I can’t bring myself to workout or eat right.
NiqueKristan
Posts: 152 Member
I’m 26 and at the highest weight of my life- 240 at 5”6. Theoretically, I want to lose weight but for the life of me, I can’t make myself workout and I keep eating poorly. My boyfriend constantly tries to push me to lose weight/work out and he doesn’t understand that I just don’t want to, so I lie to him and tell him I’ve worked out/eaten a salad when I haven’t. Why do I keep sabotaging myself? How can I get myself out of this rut and change my life?
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Replies
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Try just taking small steps don’t get discouraged it’s hard at the beginning just remember every little bit counts small changes in your eating habits moderation is key snack on fruits and vegetables take the stairs and take walks at lunch.
I’m using the map my walk app and it’s so far super encouraging! It tells me how many mile and calories I burned do it makes me look forward to my walks.:) cut the sugar drinks in half look up recipes on line to help you get ideas. Add me if you like I’m new! 6 -
NiqueKristan wrote: »Why do I keep sabotaging myself? How can I get myself out of this rut and change my life?
Where you are now, to where you deserve to be - for a healthier you - is to affect your quality of life. Only you can change your disposition. At 5ft 6 weighing in at 240 lbs at your age, where would you ideally want your body to be in 6 weeks - 5 years time? Self-sabotage is borne out of insecurities. To exit this multifold bind, you need to name it, categorise it, then unload it - All your issues, all manner of disruptions, hauntings, pain. Ease into the better, improved, healthier and stronger you. Refrain yourself from taking the approach as though you're gavaging .... Mentally process it a few times before you settle with what best suits you and will likely be sustainable - (i) Your eating plan and (ii) Your workout; Something fun and whatever feels natural for you to do, that'll keep you moving for a time eg Line dancing.
People who care about you will impart their concerns and will sometimes insist on a programme. I've witnessed way too many men dare this approach with their women, whose bodies and psyche were far from ready to fully commit to "the brutality" and usually extreme and too fast-paced workout routines, who'd deviated from gradually qualifying their women's ability a step at a time - drop weight to healthy weight, healthy weight to fitness ready, fitness ready to borderline athletic.6 -
Do you want to lose weight? Or do just want the weight to be gone? Is this more important to you or your boyfriend?6
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Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful and perceptive post. It makes sense that much of my issues are insecurities and I’m definitely working on improving my mental health. I guess it’s true that “to heal your body you must first heal your mind”.NiqueKristan wrote: »Why do I keep sabotaging myself? How can I get myself out of this rut and change my life?
Where you are now, to where you deserve to be - for a healthier you - is to affect your quality of life. Only you can change your disposition. At 5ft 6 weighing in at 240 lbs at your age, where would you ideally want your body to be in 6 weeks - 5 years time? Self-sabotage is borne out of insecurities. To exit this multifold bind, you need to name it, categorise it, then unload it - All your issues, all manner of disruptions, hauntings, pain. Ease into the better, improved, healthier and stronger you. Refrain yourself from taking the approach as though you're gavaging .... Mentally process it a few times before you settle with what best suits you and will likely be sustainable - (i) Your eating plan and (ii) Your workout; Something fun and whatever feels natural for you to do, that'll keep you moving for a time eg Line dancing.
People who care about you will impart their concerns and will sometimes insist on a programme. I've witnessed way too many men dare this approach with their women, whose bodies and psyche were far from ready to fully commit to "the brutality" and usually extreme and too fast-paced workout routines, who'd deviated from gradually qualifying their women's ability a step at a time - drop weight to healthy weight, healthy weight to fitness ready, fitness ready to borderline athletic.
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Do you want to lose weight? Or do just want the weight to be gone? Is this more important to you or your boyfriend?
I don’t like being this size and I keep wanting the weight loss without doing the work. I’ve lost weight in the past just to gain it right back and I guess I just keep thinking “What’s the point”.
At the moment, it’s more important to him. I can tell it really bothers him. I was plus size when I met him, but I have gained 20 pounds this year alone.1 -
Believe me I am not one to point any fingers, but in your first post you say "he doesn’t understand that I just don’t want to" and then in a later post "I don’t like being this size and I keep wanting the weight loss without doing the work."
Unfortunately losing weight is NOT easy and it will take hard work and effort. When you see people who have had success what are some of the things you hear? That it was NOT easy, but that the love the way that they feel since they lost the weight.
Most of the reasons why I have lost and gained weight have been emotional. I know you cannot see it right now, but if you give yourself a chance you will be surprised at what you are capable of doing.
