New to Maintenance - Psychological help please!

Thebajan · August 2018

Hi Everyone! I need a bit of advice and encouragement. First, a bit of background...
In November of last year I began my weight loss journey through a local gym that provides personal physical and dietary coaching in six week sessions. Having completed four of those sessions successfully on June 9th, I have continued my weight loss for a total of just over 100 pounds shed. I reached my weight goal and I am now in maintenance mode.
In 10 days, I will be going on a cruise. I know what to expect as far as food and being surrounded by temptation to try new and different cultural cuisines. It's not the sweets that tempt me but I know that I won't want to feel "deprived" of the full cultural experiences that include the food. In short, I know I'm going to overeat and I expect to put on a couple of pounds. That's not the part that bothers me (too much).
What I'm afraid of is not enjoying it. I'm afraid of stressing about diet choices and fears of "blowing it" so much that I feel guilty for even thinking about having something less than optimally healthy.
For those of you that have successfully maintained your weight loss... please give me your thoughts? How do I get past being afraid of "messing up" and just enjoy eating food without stressing about it? How do you keep yourself in check and still relax and enjoy variety in your diet? I'm keenly aware that the vast majority of people will gain their weight back an I'm terrified of that happening to me. I realize I still have a long way to go in the process of learning new dietary habits. I know it may sound weird but that's where I am and I appreciate some perspective. Thanks!

RadishEater · August 2018

"still relax and enjoy variety in your diet" --> preplan , guestimate, go to the gym extra, go on extra walks. On a cruise ship if it isn't too small they usually have a place to walk around the ship deck marked. I used to put on my ipod and just walk in big circles for an hour or so. Some ships have gyms so I would go to that at days at sea.

The best part of maintenance is you ALREADY proved you can lose weight to your goal, so if you gain a bit you go back to losing mode that idea I find very destressing.

Also maintenance for me is just sorta an endless cycle of gaining a smidgen then losing the smidgen.

Lastly, after months being in maintenance I don't even crave the foods the way I used to eat. I naturally will pick healthier options overall, which I didn't notice until my first big vacation.

vingogly · August 2018

What I've found the last few years in maintenance is that I need to keep track of what I eat, even if I'm not monitoring calorie intake - and I need to weigh myself periodically. If I don't, the weight can slowly creep up over time if I let myself return to my old eating habits. What I've done is made an oath to myself that if I find my clothes becoming tight, I will *not* buy looser clothes - instead, I'll weigh myself and get back on calorie tracking again.

I've decided it's easiest if I commit to weighing myself once a week and taking immediate action if my weight is going up. I find a data smoothing app helps with this because it shows the long term trend by smoothing out the day to day ups and downs.

I've also changed my attitude toward things like ice cream, candy bars, and fast food sandwiches. They're occasional treats, not for every day. I have a dish of ice cream from my favorite nearby dairy outlet about once every two weeks.

You might find these Beck Diet Solution sites (and her book) helpful - they deal with the psychological aspect of weight loss and maintenance:

http://diet.beckinstitute.org/the-cycle-of-maintenance/
https://beckdietsolution.wordpress.com/2007/02/13/reaching-maintenance-carolyn/

middlehaitch · August 2018

TLDR: you know your portion sizes, apply those sizes with discretion. It is very easy to be extremely active on shore days without even realizing it. This will counteract the higher calorie intake.

You are on vacation, enjoy it, relax, and get back to your normal routine as soon as you get home.

The long version-

I lost weight during 2009. That was also the same year I went on my first cruise.

I went crazy, all the food, all the drink.
After 18 days on holiday I got home ~10lbs up.

I was crestfallen, as I was on the slow last 5-8lbs at the time.
I didn't dare weigh myself for 2weeks after that first weigh in. When I did weigh my self, guess what? I had a 2lbs gain, 2lbs! I could handle that. It went within the next 2weeks once I was back on my home schedule.

Each year since then I have been on a cruise of 2weeks or more.
Things I learnt from that first one and apply.

Try everything, if it isn't tasty, leave it- it's not worth the cals.

At the buffet, check it out first, then select a small portion of your most desired items. Give yourself permission to have 2nds of your most favourite, or to try something else-small portions.

(You see a lot of people with plates piled
high, quite a lot of those foods go to waste or waist.)

