Sober October- Putting myself first
SisterSueGetsFit
Posts: 1,211 Member
I have decided I need to put myself first. It sounds easy, but it’s not. I’m always so worried about hurting others that I don’t consider how it’s affecting me, my physical health and my mental health.
I’ve been in a relationship for the past 10 months or so. He is a wonderful man but we are not healthy for each other. We drink. That’s what we do. We met at a time in our lives where we really needed another person and we both filled that void, at that time. I have noticed lately that both of our drinking habits have increased. I’ve made the decision to take a break from alcohol, but I also know I can’t do that with him. I’ve known for some time that this relationship had an expiration date on it, but I was too scared of hurting him to end it. That changed last night. I explained to him that while I love him, I also love me and I need to work on being a better person. It was not a conversation I wanted to have over the phone, but he called (after he’d been drinking) and it happened. I feel very badly I've hurt him deeply, but I’m comforted at least a little by the fact I feel like I’m taking control of my life.
When I first started this weight-loss journey a little less than 3 years ago I gave up alcohol cold turkey and got my eating habits under control. That’s what works for me. I do not have a healthy relationship with alcohol and for me, it’s critical I cut it out of my life, at least for a while. I am fully committed to a “Sober October.”
It's a fresh week and a fresh month. I'm back for a fresh start. I'm committed to being the best version of me, because quite frankly, I haven't been for quite some time and I owe it to myself to make that change, because I am worth it.
I’ve been in a relationship for the past 10 months or so. He is a wonderful man but we are not healthy for each other. We drink. That’s what we do. We met at a time in our lives where we really needed another person and we both filled that void, at that time. I have noticed lately that both of our drinking habits have increased. I’ve made the decision to take a break from alcohol, but I also know I can’t do that with him. I’ve known for some time that this relationship had an expiration date on it, but I was too scared of hurting him to end it. That changed last night. I explained to him that while I love him, I also love me and I need to work on being a better person. It was not a conversation I wanted to have over the phone, but he called (after he’d been drinking) and it happened. I feel very badly I've hurt him deeply, but I’m comforted at least a little by the fact I feel like I’m taking control of my life.
When I first started this weight-loss journey a little less than 3 years ago I gave up alcohol cold turkey and got my eating habits under control. That’s what works for me. I do not have a healthy relationship with alcohol and for me, it’s critical I cut it out of my life, at least for a while. I am fully committed to a “Sober October.”
It's a fresh week and a fresh month. I'm back for a fresh start. I'm committed to being the best version of me, because quite frankly, I haven't been for quite some time and I owe it to myself to make that change, because I am worth it.
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Replies
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Are you me, cause you just described my last relationship entirely.
For what an internet stranger's opinion is worth, you made the right decision...and as hard as it was, at least you recognized it early and can focus better on yourself.
I'll join you in Sober October, because I'm a recovering alcoholic with 2 years sober and I don't drink anyway lol. Stay strong and best of luck
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I have also been in a similar relatioship and situation.
We must put ourselves first!
We are definitely worth it!
And all those drinks are just empty calories and don't make us feel well in the end.
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thelegendofsakura89 wrote: »Are you me, cause you just described my last relationship entirely.
For what an internet stranger's opinion is worth, you made the right decision...and as hard as it was, at least you recognized it early and can focus better on yourself.
I'll join you in Sober October, because I'm a recovering alcoholic with 2 years sober and I don't drink anyway lol. Stay strong and best of luckI have also been in a similar relatioship and situation.
We must put ourselves first!
We are definitely worth it!
And all those drinks are just empty calories and don't make us feel well in the end.
Thank you to you both!0 -
I quit drinking and lost 65 lbs. It was liberating.3
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Ditto here with the relationships. I need sober October in my life. I think I replaced unhealthy relationships with men with unhealthy relationships with whiskey
I also need to quit to lose weight. So count me in! 4 -
Good for you.
Honesty with the man was a very good thing, regardless if it wasn't what he wanted. Lots of men and women really just want a drinking/bedroom pal...it usually doesn't end well. I'm glad to be aware and out of that cycle.
I quit drinking years ago and it is the best thing I've done for myself. I tend to make much better choices now with food, friends, and potential dates.1 -
I read your post yesterday and didn't reply. However, while I was working out (swimming-back and forth, back and forth, back...) I remembered it. When I got home, I asked my husband if he wanted to do it with me. He's just starting a new job and just started his doctoral program. We have some bad habits for the kind of physical health required for that. Drinks, snacks, late night TV...
We're in. Thanks for putting yourself out there. And you are worth it. 1 -
girlwithcurls2 wrote: »I read your post yesterday and didn't reply. However, while I was working out (swimming-back and forth, back and forth, back...) I remembered it. When I got home, I asked my husband if he wanted to do it with me. He's just starting a new job and just started his doctoral program. We have some bad habits for the kind of physical health required for that. Drinks, snacks, late night TV...