Start out slow5 -
Believe me I am not one to point any fingers, but in your first post you say "he doesn’t understand that I just don’t want to" and then in a later post "I don’t like being this size and I keep wanting the weight loss without doing the work."
Unfortunately losing weight is NOT easy and it will take hard work and effort. When you see people who have had success what are some of the things you hear? That it was NOT easy, but that the love the way that they feel since they lost the weight.
Most of the reasons why I have lost and gained weight have been emotional. I know you cannot see it right now, but if you give yourself a chance you will be surprised at what you are capable of doing.
Start out slow
Oh, I see how it wasn’t clear. I meant he doesn’t understand that I don’t want to workout/eat right. Even though I don’t like my weight, I’m not ready put in the work yet. I want to lose weight of course, but I’m struggling to get started on my journey.
Thank you for your comment, you have really good points.
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Hi NiqueKristan.
I don't know what goes wrong in your mind and makes you eat so much; each one including me have problems. I suppose eating is a sort of occupation for you. So i suggest a new occupation, even two, and they are fun! Look:
I propose you to see diet & work our like two games, instead of means to lose weight.
First, if you set up a daily goal in calories, cooking and eating will be more fun. You will have to be creative, because you don't want to eat the same thing everyday. Also, you should never be hungry, and you need to be smart and learn to be smarter, more experienced. You will have to be smart, because making menus matching your tastes, your hunger AND the calories limits, it's a difficult mind game.
Second, working out is a sport. And a sport is ... a game! TADAHH
See videos online and learn the correct techniquse. Buy the required material. And start practicing. Learn about every aspect of the exercises, of a sport session. Learn when, how to rest. Practice and get better. Then increase the weights you use, regularly, and see a progress.
These two things: diet and sport. They are fun! They really are. And if by having fun you also lose weight, so be it.
Cheers from Paris, France.
Joel.6 -
NiqueKristan wrote: »Believe me I am not one to point any fingers, but in your first post you say "he doesn’t understand that I just don’t want to" and then in a later post "I don’t like being this size and I keep wanting the weight loss without doing the work."
Unfortunately losing weight is NOT easy and it will take hard work and effort. When you see people who have had success what are some of the things you hear? That it was NOT easy, but that the love the way that they feel since they lost the weight.
Most of the reasons why I have lost and gained weight have been emotional. I know you cannot see it right now, but if you give yourself a chance you will be surprised at what you are capable of doing.
Start out slow
Oh, I see how it wasn’t clear. I meant he doesn’t understand that I don’t want to workout/eat right. Even though I don’t like my weight, I’m not ready put in the work yet. I want to lose weight of course, but I’m struggling to get started on my journey.
Thank you for your comment, you have really good points.
Well there you go and really I get it. You want to lose the weight, but you are not ready to do what it will take to do that. So I am not sure what it is in your life that you need to deal with to get you to that point, but that is something you need to face on your own. NO ONE can do that for you.
You need to look into that mirror and tell that woman that you LOVE her. I am very self destructive type person so i know I am my own worst enemy. I hope that you can eventually see that beautiful and great person that you are now.5 -
If you’re content to not lose weight I’d say lose the boyfriend if he’s the one who has a problem with it.2
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If you're not there yet, you're not there yet - BUT, having posted here at all is a good start. You need to want it for you, just for you, and for no one else. You say you don't like being obese, but you also don't like to put in the work to lose weight. Someone here once posted: "Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Pick your hard", and I think that's super accurate. Losing weight is really very simple, but not at all easy. There are no shortcuts, no easy ways out, no wonderpills or miraculous weight loss plans. It all comes down to consuming less calories than you burn.
You don't want to be fat anymore? Well, then don't be. Start somewhere, anywhere, really. You didn't gain the weight in a week, you won't lose it in a week, but every little change for the better is a step in the right direction. Drink one less soda a day. Eat three cookies instead of five and build on that. If you really want an eye-opener, keep eating and drinking like you do, but log everything you put in your mouth for a week, without judging. Just log it, and after a week, take a look at it. Then see if there are little things you could easily change and keep up forever (which really is the key to staying at a healthy weight).
If you want it, you can do it. If you don't, well then you're not ready yet. Come back when you are.13 -
Sometimes we sit back and look at how much we should lose in total and it's daunting. Some days I feel like "forget it, staying fat is easier". But I have to remind myself - although I'm relatively healthy now even though I am overweight, there will come a day when it all catches up to me. I have to take charge now. Okay, maybe not today 100% but I'll try to make small choices each day that add up over time.
