I can’t bring myself to workout or eat right.
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Does your boyfriend pushing you make you feel more resistant? I am on the stubborn side and sometimes people telling me what to do makes me just dig my heels in more to not do what they want. Not great, but I know this about myself. If this is true for you also, maybe sit down and have a discussion with your boyfriend about your feelings. Let him know you appreciate his concern but bugging you about it isn't helping and that you need to do things at your own speed.3
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You don't have to workout to lose weight. And you can still eat the things you want to eat, you just need to learn portion control. Have your chocolate - but have A serving of chocolate. Have your Mcdonalds, but do it knowing you're taking a good chunk of your calories in doing so.
Also, there's nothing wrong with not losing weight at all. If you're happy and you're healthy, and you don't want to do it - don't. As long as you're not facing any type of health issues from it, and you're not motivated - embrace your size.1 -
I think we've all been there at some point, and agree with you that we have to make the decision to want to create a better lifestyle. Personally, I know I've been there, and gave myself another week, or just after this meal out, or once the weather is nicer, or once this......and made excuses but was miserable as I was gaining weight. Why be miserable and make excuses to lead me to be more miserable is beyond me?! I gave my head a shake and decided to take control of my life, I wasn't happy, and I was the only one that was able to change it, and I am sure that soon you will make that change as well, when you're ready.
Start small, I promise that's all it takes, you will notice a shift in your well being and emotions, start seeing results, feel better about yourself, feel better mentally, and want to make a bigger change. And then a bigger change. We all start somewhere! One day at a time, once you get over the first few days it gets easier as you form habits, and allow yourself to still have bad days because we're human and it doesn't have to be a perfect journey, but at least you're on it!1 -
If you haven't already read this: https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/818701/the-myth-of-motivation-and-what-you-need-instead/p1
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When you are ready, try taking on one thing and make it a mini goal once its habit then move onto another thing. Looking at the entire whole of anything can be daunting to some extent. Small achievable goals will make you feel better about yourself and before you know it there will be a myriad of things you can tackle at any given time. Ultimately it boils down to you and what you want to do. If you don't want to be where you are at then you have the power to change it. Everyone has that power but it's easy to get caught in a negative feedback cycle. I am in one at the moment but working to get out of it, its OK to mess up and fail so long as you learn from it and get back up dust yourself off and continue to work toward your goals. We are human and we err but we are resilient and strong in ways we can't imagine until we are called to task, so to speak.
There are some days I just don't want to eat healthy nor workout but I give myself a little push to do so and when I look back on that day I feel better for it. Now its time for me to go walk the dogs
Good luck on your journey. 1 -
NiqueKristan wrote: »I don’t like being this size and I keep wanting the weight loss without doing the work. I’ve lost weight in the past just to gain it right back and I guess I just keep thinking “What’s the point”.
At the moment, it’s more important to him. I can tell it really bothers him. I was plus size when I met him, but I have gained 20 pounds this year alone.
So, let's clarify-
You want to weigh less (a desired outcome). You just don't want to lose weight (an action plan).
Losing weight is a fairly simple process. You eat fewer calories than your body requires. It's just not easy.
Here's the thing, though...if you know you're not ready, then figure out if it's even worth it to start right now. Because you'll undoubtedly fail if you're not ready and you'll just feel even worse about your situation.
If you're not ready, just let it go and put a note on your calendar to revisit the question in a few months
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Oh, and on the boyfriend issue- you'll need to figure out what's driving his interest in your weight. If it's about your health, great. Let him know you 'get' it but now isn't the time and he needs to back off. If he truly cares he'll back off and he may be a keeper. If he doesn't back off or this is about something else (such as your appearance or just wanting to control you), you may want to re-think your relationship.4
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Do you have any non weight related goals and dreams? How do you make sure it happens?
It takes similar skills to undertake a weight loss plan. Set small achievable goals and monitor progress.
I suggest behavioural goals rather than using the scale.
For instance, have a salad instead of fries with your lunch for a week.
Make sure to take note of your successes.
Stop lying to yourself and your boyfriend. Lying, even to yourself, degrades your self worth.2 -
I can share my case with you and hope it helps.
Everything begins with a good eating habit. I’m a binge eater who especially LOVE eating carbs (pastry, ice cream, chocolate.. you name it.) but once I successfully got into Keto Diet, those cravings gone! It’s gonna be difficult for the first 1-2 weeks, but you need to tell yourself to focus on today’s goal, the cravings will be gone soon.
What you have to realize is the more sugars and bad carbs you consume, the more you crave them! Imagine they are the same as drugs.
Here are some tips that helped me get my control back over food (and life!).
1. Keep yourself busy.
2. Drink at least 3L water per day.
3. Include greens and protein every meal.
4. Plan your meals ahead. (So you don’t think about what to eat throughout the day and you have more control)
5. Don’t get too stressful over food. You are doing great.
6. Cook you own food.
7. Consume more food from the land, and less process food.
8. Substitute junk food intake to Greek Yogurt with berries, or 90% dark chocolate. (A piece of 90% Lindt chocolate bar kills my cravings!)
