Reality Bites

lalabank · October 2018

I could give you my long detailed history with my weight but instead I’ll sum it up. It’s been one of the dominant themes in my life, whether it’s up or down. From back to school shopping in the “pretty plus” department as a kid to wilding out in college after losing the 50lbs that kept me insecure and anxious in high school.
I thought in my 30’s I had gained real confidence as a human regardless of my size. My highest weight was 243 at 5’4.
Skip forward eighteen months, I’m working it and I’m 194 lbs.
Here is the kicker, I’m struggling now after losing 50lbs with a negative body imagine. It’s like I’ve woken up from being in denial. I see pictures of me at my biggest and I cringe. I’m more embarrassed now then I was than. I feel more critical of myself.
Don’t get me wrong I’m also very proud of myself. But it’s almost like at my biggest I couldn’t allow myself to feel really truely bad about my weight, I had to live in a certain amount of denial in order to face each day.
Now that I’m getting fit I’m living in reality and part of that feels really negative about my weight. Not all the time but occasionally it’s overwhelming.
For me right now I think I’m just trying to recognize these feelings and allow myself to have them.
Has anyone else experienced the emotional roller coaster of coming out of denial and into reality when losing weight?

ghudson92 · October 2018

OP, you have to be kinder to yourself. I know from experience that is easier said than done, and I am working on the same thing. Sometimes it can be helpful to think about all of the great things your body does for you, like breathing, eating, walking, running, swimming etc.. Your body works so hard all of the time, and there is much more to it than how much it weighs. Hold on to those moments where you feel proud of yourself, because that is exactly how you should feel

arobey11 · October 2018

I've definitely dealt with similar feelings. For me, a lot of it is "when my son looks back at pictures from when he was little, he's gonna see his awful fat mom in them, maybe he won't even want to look at them." Which is absolutely ridiculous but I'm tearing up a little even typing that out. We have to stop feeling so ashamed. Guess what - while I was that big, I was working full time to take care of my little boy and I was giving him experiences he could enjoy. We were going on vacations, hiking, fishing, visiting friends and relatives, having parties, playing games, and all sorts of things regardless of my weight, and that's what matters.

We all have to be kinder to ourselves. No one is perfect, different people have different things they struggle with, including weight - but it doesn't make us bad people, or not worthy of love, including loving ourselves.

One of my favorite things I've read on these forums is this (paraphrased): would you feel those negative feelings about a dear friend? If they expressed feelings like these to you, what would you say to them? That put sooooo many things in perspective for me.

BTW, GREAT JOB on losing 50 pounds! That's a tremendous achievement and you should be really proud of yourself!

erjones11 · October 2018

My wife was pulling some old pictures of our kids out of storage the other day. I am really big in some of those old photos and hate looking at them. She even said look how big you are in these. I'll take that as a complement. About 85 pounds heavier then I am right now.

We can't change the past but we can work on our futures now and everyday.

At 160 pounds I still have issues with my body, mostly with extra skin and tone. I am working on them and committed to not going the other way in terms of weight. I keep looing my calories, lifting and cardio. Maintaining my weight and focusing on recomp is where my head goes when I get down.

rsclause · October 2018

So true when you see pictures of the heavier you but I suppose it is worse if you feel defeated or unable to change it. For me the first time was about proving I could lose my beer gut (50 pounds worth) and I did. But then it came back and I had those negative feelings when the clothes stopped fitting or a picture/ mirror showed my belly is back. I procrastinated as long as I could and this time I was scared. I knew health problems would soon find me and I didn't want that. Not there yet but I am headed in the right direction. OP, stay strong while dieting is not fun I have found that when I combine it with getting really fit it helps my mind get in a better place.

Reality Bites

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