Fat shaming
Hi,
Where do you draw the line?
I have a lot of family members who ask me about-
What should we do to lose weight ?
Give me a DIET !
What FOODS can we eat?
Now when I tell them - free yourself of these "good food and bad food" just eat according to your caloric needs and note them down- eat fiberous foods and keep protein intake good. Do some physical activity you like which will sweat you out. Take it slow and do something that you can do for the rest of your life, someone would always interject and say- easy for you to say. I, eat very little but still gaining weight because "metabolism is slow" , I have a condition that if I eat anything I'll gain weight.
Now with all this "fat shaming" -how do I tackle all this?
I feel like if I talk about it openly and tell them- no such thing as "slow metabolism" it might be slower than some other people but not to a point that you can't lose weight -someone may say "ahem that's fat shaming" - if I don't then it's like "ahem- that's fat discrimination- you feel like you are better than us" "It's the food that has made us fat" "I can't cook and because I eat out there is no way I won't get fat". Obviously they won't use those very terms because family friends and all but still.
How do you go by being open in a day and age when most can only indulge in a debate if it's behind a screen?
P.S- oh and the usual - just because I'm fat doesn't mean I'm not fit. I have better health than many fit people. I can do so and so better than so and so. You see -I do so much activity but I'm still overweight- ergo my metabolism is at fault.
P.P.S- let's say we take 500 random people who are in their "normal" weight range and 500 random people who are "obese" -what are the chances that people in "obese" category would have more people in their group would be more fit than 500 normal weight people ?
P.P.P.S- What kind of health issues can "obese" people and "fit" people suffer at the same time. Weight related.
P.P.P.P.S- Is BMI and body fat percentage totally useless way to measure how healthy a person could possibly be?
P.P.P.P.P.S- fat shaming is when someone makes fun of someone being fat - since when did if a person is asking for advice and giving them advice considered fat shaming? Especially when you tell them that throw out all misconceptions and focus on CICO?
Where do you draw the line?
I have a lot of family members who ask me about-
What should we do to lose weight ?
Give me a DIET !
What FOODS can we eat?
Now when I tell them - free yourself of these "good food and bad food" just eat according to your caloric needs and note them down- eat fiberous foods and keep protein intake good. Do some physical activity you like which will sweat you out. Take it slow and do something that you can do for the rest of your life, someone would always interject and say- easy for you to say. I, eat very little but still gaining weight because "metabolism is slow" , I have a condition that if I eat anything I'll gain weight.
Now with all this "fat shaming" -how do I tackle all this?
I feel like if I talk about it openly and tell them- no such thing as "slow metabolism" it might be slower than some other people but not to a point that you can't lose weight -someone may say "ahem that's fat shaming" - if I don't then it's like "ahem- that's fat discrimination- you feel like you are better than us" "It's the food that has made us fat" "I can't cook and because I eat out there is no way I won't get fat". Obviously they won't use those very terms because family friends and all but still.
How do you go by being open in a day and age when most can only indulge in a debate if it's behind a screen?
P.S- oh and the usual - just because I'm fat doesn't mean I'm not fit. I have better health than many fit people. I can do so and so better than so and so. You see -I do so much activity but I'm still overweight- ergo my metabolism is at fault.
P.P.S- let's say we take 500 random people who are in their "normal" weight range and 500 random people who are "obese" -what are the chances that people in "obese" category would have more people in their group would be more fit than 500 normal weight people ?
P.P.P.S- What kind of health issues can "obese" people and "fit" people suffer at the same time. Weight related.
P.P.P.P.S- Is BMI and body fat percentage totally useless way to measure how healthy a person could possibly be?
P.P.P.P.P.S- fat shaming is when someone makes fun of someone being fat - since when did if a person is asking for advice and giving them advice considered fat shaming? Especially when you tell them that throw out all misconceptions and focus on CICO?