9. Don’t purchase any junk food if you can’t control your eating.
10. Try black coffee, lemon water, or apple cider vinegar.
11. Try Keto Diet. (Eating carbs makes me feel sleepy and craving more, while fat and protein keeps me full and satisfied. Keto also turns your body a fat burning machine)
12. Or consider Keto Fasting! (Works for me. I can eat one larger meal a day so I’m satisfied, and fast the rest of the day so I don’t even bother to cheat cause that’s the rule. Since you only get one large meal, it limits you calories intake as well.)4 -
You are not alone I am in the same boat as u! I wan and need to lose weight but right now lack the motivation I need to be consistent. I am active on mfp and hoping that one day something in my brain will click and I will know it’s time and I am ready and then I believe nothing will stop me! Good luck! Feel free to send me a friend request!!! (Also anyone else can add me too!!)1
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well food/sugar is the most powerful drug addiction there is. I struggle with the same problem you have except the boyfriend pushing me to do it. I dont want to/ want to give up my time doing my other things to workout. Eating right is almost utterly impossible because I hate almost all vegetables due to taste. Getting off track here, When i first started my weight loss journey the only thing I did was change how much i ate. Instead of eating 2 mcchickens 1 mcdouble and 1 large fry i cut it down to 1 mcchicken and a large fry cant buy any other size or it would be a waste of money. I would change this with everything I ate slowly overtime, after about 4 months I had lost 20lbs no exercise. After a while it will slow so then of course I added exercise because while everyone tells you eat right they cant tell you to like foods you dont like. It is a tough mental game that you play as well, there will be good days and days you are mad at yourself for doing wrong but dont beat yourself up. Just try better for the next food option you put in your mouth. I wont say day because then we just say ah i will do it tomorrow no it needs to be the meal. I believe in you, just take a small step where you can even if its only not drinking that one extra soda you wanted. It is hard to start as I am having to restart again due to life complications but I will do something small to continue my work.
Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin.6 -
All good ideas expressed in this discussion thread. However, the main point should be... whenever a person is mentally ready to deal with weight issues, that is when progress can be made. All other reasons will fall by the wayside until you say to yourself "Enough. It's time, right now, to lose this weight."
The mental aspect is key.1 -
I tried and failed a lot. I had a similar mentality- I wanted to be smaller but I didn’t feel able to change my habits, and it was all so scary to me and overwhelming. I felt like I couldn’t do it. I didn’t believe I could and I still do feel like it could all come back. I don’t have answers I just have been there.
I started with really small steps, with making all of my food at home. I focused on the financial aspect - I calculated what I had spent on fast food and junk in the last 4 years (thousands) and said to myself “I have an $X body.” Which struck me as hilarious and a bit sad.
But other than that goal, I kept my weight loss goals to myself. I still haven’t told anyone except my SO and parents. My body is not up for discussion. It is not something anyone is allowed to weigh in on.
When my SO knew I wanted to lose, and we would go out to eat, sometimes he would say “maybe you should stop eating this now” or “I think you’ve had enough”. And after that I would always finish it, even if I felt sick from it I would keep eating, because it upset me so much I felt like there was no winning.
I eventually had to have a sit down with him about it because it was coming from a caring and loving place, wanting to support my goal. He didn’t realize that it would make me want to finish the thing MORE. Plus make me feel upset about my body and hurt and angry. He just thought he was helping.
The rules are - no comments on my eating. None. It’s my choices and my work. Not his. It’s really something I have to work on in private because I needed that space to make mistakes and figure things out without being embarrassed all the time. It’s a very emotional and sensitive thing, because it’s emotional why I gained.
I am extremely sensitive about that I still don’t know how to feed myself properly. I still suck at it. I don’t understand nutrition and the process of organizing meals still gets overwhelming. It makes me feel stupid and angry at myself. That’s my issue.
Not everyone who gains weight has an emotional connection - my SO didn’t - so explaining how it affects me was necessary because it’s just not his experience. He never felt good guilt or shame even when quite large, where as I overthink and have a lot of emotions about everything.
And I don’t work out much. It may help to take that out of the equation if it’s stressful. I just do walks and low impact stuff like stationary bike where I can watch shows and read. Once I realized I could read on the bike I enjoyed it a lot more. But hardcore workouts are just beyond me.
I send hugs. I think it must be very hard to have someone trying to push you to lose weight. ❤️ it’s ultimately your business and not anyone else’s. Even your SO.4 -
As many others have said, if you aren't ready then you aren't ready. Motivation can only come from you not an external motivator, not your boyfriend, and not just a desire to weigh less.
One thing that does help me when I don't feel motivated but want to weigh less, is I commit to myself that I will log my food but NOT concern myself with staying within my calorie goal. It can take me sometimes months and numerous tries, but eventually I will get back into a habit of logging everything I eat. Once that happens, I naturally find myself starting to work towards staying within my goal.2 -
Making changes in your lifestyle is hard. Maybe if you aren’t ready to dive in head first, you can start by picking just one healthy habit to start doing. Just a small thing and you can start adding other healthy habits when you are ready.
