My story, my struggle, here I am !

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DooooDeeee
DooooDeeee Posts: 5 Member
edited September 2018 in Introduce Yourself
Hello,
My name is shaden,
I am a 24 years old woman, I live somewhere in the middle east.

I have struggled with obesity my whole life, since I was a little girl, I had no one to help me to lose weight or put me on the right track for it, i don't mean to blame someone else for my wrong choices but I do believe that as child i didn't have the awareness level I have now and I could have used some help.

So to make a long story short I eventually I ended up weighing 150 kg at the age of 20, I have had a weight loss surgery back then that didn't work very well for me, since my problem needed a mentality change not just cutting my stomach and barring it somewhere in the ground, lol,

I had ups and downs since the surgery, now I am at 123.6 kg,
It has been a struggle, the pain I felt after I woke up from the anaesthesia, the shame and the guilt I had for wasting my parent's money and time and not being able to change and lose weight.

It really breaks my heart to see everyone same at my age living their life to the max, while I am locked up in my own body, unable to run, unable to dress nicely, never had a boyfriend and never left my home unless for school, I have been harrassed many times throughout my entire life by mean skinny girls at school, mean teachers, rude boys on the street, mean professors at med school,

I hate the way I look, my face is swollen, I know that this is not how I am supposed to look like,
I have covered the mirror in my room with black plastic bags so I don't see my face or my body when I get ready for work,

It depresses me to see how I missed on life,
I have so many issues with my family and my society as well, i am a woman who lives in middle east so, you know the rest.

I am on intermittent fasting right now, I fast for 16 hours a day and I eat 600 or 700 calories a day, this is day 2, before I start I fasted on water for 3 days and I felt so tired so I ate and ended my fasting, I have to work for 8 or 9 hours a day so I need to eat a little bit,

I am trying to lose the weight for my sister's graduation that will be in like 9 months from now, so I better stick to my diet, I missed my graduation cuz I felt really depressed about my weight and other social issues with my classmates,
I don't wanna miss on my sister's graduation, I wanna be there for her because she has no one else to count on.

Thank you for reading this 🌷

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Replies

  • DooooDeeee
    DooooDeeee Posts: 5 Member
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    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    Please read many of the "Success Stories" here. The young ladies who lose weight learn to love and respect their bodies and have a well-ordered relationship with food.

    Nine months is enough to make a lot of progress to your goal, but you have to do it sensibly. Eat at least 1200 calories per day, and get all the protein you need.

    I am extremely motivated to lose weight, I already added few pals, I hope we all achieve what we want.
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
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    You will lose weight if you eat less, but if you try to eat too little or nothing, you will end up overeating.

    I think you should try to stop the blame game completely. Your parents had a responsibility to control your food intake, or actually, help you control it yourself, when you were a child - which they failed, and then they failed getting the necessary help. If they paid for your weightloss surgery, that was their choice too. Your attitude might be some of the reason you don't have a boyfriend or feel harassed - skinny shaming is also a thing. Feeling sorry for yourself and being angry at everybody and punishing yourself is not getting you to a better place.

    MFP has a great set of tools that are free and at your disposal, whenever you feel ready to use them.
  • DooooDeeee
    DooooDeeee Posts: 5 Member
    edited September 2018
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    kommodevaran wrote: »
    You will lose weight if you eat less, but if you try to eat too little or nothing, you will end up overeating.

    I think you should try to stop the blame game completely. Your parents had a responsibility to control your food intake, or actually, help you control it yourself, when you were a child - which they failed, and then they failed getting the necessary help. If they paid for your weightloss surgery, that was their choice too. Your attitude might be some of the reason you don't have a boyfriend or feel harassed - skinny shaming is also a thing. Feeling sorry for yourself and being angry at everybody and punishing yourself is not getting you to a better place.

    MFP has a great set of tools that are free and at your disposal, whenever you feel ready to use them.

    Thanks for responding to my post,
    Yeah they did pay the money for my surgery,
    I honestly believe that mean comments like "small elephant" to an 11 years old girl, is ment to be offensive not just a joke token with over sensitivity.
    I know I am a very very sensitive woman, bad childhood events might be the cause for my hypersensitivity.
    I don't have a boyfriend because I was severely isolated my whole life, I didn't have the chance to meet someone.

    I want to use MFP to stay on track,
    I will log in every day,
    I Lost a kg, I will keep it up,
    I am starving myself cuz I have 9 months to reach my goal,
    This time it has to work no matter what happens, it has to work.
  • klovesd84
    klovesd84 Posts: 46 Member
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    Your post makes my heart ache for you. Do this for yourself and no one else because you deserve it. You absolutely can do this. Be proud of the weight you lost after the surgery and continue on. There is a lot of helpful information on MFP and perhaps you could connect with others who have had the same surgery as you. I don’t have any advice for you, but keep your chin up and keep going.
  • DooooDeeee
    DooooDeeee Posts: 5 Member
    Options
    klovesd84 wrote: »
    Your post makes my heart ache for you. Do this for yourself and no one else because you deserve it. You absolutely can do this. Be proud of the weight you lost after the surgery and continue on. There is a lot of helpful information on MFP and perhaps you could connect with others who have had the same surgery as you. I don’t have any advice for you, but keep your chin up and keep going.

    Thank you so much for responding,
    I will keep going on no matter what happens,
    I have been drinking a lot of water,
    I almost got used to stay hungry for 16 hours a day, and eat only during an 8 hour window.
    I have sleep issues, that I need to fix.
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,143 Member
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    I am starving myself cuz I have 9 months to reach my goal,
    This time it has to work no matter what happens, it has to work.