3
Replies
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You can't debate people with this kind of attitude--you'll just get frustrated. After you've explained how you did it, and they start in with all their special problems (that's really what they want to discuss), just say "Oh my, I guess you're right, you just can't lose weight--sorry for you".9
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snowflake954 wrote: »You can't debate people with this kind of attitude--you'll just get frustrated. After you've explained how you did it, and they start in with all their special problems (that's really what they want to discuss), just say "Oh my, I guess you're right, you just can't lose weight--sorry for you".
haha your moniker and advice is paradoxical.0 -
snowflake954 wrote: »You can't debate people with this kind of attitude--you'll just get frustrated. After you've explained how you did it, and they start in with all their special problems (that's really what they want to discuss), just say "Oh my, I guess you're right, you just can't lose weight--sorry for you".
haha your moniker and advice is paradoxical.
Ha-ha . Think so?
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https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/
Saw this article. Talks about -it isn't about calories it's about food. Goes on to say that we are eating less than we did in 2003 yet we are getting over weight.0 -
"xxxx worked for me, but everyone is different and you'll just have to find what works for you" is my go-to. Trying to tell someone that there's only ONE way to do anything just opens the door for excuses and/or explanations.6
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Random...I lost 5 lbs in the spring when I stopped exercising, started drinking whiskey instead of wine and started eating Veggie burgers and fries every night for dinner
Counterintuitive right7 -
Yeah, I get this. I have a family member that consistently asks me how to lose weight and get fit. I told her what works for me. Then she proceeded to tell me how her schedule doesn’t allow for gym time and she just couldn’t eat plant based.
Le sigh.
I didn’t tell her to go vegan, I said try smarter choices. Example: eating less processed, more veggies/whole foods, drink more water, move your body frequently.
People won’t make a change unless they really want. Until then they will make any excuse posible to keep their lifestyle the way it is.4 -
https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/
Saw this article. Talks about -it isn't about calories it's about food. Goes on to say that we are eating less than we did in 2003 yet we are getting over weight.
True. I don’t count calories. I eat until I’m satisfied. My food is healthy and nutrient dense. Weight started to melt off of me when I looked at food like fuel. I can assure you though that I’m probably eating double in calories what I was when I was “trying” to get slim. 400 calories in quinoa and sweet potatoes will treat your body a lot better than 400 calories of cheesecake. 🤷🏻♀️
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I wouldn't argue with them. They have to be their own change. But, tell them about MFP and dare them to log for a month. I know it was eye opening for me when I first started. I bet it will be for them too. Hard numbers make it difficult to lie to yourself. Worst case they just laugh and don't do it :shrug:3
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"xxxx worked for me, but everyone is different and you'll just have to find what works for you" is my go-to. Trying to tell someone that there's only ONE way to do anything just opens the door for excuses and/or explanations.
That's actually the truth, though.
If I asked someone how they lost weight and they told me low carb, I'd instantly be like, no thanks. Low carbs make me really irritable.
If someone who is a heavy meat eater is told to go vegan, that's not really gonna work.
I know weight watchers is big on a glass of milk a day - what if you're lactose intolerant?
People have to find what works for them.4 -
kindalikevelma wrote: »https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/
Saw this article. Talks about -it isn't about calories it's about food. Goes on to say that we are eating less than we did in 2003 yet we are getting over weight.
True. I don’t count calories. I eat until I’m satisfied. My food is healthy and nutrient dense. Weight started to melt off of me when I looked at food like fuel. I can assure you though that I’m probably eating double in calories what I was when I was “trying” to get slim. 400 calories in quinoa and sweet potatoes will treat your body a lot better than 400 calories of cheesecake. 🤷🏻♀️
Yes
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kindalikevelma wrote: »https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/
Saw this article. Talks about -it isn't about calories it's about food. Goes on to say that we are eating less than we did in 2003 yet we are getting over weight.
True. I don’t count calories. I eat until I’m satisfied. My food is healthy and nutrient dense. Weight started to melt off of me when I looked at food like fuel. I can assure you though that I’m probably eating double in calories what I was when I was “trying” to get slim. 400 calories in quinoa and sweet potatoes will treat your body a lot better than 400 calories of cheesecake. 🤷🏻♀️
There's a lot of truth to this and I might add that exercise and nutri.....