We're in. Thanks for putting yourself out there. And you are worth it.
@girlwithcurls2 I'm SO happy to hear you're giving it a shot! I am DYING to have a drink tonight but just the fact I've inspired someone else has inspired me to just say NO. Best of luck to you and your husband. Please keep me up to date.
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cmriverside wrote: »Good for you.
Honesty with the man was a very good thing, regardless if it wasn't what he wanted. Lots of men and women really just want a drinking/bedroom pal...it usually doesn't end well. I'm glad to be aware and out of that cycle.
I quit drinking years ago and it is the best thing I've done for myself. I tend to make much better choices now with food, friends, and potential dates.
@cmriverside He's a great guy. Probably just not a great guy for me right now. There is no doubt in my mind he never used me for a single thing. I can't say I'm quitting forever with the booze (I'm fighting saying no tonight) but I need to check it for at least 30 day. One day at a time. Thank you for sharing.0 -
Sober 'Tober
You got this, we all are rooting for you!!!!
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I'm doing it as well. 5 day in, and I feel really good. I think I have lost some water retention in the past 5 days. I've been working out for nearly 3 weeks straight.
I too was in a very unhealthy relationship with a man who overindulged on many things. I felt I had to keep up. After an awful breakup, I formed an unhealthy relationship with drinking over the summer. NO more. I want my badass self back!2 -
One step at a time! That’s how I do it and my best to focus on today bc when I go into tomorrow or next week I’m just inviting the worry, anxiety, all that stuff that I don’t want or need in! You can do this and that’s a great first step to value yourself and believe you are worthy of good!! That’s awesome0
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I haven’t had a drink since December 2015.
It’s easiest just going cold turkey.
But I quit due to religious reasons (Buddhism), so I had that in my mind every time I thought about having a drink with dinner.
You can do it. My roommate was a major alcoholic before I moved in and he went an entire year without a drop when I said it was a problem.
He now has one beer on our weekly restaurant dinner, and maybe two on the weekend when he’s playing video games, relaxing.1 -
Good goal! Sobriety is liberating. I thought it would be boring, but when I decided to quit I knew it was right for me. My life is so much better...much easier.1
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Thanks everybody! Today is day seven and I feel great. Despite being sad my relationship is ending/over I’m more at peace than I have been in over a year. I will push through this 30 days and reevaluate at that time. I wish you all the best.3
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I quit alcohol October 1st before i knew sober October was a thing. Had a big fight sunday night and realized ... I had to change...
Hasn't been easy as I'm coming off a 6-8 drink a day habit ... but I am proud to have made it through my first weekend.
Goodluck to you ... we can do it!!3 -
I quit alcohol October 1st before i knew sober October was a thing. Had a big fight sunday night and realized ... I had to change...
Hasn't been easy as I'm coming off a 6-8 drink a day habit ... but I am proud to have made it through my first weekend.
Goodluck to you ... we can do it!!
Congratulations! You’re doing excellent!
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Well done, girl! I quit alcohol 2 years ago, but my partner is a heavy drinker. I'am very worried about him, and he gets extremely angry when I start this conversation. I don't really mind him drinking, but sometimes it's just too much! Here's a useful article about the alcohol, highly recommend everyone to read it : https://tonusjournal.com/brain-health/heavy-alcohol-for-brain/1
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junesumers13 wrote: »Well done, girl! I quit alcohol 2 years ago, but my partner is a heavy drinker. I'am very worried about him, and he gets extremely angry when I start this conversation. I don't really mind him drinking, but sometimes it's just too much! Here's a useful article about the alcohol, highly recommend everyone to read it : https://tonusjournal.com/brain-health/heavy-alcohol-for-brain/
Thank you. I sympathize with you if you are in a relationship with somebody who is doing something you would like to do, or that it’s hard for you to be around. I’ll check out the link you provided.
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Today is day 9 and I’m down 1 pound!2
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Great motivation and plans!1
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SisterSueGetsFit wrote: »Today is day 9 and I’m down 1 pound!
Awesome !!
Hope everyone is staying focused!
It was creeping in my mind lately.. and I had to kick it out!
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SisterSueGetsFit wrote: »Today is day 9 and I’m down 1 pound!
Awesome !!
Hope everyone is staying focused!
It was creeping in my mind lately.. and I had to kick it out!
It creeps in my mind daily around 3:00. But, I fight through it the best I can. No slips yet. I have a family birthday party this weekend and a family wedding the following so I know those will be VERY challenging for me but I'm going to do the best I can. Keep going strong!
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@SisterSueGetsFit ... good luck! I got through my first weekend by locking myself in my house and not being social.
I know its not a long term solution ... but I just wasnt ready to be around it.
Let us know how it goes!3 -
@SisterSueGetsFit ... good luck! I got through my first weekend by locking myself in my house and not being social.
