self-sabotaging weight loss - why do we do it?
intrigame23
Posts: 193 Member
I was not happy that I lost 10 lbs so far. I was upset, and wanted to ruin it. I wanted to eat my entire meal at that restaurant, feel so full that I'd hate myself for it, feel bad, and eat to feel better. Then I'd fall back into my old ways and gain MY 10 lbs back. I feel safer being fat. Weird.
I think I figured something out... There's this thing called 'self-sabotage' that can prevent people from realizing their dreams, even in weight loss which I think is my issue. I know what to do to lose weight and how to do it, and how it works for me, but something says 'stop'. Something tells me I'm doing myself a disservice if I try to keep losing. That this is not for me. The most I ever last is 3 months... well past the developing habits number of days, so it's not that I haven't got these things down that I find myself being unsuccessful time after time.
I think it's related to the 'survivor's guilt' thing you learn about in psychology. You fear being better than your parents, you fear what you don't know, your fear what you don't have control of, you fear something bad could happen as a result of success, so you unconsciously sabotage yourself. Gotta work on that... figure out what it is that wouldn't let me be happy with my hard earned results, and overcome it.
Have you experienced feelings like this? What do you do to get past it?
I think I figured something out... There's this thing called 'self-sabotage' that can prevent people from realizing their dreams, even in weight loss which I think is my issue. I know what to do to lose weight and how to do it, and how it works for me, but something says 'stop'. Something tells me I'm doing myself a disservice if I try to keep losing. That this is not for me. The most I ever last is 3 months... well past the developing habits number of days, so it's not that I haven't got these things down that I find myself being unsuccessful time after time.
I think it's related to the 'survivor's guilt' thing you learn about in psychology. You fear being better than your parents, you fear what you don't know, your fear what you don't have control of, you fear something bad could happen as a result of success, so you unconsciously sabotage yourself. Gotta work on that... figure out what it is that wouldn't let me be happy with my hard earned results, and overcome it.
Have you experienced feelings like this? What do you do to get past it?
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Replies
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My take on life is that all is love or fear.
Choose which one to feed (metaphorically,) and if possible don't try too hard to have all the answers. I do much better in all of life when I just let it flow naturally and not attach too much meaning to stuff.
As far as self-sabotage? I don't know, I think we are biologically programmed to eat when food is available and in First World countries, food is always available. Pretty simple.
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution.5 -
One day it occurred to me, if I wasn’t the always ready for a good time go along fat guy, who was I? Not an easy question to answer.10
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cmriverside wrote: »My take on life is that all is love or fear.
Choose which one to feed (metaphorically,) and if possible don't try too hard to have all the answers. I do much better in all of life when I just let it flow naturally and not attach too much meaning to stuff.
As far as self-sabotage? I don't know, I think we are biologically programmed to eat when food is available and in First World countries, food is always available. Pretty simple.
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution.
I think that's how it should be. Food should just be the solution to hunger and that's it. But there's something about it can also end up being an unhealthy way to cope.0 -
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intrigame23 wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »My take on life is that all is love or fear.
Choose which one to feed (metaphorically,) and if possible don't try too hard to have all the answers. I do much better in all of life when I just let it flow naturally and not attach too much meaning to stuff.
As far as self-sabotage? I don't know, I think we are biologically programmed to eat when food is available and in First World countries, food is always available. Pretty simple.
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution.
I think that's how it should be. Food should just be the solution to hunger and that's it. But there's something about it can also end up being an unhealthy way to cope.
I agree, it is a poor coping tool to cover up emotions.
I find that the best thing for that is either identifying the [fear] emotion and just letting it pass, OR doing something that distracts me. The worst thing for me to do is to go down the rabbit hole of rumination. Sometimes if something is really bothering me I will journal about it rather than eat. Within a few minutes I feel better.3 -
https://www.google.com/amp/s/greatist.com/live/weight-loss-tips-how-not-to-self-sabotage/amp
Found this. It was helpful to read.2 -
It may be a fear of change. People can become very attached to what they know, even to the point they'd rather die than change because change is scarier to them than the current situation they happen to be in. If being fat is a constant in your life, you might not know how to live any other way. Knowing that to have a different future you have to change your life and face all sorts of unknown, unpredictable things, can be very frightening and cause you to retreat back to your comfort zone. Fear of change can leave people clinging to the familiar, because even if the familiar is very bad, it's their normal.2
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cmriverside wrote: »intrigame23 wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »My take on life is that all is love or fear.