Wait.
Cheesecake !?!?5 -
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BattleRopesAndScars wrote: »IHaveMyActTogether wrote: »"xxxx worked for me, but everyone is different and you'll just have to find what works for you" is my go-to. Trying to tell someone that there's only ONE way to do anything just opens the door for excuses and/or explanations.
That's actually the truth, though.
If I asked someone how they lost weight and they told me low carb, I'd instantly be like, no thanks. Low carbs make me really irritable.
If someone who is a heavy meat eater is told to go vegan, that's not really gonna work.
I know weight watchers is big on a glass of milk a day - what if you're lactose intolerant?
People have to find what works for them.
However all of the above're all achievable, through a caloric deficit & thus calorie deficit, should be the advice because that applies, to everyone!
Caloric deficit is only part of the equation. An aneroxic loses weight by caloric deficit as well, but its sure not the end all be all if you want to be healthy and lose weight4 -
BattleRopesAndScars wrote: »IHaveMyActTogether wrote: »"xxxx worked for me, but everyone is different and you'll just have to find what works for you" is my go-to. Trying to tell someone that there's only ONE way to do anything just opens the door for excuses and/or explanations.
That's actually the truth, though.
If I asked someone how they lost weight and they told me low carb, I'd instantly be like, no thanks. Low carbs make me really irritable.
If someone who is a heavy meat eater is told to go vegan, that's not really gonna work.
I know weight watchers is big on a glass of milk a day - what if you're lactose intolerant?
People have to find what works for them.
However all of the above're all achievable, through a caloric deficit & thus calorie deficit, should be the advice because that applies, to everyone!
I had a mental block about counting calories. Couldn't do it. Lost 40lbs without it. Suddenly, it's easy, when I was ready to do it. Everyone has to do what works for them.
I always found the CICO advice to be incredibly trite, right along the lines of having a successful business is about making more profit than having expenses, or income in vs income out. Like, sure, that's the math of it, but give me some advice that actually makes that doable.
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IHaveMyActTogether wrote: »BattleRopesAndScars wrote: »IHaveMyActTogether wrote: »"xxxx worked for me, but everyone is different and you'll just have to find what works for you" is my go-to. Trying to tell someone that there's only ONE way to do anything just opens the door for excuses and/or explanations.
That's actually the truth, though.
If I asked someone how they lost weight and they told me low carb, I'd instantly be like, no thanks. Low carbs make me really irritable.
If someone who is a heavy meat eater is told to go vegan, that's not really gonna work.
I know weight watchers is big on a glass of milk a day - what if you're lactose intolerant?
People have to find what works for them.
However all of the above're all achievable, through a caloric deficit & thus calorie deficit, should be the advice because that applies, to everyone!
I had a mental block about counting calories. Couldn't do it. Lost 40lbs without it. Suddenly, it's easy, when I was ready to do it. Everyone has to do what works for them.
I always found the CICO advice to be incredibly trite, right along the lines of having a successful business is about making more profit than having expenses, or income in vs income out. Like, sure, that's the math of it, but give me some advice that actually makes that doable.
Yup1 -
This content has been removed.
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BattleRopesAndScars wrote: »BattleRopesAndScars wrote: »IHaveMyActTogether wrote: »"xxxx worked for me, but everyone is different and you'll just have to find what works for you" is my go-to. Trying to tell someone that there's only ONE way to do anything just opens the door for excuses and/or explanations.
That's actually the truth, though.
If I asked someone how they lost weight and they told me low carb, I'd instantly be like, no thanks. Low carbs make me really irritable.
If someone who is a heavy meat eater is told to go vegan, that's not really gonna work.
I know weight watchers is big on a glass of milk a day - what if you're lactose intolerant?
People have to find what works for them.
However all of the above're all achievable, through a caloric deficit & thus calorie deficit, should be the advice because that applies, to everyone!
Caloric deficit is only part of the equation. An aneroxic loses weight by caloric deficit as well, but its sure not the end all be all if you want to be healthy and lose weight
Using calorie deficit unhealthily, wasn't the intent of my response! My intent was that, it's the main thing that must occur's a caloric deficit!