Just remember, it’s always going to be hard whether you do it now or later.3 -
You have to want it for it to work. Your boyfriend (or other people) bugging you about it may make you even subconsciously dig in and resist. See if something like that is holding you back.
Change things gradually. For instance, try cutting out soda for a couple of weeks. Once you have conquered that, add another change, like trying to eat a green vegetable in at least 2 meals a day. Build up changes as time goes by. Each week you successfully complete a goal makes adding another thing easier.
Go for a short walk after dinner with your boyfriend a few times a week. Think of that walk not as "working out" but a time to connect with your boyfriend and enjoy nature without distractions or cell phones. Also, try to find something you really enjoy doing, so it feels less like work. Maybe take a class with a friend or group of friends so you have someone to be accountable with.
You can do it! :-)1 -
Its hard to start. What you need to answer is who are you doing this for. once you have that answer then you can work on taking the first step. its hard to take that first step and to keep putting one foot in front of the other. As long as you are willing to put in the work then you should see results. it can take a very long time. It has for me but I'm coming along. REMEMBER PERSISTANCE NOT PERFECTION IS THE GOAL. you can start by just tracking everything you eat in one day to see where you are holding and then slowly start making changes. whether it is the types of snacks you eat or changing out one meal for a healthier one.
remember baby steps will get you to your goal.0 -
Saw your post and wanted to reach out!
First of all, I want to tell you that you are stunning! So beautiful!
Losing weight will only enhance what you already are.
Don't see diet and exercise as punishments. You need to do this for you and you only. Maybe have a sit down talk with your boyfriend and let him know how you feel. Let him know you feel defeated and guilty. Let him know how much you love him and you want to impress him, and how much pressure sometimes this puts you on. I would admit to the times you lied and explain why. Tell him you need him to back off a little so that you can find your own motivation and rythm. That once you find a plan that works for you, you will let him know and that then his encouragements and check in will be welcome. You can maybe lie to him, but you can't lie to yourself.
I think that as long as you tell yourself you want to do it for him (even if his intentions for you are good) you won't find success because that's just not healthy. You need to do it for YOU because YOU are WORTH IT! I too sometimes fall into this trap of starting to seek external motivation and that is usually when I crash and burn... I'll start going off track and try to hide it too. But I always eventually come clean so that I can start fresh. I don't know about you, but I find it a necessary step for me in order to set myself up for success.
Next, you need a plan! Research, research, research! Find a way of eating that is achievable for you. Don't be scared to try new things. If it fails, YOU are not failing, it just wasn't the right thing, so keep trying until you get it right. It's all part of the process. Once you have a plan, it's much easier to focus on one meal at a time, on workout at a time. Your energy is not wasted doing a million different things and results come much easier I find.
Personally, here are the things that usually help me:
*I cut out soda and replace with water, because I prefer not to drink my calories.
*I make sure I eat plenty of veggies because it makes me feel more satieted. Find ways to incorporate them so that you don't notice it and you enjoy it! I like wraps, soups, smoothies, caesar salad, etc.
*I rely a lot on portion sizes to help guide my meal planning. Never eat something out of the bag! Always us a plate or bowl to avoid overeating accidents lol.
*I know which foods I can indulge on and which ones I am unable to control myself around. I don't keep those foods around or not in large quantities, at least for the time being.
*I pre-log my day so that I can adjust the foods until I reach the calories/macros recommended for the day, then all I have to do is follow that plan.
I hope this helps you! I am sending you a friend request now. Looking forward to sharing this journey with you!! ox
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Sounds like you don't want to lose weight that badly.
You may prefer the idea of being overweight to the effort involved in making the necessary changes.
It is to such a degree that you are lying to someone (you presumably care for) about it.
This is all you. There is no easy way. It is simple, but not easy.
Boyfriend or not, you will continue to be overweight (and feel bad about yourself for it) until you do what is required to change it.
It takes discipline (not mere "motivation") to reach your goals but you do not even speak as if you are motivated right now.
This post seems like you are feeling sorry for yourself or just venting.
Why? Because you choose to."Why do I keep sabotaging myself? How can I get myself out of this rut and change my life?"
How? By doing what is necessary, no matter if you feel like it or not.
Discipline means choosing between what you want now and what you want most.
Again, the basics are pretty simple, but it is not easy.
Few things worth doing are easy.
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I'd like to add that if you have difficulty sticking with eating healthy foods, the struggle might not be entirely in your head.
Sugar can actually be highly addictive for some people, for instance. And if you have been eating junk food for a while, your body can actually crave those unhealthy fats and sugars. Processed foods literally have things added to them to improve the taste so that you want them more.
So don't beat yourself up too hard when you fall off the wagon. Just try again tomorrow.1
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