Gaining Weight Again, Want to cry
TasteofEnvy
Posts: 123 Member
It's been a while MFP...
When I started my journey back in 2013 (I believe) I was 180lbs. I worked really hard and lost so much weight... it took a while, but I made it to my goal, 120 lbs. I was so happy. At one point I had extreme anxiety, which prevented me from eating, so I went down to 114lbs. As I got more comfy eating I fluctuated between 121 and 123 lbs; that fluctuation was for a good year and a half.
Recently, my boyfriend moved in with me... I let his laziness, snacking habits, and unhealthy eating habits influence me. It's only been a month and I'm now 127 lbs. I am one pound away from being overweight again. During this month I could feel the fat creeping up on me; my breasts got bigger (which I really don't want or need), I'm growing an *kitten* (which is nice, but I don't want a bubble butt), my thighs and stomach jiggle when I walk, and my calves are huge... I tried going to the gym, but I can't motivate myself to anymore. It used to be so easy; when I originally lost weight I was on campus and could easily walk to the gym, and healthy portioned food was available. My current gym is nearby, within walking distance, but I don't want to walk alone and get frustrated at the idea of wasting gas driving. I've tried convincing my boyfriend, who is lucky to just have a decent metabolism, to go to the gym with me... but he never goes. I've tried convincing him to eat healthier with me... but no... he needs his snacks...
I'm so mad. I want to cry. I can't believe I'm getting fat again. I don't want this. But I have no motivation. I've even tried packing gym clothes to change into after work, which I did for a week... but in the end I'm just so exhausted (I stand cash register and stock items for 8 hours a day), I want to go home. I also tend to eat pretty healthy, but as I said, the snacking has become a problem... I have zero self-control around food; so if someone else has food, I want to eat too.
I want to lose 17 lbs, 10 being the bare minimum.
Help me out MFP. Help me learn to motivate myself again. Give me tips on what you did to lose weight in a decent amount of time (for instance, MFP is telling me it may take til october for me to lose 3 lbs... yea... no... i want faster than that, if possible).
When I started my journey back in 2013 (I believe) I was 180lbs. I worked really hard and lost so much weight... it took a while, but I made it to my goal, 120 lbs. I was so happy. At one point I had extreme anxiety, which prevented me from eating, so I went down to 114lbs. As I got more comfy eating I fluctuated between 121 and 123 lbs; that fluctuation was for a good year and a half.
Recently, my boyfriend moved in with me... I let his laziness, snacking habits, and unhealthy eating habits influence me. It's only been a month and I'm now 127 lbs. I am one pound away from being overweight again. During this month I could feel the fat creeping up on me; my breasts got bigger (which I really don't want or need), I'm growing an *kitten* (which is nice, but I don't want a bubble butt), my thighs and stomach jiggle when I walk, and my calves are huge... I tried going to the gym, but I can't motivate myself to anymore. It used to be so easy; when I originally lost weight I was on campus and could easily walk to the gym, and healthy portioned food was available. My current gym is nearby, within walking distance, but I don't want to walk alone and get frustrated at the idea of wasting gas driving. I've tried convincing my boyfriend, who is lucky to just have a decent metabolism, to go to the gym with me... but he never goes. I've tried convincing him to eat healthier with me... but no... he needs his snacks...
I'm so mad. I want to cry. I can't believe I'm getting fat again. I don't want this. But I have no motivation. I've even tried packing gym clothes to change into after work, which I did for a week... but in the end I'm just so exhausted (I stand cash register and stock items for 8 hours a day), I want to go home. I also tend to eat pretty healthy, but as I said, the snacking has become a problem... I have zero self-control around food; so if someone else has food, I want to eat too.
I want to lose 17 lbs, 10 being the bare minimum.
Help me out MFP. Help me learn to motivate myself again. Give me tips on what you did to lose weight in a decent amount of time (for instance, MFP is telling me it may take til october for me to lose 3 lbs... yea... no... i want faster than that, if possible).