I know it wasnt your intent, but as mentioned by @IHaveMyActTogether
some people mention CICO such a trite manner its as if thats all their is to it, how can anybody be so silly not to know that. In all honesty a lot of people unkowningly employ a CICO method of weight loss and end up failing miserably in the end. I have worked with clients that told me they have lost x amount of weight because they eat nothingv but a grapefruit and salad all day. They are miserable, ruining their health, on an unsustainable path, but yes they are losing weight. I caution anyone giving weight loss advice to just spout out its easy, just eat at a deficit. I know you know there is more to it than that, but a lot of people dont. Its definitely part of the equation, but the general public has failed for decades doing it that way unknowingly for years. The devil is in the details
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I agree with most posters here. As to adding "well this is what worked for me". Just to avoid any further arguments.
CICO is a MUST and then see how you would like to balance it out. Some "feel" fuller with carbs, some with protein and some with fats. Energy goals and daily goals are different so those things would be adjusted accordingly.
Keep in mind we are not talking about Anorexic people here- I did mention "obese" which means for them CICO is a must. If they continue to consume 1000 calories above their maintenance irrespective of coming from salad or chicken or cheetos- they will gain weight.
CICO is a must for everyone in weight loss and gain-then macros. Do you think a person who is so accustomed to eatings danish, donuts, 4 spoons of sugar, coke etc etc will all of a sudden cherish eating salads and quinoa ?
That's why I usually suggest - "whatever you are eating eat less, move more. Try this for 2-3 weeks. Once they get hang of things and start feeling "better" then details can be poured in. However, by this time one would realize if they can even do this lol2 -
OP you take it for granted that people know how to choose the most filling foods so that they don't starve (but it was just a tiny slice of pizza!) , that they'll know to limit liquid calories (but it's fruit juice! Fruit!) and they'll have the patience to wait a few months for results.
As many people said, you can't argue. Ask them to write down everything they eat for one week and then you can discuss again (they don't even have to use MFP)
ETA: I am not new to counting calories and I am always shocked how small a dessert portion is. I can totally understand the "I don't eat that much therefore my metabolism must be slow" argument.0 -
It's always been difficult for me to discuss weight loss with friends and family. They usually start talking about how they need to lose weight and are trying, basically looking for advice...
It makes me a little uncomfortable because there's just not a tactful way to offer advice without lending merit to their belief that they need to lose weight.
I feel like I'm agreeing with them when they say they need to lose and that just feels a bit rude. Still haven't quite figured this out yet3 -
One of my relatives always gives the "I don't eat much, it's my metabolism" argument. Then when we were serving up ice-cream and my portion was relatively small, I couldn't help saying "You do know how many calories are in this, don't you?" Turned out her guess was off by 50%. Think I might have found the problem...
I've always admitted what has made me fat: Eating too much for my body and the work I make it do.0 -
https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong/
Saw this article. Talks about -it isn't about calories it's about food. Goes on to say that we are eating less than we did in 2003 yet we are getting over weight.
I only skim read that article because honestly it had me rolling my eyes at the first paragraph.
However, their point about us eating less calories now sites the article below. Which draws the EXACT opposite conclusion.....
It points our calorie consumption grew steadily from the 70s to the early 2000s and at the same time so did obesity levels. They peaked in 2003 (in the US) and since then obesity rates (in the US) have levelled off.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/25/upshot/americans-are-finally-eating-less.html
"There is no perfect way to measure American calorie consumption. But three large sources of data about diet all point in the same direction. Detailed daily food diaries tracked by government researchers, data from food bar codes and estimates of food production all show reductions in the calories consumed by the average American since the early 2000s. Those signals, along with the flattening of the national obesity rate, have convinced many public health researchers that the changes are meaningful."0 -
IHaveMyActTogether wrote: »BattleRopesAndScars wrote: »IHaveMyActTogether wrote: »"xxxx worked for me, but everyone is different and you'll just have to find what works for you" is my go-to. Trying to tell someone that there's only ONE way to do anything just opens the door for excuses and/or explanations.
