The boys I know are shallow

Options
paulaGetshealthy
paulaGetshealthy Posts: 464
in Chit-Chat
I have about 4 coworkers who are young guys (ages 20-23); I happen to be "dating" one of them, who I'll refer to as *chris.

Chris was saying that his friend dated a disgusting chick. Why was she disgusting? 'Cause she was 300 pounds. All the boys were making fun of her, saying how that's soooo nasty, and I felt terrible, because, although I'm not nor have I ever even been near 300 lbs, I still feel as fat and "disgusting" as if I was 300 pounds (no, I don't think anyone is disgusting because of their weight).

Next, one of the other boys mentioned that he once went on a blind date, and out came a fat 220 pound girl and how he just wanted to run out of there when he saw her. Again, this hurt me because I still feel fat.

Then, even worse, they started to discuss their "limit" weight. In other words, how fat a girl can be before she is too fat to date. The highest any of the boys went was 170 lbs. One guy said 150. Chris said 160...I'm about 158, so I'm barely at his limit...wow.

This just crushed my self-esteem. The fact that weight is such a factor in how we girls are ranked is devastating...
«13

Replies

  • CelenaOlson
    CelenaOlson Posts: 46
    Options
    They're young. They're still "boys". Most likely half of them will grow up and be better when they're older. The others, who don't grow up will be losers. Save yourself some frustration and just realize they're like children, and that MEN are much different!
  • jtcleveland
    jtcleveland Posts: 57
    Options
    UGH I'm sorry, boys seriously have to do some re-evaluating of their priorities. The good ones shouldn't have a 'limit' or anything of the sorts cause that is just wrong.
    But don't listen to them, you are beautiful and they are pigs and don't let them influence your journey to be healthy because it's not worth it. Just be sure you're doing it for you!
  • MarieNevada
    MarieNevada Posts: 395 Member
    Options
    dont let some shallow a**holes crush your self esteem. personally, i'd dump chris cuase he's not worth the effort. you want someone who likes/loves you for the beautiful person you are. how would chris like it if every girl he dated whipped out a ruler on the first date? A man, a real man, sees the inner beauty not some shell that is no indication fo what a person is really like. You can do so much better.
  • aa1440
    aa1440 Posts: 956 Member
    Options
    You should have stopped them before it got that far. Or excussed yourself from the room so they would have known that you did not approve of the conversation. It's not just the other guys either. Does "Chris" know how much you weigh? Sounds like he has just put his foot in his big mouth.
  • lind3400
    lind3400 Posts: 557 Member
    Options
    Darlin, I had the SAME experience with my friend Jake when I was alot bigger he had sex with this chubby girl and told me how much he regretted it cuz she was sooo fat....and though he wasnt pointing at me I always wondered if we ever did anything if he would be telling the same story to one of his other friends....
  • T0RIEELIZABETH
    T0RIEELIZABETH Posts: 376
    Options
    They're young. They're still "boys". Most likely half of them will grow up and be better when they're older. The others, who don't grow up will be losers. Save yourself some frustration and just realize they're like children, and that MEN are much different!
    That's pretty close to what I was going to say. "boys" will always be shallow.
  • CallieDerenthal
    CallieDerenthal Posts: 170 Member
    Options
    sounds like maybe you need to find someone else to date. someone who would say things like that doesn't deserve you! you will encounter shallow people your entire life... but you can control the types of people you allow into your personal life. you deserve to be surrounded by people who love and support you and make you feel good about yourself! when you have people like that in your life it makes it a little easier to ignore all the others. :-)
  • stc74
    stc74 Posts: 297 Member
    Options
    In all reality, if you lined up 10 women of varying height and build, they probably couldn't guess within 5 pounds of half of them. We all carry our weight so differently. But it goes to show why women lie about the number....we are judged by it.

    Hopefully they grow up.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Options
    Everyone is entitled to their personal preferences. What makes us different is the class or grace we show when around people we might otherwise choose not to be with socially.

    These guys should show more class.
  • vsyates
    vsyates Posts: 373 Member
    Options
    but I still know exactly how you feel. This is exactly why, even at 55, I'm not comfortable with my weight even though I'm married to the best man in the world who loves me for who I am and NEVER says a word about my weight.....
  • kunibob
    kunibob Posts: 608 Member
    Options
    That is absolutely disgusting. A lot of them will probably grow out of it, if that makes you feel any better -- I'm 30 now, and most of my male friends actually prefer woman with extra meat on their bones (and a few of them, previous "ewww fat girls" types, are happily dating women 200+ lb). There's some peer pressure among young fellas to not be seen as "chubby chasers", and so a lot of fellows will cave to that and say they like (or even believe that they like) the ultra-thin celebrities we see all the time, when many of them may secretly be much more tolerant than they appear.

