I guess some people just can't handle it.

I have been a member of MFP and counting calories religiously since the end of June. I started out with 1400, now i'm down to 1270 a day.

A few weeks ago i started having intermittent chest pain right above my cleavage, it would be an intense tightness for about 30 seconds then go away. I got a doctors appt for a few days later and just delt with the pain-i even made myself go to the gym because i went over my calories, but I had to leave the gym because i was in so much pain and so light headed. A few nights later i was sitting on my laptop watching criminal minds and looking through some old pictures of myself and checking my weight chart from my doctor's website so i could compare my body with what my weight was so i could determine my official goal weight and well, daydream about how much better my life will be when i am that size again.

In the middle of my daydream my chest started to tighten up again (almost felt like a menstrual cramp) and i tried to breathe through it, but it wasn't going away...about 10 minutes later i got up to call my mom, and the pain got worse as soon as i started walking, it felt like an elephant was on my chest! So my mom took me to the ER.

If you ever go to the ER and tell them you are experiencing chest pain they will see you right away and give you an EKG (electrocardiogram) to determine if you're having any heart trauma or a heart attack. My EKG results came back fine-and they sent me back to the waiting room.

After a 20 minute wait (but they had criminal minds on in the waiting room-so i got to catch the tail end of it ) they brought me back into the room and began asking me questions about my medications. They saw that i was on Yasmin (birth control) and asked if i was still taking it, i said yes and they immediately began hooking me up to machines and IVs, the doctor said "our concern right now is a pulmonary embolism-we're going to begin testing right away and try to rule it out."

Ok so i'm a 20 year old human development major, i have NO idea what a pulmonary embolism is, but i could tell by the look on my moms face it wasn't good.

After 3 hours of testing and thinking i could have a blood clot in my lung they finally came back and gave me the news-it wasn't a clot, but they did have a diagnosis-costochondritis.

Costochondritis is inflammation of the cartilage that attaches your breast bone and ribs, usually only caused by trauma or a bacterial infection, and since i didn't have either the doctors couldn't really give me a real cause, so they just told me to take anti-inflammatories and get rest.

Well i still had the doctors appt with my real doctor, and i wanted to see if she agreed with the diagnosis, and if she could give me a cause. She couldn't really determine anything until she asked the question "are you under a significant amount of stress?" and i thought to myself "well that's a stupid question, of course not...i'm on summer vacation!" so i told her, no. Then comes the second question "what's your diet like?" and i gave her a simple answer "well, i'm only allowed 1270 calories a day, so i...." and she cut me off "allowed?"she asked, "says who?" I then explained that in order to loose a pound and a half a week i can only eat that much. "And what happens if you eat over 1270 calories?" she asked. i told her i would have to go to the gym. She didn't like this answer. She asked how long i have been counting, i told her since June, she asked if i have lost weight and i told her i have but it's been fluctuating, which is frustrating because i just want to be 150lbs! And then it hit me, i started bawling, sitting right there in my stupid gown on the paper-lined bed. This journey wasn't about health, it was about the way i looked, it was about looking like the stupid models in the stupid magazines, it was about comparing myself with EVERY girl i saw, it was about getting "thin enough" so i can get a decent boyfriend, it was about being the same size i was in high school. I was putting so much stress on myself that i literally made myself sick. My doc told me that in some cases stress can actually cause ostochondritis and make it worse when you're experiencing stressful situations (i.e. sitting at home wishing i was a smaller size-and looking at pictures of myself from years past). The bad news? I was officially obsessed with calories and weight loss.

I simply couldn't handle it. I became OBSESSED with it, and lost my whole summer to counting and calculating. My doctor was clearly worried about me, she told me to stop counting, but focus on simply eating healthy and non-processed foods (she even wrote on my after visit summary "STOP COUNTING CALORIES") well, if i wasn't stressed before, i sure was now. Stop counting? There's no way i could do that! Counting calories is the only thing i have control over, and i cant imagine gaining the weight back...and not logging onto MFP and checking calories for everything!? I just cant!

I am stuck now, and have to figure out what's going to be best for me and my HEALTH. I need to loose weight for the right reasons, not because i think i won't get a boyfriend without loosing 30lbs. I wanted to share my story to shine a different light on calorie counting and weight loss-i want to make sure everyone on here is doing it for the right reasons, and not stressing themselves out over it. Weight loss should be for your health and for YOURSELF!