Sober October- Putting myself first

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SisterSueGetsFit
SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,212 Member
edited October 2018 in Motivation and Support
I have decided I need to put myself first. It sounds easy, but it’s not. I’m always so worried about hurting others that I don’t consider how it’s affecting me, my physical health and my mental health.

I’ve been in a relationship for the past 10 months or so. He is a wonderful man but we are not healthy for each other. We drink. That’s what we do. We met at a time in our lives where we really needed another person and we both filled that void, at that time. I have noticed lately that both of our drinking habits have increased. I’ve made the decision to take a break from alcohol, but I also know I can’t do that with him. I’ve known for some time that this relationship had an expiration date on it, but I was too scared of hurting him to end it. That changed last night. I explained to him that while I love him, I also love me and I need to work on being a better person. It was not a conversation I wanted to have over the phone, but he called (after he’d been drinking) and it happened. I feel very badly I've hurt him deeply, but I’m comforted at least a little by the fact I feel like I’m taking control of my life.

When I first started this weight-loss journey a little less than 3 years ago I gave up alcohol cold turkey and got my eating habits under control. That’s what works for me. I do not have a healthy relationship with alcohol and for me, it’s critical I cut it out of my life, at least for a while. I am fully committed to a “Sober October.”

It's a fresh week and a fresh month. I'm back for a fresh start. I'm committed to being the best version of me, because quite frankly, I haven't been for quite some time and I owe it to myself to make that change, because I am worth it.
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Replies

  • thelegendofsakura89
    thelegendofsakura89 Posts: 105 Member
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    Are you me, cause you just described my last relationship entirely.
    For what an internet stranger's opinion is worth, you made the right decision...and as hard as it was, at least you recognized it early and can focus better on yourself.

    I'll join you in Sober October, because I'm a recovering alcoholic with 2 years sober and I don't drink anyway lol. Stay strong and best of luck <3
  • jhilkene
    jhilkene Posts: 104 Member
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    I have also been in a similar relatioship and situation.
    We must put ourselves first!
    We are definitely worth it! :)
    And all those drinks are just empty calories and don't make us feel well in the end.
    ;)
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,212 Member
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    thelegendofsakura89 wrote: »
    Are you me, cause you just described my last relationship entirely.
    For what an internet stranger's opinion is worth, you made the right decision...and as hard as it was, at least you recognized it early and can focus better on yourself.

    I'll join you in Sober October, because I'm a recovering alcoholic with 2 years sober and I don't drink anyway lol. Stay strong and best of luck <3
    jhilkene wrote: »
    I have also been in a similar relatioship and situation.
    We must put ourselves first!
    We are definitely worth it! :)
    And all those drinks are just empty calories and don't make us feel well in the end.
    ;)

    Thank you to you both!
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,464 Member
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    I quit drinking and lost 65 lbs. It was liberating.
  • albatrosssherpa
    albatrosssherpa Posts: 63 Member
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    Ditto here with the relationships. I need sober October in my life. I think I replaced unhealthy relationships with men with unhealthy relationships with whiskey :( I also need to quit to lose weight. So count me in!
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,944 Member
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    Good for you.

    Honesty with the man was a very good thing, regardless if it wasn't what he wanted. Lots of men and women really just want a drinking/bedroom pal...it usually doesn't end well. I'm glad to be aware and out of that cycle.

    I quit drinking years ago and it is the best thing I've done for myself. I tend to make much better choices now with food, friends, and potential dates.
  • girlwithcurls2
    girlwithcurls2 Posts: 2,259 Member
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    I read your post yesterday and didn't reply. However, while I was working out (swimming-back and forth, back and forth, back...) I remembered it. When I got home, I asked my husband if he wanted to do it with me. He's just starting a new job and just started his doctoral program. We have some bad habits for the kind of physical health required for that. Drinks, snacks, late night TV...

    We're in. Thanks for putting yourself out there. And you are worth it. :heart:
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,212 Member
    edited October 2018
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    girlwithcurls2 wrote: »
    I read your post yesterday and didn't reply. However, while I was working out (swimming-back and forth, back and forth, back...) I remembered it. When I got home, I asked my husband if he wanted to do it with me. He's just starting a new job and just started his doctoral program. We have some bad habits for the kind of physical health required for that. Drinks, snacks, late night TV...

