Chubby since childhood, but my other two sisters are stick thin, what happened?

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riaroma52
riaroma52 Posts: 12 Member
in Motivation and Support
From photos, all I have seen are pictures of me growing up as a child to a woman as a person who has struggled with weight.

I got an eating disorder at the ate of 19 and weighed 56 kg, I lost my period, my dad said I looked like a skeleton. people were worried about me.

I'm currently trying to get better :) I'm 23 and trying to avoid eating dessert every night. I'm focusing on eating lunch and breakfast, not skipping anything.

But I can't help on snacking, whether it be raisins, or like a little nibble of Nutella. I always have double portions of food.

I look in the mirror and feel sick.

I don't want to give myself an excuse. 'Oh my body was made this way'

I KNOW I CAN GET THE BODY I DESERVE, without starving myself or gymming till I loose 1000 calories.

I just need help and support.

Thanks
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Replies

  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
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    Are you still receiving any type of treatment or therapy for your ED? Your perception of your body and what an appropriate amount of food is may still be skewed, from reading your post.
  • 73CL350
    73CL350 Posts: 259 Member
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    How tall are you ? ... kg means nothing without considering height.

    Also, have you set a calorie goal ? How many calories is that ?
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    how much do you weigh?
  • riaroma52
    riaroma52 Posts: 12 Member
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    pinuplove wrote: »
    Are you still receiving any type of treatment or therapy for your ED? Your perception of your body and what an appropriate amount of food is may still be skewed, from reading your post.

    yes, I am seeing a therapist who has been helping me with my binge eating and I have a self help book. I definitely have a strange relationship with food. but I don't think that can ever be fully cured when you have had an eating disorder.
  • riaroma52
    riaroma52 Posts: 12 Member
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    73CL350 wrote: »
    How tall are you ? ... kg means nothing without considering height.

    Also, have you set a calorie goal ? How many calories is that ?


    hey! so I am 5'4, I weight about 66kg the last time my therapist checked, that was about 4 weeks ago.

    my calorie goal, from my weight and height would be 1200? thats what the calculator says, but apparently that is too low?

    can't help but feel condemned.
  • riaroma52
    riaroma52 Posts: 12 Member
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    TavistockToad wrote: »
    how much do you weigh?


    66kg and my height is 5'4.5
  • riaroma52
    riaroma52 Posts: 12 Member
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    susanpiper57 wrote: »
    Focus on getting strong, not skinny. Keep a close eye on any I obsessive tendencies, in light of your past ED. Above all, stay healthy mentally and be kind to yourself during this journey. You may benefit from volume eating, as long as you keep to leafy greens and non-starchy vegetables for your main, and smaller portions of more calorie-dense whole foods and grains. Good luck in your journey, and take care of yourself :)

    Thank you so much :) That means a lot to me!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    riaroma52 wrote: »
    73CL350 wrote: »
    How tall are you ? ... kg means nothing without considering height.

    Also, have you set a calorie goal ? How many calories is that ?


    hey! so I am 5'4, I weight about 66kg the last time my therapist checked, that was about 4 weeks ago.

    my calorie goal, from my weight and height would be 1200? thats what the calculator says, but apparently that is too low?

    can't help but feel condemned.

    what has your therapist said about you wanting to lose weight?
  • ACanadian22
    ACanadian22 Posts: 377 Member
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    So you weight 145 pounds? I wouldn't call that chubby. 1200 imo is wayyy too low for losing. Weigh your food and you will do fine :)
  • riaroma52
    riaroma52 Posts: 12 Member
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    TavistockToad wrote: »
    riaroma52 wrote: »
    73CL350 wrote: »
    How tall are you ? ... kg means nothing without considering height.

    Also, have you set a calorie goal ? How many calories is that ?


    hey! so I am 5'4, I weight about 66kg the last time my therapist checked, that was about 4 weeks ago.

    my calorie goal, from my weight and height would be 1200? thats what the calculator says, but apparently that is too low?

    can't help but feel condemned.

    what has your therapist said about you wanting to lose weight?

    she said that shouldn't be my priority, but its just so painful not being perfect.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    riaroma52 wrote: »
    73CL350 wrote: »
    How tall are you ? ... kg means nothing without considering height.

    Also, have you set a calorie goal ? How many calories is that ?


    hey! so I am 5'4, I weight about 66kg the last time my therapist checked, that was about 4 weeks ago.

    my calorie goal, from my weight and height would be 1200? thats what the calculator says, but apparently that is too low?

    can't help but feel condemned.

