NEED ALOT OF HELP TO GET THROUGH THIS

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Gemini_at_36
Gemini_at_36 Posts: 207
in Motivation and Support
:cry: My daughter Devon decided she is going to live with her father in Georgia, she used to live in Maine with me (and fatty and the twins.) She doesn't talk like the Devon I know, she sounds like a different kid....I can't fight her, I don't want to put her through court, I don't want to put our memories through court. What I have of her I want to keep. I have lost her to something, I don't even know what/how. We were so close, so special. It was always me and her against the world. She says I love you but she doesn't realize actions speak louder than words.......SO PLEASE HELP, I ALWAYS TURN TO FOOD FOR COMFORT AND THIS IS THE WORSE DAY OF MY LIFE. I MISS HER SO AND I LOVE HER SO, LETTING GO IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER TRIED TO DO. GOD HELP ME BECAUSE I CAN NOT HELP MYSELF RIGHT NOW. :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Replies

  • capturethemoments3
    capturethemoments3 Posts: 99
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    I don't know what to tell you, other than I am here if you need to talk. I hope things turn around for you :(
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    If you want her back, then you got to loose the weight. Maybe she feels that she can't be around you until you get to were you want to be.
    Ok, get your crying over, then you got to get back up on that horse missy. tomorrow, HEEYAWWW!!
  • shoppie
    shoppie Posts: 618 Member
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    Aw, that is so hard :cry: If you love someone let them go isn't just a saying though - she will be back, I promise you :flowerforyou: Just keep telling her you love her, show her that its true, always be there for her and I guarantee you that you'll win out in the end xxx
  • Chunkabutt83
    Chunkabutt83 Posts: 461
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    sometimes its just an age thing, i dont think i cared much for my parents from the ages of 11-19 lol, and if they had been divorced i would have went with the one who gave me more and let me get away with more, sometimes its just a kid thing. Keep ur head up girl!
  • fionat29
    fionat29 Posts: 717 Member
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    There's nothing we can say or do on here, being as we can't run round to be with you. :heart: But please know that we will always listen (read?) anything you want to tell us. Try really hard not to use food as a prop. You know in your brain that it really won't help you, it isn't your friend at this moment. Please, please don't let this get you started on a spiral downwards. Your daughter loves you, you love her, I'm sure in time she will realise what she wants for sure and whatever her decision you must try to support her because that's what loving mum's do. :flowerforyou:
  • Crazyrunningwolf
    Crazyrunningwolf Posts: 7
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    I know what it is like to turn to food during emotionally hard times, I have done it for many years. First thing you have to understand is that it is ok to feel sad and it is ok to cry, actually let yourself feel the emotions, do not dismiss them or try to get rid of them by eating and eating, it does not help you at all to over eat when you are emotionally upset. Having a good cry and talking to someone about what you are going thru is the best thing you can do, over eating is only going to make you feel worse. I have found that the very best thing (other than talking to a good friend) for sadness is to go for a long walk in the woods or at a park, and if you feel the need to cry during that long walk, then cry. NEVER apologize for your feelings because then you are saying what you are feeling is not real. You will get thru this with support from friends and family :happy: DO NOT let food control how you feel, you are the one in control of your feelings, sad is sad, mad is mad, happy is happy, feel the emotions fully and do not try to get rid of the sadness by over eating. You can do this, if i can do it then anyone can :happy:
  • caretheaton
    caretheaton Posts: 90 Member
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    I am a daughter of divorce myself, so hopefully I can help you from a different perspective.

    Don't take her decision personally. I lived with my mother after my parents divorced when I was 6. If she's a teenager/pre-teen, part of her choice may be due to her age. I was a complete and total snot between the ages of 13 and 19, especially to my mother. My mother lived and would have died for her children. We were/are her life. Yet at that age, it was impossible for me to see that all of her decisions that I thought "ruined my life" were actually made out of pure love and a desire to do the best for me, whether I liked it or not. It wasn't until many years later that I could finally see my mother for who she is. And when I did, I saw that she is beautiful and become very grateful. Our relationship while I was growing up was volitile at times, but all mother/daughter relationships are for a period.

    There may be many factors behind her decision to live with her father. I don't know what kind of relationship dynamics exist in your family, but from my experience I always sought out my father when I felt my mother was being "unfair." When both parents live together, children will try to pit their parents against each other from time to time. The difference when parents live seperately is that information can more easily be skewed and the leverage is much more dramatic.

    If she wants to live with her father, I say let her go without a fight. Let her know that you love her and will miss her, but don't try to make her feel guilty for the decision. It will only push her away faster at this point. As long as the environment there is healthy and her father is just as mindful of her well-being as you are, she will be fine. And so will you. She will appreciate your trust in her decision. After the initial "freedom from mom's house" phase wears off, she will start to miss you and your relationship can even heal. Just continue to show her unconditional love. Call her every other day, just to check-in. Keep the conversations short unless you have something specific to talk about. Be patient. Make sure you stay highly involved with her parenting via her father. Things will be alright. You will adjust. She will always be your daughter, and even though she doesn't always show it, she does love you. That will never change.
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,023 Member
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    I know this is hard. I went through something similiar with my daughter when she was a teen and I felt like my heart was breakjing, I cried every day, but she never knew it. Just make sure she knows you love her that is all you can do . I agree with caretheaton. sorry i can't be of more help
  • PJoy6
    PJoy6 Posts: 38 Member
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    Sorry you are feeling so bad. Just make sure you tell your daughter you lover her & she is always wanted & welcome back. Keep strong in this very difficult time, take care of yourself by eating the right foods, exercising and talking to friends and people her at MFP.

    Teens always want to experience life, pushing boundaries is what makes them grow up. She might just be wanting a deeper relationship with her father that she hasn't had, that desire can be very strong. Remember you will always be her mother, she will always need you.

    :)

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