Buffets x 2. There is food available almost 24 hr. you don't need everything now, and not everything tastes good. Pace yourself and use discretion. A bun is available at home, daily, some of the small deserts are once in a lifetime, so worth it.

Dining room. 5 courses. There is no need to eat all 5. You can have 2 starters and desert if you had a large lunch.
If you skipped lunch or had something light, go for all the courses.

Meals. I chose to have a light, medium, regular size meal each day.

Quite often I will base it on what is published for that nights menu, or where I am docked for the day.

Drinks, I get a AYCD package in with my fare- I could go crazy, especially with fru-fru cocktails. I choose to drink a good beer, then light, during the day.
Bubbles or a gun and 0 tonic pre dinner, and bubbles for with dinner. A glass of red or white with my main.
My fru-fru drink is my after dinner drink.

Activity. I have. Ever done laps, and only once got to the gym.
I find I am so active on shore I don't have the energy to go to the gym on at sea days. They are my recovery days.

So in the 14-15 cruises I have dine since 2009, I have never put in more than 2 lbs of fat. I do put on 5-7 lbs of water weight and cruise with floaty dresses for the 2nd week.

Cheers, h.

@PAV8888, still up for a cruise

kommodevaran · August 2018

I stopped dividing foods into good and bad, healthy and unhealthy, stopped eating "diet foods" and stopped believing certain foods were "fattening", stopped thinking that one day (or week) could "ruin" anything, stopped thinking "damage control", in short, got rid of a lot of old, useless baggage - and started to think long term, enjoyment, balance and variety, taking responsibility for my actions, free choice, normal days and special occasions, flexible food rules for different situations.

Been maintaining for 46 months now.

smolmaus · August 2018

Thebajan wrote: »

I'm keenly aware that the vast majority of people will gain their weight back an I'm terrified of that happening to me.

This can only happen to you if you make it happen to you. I hope your weightloss process will have set you up with healthy habits RE: portion control, what is a sometimes food (not good or bad), knowing water weight is weird and progress isn't linear etc. Your eating habits and your weight is controlled by you, you have tools in your toolbelt to moderate and be calorie aware now so just use them!

Even if you do decide to have cake and a mojito for breakfast every day (maybe a bit extreme but you're not on holiday every week!) that's a choice you make and if you gain more weight that you'd like because of it you will make other choices to lose it again. If you go into it with a hard rein on yourself because you're afraid of losing control you're only setting yourself up to feel powerless... and then lose control. You choose what you eat and if it's worth the calories.

I did maintain happily for about 2 years until recently where I got myself into a mental loop of being so scared of gaining weight, so worried I would lose control and then that exact thing happened because I'd built it into a huge monster in my head when it's not, it's just a series of small decisions. Nothing to be scared of.

PAV8888 · August 2018

middlehaitch wrote: »

TLDR: you know your portion sizes, apply those sizes with discretion. It is very easy to be extremely active on shore days without even realizing it. This will counteract the higher calorie intake.

You are on vacation, enjoy it, relax, and get back to your normal routine as soon as you get home.

The long version-

I lost weight during 2009. That was also the same year I went on my first cruise.

I went crazy, all the food, all the drink.
After 18 days on holiday I got home ~10lbs up.

I was crestfallen, as I was on the slow last 5-8lbs at the time.
I didn't dare weigh myself for 2weeks after that first weigh in. When I did weigh my self, guess what? I had a 2lbs gain, 2lbs! I could handle that. It went within the next 2weeks once I was back on my home schedule.

Each year since then I have been on a cruise of 2weeks or more.
Things I learnt from that first one and apply.

Try everything, if it isn't tasty, leave it- it's not worth the cals.

At the buffet, check it out first, then select a small portion of your most desired items. Give yourself permission to have 2nds of your most favourite, or to try something else-small portions.

(You see a lot of people with plates piled
high, quite a lot of those foods go to waste or waist.)

Buffets x 2. There is food available almost 24 hr. you don't need everything now, and not everything tastes good. Pace yourself and use discretion. A bun is available at home, daily, some of the small deserts are once in a lifetime, so worth it.

Dining room. 5 courses. There is no need to eat all 5. You can have 2 starters and desert if you had a large lunch.
If you skipped lunch or had something light, go for all the courses.

Meals. I chose to have a light, medium, regular size meal each day.

Quite often I will base it on what is published for that nights menu, or where I am docked for the day.