Here's one of my fave threads in this section. It reminds me I don't need to lose all the weight today. Just for today, I'll commit to one reasonable goal and stick with that. I almost never post there, but I read regularly for inspiration. https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10626513/just-for-today-one-day-at-a-time-daily-commitment-thread-for-2018#latest2 -
The secret to weight-loss, for me anyway, was small changes over time...
You just lack momentum... Look at each healthy meal or workout as simply building momentum, one nudge at a time... You don't have to 180 completely in a day.3 -
Many people don't like working out and it isn't necessary to lose weight. You just need a calorie deficit. MFP will set you up with a daily calorie goal. You just have to stay within it everyday. Buy a digital food scale and start weighing and measuring everything you eat and drink. You can eat whatever you'd like, but you'll quickly find that vegetables and fruits go farther on your budget. As for exercising, there are so many things you can do to move more--and MFP will give you more calories that day. As you lose you'll look better if you exercise. Walking is fine to start. Good luck, and don't wait to start. You'll be happier with yourself.4
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snowflake954 wrote: »Many people don't like working out and it isn't necessary to lose weight. You just need a calorie deficit. MFP will set you up with a daily calorie goal. You just have to stay within it everyday. Buy a digital food scale and start weighing and measuring everything you eat and drink. You can eat whatever you'd like, but you'll quickly find that vegetables and fruits go farther on your budget. As for exercising, there are so many things you can do to move more--and MFP will give you more calories that day. As you lose you'll look better if you exercise. Walking is fine to start. Good luck, and don't wait to start. You'll be happier with yourself.
If I'm reading it right she doesn't want to do that either.....0 -
If you are not ready, you simply aren't ready yet. That's totally your choice.
I remember being at that point where I wasn't quite ready to make the changes needed. It's up to you and only you! This won't work unless you really want it.
Your bf could buy you 355 salads and it still won't work. You gotta want it. You have to want it so bad that nothing will stop you. It's all up to you though.
When you are finally ready, you'll work it out.
This lifestyle isn't easy. If it was easy ,everyone would do it.4 -
mmm just an idea... but for some reason you feel a sense of control by NOT losing weight? The boyfriend? Is he overbearing or a control freak? Many women can love a man.. but they can take charge in a. relationship.. and food can become the only area of personal control. Kids do it too..to overbearing parents who try to control all aspects of their lives, but eating is the only personal power they have. It is self destructive.
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Stockholm_Andy wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Many people don't like working out and it isn't necessary to lose weight. You just need a calorie deficit. MFP will set you up with a daily calorie goal. You just have to stay within it everyday. Buy a digital food scale and start weighing and measuring everything you eat and drink. You can eat whatever you'd like, but you'll quickly find that vegetables and fruits go farther on your budget. As for exercising, there are so many things you can do to move more--and MFP will give you more calories that day. As you lose you'll look better if you exercise. Walking is fine to start. Good luck, and don't wait to start. You'll be happier with yourself.
If I'm reading it right she doesn't want to do that either.....
Perhaps not...but she's on this site asking questions. She may not want to do anything now, but in the future, who knows? Just getting her thinking might help her out.1 -
Sounds similar to a smoker or drinker who'd like to stop and become healthier but the overwhelming idea of it all discourages them, and having a defeatist attitude only adds weight to it all. @k8eekins touched on this earlier.
In the end, you have to be ready and really want to commit yourself to making the changes. Sometimes outside sources can motivate us, but deep down its about you.1 -
Does your boyfriend pushing you make you feel more resistant? I am on the stubborn side and sometimes people telling me what to do makes me just dig my heels in more to not do what they want. Not great, but I know this about myself. If this is true for you also, maybe sit down and have a discussion with your boyfriend about your feelings. Let him know you appreciate his concern but bugging you about it isn't helping and that you need to do things at your own speed.3
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You don't have to workout to lose weight. And you can still eat the things you want to eat, you just need to learn portion control. Have your chocolate - but have A serving of chocolate. Have your Mcdonalds, but do it knowing you're taking a good chunk of your calories in doing so.
Also, there's nothing wrong with not losing weight at all. If you're happy and you're healthy, and you don't want to do it - don't. As long as you're not facing any type of health issues from it, and you're not motivated - embrace your size.1 -
I think we've all been there at some point, and agree with you that we have to make the decision to want to create a better lifestyle. Personally, I know I've been there, and gave myself another week, or just after this meal out, or once the weather is nicer, or once this......and made excuses but was miserable as I was gaining weight. Why be miserable and make excuses to lead me to be more miserable is beyond me?! I gave my head a shake and decided to take control of my life, I wasn't happy, and I was the only one that was able to change it, and I am sure that soon you will make that change as well, when you're ready.