    No...no, no, no, no! Do NOT starve yourself. My daughter was 300 pounds. She didn't starve herself. She ate sensibly, exercised (walking and eventually jogging) and lost 100 pounds in one year. She was overweight from the time SHE was a child, too. It CAN be done but not by starving yourself....that will only mess up your body. Do it the right way and you will keep it off. You have the time....have the patience as well. Good luck!
  • Millicent3015
    Millicent3015 Posts: 374 Member
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    I think you need to get to a point where you can accept yourself as you are, knowing that it is only temporary and you will reach the weight you want to be. But what will you do with your feelings of self hatred and rejection once you reach your goal weight? Do you think those feelings will magically disappear after living with them all your life? It sounds like you are depending on being thin to solve all your psychological problems. But what if you just transfer your self hatred to another thing about yourself that you don't like? If you think no longer being fat will solve all your problems, I'm afraid you're not being realistic. The negative feelings you have about yourself need to be worked on while you are losing weight. And you need to lose weight in a sustainable way, because your problem isn't just that you eat too much. You need to address *why* you eat too much, and why you've decided to go completely the other way and starve yourself. Neither method is helpful. You will either tip headlong into an eating disorder, or you will eventually become so hungry that you start to overeat again. How will you feel if you miss your sister's big day because you've starved yourself into a hospital bed? Lose weight sensibly and steadily. Work on your self esteem so that even if you don't hit your weight goal, that won't affect you too much, and you can attend your sister's graduation as the confident young woman you're longing to be.
  • Junebug2022
    Junebug2022 Posts: 78 Member
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    What a story and i feel your pain. I understand the urgency and pain of not finding relationships because of self isolation.

    You’ll find your own way to make it work. Just remember to keep the good things you learn along the way and don’t throw away your goal with the bad things.
  • elsie6hickman
    elsie6hickman Posts: 3,864 Member
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    Your story breaks my heart. I'm so sorry that you have been bullied. That's not a reason to have such low self esteem. You are not your weight - that is just the packaging - the real you is inside. I think if you find that you are able to smile more, and try to keep a positive attitude, you might find you have friends to go out and do things with. Yes, there are shallow men that need a size 2 to feel good about themselves, but other men, are really looking for someone that they can talk to and that they can relate to.

    I think it was wonderful that your parents paid for weight loss surgery for you. Can you follow up with the Dr that did that surgery and see if there is any way to tweak it? Whether that is possible or not, you are here now. Start tracking your food - write down everything you eat with no judgement, because the tracking is to help you see where you might need to make changes. Instead of fasting all day and consuming all those calories in the evening, can you eat breakfast and lunch and a couple of low calorie snack during the day? Look at some people's diaries (mine is open) to see what kind of meals they eat.
    Try to look at this new eating plan as a lifestyle change to the life that you want. But don't just wait until you lose weight - get out there and open yourself to other people. If you are authentic and friendly, and put yourself out there, you might be pleased with the results. As far as those who would harass you or mock you, remember that behavior is about them, not you. People that would judge you on your weight are not worth knowing.
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    Options
    DooooDeeee wrote: »
    kommodevaran wrote: »
    You will lose weight if you eat less, but if you try to eat too little or nothing, you will end up overeating.

    I think you should try to stop the blame game completely. Your parents had a responsibility to control your food intake, or actually, help you control it yourself, when you were a child - which they failed, and then they failed getting the necessary help. If they paid for your weightloss surgery, that was their choice too. Your attitude might be some of the reason you don't have a boyfriend or feel harassed - skinny shaming is also a thing. Feeling sorry for yourself and being angry at everybody and punishing yourself is not getting you to a better place.

    MFP has a great set of tools that are free and at your disposal, whenever you feel ready to use them.

    Thanks for responding to my post,
    Yeah they did pay the money for my surgery,
    I honestly believe that mean comments like "small elephant" to an 11 years old girl, is ment to be offensive not just a joke token with over sensitivity.
    I know I am a very very sensitive woman, bad childhood events might be the cause for my hypersensitivity.
    I don't have a boyfriend because I was severely isolated my whole life, I didn't have the chance to meet someone.

    I want to use MFP to stay on track,
    I will log in every day,
    I Lost a kg, I will keep it up,
    I am starving myself cuz I have 9 months to reach my goal,
    This time it has to work no matter what happens, it has to work.
    If you starve yourself, it will not work, because that can not work.
    1 kg is the first of many, weightloss is a long term commitment.
    Deadlines for weightloss is usually not a good idea, because you can only control your weight indirectly, by what you put into your mouth, and being more active; but you can indeed control what you put into your mouth, and be more active.
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    Options
    DooooDeeee wrote: »
    klovesd84 wrote: »
    Your post makes my heart ache for you. Do this for yourself and no one else because you deserve it. You absolutely can do this. Be proud of the weight you lost after the surgery and continue on. There is a lot of helpful information on MFP and perhaps you could connect with others who have had the same surgery as you. I don’t have any advice for you, but keep your chin up and keep going.

    Thank you so much for responding,
    I will keep going on no matter what happens,
    I have been drinking a lot of water,
    I almost got used to stay hungry for 16 hours a day, and eat only during an 8 hour window.
    I have sleep issues, that I need to fix.
    Enough water is important, some of us don't drink enough, but what do you mean by "a lot"? More than enough is not necessary, and too much (of anything) is bad - maybe just making it harder to do what you need to do, or directly harmful.
    Meal schedule is not the same as nutrition. Not eating for 16 hours is not a big deal, meal timing is up to you. But whenever you eat, what you eat when you eat, has to be enough.

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