That's actually the truth, though.
If I asked someone how they lost weight and they told me low carb, I'd instantly be like, no thanks. Low carbs make me really irritable.
If someone who is a heavy meat eater is told to go vegan, that's not really gonna work.
I know weight watchers is big on a glass of milk a day - what if you're lactose intolerant?
People have to find what works for them.
However all of the above're all achievable, through a caloric deficit & thus calorie deficit, should be the advice because that applies, to everyone!
I had a mental block about counting calories. Couldn't do it. Lost 40lbs without it. Suddenly, it's easy, when I was ready to do it. Everyone has to do what works for them.
I always found the CICO advice to be incredibly trite, right along the lines of having a successful business is about making more profit than having expenses, or income in vs income out. Like, sure, that's the math of it, but give me some advice that actually makes that doable.
I think the problem arises with lack of logging/truely knowing what they eat. Not too many business owners are like "yeah, I need to make a profit, but I'm not going to keep track of my expenses and costs and I am just going to wing it". But that is literally what most of the population is doing with the food they eat. There isn't really any one size fits all advice you can give someone, as you already mentioned. What kind of foods do YOU eat? Log those, or at least research how many calories are in them, some people really have no idea. I remember one of the first lessons I learned was salads at restaurants have insane calories in them. Like, I can eat a freaking "horrible unhealthy evil" hamburger and have eaten fewer calories. Those kinds of things can really derail someone thinking they are eating wisely. You just have to do some logging, and figure out which choices you make really are reasonable and which are not.2 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »IHaveMyActTogether wrote: »BattleRopesAndScars wrote: »IHaveMyActTogether wrote: »"xxxx worked for me, but everyone is different and you'll just have to find what works for you" is my go-to. Trying to tell someone that there's only ONE way to do anything just opens the door for excuses and/or explanations.
That's actually the truth, though.
If I asked someone how they lost weight and they told me low carb, I'd instantly be like, no thanks. Low carbs make me really irritable.
If someone who is a heavy meat eater is told to go vegan, that's not really gonna work.
I know weight watchers is big on a glass of milk a day - what if you're lactose intolerant?
People have to find what works for them.
However all of the above're all achievable, through a caloric deficit & thus calorie deficit, should be the advice because that applies, to everyone!
I had a mental block about counting calories. Couldn't do it. Lost 40lbs without it. Suddenly, it's easy, when I was ready to do it. Everyone has to do what works for them.
I always found the CICO advice to be incredibly trite, right along the lines of having a successful business is about making more profit than having expenses, or income in vs income out. Like, sure, that's the math of it, but give me some advice that actually makes that doable.
I think the problem arises with lack of logging/truely knowing what they eat. Not too many business owners are like "yeah, I need to make a profit, but I'm not going to keep track of my expenses and costs and I am just going to wing it". But that is literally what most of the population is doing with the food they eat. There isn't really any one size fits all advice you can give someone, as you already mentioned. What kind of foods do YOU eat? Log those, or at least research how many calories are in them, some people really have no idea. I remember one of the first lessons I learned was salads at restaurants have insane calories in them. Like, I can eat a freaking "horrible unhealthy evil" hamburger and have eaten fewer calories. Those kinds of things can really derail someone thinking they are eating wisely. You just have to do some logging, and figure out which choices you make really are reasonable and which are not.
For me it was a psychological block. I could not track my eating. I tried on paper, I tried taking pictures. Nothing worked. I could go the gym 6 days a week and go ham. But take a pic of my food? Too hard. I even tried calorie counting AT the gym, didn't work.
It just felt like the "old me." I didn't want to be obsessed with food, on either end, of which I've been on both. It wasn't healthy for me. So I just changed my eating habits one meal at a time. And I lost 40lbs just eating cleaner.
But eventually that scale wasn't moving and I'd lost quite a bit of weight. I was already at the extreme end of the exercising, so there really nothing else left to do but look closer at my diet. Which meant tracking. For some reason, it was easy this time.
For many people, it's simple math. For me it was more complicated.
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