Choose which one to feed (metaphorically,) and if possible don't try too hard to have all the answers. I do much better in all of life when I just let it flow naturally and not attach too much meaning to stuff.
As far as self-sabotage? I don't know, I think we are biologically programmed to eat when food is available and in First World countries, food is always available. Pretty simple.
If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the solution.
I think that's how it should be. Food should just be the solution to hunger and that's it. But there's something about it can also end up being an unhealthy way to cope.
I agree, it is a poor coping tool to cover up emotions.
I find that the best thing for that is either identifying the [fear] emotion and just letting it pass, OR doing something that distracts me. The worst thing for me to do is to go down the rabbit hole of rumination. Sometimes if something is really bothering me I will journal about it rather than eat. Within a few minutes I feel better.
OP, these are some very solid techniques that are absolutely worth trying when you are experiencing thoughts like you describe. It can take time to learn to recognize and let go of emotions, but like anything else it gets easier with practice. You could also try reading about cognitive behavioral therapy strategies to help you identify events or feelings that might trigger inappropriate coping mechanisms, like over eating, and develop healthier ways of reacting to those triggers, like the above.2 -
Thanks, all. I've kept a journal for the last 3 months. It definitely helped get through other emotions. I'll keep writing in it to overcome this, too.1
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It helps me to ask, “what am I getting out of this behavior?” And then to look for another way to get it. That’s easier on the old ego than to beat myself up about failure or self-sabotage. If I’m choosing to overeat, not exercise, and stay fat, then there must be some good reason.
Sometimes it’s obvious- like a work deadline and forgetting to pack lunch. So I sit in a chair for 12 hours and eat from vending machines. What did I get out of it? Met a commitment, the deadline, and satisfied real hunger. How could I achieve those two things in the future? Plan better, communicate with client sooner, and put lunch on the counter the night before.
Other times it’s less obvious, but still real. For example, if I’m staying fat so that I don’t have to think about dating, there are other ways to accomplish that. 😁. I could change my mind and think about dating and just try it. Or I could just say no thanks to dates and go on and get skinny anyway, for my own reasons.
Often it’s for me a matter of finding something more interesting to do than eating. I’m bored, I want to be entertained, eating and drinking are entertaining, so why not? If I think about it as self sabotage, I’ll get ashamed and pig out more. If instead I realize I need something more to do, that’s a project I can tackle by imagining and getting going on something fun that doesn’t involve eating. Even if it’s just calling my sister, or learning to stand on my head, or writing a letter to someone I haven’t seen in forever, or singing at the top of my lungs to the radio.6 -
ecrosby512 wrote: »It helps me to ask, “what am I getting out of this behavior?” And then to look for another way to get it. That’s easier on the old ego than to beat myself up about failure or self-sabotage. If I’m choosing to overeat, not exercise, and stay fat, then there must be some good reason.
Sometimes it’s obvious- like a work deadline and forgetting to pack lunch. So I sit in a chair for 12 hours and eat from vending machines. What did I get out of it? Met a commitment, the deadline, and satisfied real hunger. How could I achieve those two things in the future? Plan better, communicate with client sooner, and put lunch on the counter the night before.
Other times it’s less obvious, but still real. For example, if I’m staying fat so that I don’t have to think about dating, there are other ways to accomplish that. 😁. I could change my mind and think about dating and just try it. Or I could just say no thanks to dates and go on and get skinny anyway, for my own reasons.
Often it’s for me a matter of finding something more interesting to do than eating. I’m bored, I want to be entertained, eating and drinking are entertaining, so why not? If I think about it as self sabotage, I’ll get ashamed and pig out more. If instead I realize I need something more to do, that’s a project I can tackle by imagining and getting going on something fun that doesn’t involve eating. Even if it’s just calling my sister, or learning to stand on my head, or writing a letter to someone I haven’t seen in forever, or singing at the top of my lungs to the radio.
For sure. It took years for me to figure this out. Instead of eating, get busy doing something else. It was hard learning to stop certain behaviors and replace them with others like you do.
This feeling is new, though. For the first time I realized the reason I don't get past 3 months is I'm afraid to keep going. You're on to something with the question, "what am I getting out of this?"... if I stop here?
The answer: nothing I actually want. I don't want to end up with preventable health problems. I don't want to die early. I don't want to huff and puff doing simple chores around the house.
Thank you 😊1 -
No, can't say I have experienced those feelings ever. Must suck for those who do.3
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