Drinks, I get a AYCD package in with my fare- I could go crazy, especially with fru-fru cocktails. I choose to drink a good beer, then light, during the day.
Bubbles or a gun and 0 tonic pre dinner, and bubbles for with dinner. A glass of red or white with my main.
My fru-fru drink is my after dinner drink.

Activity. I have. Ever done laps, and only once got to the gym.
I find I am so active on shore I don't have the energy to go to the gym on at sea days. They are my recovery days.

So in the 14-15 cruises I have dine since 2009, I have never put in more than 2 lbs of fat. I do put on 5-7 lbs of water weight and cruise with floaty dresses for the 2nd week.

Cheers, h.

@PAV8888, still up for a cruise

If only three were not so crowded

As to the OP: re-read the above!
If you're not already using one, get yourself a weight trend application.

I would not be AT ALL surprised if you go over-board during the cruise.
The question is whether you will stop going overboard afterwards.

If you do go back to your regular routine... no problem. Your actual long term gain is unlikely to be large (after the water weight goes down) and would be easily correctable with a slight deficit.

If you over-react either way (continue going overboard or go into a very restrictive deficit)... then there may well be issues!

Thebajan · August 2018

vingogly wrote: »

What I've found the last few years in maintenance is that I need to keep track of what I eat, even if I'm not monitoring calorie intake - and I need to weigh myself periodically. If I don't, the weight can slowly creep up over time if I let myself return to my old eating habits. What I've done is made an oath to myself that if I find my clothes becoming tight, I will *not* buy looser clothes - instead, I'll weigh myself and get back on calorie tracking again.

I've decided it's easiest if I commit to weighing myself once a week and taking immediate action if my weight is going up. I find a data smoothing app helps with this because it shows the long term trend by smoothing out the day to day ups and downs.

You might find these Beck Diet Solution sites (and her book) helpful - they deal with the psychological aspect of weight loss and maintenance:

http://diet.beckinstitute.org/the-cycle-of-maintenance/
https://beckdietsolution.wordpress.com/2007/02/13/reaching-maintenance-carolyn/

Thank you for the tips and also the book recommendations. I'll check them out. I really am trying to keep a journal of what I'm eating both here with MFP and also in a hand written diary (I'm old-school). I've been weighing myself daily and haven't found the courage to go to just weekly weigh-ins but I am planning to do that starting next weekend just before I leave. I'll kinda be forced to until I get back and then I'm going to weigh in and get back in the game. One quick question... What is a data smoothing app? I'm afraid I really am a bit old school and I'm trying to learn this digital stuff but I'm not good at it.

middlehaitch wrote: »

TLDR: you know your portion sizes, apply those sizes with discretion. It is very easy to be extremely active on shore days without even realizing it. This will counteract the higher calorie intake.

You are on vacation, enjoy it, relax, and get back to your normal routine as soon as you get home.

The long version-

I lost weight during 2009. That was also the same year I went on my first cruise.

I went crazy, all the food, all the drink.
After 18 days on holiday I got home ~10lbs up.

I was crestfallen, as I was on the slow last 5-8lbs at the time.
I didn't dare weigh myself for 2weeks after that first weigh in. When I did weigh my self, guess what? I had a 2lbs gain, 2lbs! I could handle that. It went within the next 2weeks once I was back on my home schedule.

Each year since then I have been on a cruise of 2weeks or more.
Things I learnt from that first one and apply.

Try everything, if it isn't tasty, leave it- it's not worth the cals.

At the buffet, check it out first, then select a small portion of your most desired items. Give yourself permission to have 2nds of your most favourite, or to try something else-small portions.

(You see a lot of people with plates piled
high, quite a lot of those foods go to waste or waist.)

Buffets x 2. There is food available almost 24 hr. you don't need everything now, and not everything tastes good. Pace yourself and use discretion. A bun is available at home, daily, some of the small deserts are once in a lifetime, so worth it.

Dining room. 5 courses. There is no need to eat all 5. You can have 2 starters and desert if you had a large lunch.
If you skipped lunch or had something light, go for all the courses.

Meals. I chose to have a light, medium, regular size meal each day.

Quite often I will base it on what is published for that nights menu, or where I am docked for the day.