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Replies
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I think you just have to be more patient and self-driven. Losing the envy will help a lot too.5
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TasteofEnvy wrote: »I have zero self-control around food; so if someone else has food, I want to eat too.
I want to lose 17 lbs, 10 being the bare minimum.
Help me out MFP. Help me learn to motivate myself again. Give me tips on what you did to lose weight in a decent amount of time (for instance, MFP is telling me it may take til october for me to lose 3 lbs... yea... no... i want faster than that, if possible).
Wanting to eat food when you see it is not a lack of self control, it's completely normal! You do have control over whether you put that food in your mouth or not tho.
MFP also gives you control over the decision on whether or not to eat it. If you're logging faithfully it's just a numbers game. Will this put me over my calorie goals? If yes, am I okay with losing less weight today/ this week? That's only two simple questions that don't involve motivation or willpower or your bf being involved at all. That's all up to you.
The gym can help get you a few more calories to work with but it's not necessary and if you're doing 8 hr shifts you can at least put your activity level to lightly active so you're not eating too little, feeling deprived all the time and wanting to snack which just sets you back. When I was working retail I ate absolute garbage and was still in great shape just from slinging around boxes all day. It takes it out of you, make sure you fuel yourself properly!
I agree with kommodeveran too, patience is key. There's no point starting a very restricted diet to lose weight fast when you can't stick to it. Progress comes from consistency, not from extremes.6 -
It is normal for males to be able to eat more and stay slim. Unfortunately fact of life lol. It sounds like you may be a bit depressed. Your weight is not your worth. It is also completely normal to put on a bit of weight when you move in with your man. Be kind to yourself. Being mean to yourself will not help you at all. I would suggest putting aside your internal voice that says you MUST do this and you MUST do that and you arent good enough etc and put in some place some habits that are healthier. It is absolutely unnecessary to starve or exhaust yourself to loose weight and find self acceptance. Ps take a look at the does my utersus look bit in this thread
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That use to be my exact same situation when I moved in with my boyfriend 4 years ago. He likes to snack and order take out but won’t work out with me. That being the case I just found things I liked to do by myself to keep active so I can still eat pizza or what not with him every once in a while. I bought a stationary bike at the Salvation Army for $25 and rode it almost everyday because I didn’t feel like going to the gym. Haha Now I just do a lot of walking as my main exercise. Just find something you actually enjoy doing and if you get bored of that, find something new. No reason to force yourself to do an exercise you don’t like. A big thing that helped me not eating everything was to do all my meal prepping on my day off and always have snacks on hand. I usually eat 3 snacks throughout the day, a vegetable (carrots, mushrooms, cucumbers), a fruit (usually an apple or orange) and some kind of nut or broad beans, etc. And I always save room for a little sweet treat after dinner. These are just a few things that have helped me maintain my weight. You lost all that weight before so I believe you can do it again! This time around it’s probably going to come off a lot slower than you’d like but the key is to be patient and don’t get discouraged. But the number one thing is: Don’t be so hard on yourself! Give yourself a break if you need it and just know that your weight is not a reflection of who you are as a person. I always obsessed about staying 110-112 lbs but I’ve gained a few pounds and tend to stay around 114-116lbs now and I feel great! Life happens sometimes, just be sure to do what’s best for you.3
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You are 127 pounds. You talk about yourself as if you weigh twice that. You need to be kinder to yourself.15
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List three things you could realistically do right now to give you back control.
And then do them.
You sound scared about losing control of the situation. Once you know you can get that back hopefully your perspective over the situation will return.
Finally there must be some kind of middle ground you can agree with your BF when it comes to having snacks around.1 -
If you were happy at 120 and comfy at 123, why do you want to lose to 110, 117 at a minimum? How tall are you?6
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If you want to go to the gym you may have to take the plunge and walk there by yourself. You could start by walking a quarter of the way there, then halfway there, then three quarters there, until you get there. Unfortunately we can't always have people with us, and the more you go it alone the more normal it will become. You may always feel anxious about it, but it can become easier to manage.
