Importance of not setting Dates to Fail by

maureenkhilde
maureenkhilde Posts: 849 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Over the years I have been on so many diets. Many big name diets, and way too many crazy bound to fail diets. But this time when I started my journey. I was like no this time you are going to be sane opposed to insane about this.
  • Follow a sensible plan split between Carbs, Protein, Fats. More grams based than % based. Loosely I know what they are but work on the grams.
  • I know what the calories are as well, and if a bit high or low. Ok as long as hitting the macros, I consider sodium and sugar as well.
  • As a T2 Insulin dependent diabetic some of my food choices are different than the more main stream and I can deal with that. Meaning of what I can or cannot have.
  • I weigh everything on my foodscale, and check everything on the database
  • I have become much more active, which is a good no make that a great thing. Because it helps with blood sugar control as well.
  • But the single biggest thing I am doing right this time. I am not setting dates of when I will lose X amount of pounds by. And that has taken a huge burden off my brain. Fact is I did not wake up one day morbidly obese. It happened over years. So far this year I have been doing very good. No bingeing at all since I started in May 2018. I have learned so much by reading stickies, and what has worked for others before me. And not to take all the treats away, that so blew my mind when I read, reread that and the mind understood that.

    I would say one thing to people whether looking to drop 15 pounds or 115 or more pounds. Quit setting a date of doom. That you must lose the weight by a certain date. Because when you do not make it for one reason or another. You are putting a terrible burden on yourselves. We need to give ourselves time to lose the weight. And not decide by dates on a calendar. It will come off if we do the right things.

Replies

  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    Very sane plan :smile: I don't track sodium or sugar (but I'm not T2). Hard date goals don't work for me either. I'm enough of a perfectionist in other areas of my life to know I'm capable of doing some not-too-smart things to reach a goal vs 'failing.' Why set yourself up for that?

    I tell most people to settle in for the long haul. Even if you're only losing 10 pounds (sometimes ESPECIALLY if you are only losing 10 pounds) it can take a while. And maintenance, well, that's forever unless you plan to gain the weight back, and it's not really all that different from losing.
  • ata1anta
    ata1anta Posts: 115 Member
    There's a podcast I listen to called Whys Advice. One of the things the host says is to set attendance goals, not performance goals. When I set date and weight goals (like lose 10 more pounds by Christmas), I will be a little bummed if I don't make it, but I also will look at it as "Hey, I lost X, that's better than gaining."

    When I started, I lost 50 lbs in 6 months. I thought "Hey, I'll be at goal by next Halloween!" Suffice to say, I'm not there. Yet. As @pinuplove says, in it for the long haul. So I set mini goals and just let what happens happen.
  • CarvedTones
    CarvedTones Posts: 2,340 Member
    It sounds like it is a good plan for you. I do take issue with this:

    I would say one thing to people whether looking to drop 15 pounds or 115 or more pounds. Quit setting a date of doom. That you must lose the weight by a certain date. Because when you do not make it for one reason or another.

    Accountability worked for me. I lost the weight when I had "STOGs" - Short Term Obtainable Goals. I would have a target weight that was only weeks out all the way down. in the past, I failed when I just tried to keep on track and didn't push myself to achieve specific results in a given time frame. Using STOGs and committing to goals I succeeded in losing 65 pounds, going from a BMI over 34 to one under 25 and have kept it off almost 8 months. This is what worked for me. But I will not tell others that they will fail without committing to goals.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    It's not like this all goes away in maintenance, either. I mean it's more about forming good habits, knowing about nutrition, getting a little exercise regularly.

    I also set a date. I had never tried to lose weight before, this was my first time (in 2007) so I planned and paid for a vacation in the sun where I'd be in a bathing suit for most of the trip (it was a dive trip.) That worked for me, because I knew my weight-loss goal and I gave myself enough time to accomplish it. I needed to lose 70 pounds, I made it to 65 lost before the trip. That was a very good goal for me.

    But now eleven years in it's more about daily self-talk, meal planning, and being mindful of my actions and my emotions. I can still get set on a binge if the emotions are not in check.