Drinks, I get a AYCD package in with my fare- I could go crazy, especially with fru-fru cocktails. I choose to drink a good beer, then light, during the day.
Bubbles or a gun and 0 tonic pre dinner, and bubbles for with dinner. A glass of red or white with my main.
My fru-fru drink is my after dinner drink.

Activity. I have. Ever done laps, and only once got to the gym.
I find I am so active on shore I don't have the energy to go to the gym on at sea days. They are my recovery days.

So in the 14-15 cruises I have dine since 2009, I have never put in more than 2 lbs of fat. I do put on 5-7 lbs of water weight and cruise with floaty dresses for the 2nd week.

Cheers, h.

@PAV8888, still up for a cruise

I really appreciate all the good, practical tips here. I'm not much of a drinker but I will probably have a glass of wine once or twice. Buffets are difficult for me as I have Celiac Disease and there's no way to control cross contamination. It's something of a blessing and a curse. In the past, I've been extremely impressed with both the variety of food available and the outstanding measures taken to make sure I have a lavish dining experience.

I know that when I get back the scale is going to be terrible for me. I half thought about not even weighing myself but I need to for my journal. To build a history. Thanks again. This really does help me to breathe easier.

hroderick · August 2018

take one bite of anything you want, leave the rest. order 3 different desserts if you cant decide and take one bite of each. plan on losing a few pounds after you get home or dance it off while on board.

apullum · August 2018

middlehaitch wrote: »

TLDR: you know your portion sizes, apply those sizes with discretion. It is very easy to be extremely active on shore days without even realizing it. This will counteract the higher calorie intake.

You are on vacation, enjoy it, relax, and get back to your normal routine as soon as you get home.

The long version-

I lost weight during 2009. That was also the same year I went on my first cruise.

I went crazy, all the food, all the drink.
After 18 days on holiday I got home ~10lbs up.

I was crestfallen, as I was on the slow last 5-8lbs at the time.
I didn't dare weigh myself for 2weeks after that first weigh in. When I did weigh my self, guess what? I had a 2lbs gain, 2lbs! I could handle that. It went within the next 2weeks once I was back on my home schedule.

Each year since then I have been on a cruise of 2weeks or more.
Things I learnt from that first one and apply.

Try everything, if it isn't tasty, leave it- it's not worth the cals.

At the buffet, check it out first, then select a small portion of your most desired items. Give yourself permission to have 2nds of your most favourite, or to try something else-small portions.

(You see a lot of people with plates piled
high, quite a lot of those foods go to waste or waist.)

Buffets x 2. There is food available almost 24 hr. you don't need everything now, and not everything tastes good. Pace yourself and use discretion. A bun is available at home, daily, some of the small deserts are once in a lifetime, so worth it.

Dining room. 5 courses. There is no need to eat all 5. You can have 2 starters and desert if you had a large lunch.
If you skipped lunch or had something light, go for all the courses.

Meals. I chose to have a light, medium, regular size meal each day.

Quite often I will base it on what is published for that nights menu, or where I am docked for the day.

Drinks, I get a AYCD package in with my fare- I could go crazy, especially with fru-fru cocktails. I choose to drink a good beer, then light, during the day.
Bubbles or a gun and 0 tonic pre dinner, and bubbles for with dinner. A glass of red or white with my main.
My fru-fru drink is my after dinner drink.

Activity. I have. Ever done laps, and only once got to the gym.
I find I am so active on shore I don't have the energy to go to the gym on at sea days. They are my recovery days.

So in the 14-15 cruises I have dine since 2009, I have never put in more than 2 lbs of fat. I do put on 5-7 lbs of water weight and cruise with floaty dresses for the 2nd week.

Cheers, h.

@PAV8888, still up for a cruise

This is great advice. One of the best mindset changes I have tried to make is that it's okay to not eat food if you don't like it. A lot of us are taught that it's terrible to waste food, and I definitely do not advocate wasting food. I also totally understand not wanting to miss out on a new experience. So when I can try a small amount of something--say, on a buffet--then I can sample a bite of several different things without feeling like I'm missing out. Then I can also get more of the things I really loved if I'm still hungry after all those little bites.

You are not going to blow it. The worst that will happen is that you'll come home and the scale will be up a bit. It might even be up a lot. Some of that is going to be water weight and some will be extra undigested food. Maybe some of it will be fat and maybe it won't. When you get home, go back to your normal routine and give your body time to readjust. If after a week or two, you're still above your maintenance weight, then you can temporarily go back into a deficit to lose the fat.