    As well, society's perception of what weights are is totally skewed. It's like, 110 = thin, 120 = normal, 130 = a little extra weight, 150+ = fat.....say what? Meanwhile, that girl people think is 130 lb is actually 160! (Seen this happen so many times...) Does Chris know your weight? He might actually think you weigh a lot less than you do!

    None of this excuses their behaviour. It's disgusting. It's disgusting that carrying extra weight is somehow a crime against society if you're female. It's like we're only here to be eye candy. Umm...excuse me??? So, I totally, totally get you being upset about this. I hope they grow up soon and you don't have to hear any kind of crap like that again.

    *big e-hugs*

    For the record, I'm glad I wasn't there because I probably would have gotten all confrontational about it, haha.
  • ohwhataday
    ohwhataday Posts: 1,398 Member
    Options
    I agree with Callie. You need to be around other people, even if you work with them. Not all guys those ages are like that. They are apparently a group of people I wouldn't want to be around. I prefer someone's character and personality over their looks, and these boys are obviously lacking good character. Very frustrating and kinda sad. But you will never change them. Sorry you are feeling that way but don't let what they say effect you or how you think.
  • Avalonis
    Avalonis Posts: 1,540 Member
    Options
    All guys are pigs in some way or another. Some just hide it better than most.

    This should never have been said, and if they felt they had to BS around like that, it DEFINITELY should have been just "guy talk".

    The reality of this situation is there probably really IS a "weight limit" these guys would date, but its not a number. Its a feeling you get from looking at someone and evaluating if you could be happy with them.

    Call me shallow if you like, but I have this "limit" as well. I don't have a conscious number, but I do know that I am not attracted to super heavy women.

    However, I also have a lower limit on what I would date too. Again, not a number, just an overall feeling/evaluation.

    Guys are physically/visually stimulated. Its what makes us excited. Its why we like eye candy and shiny cars, bikes, and porn. Its part of our nature. Don't judge these guys TOO harshly.

    Part of being a boy is not knowing when to keep your big mouth shut, rather than let everyone know what you feel.
  • SiltyPigeon
    SiltyPigeon Posts: 920 Member
    Options
    Be honest now.... Would YOU date a 300 pound guy??
  • Rockin23
    Rockin23 Posts: 59
    Options
    They're still immature at this point in their lives, if you and Chris are actually serious then you need to voice your concerns and let it be known that you don't appreciate that kind of talk about girls. Specially the way it affects your self esteem. If you and him aren't that serious then you need to find a man, not a boy.
  • megz4987
    megz4987 Posts: 1,008 Member
    Options
    Ok, well truth is most guys don't really know what a weight looks like on a girl. I tested it out with my fiance and his friends. At 150lb, they all thought I weighed 120-130lb. Thinking they were being nice, I asked what they thought someone we all don't particularly like, weighed (who is about 5'3, 200lb) they said they thought she weighed about 180lb. So generally, they don't have a clue.


    Ps. Tell them you don't date anyone without a 8" ****. Booya.
  • sarah307
    sarah307 Posts: 1,363 Member
    Options
    boys are stupid sometimes! sorry they made you feel bad :(

    i agree with the above comments ^^ they are boys and totally don't even know what they are talking about and completely immature and little children. LOL.

    I once had a guy say that i was "a little too thick for his taste" and an EX-boyfriend of mine said "You would be so beautiful if you just lost 20 lbs!" <<< (that was when i weighed only like 5 lbs more than i do now!!!)

    jerks/boys whatever they are = not worth your time right now girl :):):)
  • Rompa_87
    Rompa_87 Posts: 291 Member
    Options
    I do agree that a lot of guys are shallow.

    However, a lot of people don't find overweight individuals physically attractive. Is it wrong to not want to date someone you are not physically attracted to?

    Using the terms 'disgusting' and 'nasty' is harsh. I personally wouldn't date someone who is overweight though because my values are not just based on physical attractiveness but health and well being. Someone who is overweight is in general not someone that pays particularly close attention to health and well-being. This isn't always the case but it is in general. For this same reason I wouldn't date someone who is crazily underweight.

    I think the way these guys went about it is wrong but there are legitimate reasons to finding overweight individuals unattractive both physically and value wise.

    That being said depending on a persons height some weights aren't particularly bad. But I personally wouldn't date someone who is my weight (about 170lbs) and height (170cm or 5' 8") unless they were actively trying to do something about their weight or like me they were athletically involved.
  • Cat52169
    Cat52169 Posts: 277 Member
    Options
    First I want to say from your picture I see you are beautiful. Guys can be @sses. It's just a fact. And when they are young they are shallow. They really have no idea about weight and size or beauty for that matter.I know how you feel when things are said that crush your self esteem but seriously you are beautiful. You really are. Someday you will have enough confidence in yourself to walk away from immature shallow boys and you will find someone that appreciates you for who you are.

    Ok that is the mom in me sorry:smile:
  • otr12
    otr12 Posts: 632 Member
    Options
    They aren't ripe until they're at least 30 years old.

Categories