    Since you are not actually overweight for your height you should set your goal to lose .25 kg per week. That should give you more calories to work with. I would think at least 1400 instead of 1200 if you are sedentary. With MFP you are supposed to log exercise beyond your normal daily activity and then eat more.
    A food scale can be a helpful tool for portioning out calorie dense foods like raisins, Nutella or desserts. A food diary can be a helpful tool for making sure you get the right amount of calories as well as things like protein, fats and fiber that generally help people feel more satisfied.
    It sounds like you are trying to handle your weight and food in a healthier way. It takes time. Try to be patient with yourself and the process. Don't compare to others.
    If you are struggling with binge eating or body image that is something you should be talking to your therapist about to get help. Have you discussed your current weight loss efforts and goals with them and what is healthy and appropriate for you?
  • riaroma52
    riaroma52 Posts: 12 Member
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    ACanadian22 wrote: »
    So you weight 145 pounds? I wouldn't call that chubby. 1200 imo is wayyy too low for losing. Weigh your food and you will do fine :)


    my face is pretty thin, in the sense you can see my cheekbones. but I do have a flabby tummy and thighs. although I work out a lot so there is noticeable muscle and shaped bottom. like, I'm so confused by my body?!!!

    I will try that!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    riaroma52 wrote: »
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    riaroma52 wrote: »
    73CL350 wrote: »
    How tall are you ? ... kg means nothing without considering height.

    Also, have you set a calorie goal ? How many calories is that ?


    hey! so I am 5'4, I weight about 66kg the last time my therapist checked, that was about 4 weeks ago.

    my calorie goal, from my weight and height would be 1200? thats what the calculator says, but apparently that is too low?

    can't help but feel condemned.

    what has your therapist said about you wanting to lose weight?

    she said that shouldn't be my priority, but its just so painful not being perfect.

    being a particular weight wont make you perfect though... 'perfect' isn't a weight. perfect isn't even a thing.
  • riaroma52
    riaroma52 Posts: 12 Member
    Options
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    riaroma52 wrote: »
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    riaroma52 wrote: »
    73CL350 wrote: »
    How tall are you ? ... kg means nothing without considering height.

    Also, have you set a calorie goal ? How many calories is that ?


    hey! so I am 5'4, I weight about 66kg the last time my therapist checked, that was about 4 weeks ago.

    my calorie goal, from my weight and height would be 1200? thats what the calculator says, but apparently that is too low?

    can't help but feel condemned.

    what has your therapist said about you wanting to lose weight?

    she said that shouldn't be my priority, but its just so painful not being perfect.

    being a particular weight wont make you perfect though... 'perfect' isn't a weight. perfect isn't even a thing.

    I just mean, being able to look in the mirror and smile you know? like seeing the strength in my arms and feeling like I am looking after myself.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
    Options
    riaroma52 wrote: »
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    riaroma52 wrote: »
    73CL350 wrote: »
    How tall are you ? ... kg means nothing without considering height.

    Also, have you set a calorie goal ? How many calories is that ?


    hey! so I am 5'4, I weight about 66kg the last time my therapist checked, that was about 4 weeks ago.

    my calorie goal, from my weight and height would be 1200? thats what the calculator says, but apparently that is too low?

    can't help but feel condemned.

    what has your therapist said about you wanting to lose weight?

    she said that shouldn't be my priority, but its just so painful not being perfect.

    Listen to your therapist.

    Consider eating at maintenance and incorporating a progressive overload lifting routine for recomp if you are unhappy with your current shape. There's a great thread about it somewhere here, but I'm on the app and can't easily find or link it.
  • Mithridites
    Mithridites Posts: 595 Member
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    Keep in mind that your self-perception is clouded by the ED and trust your therapist. What you see currently as a flabby tummy, can quite possibly be a perfectly slim mid-section to an objective observer. Good luck with your recovery. Hugs!
  • riaroma52
    riaroma52 Posts: 12 Member
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    eep guys thank you so much !!!!!
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    riaroma52 wrote: »
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    riaroma52 wrote: »
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    riaroma52 wrote: »
    73CL350 wrote: »
    How tall are you ? ... kg means nothing without considering height.

    Also, have you set a calorie goal ? How many calories is that ?


    hey! so I am 5'4, I weight about 66kg the last time my therapist checked, that was about 4 weeks ago.

    my calorie goal, from my weight and height would be 1200? thats what the calculator says, but apparently that is too low?

    can't help but feel condemned.

    what has your therapist said about you wanting to lose weight?

    she said that shouldn't be my priority, but its just so painful not being perfect.

    being a particular weight wont make you perfect though... 'perfect' isn't a weight. perfect isn't even a thing.

    I just mean, being able to look in the mirror and smile you know? like seeing the strength in my arms and feeling like I am looking after myself.

    That is mainly a mental change that needs to happen not a physical change in your body. For your long term health it might be better to maintain your weight and get your headspace healthier. Keep working with your therapist.

    You obviously still have an ideal body in mind that is not necesarily realistic and a negative mind set that colors how you see things about yourself. I'd wager you do not spend much time thinking about things you like about yourself or finding reasons to smile at yourself.

    There is a neat thread about how stomachs look. https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10689837/does-this-uterus-make-my-stomach-look-fat/p1
    My 18 year old dd is 104-105 lbs (bottom end of the healthy bmi for her height) and does not have an absolutely flat belly. Depending on her posture it can look a little flabby when she absolutely is not chubby.

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