As other posters have said, you're being unnecessarily harsh on yourself. You were happy with 120lbs, okay with 123, and now you're carrying an extra 4-7lbs, you sound as if it's the end of the world. It's not. You can get back to 120lbs and even go a bit under, with time, patience and perseverance, but only you are responsible for what you eat.
You have to gain some measure of self control, however small that is, otherwise you may end up in a cycle of unhelpful eating, gaining, losing and gaining again, and blaming yourself and maybe even your boyfriend for your food choices. Seven extra pounds isn't much. You could lose that in a relatively short time if you keep plugging away and stop beating yourself up for being human and having a life where change happens.3 -
Maybe you could try keeping healthy snacks around for yourself so that when he's snacking, you don't feel deprived? Make sure they are things you actually enjoy though so that it's a fair compensation. And you could try eating more protein/foods that keep you full longer so that you don't give in as easily to snacking.
Just remember to be kind to yourself. Everyone fluctuates.3 -
List three things you could realistically do right now to give you back control.
And then do them.
You sound scared about losing control of the situation. Once you know you can get that back hopefully your perspective over the situation will return.
Finally there must be some kind of middle ground you can agree with your BF when it comes to having snacks around.
1) start meal prepping and hopefully make it a habit before my bf gets back from cali
2) walk the dog more
3) portiom control
I texted my bf and he said hed do is best to be healthier and eat less junk around me 2 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »You are 127 pounds. You talk about yourself as if you weigh twice that. You need to be kinder to yourself.
Ever since i was 200 lbs (joined MFP at 180) ive been so scared of being that much again. Not only is it bad for my height (5 ft and a half inch) but my mom verbally abused me over it2 -
If you were happy at 120 and comfy at 123, why do you want to lose to 110, 117 at a minimum? How tall are you?
I am 5 foot and a half inch, with a large frame. The most I am supposed to weigh is128 according to my obgyn and a lot of sites ive seen. The lowest im supposed to weigh is 113-115 with my frame, 95 with just my height (lol unrealistic for me)0 -
Millicent3015 wrote: »If you want to go to the gym you may have to take the plunge and walk there by yourself. You could start by walking a quarter of the way there, then halfway there, then three quarters there, until you get there. Unfortunately we can't always have people with us, and the more you go it alone the more normal it will become. You may always feel anxious about it, but it can become easier to manage.
As other posters have said, you're being unnecessarily harsh on yourself. You were happy with 120lbs, okay with 123, and now you're carrying an extra 4-7lbs, you sound as if it's the end of the world. It's not. You can get back to 120lbs and even go a bit under, with time, patience and perseverance, but only you are responsible for what you eat.
You have to gain some measure of self control, however small that is, otherwise you may end up in a cycle of unhelpful eating, gaining, losing and gaining again, and blaming yourself and maybe even your boyfriend for your food choices. Seven extra pounds isn't much. You could lose that in a relatively short time if you keep plugging away and stop beating yourself up for being human and having a life where change happens.
