Grief and dieting...

evonday · August 2011

I found out about 10 minutes ago that my Grandpa just passed. I'm still in a bit of shock, but I knew it was going to happen soon. I know that I have been dieting for myself, to better my life and be happier and healthier. My Grandpa had diabetes, and lung cancer, as well as coronary heart disease. He was overweight for the last half of his life, and his weight exacerbated his illnesses, and probably made them much worse.

I don't want to be like that. But do I continue dieting when dealing with my grief? Or should I focus on my grief and not my diet, until I'm ready to get back on track?

Sadly, this is the 4th family death in the last 2 years. My grandmother, my cousin (who was my age), my Grandfather and his brother. I know what grief does to me. It makes me drink alcohol in copious amounts, and eat anything in sight. I don't want to backtrack. But I focusing on dieting instead of family seems so... not right.

Anyone have any advice one way or the other? I would appreciate it.

Stephiede · August 2011

Sorry to hear about you losses. I know that this is a difficult time for you. It will be hard to not grieve so let yourself do that. But try not to stay that way long. You can use the life style of your family to help you get passed this. You want to be healthy and live longer and be stronger. I hope you find ways to do this. If you find yourself stuck in grief to long, try talking to someone to help you get past that hurdle.

jellybaby84 · August 2011

Oh, I'm so sorry

But I wouldn't connect the two things to be honest.

Deal with your feelings, your family and what you need to do. They are your priority. MFP will be here when you feel better.

Thriceshy · August 2011

I can only tell you what I would do--stick with it. Use the structure of my diet and the desire for my goals keep me from lapsing into an unhealthy binge. I can only speak for myself, but I wouldn't feel very good about myself if the death of a beloved relative inspired me to lose control and sabotage myself. Instead, I might dedicate my new, healthier way of being to them. No judging here--that's just me, it's just my way.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Kris

dreaasha · August 2011

I remember when my mother passed on-I was 28, a size 6, vegan-I kinda flipped. I started drinking so much beer, started eating anything non meat related in sight, and just sat on my *kitten*, when I wasn't battling horrible insomnia.

Looking back on this, I wish I had kept up with my regime. My mother dying and the grieving of my family and myself are/were two separate things. I think if you keep moving, you'll feel better.

Aside from my thoughts on the matter, I really want to say that I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose a loved one. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

HangoverSquare · August 2011

I'm truly sorry for your loss. My best wishes go out to you and your family.

SueInAz · August 2011

First of all, you have my deepest condolences. I lost 2 immediate family members and a close friend this Spring, all sudden and unexpected, so I definitely know what you're going through. You definitely need to take time to grieve and to celebrate your grandfather's life with your family.

That said, I'm going to get a little tough here because I think you need it. Grief cannot be excuse to eat and drink whatever you want. Emotional eating is what got a lot of people here in the first place. Learning to control that emotional eating is a key to successfully maintaining weight loss. I'm not saying that you shouldn't eat and drink whatever during the family get-togethers that will occur over the next week or so but letting yourself binge on whatever you feel like past that point in the name of "grief" is not good for you and I really think you should avoid it. I was using MFP this Spring while dealing with all of the unexpected losses and I continued to watch what I was eating.

whisperingdragon · August 2011

First off, I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. Grandpa is not in pain anymore and wants you to go on with your life the very best way you know how. He would not want you to be in a drunken stooper, nor would he want you to ruin your life. You mustn't give into alcohol, drugs, etc. Know that this is not a diet, it's a complete over haul of your lifestyle. Eat right, excersice and be postive. Keep doing it no matter what happens in life, stay focused on you. We can't control these things, but we can control how we react to them.

Be blessed.

maureendonahue · August 2011

You have my deepest sympathy. I lost 2 family members in January, so I know a little about what you are feeling. I really believe that you can eat healthy (reasonably anyway) and still be with your family. Maybe all you will do is limit your alcohol consumption, but it is a step in the right direction. The structure MFP provides may be helpful as you deal with your grief too.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

teri1956 · August 2011

Brew a pot of tea - rather than dulling your senses with alcohol, have tea and treat yourself kindly.

Check out the book titled The Next Place by Warren Hanson. It is usually found in the children's section of the bookstore, but it is not only a child's book. It is available from my on-line booksellers.

My husband passed at the age of 45 and we have a son who was 7 at that time. He has now spent half of his life without his father.

Blessings.

Jojeen · August 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss. My advice is to stick with your diet plan and don't give it up because Grandpa passed away. I'm sure he loved you and was proud of you for taking charge of your weight and trying to make sure you don't end up as he did. He would not want you to derail your diet because he has passed.

Also, the good and the bad are a part of every day life. You have to help yourself learn how to stay on track through it all. Don't compartmentalize your dieting from your grieving in order to give yourself an excuse to get off track, it will become easier to make excuses for the next time something bad happens.

God bless you and comfort you and give you strength to face and conquer each challenge to your goal of weight loss and improved health!

Mirelmture · August 2011

"But I focusing on dieting instead of family seems so... not right."

Your family does not live at the bottom of a bottle or deep inside a cake. I understand you really want to baby yourself through this, but you can turn this mentality into something positive and really take care of yourself and feel better about it. There is still room for sweet treats and snackies in moderation while staying on your diet anyway. What would your family want for you? Especially given his health problems.

I've had an emotionally trying day myself, but I can tell you about that some other day. Hang in there! Lots of hugs to you.

eresin · August 2011

I don't want this to come out the wrong way but if you choose to put off you diet while you grieve then you will be a victim of emotional eating and i think it's fair to say that emotional eating is responsible for a lot of weight us women have.

If you can control your diet while grieving that will show you how strong you can be, and it means the next time you go though a rough patch you will know you won't fall off the wagon.

I am truely sorry for your loss and I hope you can remain strong. Just think about what he would want. You say he was overweight for the latter part of his life and as a result he had health problems, he wouldn't want to eating to grieve, he will want you to be strong!

{hugs}
xxx

Grief and dieting...

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