I know its not a long term solution ... but I just wasnt ready to be around it.
Let us know how it goes!
@73CL350 I've basically locked myself away also as that's what works for me as well. I did go to a fall festival for my friends kid's 3rd birthday Sunday. They were all pouring vodka in their apple cider, but I abstained. I think after this week "locked up" I'll be ready to face the birthday on Saturday. Plus, I'm not sure my parents have seen me in a social gathering completely sober in years... I want to prove it to them more that I want to prove it to myself. Continued luck to you.1 -
I quit drinking years ago and I found that no one really cares whether or not I drink. The only people I told were my parents - and they lived 3500 miles away so no risk in them blabbing to other people in my life.
As far as social events where I know there will be drinking, I only go to them if there is some other reason to be there such as the birthday or wedding and I always have either my own drink with me, or a plan regarding what I will or won't drink. Being in weight maintenance after being over weight adds another layer to the solution, in that I'm not going to drink Coke or root beer or straight non-alcoholic punch. I've settled on soda with lime, water, hot tea for social events.
I also have a plan of escape for when people start getting tipsy. I find I don't enjoy being around people when they've had one too many so I just have a plan to leave when/if it gets that way. Wedding receptions are tricksy for this. I just leave as soon as possible. I drive my own car and have an exit strategy, "I have to go, thanks so much for everything and congratulations again!"
No is a full sentence, and a plan is the way to go.1 -
cmriverside wrote: »I quit drinking years ago and I found that no one really cares whether or not I drink. The only people I told were my parents - and they lived 3500 miles away so no risk in them blabbing to other people in my life.
As far as social events where I know there will be drinking, I only go to them if there is some other reason to be there such as the birthday or wedding and I always have either my own drink with me, or a plan regarding what I will or won't drink. Being in weight maintenance after being over weight adds another layer to the solution, in that I'm not going to drink Coke or root beer or straight non-alcoholic punch. I've settled on soda with lime, water, hot tea for social events.
I also have a plan of escape for when people start getting tipsy. I find I don't enjoy being around people when they've had one too many so I just have a plan to leave when/if it gets that way. Wedding receptions are tricksy for this. I just leave as soon as possible. I drive my own car and have an exit strategy, "I have to go, thanks so much for everything and congratulations again!"
No is a full sentence, and a plan is the way to go.
I absolutely LOVE this and must remember it more often.
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SisterSueGetsFit wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »I quit drinking years ago and I found that no one really cares whether or not I drink. The only people I told were my parents - and they lived 3500 miles away so no risk in them blabbing to other people in my life.
As far as social events where I know there will be drinking, I only go to them if there is some other reason to be there such as the birthday or wedding and I always have either my own drink with me, or a plan regarding what I will or won't drink. Being in weight maintenance after being over weight adds another layer to the solution, in that I'm not going to drink Coke or root beer or straight non-alcoholic punch. I've settled on soda with lime, water, hot tea for social events.
I also have a plan of escape for when people start getting tipsy. I find I don't enjoy being around people when they've had one too many so I just have a plan to leave when/if it gets that way. Wedding receptions are tricksy for this. I just leave as soon as possible. I drive my own car and have an exit strategy, "I have to go, thanks so much for everything and congratulations again!"
No is a full sentence, and a plan is the way to go.
I absolutely LOVE this and must remember it more often.
To be fair and in the spirit of disclosure, I actually say, "No, thanks." Because polite, yo.1 -
cmriverside wrote: »SisterSueGetsFit wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »I quit drinking years ago and I found that no one really cares whether or not I drink. The only people I told were my parents - and they lived 3500 miles away so no risk in them blabbing to other people in my life.
As far as social events where I know there will be drinking, I only go to them if there is some other reason to be there such as the birthday or wedding and I always have either my own drink with me, or a plan regarding what I will or won't drink. Being in weight maintenance after being over weight adds another layer to the solution, in that I'm not going to drink Coke or root beer or straight non-alcoholic punch. I've settled on soda with lime, water, hot tea for social events.
I also have a plan of escape for when people start getting tipsy. I find I don't enjoy being around people when they've had one too many so I just have a plan to leave when/if it gets that way. Wedding receptions are tricksy for this. I just leave as soon as possible. I drive my own car and have an exit strategy, "I have to go, thanks so much for everything and congratulations again!"
No is a full sentence, and a plan is the way to go.
I absolutely LOVE this and must remember it more often.
To be fair and in the spirit of disclosure, I actually say, "No, thanks." Because polite, yo.
"No" is a full sentence? Am I missing something? Just that the rest of the sentence is implied. No (I would not like an adult beverage). Is that right?0 -
^^ this person's profile photo matches their attitude exactly. Too funny...
Since you seem the simple type; here is the cliff notes version of what a one word sentence is...
https://www.cliffsnotes.com/cliffsnotes/subjects/writing/what-is-a-one-word-sentence-called1
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