    We're in. Thanks for putting yourself out there. And you are worth it. :heart:

    @girlwithcurls2 I'm SO happy to hear you're giving it a shot! I am DYING to have a drink tonight but just the fact I've inspired someone else has inspired me to just say NO. Best of luck to you and your husband. Please keep me up to date.
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,212 Member
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    cmriverside wrote: »
    Good for you.

    Honesty with the man was a very good thing, regardless if it wasn't what he wanted. Lots of men and women really just want a drinking/bedroom pal...it usually doesn't end well. I'm glad to be aware and out of that cycle.

    I quit drinking years ago and it is the best thing I've done for myself. I tend to make much better choices now with food, friends, and potential dates.

    @cmriverside He's a great guy. Probably just not a great guy for me right now. There is no doubt in my mind he never used me for a single thing. I can't say I'm quitting forever with the booze (I'm fighting saying no tonight) but I need to check it for at least 30 day. One day at a time. Thank you for sharing.
  • mrschwarten
    mrschwarten Posts: 194 Member
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    Sober 'Tober

    You got this, we all are rooting for you!!!! :smiley::smiley:
  • measurecp
    measurecp Posts: 12 Member
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    I'm doing it as well. 5 day in, and I feel really good. I think I have lost some water retention in the past 5 days. I've been working out for nearly 3 weeks straight.

    I too was in a very unhealthy relationship with a man who overindulged on many things. I felt I had to keep up. After an awful breakup, I formed an unhealthy relationship with drinking over the summer. NO more. I want my badass self back!
  • amyjoan1
    amyjoan1 Posts: 47 Member
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    One step at a time! That’s how I do it and my best to focus on today bc when I go into tomorrow or next week I’m just inviting the worry, anxiety, all that stuff that I don’t want or need in! You can do this and that’s a great first step to value yourself and believe you are worthy of good!! That’s awesome
  • My_Butt
    My_Butt Posts: 2,300 Member
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    I haven’t had a drink since December 2015.
    It’s easiest just going cold turkey.
    But I quit due to religious reasons (Buddhism), so I had that in my mind every time I thought about having a drink with dinner.
    You can do it. My roommate was a major alcoholic before I moved in and he went an entire year without a drop when I said it was a problem.
    He now has one beer on our weekly restaurant dinner, and maybe two on the weekend when he’s playing video games, relaxing.
  • curwhibbles
    curwhibbles Posts: 138 Member
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    Good goal! Sobriety is liberating. I thought it would be boring, but when I decided to quit I knew it was right for me. My life is so much better...much easier.
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,212 Member
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    Thanks everybody! Today is day seven and I feel great. Despite being sad my relationship is ending/over I’m more at peace than I have been in over a year. I will push through this 30 days and reevaluate at that time. I wish you all the best.
  • 73CL350
    73CL350 Posts: 259 Member
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    I quit alcohol October 1st before i knew sober October was a thing. Had a big fight sunday night and realized ... I had to change...

    Hasn't been easy as I'm coming off a 6-8 drink a day habit ... but I am proud to have made it through my first weekend.

    Goodluck to you ... we can do it!!
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,212 Member
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    73CL350 wrote: »
    I quit alcohol October 1st before i knew sober October was a thing. Had a big fight sunday night and realized ... I had to change...

    Hasn't been easy as I'm coming off a 6-8 drink a day habit ... but I am proud to have made it through my first weekend.

    Goodluck to you ... we can do it!!

    Congratulations! You’re doing excellent!
  • junesumers13
    junesumers13 Posts: 1 Member
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    Well done, girl! I quit alcohol 2 years ago, but my partner is a heavy drinker. I'am very worried about him, and he gets extremely angry when I start this conversation. I don't really mind him drinking, but sometimes it's just too much! Here's a useful article about the alcohol, highly recommend everyone to read it : https://tonusjournal.com/brain-health/heavy-alcohol-for-brain/
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,212 Member
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    junesumers13 wrote: »
    Well done, girl! I quit alcohol 2 years ago, but my partner is a heavy drinker. I'am very worried about him, and he gets extremely angry when I start this conversation. I don't really mind him drinking, but sometimes it's just too much! Here's a useful article about the alcohol, highly recommend everyone to read it : https://tonusjournal.com/brain-health/heavy-alcohol-for-brain/

    Thank you. I sympathize with you if you are in a relationship with somebody who is doing something you would like to do, or that it’s hard for you to be around. I’ll check out the link you provided.
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,212 Member
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    Today is day 9 and I’m down 1 pound!

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