I would LOVE to walk by myself in the day time... but by the time I'm off work its dark and i don't feel safe
i had to beg my boyfriend once to bring a book and walk with me to the gym (not even work out with me) and he acted like i was asking him to cut off his arm... 0 -
Sorry but I have to go with the tough love approach. You've done it once and you can do it again. Stop beating yourself up. Planning your weekly meals may help so you won't have to think about what you're going to eat. You can prepare a different meal for your boyfriend or he can eat what you prepare. This was a challenge for me and my husband, now he eats what I prepare or cook for himself. No more excuses for not working out.......get moving your life depends on it. The healthier you are the happier you will be. I am only 5'2 and had gotten to 169lbs at one point. My doctor told me I was considered overweight. I was getting close to a size 14. I worked out 5 days a week at the local gym, cardio, and would only lose a couple of pounds for years. After more than 10 years of trying I had to do what I never wanted to and that was count calories. I found that in order to drop lbs I had to maintain a 1550 - 1600 caloric daily intake and doing this for 1 week I lost 8lbs. I worked out 3 days a week, cardio only. I continued doing this with the exception of having 1 day a week that I can eat whatever I want. It's been a little over a year now and I have lost a total of 22 lbs and have kept it off. Of course I gained a couple of pounds here and there but I stuck with it. A couple of months ago I started working out 5 days a week twice a day to maintain my success. 30 mins walking before work and then after work 30 mins cardio and 30mins - 1hr of weights. I workout alone because I can't find anyone who is committed and consistent. If I can do it so can you. I believe in you......get moving.2
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I can tell you 2 weeks ago I knew nothing about losing weight. I always had a high metabolism then I turned 40 and boom I gained 25 lbs. Joined MFP and started tracking my food and calories and running 2-3 miles a day 6 days a week for about 30-45 mins cardio, then started strength training 3-4 days a week for 1-1.5 hrs...I have lost 10 lbs already and I can see my abs again starting to come through the fluff. Best advice I can give ditch the fast food and pizza, start eating complex carbs instead of simple. Hit the gym and run until you want to puke. Stay in a calorie deficit and you will lose weight. I actually cant believe how easy this was...I have found great support and motivation here. Add me if you like, and best of luck. Much Love, 🐱👓
PS by looking at your profile pic your are already quite beautiful...Stay positive you got this.9 -
...Hit the gym and run until you want to puke...
Great way for a beginner to get muscle soreness to the point they can't move, and hating exercise to the point that they never want to do it ever again. Not to mention a high possibility of injury.
Better idea: Eat a reasonable diet at a reasonable, sustainable deficit, and do an exercise program which is enjoyable and sustainable - easing into it gradually and increasing intensity in a progressive manner.9 -
3 lbs in a month is pretty good results. Also, quite blaming your boyfriend, it's your body. You control what you put into it, aka CICO, and what you do with it, aka exercise. His snacks have nothing to do with your journey. You need to learn to control or avoid temptations. There is candy in stores, there are vending machines at work, there is desserts when you go eat out. Putting your weight gain off on him, and then wanting instant results when you have not kept up with it is unrealistic. BTW, you state you are 1 lbs from being overweight again, which means your body weight is in the normal zone?
Stop the drama...quit the blame game...and just get off your *kitten* with a little self discipline.1 -
3 lbs in a month is pretty good results. Also, quite blaming your boyfriend, it's your body. You control what you put into it, aka CICO, and what you do with it, aka exercise. His snacks have nothing to do with your journey. You need to learn to control or avoid temptations. There is candy in stores, there are vending machines at work, there is desserts when you go eat out. Putting your weight gain off on him, and then wanting instant results when you have not kept up with it is unrealistic. BTW, you state you are 1 lbs from being overweight again, which means your body weight is in the normal zone?
Stop the drama...quit the blame game...and just get off your *kitten* with a little self discipline.
I never said he made me eat snacks, i said it influenced me which (in my opinion) is still me blaming myself. I full on admit there and in the comments that its my lack of self-control around snacks and lack of motivation. I never said i wanted instant results, thatd be unrealistic. I know its going to take time, just as it did before. I wanted motivation, inspiration, and advice from others on how to lose it in a decent amount of time (as well as to vent).
Trust me, this isnt drama. This is just stress and venting. Appreciate you attempting to give me tough love though 3 -
No one can motivate you but yourself. It sounds like a lot of whining to me. If you lost a lot of weight before, you know what you have to do. Start logging your food. Getting fat again is your choice, not a given. And there will always be an excuse why you did, but at the end of the day, you are in control. Get busy!!1
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You've gained 4 lbs. You are not huge.6
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Have you considering talking to your doctor about your self hatred and disordered thinking? You have been posting like this for quite a while https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/35399469#Comment_35399469 (this is from 2016) and I am worried about you.5
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TasteofEnvy wrote: »It's been a while MFP...