Start small, I promise that's all it takes, you will notice a shift in your well being and emotions, start seeing results, feel better about yourself, feel better mentally, and want to make a bigger change. And then a bigger change. We all start somewhere! One day at a time, once you get over the first few days it gets easier as you form habits, and allow yourself to still have bad days because we're human and it doesn't have to be a perfect journey, but at least you're on it!1 -
If you haven't already read this: https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/818701/the-myth-of-motivation-and-what-you-need-instead/p1
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When you are ready, try taking on one thing and make it a mini goal once its habit then move onto another thing. Looking at the entire whole of anything can be daunting to some extent. Small achievable goals will make you feel better about yourself and before you know it there will be a myriad of things you can tackle at any given time. Ultimately it boils down to you and what you want to do. If you don't want to be where you are at then you have the power to change it. Everyone has that power but it's easy to get caught in a negative feedback cycle. I am in one at the moment but working to get out of it, its OK to mess up and fail so long as you learn from it and get back up dust yourself off and continue to work toward your goals. We are human and we err but we are resilient and strong in ways we can't imagine until we are called to task, so to speak.
There are some days I just don't want to eat healthy nor workout but I give myself a little push to do so and when I look back on that day I feel better for it. Now its time for me to go walk the dogs
Good luck on your journey. 1 -
NiqueKristan wrote: »I don’t like being this size and I keep wanting the weight loss without doing the work. I’ve lost weight in the past just to gain it right back and I guess I just keep thinking “What’s the point”.
At the moment, it’s more important to him. I can tell it really bothers him. I was plus size when I met him, but I have gained 20 pounds this year alone.
So, let's clarify-
You want to weigh less (a desired outcome). You just don't want to lose weight (an action plan).
Losing weight is a fairly simple process. You eat fewer calories than your body requires. It's just not easy.
Here's the thing, though...if you know you're not ready, then figure out if it's even worth it to start right now. Because you'll undoubtedly fail if you're not ready and you'll just feel even worse about your situation.
If you're not ready, just let it go and put a note on your calendar to revisit the question in a few months
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Oh, and on the boyfriend issue- you'll need to figure out what's driving his interest in your weight. If it's about your health, great. Let him know you 'get' it but now isn't the time and he needs to back off. If he truly cares he'll back off and he may be a keeper. If he doesn't back off or this is about something else (such as your appearance or just wanting to control you), you may want to re-think your relationship.4
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Do you have any non weight related goals and dreams? How do you make sure it happens?
It takes similar skills to undertake a weight loss plan. Set small achievable goals and monitor progress.
I suggest behavioural goals rather than using the scale.
For instance, have a salad instead of fries with your lunch for a week.
Make sure to take note of your successes.
Stop lying to yourself and your boyfriend. Lying, even to yourself, degrades your self worth.2 -
I can share my case with you and hope it helps.
Everything begins with a good eating habit. I’m a binge eater who especially LOVE eating carbs (pastry, ice cream, chocolate.. you name it.) but once I successfully got into Keto Diet, those cravings gone! It’s gonna be difficult for the first 1-2 weeks, but you need to tell yourself to focus on today’s goal, the cravings will be gone soon.
What you have to realize is the more sugars and bad carbs you consume, the more you crave them! Imagine they are the same as drugs.
Here are some tips that helped me get my control back over food (and life!).
1. Keep yourself busy.
2. Drink at least 3L water per day.
3. Include greens and protein every meal.
4. Plan your meals ahead. (So you don’t think about what to eat throughout the day and you have more control)
5. Don’t get too stressful over food. You are doing great.
6. Cook you own food.
7. Consume more food from the land, and less process food.
8. Substitute junk food intake to Greek Yogurt with berries, or 90% dark chocolate. (A piece of 90% Lindt chocolate bar kills my cravings!)
9. Don’t purchase any junk food if you can’t control your eating.
10. Try black coffee, lemon water, or apple cider vinegar.
11. Try Keto Diet. (Eating carbs makes me feel sleepy and craving more, while fat and protein keeps me full and satisfied. Keto also turns your body a fat burning machine)
12. Or consider Keto Fasting! (Works for me. I can eat one larger meal a day so I’m satisfied, and fast the rest of the day so I don’t even bother to cheat cause that’s the rule. Since you only get one large meal, it limits you calories intake as well.)4 -
You are not alone I am in the same boat as u! I wan and need to lose weight but right now lack the motivation I need to be consistent. I am active on mfp and hoping that one day something in my brain will click and I will know it’s time and I am ready and then I believe nothing will stop me! Good luck! Feel free to send me a friend request!!! (Also anyone else can add me too!!)1
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