"Intimate Connections"......

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  • smallerthighs
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    Yeah, fidelity should > curiosity. He should have told you about it and asked you how you felt. And you either look at it together, or he leaves. OR, he should have just left. Looks like you'll have the last laugh, though.

    I feel a little edgy just posting in the 'compliment the person above you' threads. Honestly, my wife is the BEST, so I feel like complimenting her!
    ******************************

    Haha..yeah..I usually steer clear of those...someone may take the compliment in a way in which it wasn't intended. If I do answer..and compliment...it's something completely innocent and friendly..or just downright kooky..lol
  • methetree
    methetree Posts: 381
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    IMHO you were right to make the choice you made.
    I am sorry for your sadness and frustration over the issue, but honestly you deserve better than that.
    You deserve someone who respects you enough to talk to you about it openly...

    Good luck to you and you will find that person.... of this I am sure.

    You did have the last laugh. Be strong in yourself!
  • smallerthighs
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    IMHO you were right to make the choice you made.
    I am sorry for your sadness and frustration over the issue, but honestly you deserve better than that.
    You deserve someone who respects you enough to talk to you abohut it openly...

    Good luck to you and you will find that person.... of this I am sure.

    You did have the last laugh. Be strong in yourself!



    *******************************
    Thank you soooo much. Getting over him won't be easy....because I have loved this man intensely for 6 years........and now my feelings are changing. I'm dealing with the emotional rollercoaster right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
  • HopefulLeigh
    HopefulLeigh Posts: 363 Member
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    I feel like a complete idiot........here I am workin my hump off...trying to be "all that"......and he's chattin it up in his new group. Where is the pill that makes you forget love..feelings..memories....I need 2 of them.

    I'm so very sorry. People can just suck sometimes.

    Fact is if you are really in love yo should never do that, and you should NEVER ask your partner to understand it. Ever.
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    He would've been pissed if I woulda joined the group...and even if I hadn't joined on my own..but was Added by a friend...he woulda been curious to know why I didn't say "no thanks"...and leave the group. It's a Private group...no entrace unless you are added by someone in the group...a female friend added him....but still...he didn't leave......he was soooo curious what they were gonna be talking about. With a name like "Intimate Connections"......it shoulda been a no brainer. But I guess he wasn't thinking with his brain. He woulda been highly suspicious had the roles been reversed. But you know something....I really don't need that in my life.......the fact that I had a problem with it..shoulda been enough for him to say "no thanks".....but then again...if he's that curious..to the point that watching me leave..wasn't as important as what was on that discussion board. Not the first time he's thrown me under the bus...but certainly the last.

    a female friend added him ..... Says plenty to me. Sounds like she may have been aiming to make some intimate connections of her own. He sounds like a d-bag for putting his "curiousity" above your feelings. You're better off without him - keep making yourself all that, for yourself.
  • smallerthighs
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    I feel like a complete idiot........here I am workin my hump off...trying to be "all that"......and he's chattin it up in his new group. Where is tyhe pill that makes you forget love..feelings..memories....I need 2 of them.

    I'm so very sorry. People can just suck sometimes.

    Fact is if you are really in love yo should never do that, and you should NEVER ask your partner to understand it. Ever.
    ****************************************

    He would've been pissed if I woulda joined the group...and even if I hadn't joined on my own..but was Added by a friend...he woulda been curious to know why I didn't say "no thanks"...and leave the group. It's a Private group...no entrace unless you are added by someone in the group...a female friend added him....but still...he didn't leave......he was soooo curious what they were gonna be talking about. With a name like "Intimate Connections"......it shoulda been a no brainer. But I guess he wasn't thinking with his brain. He woulda been highly suspicious had the roles been reversed. But you know something....I really don't need that in my life.......the fact that I had a problem with it..shoulda been enough for him to say "no thanks".....but then again...if he's that curious..to the point that watching me leave..wasn't as important as what was on that discussion board. Not the first time he's thrown me under the bus...but certainly the last.

    a female friend added him ..... Says plenty to me. Sounds like she may have been aiming to make some intimate connections of her own. He sounds like a d-bag for putting his "curiousity" above your feelings. You're better off without him - keep making yourself all that, for yourself.
    *********************************
    That is exactly what I'm going to do.........from here on out..it's a straight shot <3
  • BrianTheNegotiator
    BrianTheNegotiator Posts: 25 Member
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    Someone, I won't say who, was flirting with guys on Jango before (guys who tried to get her to call or meet them constantly), so I know how that can be. She says she was kidding, and didn't mean it, and they were gross, and other stuff too, but you know what's going on when it's going on. I think she's stopped now, but she doesn't see it as wrong. Not for her, anyway - if I did it, she'd go ballistic.