When I started my journey back in 2013 (I believe) I was 180lbs. I worked really hard and lost so much weight... it took a while, but I made it to my goal, 120 lbs. I was so happy. At one point I had extreme anxiety, which prevented me from eating, so I went down to 114lbs. As I got more comfy eating I fluctuated between 121 and 123 lbs; that fluctuation was for a good year and a half.
Recently, my boyfriend moved in with me... I let his laziness, snacking habits, and unhealthy eating habits influence me. It's only been a month and I'm now 127 lbs. I am one pound away from being overweight again. During this month I could feel the fat creeping up on me; my breasts got bigger (which I really don't want or need), I'm growing an *kitten* (which is nice, but I don't want a bubble butt), my thighs and stomach jiggle when I walk, and my calves are huge... I tried going to the gym, but I can't motivate myself to anymore. It used to be so easy; when I originally lost weight I was on campus and could easily walk to the gym, and healthy portioned food was available. My current gym is nearby, within walking distance, but I don't want to walk alone and get frustrated at the idea of wasting gas driving. I've tried convincing my boyfriend, who is lucky to just have a decent metabolism, to go to the gym with me... but he never goes. I've tried convincing him to eat healthier with me... but no... he needs his snacks...
I'm so mad. I want to cry. I can't believe I'm getting fat again. I don't want this. But I have no motivation. I've even tried packing gym clothes to change into after work, which I did for a week... but in the end I'm just so exhausted (I stand cash register and stock items for 8 hours a day), I want to go home. I also tend to eat pretty healthy, but as I said, the snacking has become a problem... I have zero self-control around food; so if someone else has food, I want to eat too.
I want to lose 17 lbs, 10 being the bare minimum.
Help me out MFP. Help me learn to motivate myself again. Give me tips on what you did to lose weight in a decent amount of time (for instance, MFP is telling me it may take til october for me to lose 3 lbs... yea... no... i want faster than that, if possible).
Get a new boyfriend?
Seriously, though. No one can motivate you but you, and losing too weight quickly will guarantee a rebound. Sounds to me like you're not really ready to do this, because if you were, you'd be doing it.
Yes, the boyfriend isn't helping, but it's your 'journey' and not his. 0 -
singingflutelady wrote: »Have you considering talking to your doctor about your self hatred and disordered thinking? You have been posting like this for quite a while https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/35399469#Comment_35399469 (this is from 2016) and I am worried about you.
Good advice ☝️ get some help with your root cause analysis1 -
I feel like whining would be more like "ohmyyygaaaaawd i sit on the couch all day and eat nothing but carbs i dont want to go to the gym cuz its haaaard so dont tell me to do that and dont tell me to eat veggies cuz those are gross!!! But how can i lose weight without calorie counting?"elsie6hickman wrote: »No one can motivate you but yourself. It sounds like a lot of whining to me. If you lost a lot of weight before, you know what you have to do. Start logging your food. Getting fat again is your choice, not a given. And there will always be an excuse why you did, but at the end of the day, you are in control. Get busy!!
Pretty sure what im doing is stating my concerns, explaining what my predicament was, obstacles in my way, and asking for words of motivation and support.
I understand that tough love can work on some people but i feel like there is a huge difference between tough love and just being rude.
I am clearly, very clearly, working on a solution. Not just "whining" as you put it.1 -
singingflutelady wrote: »Have you considering talking to your doctor about your self hatred and disordered thinking? You have been posting like this for quite a while https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/35399469#Comment_35399469 (this is from 2016) and I am worried about you.
Ive def seen doctors since then, and have been working on my self image issued. But, due to years of backstory, this is obviously going to take a lot of time. HOWEVER, if you read what i said and my comments to others, i eventually say that i was eventually okay with the weight I had. While i still dont fully love myself, I am very very proud of myself for getting down to a healthy weight, maintaining that same healthy weight for a long time, and being able to realize when i should act upon this current issue before not only reaching a point of being overweight but also hating myself all over again.
