fear of being rejected over weight when I'm getting close to my ideal weight is creating a real block. Experiences/advice?
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Replies
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Do you even want to be with someone who would accept the thin you but reject the overweight you based solely on weight? Go ahead and get out there now!26
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How about just focus on yourself for now? The more you refine your mind the less you will worry about rejection. Also people see when you're working hard and eventually you will pull people towards you like a magnet because they see you for who you are and admire your work.10
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Date if you want to. It's really that simple. The right guy will support you on your journey.16
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it doesn't matter, your weight doesn't define who you are, whoever accepts you as you are and does not mind the lower weight you in the future is probably a keeper lol. And anyone on a quest for health improvement or maintaining it is definitely worth getting to know, embrace who you are now. Good luck.3
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if you wait until you are thin .. then all the potential people NOW, will have moved on, and be with someone ... so getting rejected now, or dating tomorrow is still the same outcome ... you will be single.
BUT !!!!!!!!! (I like to throw around big buts in MFP)
if you date now ... by the time tomorrow comes you will (1) be thinner (2) probably already found someone that love you for you !
time will pass what ever you do ... dont waste it .. go out and date !7 -
happytree923 wrote: »but the fear of being rejected over weight when I'm getting close to my ideal weight is creating a real block. Experiences/advice?
That's the real issue that you need to address, no?
I think the fear of something is ordinarily greater than the actual experience of it. Being rejected isn't great but it's also a learning opportunity which can make you a stronger more resilient person, you won't die (well, maybe only on the inside) and it can also be unexpectedly hilarious.
Put yourself out there. Good things may come.
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I think no matter the size of a person once your confidence is knocked the fear of rejection is a huge thing, and putting what we weigh aside you want to be with some one that loves you for you, gets you as a person, and most importantly values you.
An important thing to remember is your self worth and dont let a number on the scale define that!!! go out there and get them, be confident and always be you !!!1 -
Thanks everyone!! Rationally I know people who wouldn’t date me over weight probably won’t be great partners but I feel like the early stages of dating are just inherently so shallow, lol.3
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I can understand your fear. The early stages of dating ARE shallow. It's almost entirely based on whether you're physically attracted to that person or not. I think you should go ahead and go for it. You wouldn't want to be with someone who would reject you as you are now, but date you at a lower weight.3
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Yep, just go for it. Sure, the early stages of dating are shallow, but here’s the thing: it’s better to find out a potential partner is shallow regarding weight and body composition now than a few years down the road. Assuming your idea of dating is geared towards finding a new long-term partner, the chances of your body changing again are there (pregnancies, illness, aging etc). Wouldn’t you want to have a partner who is attracted to all versions of you?
Besides, Marilyn said it best (hopefully the link works): https://goo.gl/images/LbssuK4 -
You are losing weight but you're not doing it in a vacuum. Life is still going on, same as it will even after you hit your weight goal. I think it's best to just go with the flow. You might meet someone who turns you down because of your weight. Or you might meet someone you turn down because you hate his hair or job or the way he repeats lines when you watch TV together. Who knows! Plus, it's very common for weight to fluctuate throughout life. We can't put everything else on hold while working on that. So just keep living and see how it goes.2
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No guarantees in life.
Rejection can come from a lot of other aspects than weight.
It's been a very long time since I have dated (43 years married at the end of September) so take my advice for what it is worth, but do not limit yourself by waiting to lose more weight. There are a lot of people out there that are not shallow, you may be missing a great person.
Best of luck to you, because you are worth it!2 -
I had the same dilemma a few years ago. I came to the conclusion that many have already pointed out— time will pass anyway and the right person isn’t going to care if you’re heavy.
I met a great guy while I was still much heavier than I am now and even gained an additional 20 pounds about a year into our relationship.
I am almost 40 lbs lighter and he loves me just as much now as he did then.
If I had held myself back from dating just because of my extra weight, I never would have met him.
Just go for it, life is too short!!4 -
I think there is a danger in life generally that we put things on hold as we strive for perfection. Waiting to do things until we are thin enough, successful enough in our careers, fit/strong enough etc. But then what if you get there and you still don’t feel confident or good enough? I’ve fallen into this trap and now realise that the best partner will be someone who wants the real - not the perfect - me.
Best of luck.5 -
I am waiting until I lose a bit but I feel I am almost ready. It has nothing to do with rejection for my weight because I use (clothed) full body pics and am like: "YOU LIKE THAT?? Look at em.. LOOK AT EM!" xD.. Ok maybe not that intense but since I read countless men whine of "fatfishing" when talking about their worst online dating experiences, I make sure a guy can handle a few pounds beyond his expectations before I will even get deep into emails.
The reason I want to lose weight is so I can feel confident, relax, smile and bounce back easier when I get chewed up and spat out by pretentious jerks who somehow made it through my rigorous filtering.5 -
If you wait until things are perfect to start living, you'll never start living. Plus, if you start dating before you've gotten to goal you have the benefit of knowing that you just get better from here. You've got the personality and your just going to get hope!!
Really though, if you get rejected for real reasons like personality clashes or lifestyles that don't sync, those things suck no matter what weight you are. If they reject you because of your weight they either did it without getting to know you in which case why would you want to be with someone so superficial, or they did get to know you, saw how you are working to improve yourself and didn't care or felt threatened by it. Either way, it's not something you want in a partner. If you don't end up meeting the right person until you're at goal anyway, you will have had plenty of practice kissing frogs that you'll know what you do and don't want and be ready for the right one.
I know it is hard putting yourself out there and maybe taking some time to remember how to love yourself is a good idea. But you deserve to be happy and you shouldn't have to wait for other people to be comfortable to start finding your happiness.1 -
I have dated while dieting. It can be challenging because a lot of dates involve eating out. The men I dated had lots of opinions on what I should or shouldn't do, rather I should even lose weight etc. It was frustrating but I will say I started dating my current boyfriend while dieting and he got it. He has been with me while my weight fluctuated 70 pounds over the years. He prefers me a little heavy but understands it's a health issue and supports me completely. Be patient with them, they know not what they do
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I was put off dating while dieting after having two girlfriends who didn't like me losing weight when I weighed less than them. Fortunately my current girlfriend is short and not overweight so it doesn't bother her, it's pretty much impossible for me to weigh less than her.0
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Guys tell me I don't need to lose weight too, it can be very discouraging how they go about it. It discourages me from dating them, not from dieting lol, and I will tell you why. I was 204 and I got the feeling they told me that they like me for how I am now because they wanted a biscuit and a pat on the head, but they never considered my health or how I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT or how unattractive I felt or how it's not about them. And a lot of guys will not celebrate my weekly weigh in with me and instead tell me that I don't have to be dieting. Like all my hard work is a fool's errand.2
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Find somebody who's on the same path as you. Because if you get involved with someone who doesn't care about their diet habits it'll be an issue later on down the road. Be upfront on the first date about everything.0
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