    That's the test for everything you do. Ask yourself "if my significant other did this, would I be pissed, bothered, jealous, anxious or upset about it?" If you would (and you're being totally honest with yourself), then hey, maybe you shouldn't be doing it either. There's a difference between being noticed or complimented while you're shopping or getting gas, and putting yourself out there just to GET compliments and flirting. Right?

    We're all losing weight and improving ourselves here on MFP. We're all bound to get noticed a little more than we used to. It is NOT the same thing as seeking an "intimate connection" - if anything, it helps you and your SO have a better connection with each other.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
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    Yeah no.
  • smallerthighs
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    Someone, I won't say who, was flirting with guys on Jango before (guys who tried to get her to call or meet them constantly), so I know how that can be. She says she was kidding, and didn't mean it, and they were gross, and other stuff too, but you know what's going on when it's going on. I think she's stopped now, but she doesn't see it as wrong. Not for her, anyway - if I did it, she'd go ballistic.

    That's the test for everything you do. Ask yourself "if my significant other did this, would I be pissed, bothered, jealous, anxious or upset about it?" If you would (and you're being totally honest with yourself), then hey, maybe you shouldn't be doing it either. There's a difference between being noticed or complimented while you're shopping or getting gas, and putting yourself out there just to GET compliments and flirting. Right?

    We're all losing weight and improving ourselves here on MFP. We're all bound to get noticed a little more than we used to. It is NOT the same thing as seeking an "intimate
    connection" - if anything, it helps you and your SO have a better connection with each
    other.
    **********************************************
    I agree...and I think that's what bothered me the most...the fact that he says I flirt alot....on Facebook...but then he gets "added" to this group..without even telling me...and I would've never known about it..if I hadn't looked on his page and saw it. But I flirt? Right!! I have always had an outgoing personality..I am happy..and a friendly person..in a genuine way. If I know you..I'm not gonna treat you like a stranger..I'm a people person..I make conversation with people..I don't know any strangers...it's part of who I am. And I told him I would've NEVER joined a group with a name like that..first because it sends the wrong message..second..it's a PRIVATE group discussing adult..sexual topics...and third..if we weren't invited together..as a couple...there was no way I would discuss subject matters like that with other men..behind his back...it's like cheating to me. Whenever you're talking about certain topics to another person..other than your mate...it's cheating. He upset me..when I had to go all Madea..typin in caps..and all that....to get him to understand where I was coming from. That's not right..and he tried to justify it by saying it's not what I think..that it's all quite innocent...but com'on....intimate..means intimacy...connections...mean to connect with another person....connecting intimately with another person...atleast that what it means to me......he's got a different handbook apparently......
  • voluptas63
    voluptas63 Posts: 602 Member
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    Simply move on. Dwelling will not help.
  • JStarnes
    JStarnes Posts: 5,576 Member
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    If it's only discussing those topics I don't see what the issue is. I wouldn't want to read about other people's sexual endeavors or share my own but just discussing relationships/sex/taboo things IN GENERAL seems fine to me and my husband wouldn't care and I wouldn't care if he joined either.

    The name intimate connections kind of makes it seem like it's more than discussion though.
    ^^ This
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    I say make a cocktail for you both and have your own intimate connections...
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
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    Yeah.....when I saw he joined the group...I was pissed...heartbroken..and felt betrayed. But ...according to him..I'm the craxy one...I read too much into it....he was added without his knowledge...blah..blah..blah...............Oh, I'm angry....and sad that he didn't "unjoin"..he said he's gonna sit in on the chat tonight..and if it turns out to be a meat market...THEN he'll leave.... I said.."if it wasn't a meat market...why did they invite only you..and NOT your significant other as well??? Wow....I ended my relationship today. I am going thru issues..trying to be better..look better..feel better....and he goes and does THIS? F*** THAT!!! I don't need that bull****!!!