I would love to continue seeing a doctor for these issued, but i literally just lost my health insurance early in august and am waiting to hear back from the insurance i applied for thank you so much for being concerned about my mental and emotional health though 0 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »TasteofEnvy wrote: »It's been a while MFP...
When I started my journey back in 2013 (I believe) I was 180lbs. I worked really hard and lost so much weight... it took a while, but I made it to my goal, 120 lbs. I was so happy. At one point I had extreme anxiety, which prevented me from eating, so I went down to 114lbs. As I got more comfy eating I fluctuated between 121 and 123 lbs; that fluctuation was for a good year and a half.
Recently, my boyfriend moved in with me... I let his laziness, snacking habits, and unhealthy eating habits influence me. It's only been a month and I'm now 127 lbs. I am one pound away from being overweight again. During this month I could feel the fat creeping up on me; my breasts got bigger (which I really don't want or need), I'm growing an *kitten* (which is nice, but I don't want a bubble butt), my thighs and stomach jiggle when I walk, and my calves are huge... I tried going to the gym, but I can't motivate myself to anymore. It used to be so easy; when I originally lost weight I was on campus and could easily walk to the gym, and healthy portioned food was available. My current gym is nearby, within walking distance, but I don't want to walk alone and get frustrated at the idea of wasting gas driving. I've tried convincing my boyfriend, who is lucky to just have a decent metabolism, to go to the gym with me... but he never goes. I've tried convincing him to eat healthier with me... but no... he needs his snacks...
I'm so mad. I want to cry. I can't believe I'm getting fat again. I don't want this. But I have no motivation. I've even tried packing gym clothes to change into after work, which I did for a week... but in the end I'm just so exhausted (I stand cash register and stock items for 8 hours a day), I want to go home. I also tend to eat pretty healthy, but as I said, the snacking has become a problem... I have zero self-control around food; so if someone else has food, I want to eat too.
I want to lose 17 lbs, 10 being the bare minimum.
Help me out MFP. Help me learn to motivate myself again. Give me tips on what you did to lose weight in a decent amount of time (for instance, MFP is telling me it may take til october for me to lose 3 lbs... yea... no... i want faster than that, if possible).
Get a new boyfriend?
Seriously, though. No one can motivate you but you, and losing too weight quickly will guarantee a rebound. Sounds to me like you're not really ready to do this, because if you were, you'd be doing it.
Yes, the boyfriend isn't helping, but it's your 'journey' and not his.
nah, im good with the one I have. And while it isnt "his journey", part of being a couple is supporting each other. While it would be ridiculous of me to tell him he can never have junk food and he needs to start measuring his food like I do, I dont think im asking too much for him to be a little more health conscious around me during this time. Not to mention, his decent metabolism is going to eventually slow down and hes going to eventually need to learn to be healthier haha
And I'm sorry but where in the world are you (and a few others) getting the idea that Im "not ready for this" or "I'd be doing it"???? Are you in my house, following me around my life, and seeing my every move? No, obviously not; cuz if you were you'd see that -since- the morning after I posted this ive been measuring portions, gone back to counting calories, meal prepping, looking up healthy recipes that my bf and I can BOTH enjoy, and looking up/purchasing healthier snack options for the both of us for when he gets back. Have I gone to thr gym yet? No. But i can proudly say thats been less of a lack of motivation and more of me being crazy busy at both of my jobs, plus graduate school. But even with just a few days of back to my controlled eating, I feel great (and have lost a pound
). My next challenge is upon my boyfriend's return, which i am ready to face.
As I've already stated, this is a forum to help give motivation and support. And while i know that, in the end, we are in charge of the final act of motivating ourselves, people can still empower each other with support... and while I totally understand that tough love is a thing and it does work with some people, it seems some of you are confusing tough love and just being plain rude, accusatory, and confrontational.1
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