I sort of did this myself recently. I went on a trip and enjoyed the kitten out of the food. I had an incredible three layer pastry the size of my face for breakfast one morning. I had an amazing brownie with cookie dough topping. I planned out the restaurants I wanted to try, went to all of them, and enjoyed most of them (some turned out a little disappointing). I also walked about ten miles on most days. Overall, it was amazing and I don't regret a bite of it. When I got home, I was about a pound and a half over my maintenance range. I think most of this was not fat, but I'm just now dropping back into my range. I got impatient and went back into a deficit; I don't know whether I needed that or not, and I plan to switch back to my maintenance calories soon. (More upsetting than the weight gain is the fact that recovering from all that walking has severely set back my usual running routine.)

You avoid permanently gaining the weight back by developing strategies for these life experiences, recognizing that your weight will fluctuate, and having a plan for what to do about those fluctuations. Temporary water weight gain outside your maintenance range is not a big deal. Being okay with staying a few pounds above your range long term...and then a few more pounds...and then a little more...that's how people regain the weight.

Thebajan · August 2018

apullum wrote: »

You avoid permanently gaining the weight back by developing strategies for these life experiences, recognizing that your weight will fluctuate, and having a plan for what to do about those fluctuations. Temporary water weight gain outside your maintenance range is not a big deal. Being okay with staying a few pounds above your range long term...and then a few more pounds...and then a little more...that's how people regain the weight.

Thank you for this. It truly helps to ease my mind and remind me that it DOES remain my choice.

fiddletime · September 2018

I hope you check in on this post once you get back. I have gained weight on some vacations, and not on others. On the ones I didn’t gain, I was calorie counting. The key is to get right back in the groove once you get back. If you gained, you can lose the few pounds of real gain you might have if you don’t panic. This is maintenance- for life. You can do this!

Thebajan · September 2018

Hey there... We got home yesterday but I didn't weigh in until this morning. Yes, I gained. Yes, I had a great time. No, I didn't count calories. No, I'm surprisingly not stressing about the gain. Yes, I got back on track today.
Today has been a day of cleaning house, running errands, buying groceries, and getting ready for some events coming up later this week. Tomorrow, I get to go back to the gym! It's my happy spot! Thank you all for your encouragement. I'll update again to this thread in the next week and let you all know how I'm progressing with the scale.

middlehaitch · September 2018

Welcome home!
Glad you had a great time, and more importantly, know you can go away, do special occasions, etc, and not stress.

You sound happy and excited.
I'm looking forward to your next update when the water weight has dropped and you are well into your daily rhythm again.

Cheers, h.

Thebajan · September 2018

@middlehaitch Thank you for the warm welcome! I'm happy to update with some actual numbers. The morning I left for the trip, I weighed in at 132.7 lbs. That was on Sept 2nd. On Monday, Sept 10th, I weighed in at 142.1 lbs. for a 9.4 pound gain. As of this morning, I weigh 133.0 and have lost 9.1 pounds and I'm thrilled to report that this experience has helped me to stop stressing about failing at this. My maintenance goal range is to stay between 120-130. My lowest weight so far was 129.2 and I know I will get back to that in the next few weeks. I'm so grateful and excited about this chapter in my weight loss journey. It's nice to know I can go on vacation, have a great time, and get back into the swing of things when I get home.
Cheers!

middlehaitch · September 2018

Hooray!
Your numbers, though at different weights, sound similar to mine when I go away.

I'm don't weigh myself often when at home because I have been in maintenance so long, but I play a game with myself when I travel now.
I weigh in the morning of travel, as soon as I get home, then the first 7 mornings. It is so much fun watching the leaps the scale makes. Espescially on the 3rd day when I pee like an elephant.

It's funny though, you can take on board all the good advice, but it is hard to believe until you experience it.

Well travelled.

Cheers, h.

CSARdiver · September 2018

I put everything in context over time. One beer, one bowl of ice cream, one day won't impact me in the long term just as a day of doing everything "right" won't benefit me in the long term.

Move beyond the fear of "messing up" and realize that there is no "messing up" in this context. Messing up takes time - it's a long series of "bad" habits that don't promote greater goals. Success long term takes a series of implementing positive habits - feedback loops that benefit your health goals.

New to Maintenance - Psychological help please!

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