    His loss big time. You are beautiful and only going to get better. People joining those groups "connections type" usually seem to be people that are damaged goods, cheaters, or those that can't find anyone in real life and getting desperate. For the most part not going to be a great way to meet someone to spend your life with. I'm sure there are casing that beat the curve or average but I'd more than likely place a bet on the avg that you wouldn't find someone you want to spend your life there in a group like that.
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
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    If it's not a big deal in his opinion he should share the login with you so you can check it out.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    Everybody that opened this thread was interested in "Intimate Connections" Just natural curiosity. Doesn't make us unfaithful. The problems you are experiencing deal with trust. May be justified or may not be. Depends on past history.

    I'm probably gonna open every provocative thread that shows up. Throw "Boobies", "Girls only", etc. in the title and I'm bound to check it out. Probably going to make a remark that I deem humerous and others may not.

    Not going to discuss every comment or keystroke I make with my wife.

    I'm never going to cheat on her either.
  • foodforfuel
    foodforfuel Posts: 569 Member
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    His entire story stinks to high heaven. Correct me if I'm wrong, (please), but I don't think it's possible to "add" someone to a group. Maybe recommend that an invitation to join be sent, but the invitee would still have to 'agree' to join. I don't think anyone can just go around signing you up to groups and such.
    OP, I believe there are men out there that share your standards and principles. I think you are a strong person to not tolerate this kind of BS in your life. You'll find what you are looking for. All the best to you.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    Everybody that opened this thread was interested in "Intimate Connections" Just natural curiosity.
    I'm shamelessly curious...
  • HopefulLeigh
    HopefulLeigh Posts: 363 Member
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    My opening this actually went something like this:

    Husband: "What the hell is that?"

    Me: "No clue. Sex question?"

    Husband: "Open it."

    Me: "Uh, okay."

    Husband; **reading over shoulder** "What a d-bag."

    Me: "Yep."

    Husband: "She deserves better."

    Me: "Yep."
    _______________________________________________________
    Had my husband not been right there, I'd not have opened it. Why? Because I have an intimate connection ... with my husband. Everyone has their line. I think the point was that he not only crossed her line, he didn't give a flying duck about her feelings and still planned to sit in on the chat after she expressed that she was hurt by the entire thing. His curiousity was more important to him than her feelings, and that isn't okay.

    Foodforfuel, on Facebook you can now add someone to a group you create without their permission. HOWEVER, if you're added to a group, FB sends you an automatic notification that you've been added, so it definitely wasn't "without his knowledge". It's one of their new and "improved" features that's more annoying than not.
  • smallerthighs
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    If it's not a big deal in his opinion he should share the login with you so you can check it out.
    **************************************
    At this point, we're no longer talking..he's not my baby anymore. This ship is sailing.
  • smallerthighs
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    His entire story stinks to high heaven. Correct me if I'm wrong, (please), but I don't think it's possible to "add" someone to a group. Maybe recommend that an invitation to join be sent, but the invitee would still have to 'agree' to join. I don't think anyone can just go around signing you up to groups and such.
    OP, I believe there are men out there that share your standards and principles. I think you are a strong person to not tolerate this kind of BS in your life. You'll find what you are looking for. All the best to you.
    ******************************************
    Thanks. I agree..because what if one of my friends started a hate group of some sort..or some pervert group.......and added me to the group. I would be pissed...and would probably sue facebook. I wouldn't stick around to see what they were gonna be talking about...especially if the name clearly states the theme. Oh well. I've just lost the most weight I've ever lost......overnight I lost 195 lbs. My jeans don't fit any differently tho..lol
  • TheTeeWhy
    TheTeeWhy Posts: 186
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    I think thats called alcohol, the pill that take away love and feelings and all that :P

    Seems sketchy, I am totally with you on that and Im a friggin guy.


    I dont feel bad about opening the thing called intimate connections because I am a redblooded male, and also single so I have absolutely no shame in it.