Need to vent...any advice is welcome!

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Steph70508
Steph70508 Posts: 110
in Motivation and Support
I work in a unique environment. I only work on Saturday and Sunday nights from 7pm-7am with the same two people EVERY weekend. Many times when I work we have no patients (I'm an RN at a surgical center) so we end up spending ALOT of time together. The problem is that one of my co workers is heavy. This person complains ALL weekend EVERY weekend about how unhappy she is about her weight! She does this while eating fast food and drinking soda all shift. She also makes it a point to regularly bring me food when I have told her many times that I am watching my diet.
This past weekend she was on Facebook looking at old pictures and came across one of herself younger and thinner. She made a comment "I was soo much thinner then". Thinking that it would encourage her I say, "you can be that way again". She comes back with, "are you crazy I was practically anorexic!!". She and I are the same height (5'7") and she told me she weighed about 150lbs in the picture!! I am at 125 currently.
In the past she has asked me for help. She asked me what types of exercise I do and what types of food I eat. When ordering from a burger place one evening she asked me what I would order if it were me. I told her a burger with steamed veggies for a side and only eat the bottom of the bun with no mayo. She rolled her eyes and ordered her burger with sweet potato fries as a side...fried sweet potato fries! Grrr it just drives me crazy! Anyone else deal with a person or people like this?? How do you handle it??

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  • amflautist
    amflautist Posts: 941 Member
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    Tell your coworkers that you are trying to lose weight and therefore you need a rule: NO DISCUSSION OF WEIGHT! We both know that your coworker isn't going to do anything about her weight until she is ready, and clearly she is not ready. At least with this rule, you are now free to ignore her comments and discussion about her weight problem.
  • noexcuses1218
    noexcuses1218 Posts: 332 Member
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    Any time she complains about her weight, feel free to shrug and say, "Eat less, move more." Then walk away. Folks here at work drive me nuts, too - obesity is epidemic in the south - but I can't live their lives for them. I just cringe inside, and walk away.
  • AlexPflug
    AlexPflug Posts: 132 Member
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    That has to be so difficult. I understand the feeling of helplessness when you get to a weight you never thought you'd ever be. However, she seems to be completely denying herself the truth. It is frustrating that she will repeatedly bring you food even though you've mentioned your weight loss before. My suggestion is to try to act with grace toward her. It is obvious she is upset with herself, and she seems like she might be an emotional eater. However, I like what amflautist said. Maybe food and weight should be a taboo topic at your workplace if she cannot respect your path
  • loseatonlady
    loseatonlady Posts: 160
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    I would lovingly try and talk to her about it in a private setting. Share how helpful MFP has been and maybe suggest she find some MFP friends that have been in her shoes! I struggle now with hearing people complain about their situations (like this) but I have to humbly remind myself that I was "that person" a little over 3 years ago. Unfortunately though, until she reaches "the point" - she won't do it. I'm grateful I reached the point! Keep me posted ...
    Janelle
  • Mythrain1
    Mythrain1 Posts: 27 Member
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    I also work weekends in a hospital as a scrub nurse. There are MANY, MANY people that I see do this also. They will order 2 sides of roast beef with lunch, 2 sides of mash potatoes, 2 pies, and then a diet coke. After all this, they will proceed to talk about how much bigger they have become.
    I think what it comes down to is that they have to want to change. You could bring in something healthy for her to eat, or show her this site, but she will only stick to it if she wants to. Its so frustrating when you want to help and try to help and you also know the person would feel SO much better if they were a bit healthier. Its a pain to hear the complaining day in and day out.
    Good luck!
  • pilotgirl2007
    pilotgirl2007 Posts: 368 Member
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    My sister is that way. She asked me one day for ideas on what to eat and came up with an excuse as to why she can't eat any of them! Then it turned into a fight... long story short I told her that she can keep going doing what she is doing but don't ask me for advice if she doesn't plan to listen to it. If she does decide she wants to listen to it then she is welcome to question me all she wants but the problem is that she is looking for someone to validate her habits because she wants to think that it is NOT her fault that she is the way she is. She was diagnosed with Addisons disease about a year a go and they put you on steroids for that. While I will admit that it is probably incredibly difficult to lose weight on steroids it is not impossible to anyone who wants to do it.


    Most people want to blame someone or something else so that they can go on eating the way that they do. If I were you I would just be frank with your friend and tell her that you are there to help her get healthier if she would like to but if she isn't going to take your advice to heart you would prefer not to talk about it. As for bringing you food I think you should either leave it there for other people to enjoy and try to be strong enough not to endulge (which is tough) but maybe when she sees this she will get the idea.
  • pilotgirl2007
    pilotgirl2007 Posts: 368 Member
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    Any time she complains about her weight, feel free to shrug and say, "Eat less, move more." Then walk away. Folks here at work drive me nuts, too - obesity is epidemic in the south - but I can't live their lives for them. I just cringe inside, and walk away.