    I'm glad you have eased up on yourself, though. It will happen. :)
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    Deadlines and challenges never worked well for me. I have an idea of where I should be if I follow a certain rate of loss but saying I am going to lose so much by a set date leads to some unhealthy thoughts and practices for me.
    I expect it is a bit how some people can weigh every day and some people can not.
    If deadlines for weight loss cause you stress you don't have to set them
  • Angiefit4life
    Angiefit4life Posts: 210 Member
    I set a weight goal to be X amount by my 22nd Wedding Anniversay on Nov 1, Even though that’s not my final goal weight. I think I’m going to be about a pound or two off but I’m still going to feel and look great😜 Im hoping to be goal weight for Christmas Day!

    I think having target goals help me but as my son always says, you do you and I will do me❤️

    Good luck!
  • joaniebalonie088
    joaniebalonie088 Posts: 93 Member
    I also try not to think about a goal date too much, or even a goal weight.
    I just shoot for meeting my calorie goal for 1lb/week loss and aim to hit the gym 4-6 days per week.
    I know it will happen eventually. Of course I monitor my progress to make sure I am moving in the right direction!
  • lthames0810
    lthames0810 Posts: 722 Member
    I once thought that, based on my work performance, I responded well to deadlines. Maybe I did at work but not for athletic or weight loss performance.

    I thought if I entered a triathlon and then trained for it, it would focus my mind and keep me on my schedule. I ended up sick and injured because I dared not miss a training session. Fail!

    I thought it would inspire me to keep to my calorie goal if I set up a deadline with graphs and everything. I lost weight, but not as much as I intended by the deadline. That is how I felt like a failure...for losing weight!
  • CarvedTones
    CarvedTones Posts: 2,340 Member
    CarvedTones wrote: »
    It sounds like it is a good plan for you. I do take issue with this:

    I would say one thing to people whether looking to drop 15 pounds or 115 or more pounds. Quit setting a date of doom. That you must lose the weight by a certain date. Because when you do not make it for one reason or another.

    Accountability worked for me. I lost the weight when I had "STOGs" - Short Term Obtainable Goals. I would have a target weight that was only weeks out all the way down. in the past, I failed when I just tried to keep on track and didn't push myself to achieve specific results in a given time frame. Using STOGs and committing to goals I succeeded in losing 65 pounds, going from a BMI over 34 to one under 25 and have kept it off almost 8 months. This is what worked for me. But I will not tell others that they will fail without committing to goals.

    Following up to note that the way that I did that was with a daily goal that I knew was giving more than enough deficit to make it to my weight based goals. Over an 8 month period, I went over my daily goal twice - Thanksgiving and Christmas. The weight based goals were more like milestones that I knew I would hit if I was disciplined. The only way to fail was by not sticking to my daily goal; making too many exceptions and by too much. Diets never failed; I failed to stick to them. I am more flexible now, until I get near the top of my maintenance range and then there are no exceptions to be made until I am down a few pounds. I don't allow myself to actually hit the top of my range.
  • New_Heavens_Earth
    New_Heavens_Earth Posts: 610 Member
    patrickaa5 wrote: »
    I'm a bit of a numbers geek, so I try to make goals based on numbers. I'm almost finished with The 98,000 Calorie Diet. Seven weeks ago I calculated my TDEE based on actual calories and weight loss before that date. I figured if I eat 98,000 calories over 8 weeks (1,750/day), I should lose 16lbs. Just finished week 7 at 85,647 calories and I've lost 14.6lbs. I have 7 days, 12,353cals and 1.6lbs to go! It's kind of fun in a weird sort of way.

    Having said that, I wouldn't stress out if the weight loss was less. It is what it is. I haven't decided what I'm going to do for my next goal.

    This is a very interesting approach. Thanks for sharing.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I never did the date thing...certainly not an exact date. I did have a general time frame in mind which was basically late spring/early summer with starting in October of 2012...I just figured there were too many variables involved...missed workouts, indulgences, occasions, etc.

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