    I love it! Although I think the walking away part is important lol Otherwise it becomes a huge discussion. I am going to use this next time my sister tries to get me to validate her behavior!

    What irritates me most is she tells me " When your pregnant I would LOVE to see you try resist your cravings!" ugh
  • JNettie73
    JNettie73 Posts: 1,208 Member
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    Being a heavier person here is my view point...

    Unfortunately, at this point in time it seems like she is more than aware the she needs to loose weight for her health, however mentally is not ready to make the change to a healthy life style for herself. My suggestion to you is maybe try to find some way to support her and be there for her when she finally is ready. Unfortunately for you this may not be any time soon. Next time she brings up her weight issue maybe tell her about MFP (if you have not already done so) then show her the app and website. Be sure to explain how easy it is to use and try to encourage her by saying something along the lines of "I know you have been concerned with your weight for a while now. If you truly want to become healthier I recommend trying this site. I use it and I love it. I highly recommend it. I KNOW you would do fantastic with it." then further explain if she wants to get healthy you are more than willing to be a part of her support team.

    If the talk still occurs after that and it truly bothers you, then maybe find a nice way to tell her that you understand her concerns and wants but let her know that you are not willing to discuss it until she is 100% ready to make a change for her own self. You can also throw in something about how hard you are working to become healthier and it is very difficult for you to listen and have the same conversations with her over and over. Please remember though, it's not what you say but it really is how you say it. By all means since weight is a issue for many people, choose your words wisely and carefully so you don't have any hurt feelings.

    Remember too, you cannot change a person who doesn't want to or isn't ready to make a change.

    I am sorry you have to deal with this. I can understand how frustrating it must be for you. Hang in there! :flowerforyou:
  • Steph70508
    Steph70508 Posts: 110
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    I know she isn't ready yet as much as I wish she was. I have showed her MFP and even my before and after pics to try and encourage her. I wouldn't have even done that had she not asked me for help. That is what's soo frustrating! I want to help her but she doesn't want and/or isn't ready for the help. Why try to sabotage my efforts though? I would never do that to her.
  • JNettie73
    JNettie73 Posts: 1,208 Member
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    I know she isn't ready yet as much as I wish she was. I have showed her MFP and even my before and after pics to try and encourage her. I wouldn't have even done that had she not asked me for help. That is what's soo frustrating! I want to help her but she doesn't want and/or isn't ready for the help. Why try to sabotage my efforts though? I would never do that to her.

    So sorry, I can really hear how frustrated you are with this. Maybe, if you feel comfortable enough, tell her how you feel as if she is sabotaging your efforts. Explain to her how hard you have worked and struggled over the past few weeks/months/ years. She may not be aware that through her words and actions she IS hurting you. If you do have that conversation with her, I would speak to her in private. Good luck. I hope this works out for you. :flowerforyou:
  • JNettie73
    JNettie73 Posts: 1,208 Member
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    BTW I just checked out your photos...YOU LOOK AMAZING! Keep up the great work!
  • dlangenfeld
    dlangenfeld Posts: 119
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    That happens a lot to me. People ask me for advice and when I give it to them, they don't take it and then make excuses why they don't have time to exercise, eat right, etc. Then the same people try to get me to eat horrible things. They are just jealous that we had the will power and motivation to do it and they can't seem to get it yet. I agree with the above posts...just tell her you don't want to talk about it unless she wants to do something to change herself and then walk away. That's all you can do.

    I am also going to send you a friend request...you are inspiring. I am also 5-7 and want to lose about 10 pounds to feel my absolute best! I need some more motivation!!
  • marquesajen
    marquesajen Posts: 641
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    I really loathe when ask for advice and then act like you're crazy for suggesting anything that isn't "keep doing what you're doing". It really does sound like she isn't ready and/or doesn't want to take the responsibility for her weight, as a previous poster said. If she TRULY wants help, be there for her, but definitely tell her in private that you have worked VERY hard to become healthy and her offers upset you, though you appreciate her generosity. Tell her that you know one's weight can be a very emotional thing, you've been there, and that whatever she decides to do, or not do, is fine with you.

    Too many times I've heard people say "Oh, maybe I'll work out too" or that they want to be healthy and I try to encourage them and they start making excuses "I'm too stressed", "I'm too tired", "maybe in a few years". They don't want it enough and they don't want to work for it.
  • Steph70508
    Steph70508 Posts: 110
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    BTW I just checked out your photos...YOU LOOK AMAZING! Keep up the great work!
    Aww, thanks so much! :) I work hard at it every day. Sometimes it's a struggle and I feel like I'm going to backslide and go back to my old ways...it's then I have to dig deep and remember where I once was!

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