being involved with a married person

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Replies

  • dawndelicious
    dawndelicious Posts: 22 Member
    Some people just don't want to be helped no matter how mad it makes you feel. You did you job as a friend and brought your points to her attention but unfortunately she chooses not to listen. Chances are she's probably still in love with her ex-husband.

    most definitely! you know how us women can be, married or not, when we love someone you'd have to use the jaws of life to get us to leave that person alone. i just figured i'd let her know how i felt. ironically she agreed with everything i said and told me she has told him similar things, but yet and still she welcomes him in her home and into her body and heart. i just don't get it


    I can relate a little to your friend although not with an ex or anything that disfunctional but I seem to continue a vicious cycle with someone that obviously does not care about me the same way as I do him even though he always says the right things to reel me back in and I'm naive enough to believe it. I get lectured from a friend of mine because I cry and and am frustrated. I know that the advice she gives is 100% right and I need to follow it. But I am the only one that can make the change and same goes for your co-worker/friend. Be there for her and continue to give her the advice that she someday will realize is right and if she follows it will make her soooo much happier!
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
    What's it to you?
    I like good gossip much like the next gal, but do not get involved
    Dito~
  • hsh0927
    hsh0927 Posts: 259 Member
    If she is also a close friend of yours and you think it is bothering her than ask her if she wants to get together (outside of work) and talk about it. Don't tell her she's a mistress though becuase I'm not so sure she is. Especially if her husband isn't staying with his "wife." Also, remember how she must feel about her 3 kids not having thier mom and dad together and how much she probably wants to give them that. Don't judge her for her decisions, instead think about how you would feel in her shoes and somethings are hard to understand when you haven't been through the same situation...
  • audigal2008
    audigal2008 Posts: 1,129 Member
    what's it to me is that i have to hear about it daily because i work with this person for 8 hours and she confides in me. in addition she'll be crying and ask my advice and i feel it's my obligation to be honest with her because i feel everyone else is just telling her what she wants to hear. i don't push my opinion on anyone else and don't give it if it's not asked for. but if you ask me, i will be brutally honest. just wanted to know the opinions of the people on here, to see if anyone else has had to deal with something similar, or if i'm wrong and should be like everyone else?
    I agree...dont ask me for my opinion if you dont want the truth! I wont lie
  • myiceisonfire
    myiceisonfire Posts: 782 Member
    One thing I've learned is that people don't want advice if they didn't ask for it. So I wouldn't tell her what you think unless she asks.

    Personally I don't agree with those situations so I'd just nicely tell her I didn't want to be involved or hear about it anymore.
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
    One thing I've learned is that people don't want advice if they didn't ask for it. So I wouldn't tell her what you think unless she asks.

    Personally I don't agree with those situations so I'd just nicely tell her I didn't want to be involved or hear about it anymore.

    in my first post i said the same thing, that i don't give my opinion unless it is asked of me because i can be brutally honest.

    Don't tell her she's a mistress though becuase I'm not so sure she is. Especially if her husband isn't staying with his "wife." Also, remember how she must feel about her 3 kids not having thier mom and dad together and how much she probably wants to give them that. Don't judge her for her decisions, instead think about how you would feel in her shoes and somethings are hard to understand when you haven't been through the same situation...

    and i'm not judging her, but a woman, who is not a married man's wife, but is sleeping with said man...is a mistress..no? i mean it might not be a politically correct thing to say, but to say she's justified is delusional. she asked what i thought and i told her. it's a poor example for the kids if she's got their married father around with his wife blowing up his cell phone and driving pass her house to see if he's there. but i'm glad you stated your opinion because that's why i posted this. i really don't want to come off like a jerk, but i've never been known to sugarcoat anything if my input is asked of me, and i'm glad you brought a different perspective. thank you :)
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    I must have been incredibly sheltered my whole life because until I was an adult, I didn't know there were people in the world who are actually that crazy.

    To any men who are reading this and happen to have daughters, please, please, PLEASE make it your priority in life to teach them what real men are so that they don't grow up and find themselves wondering when the man they think they're in love with is going to leave his wife.

    YES! it just kills me because she has a daughter, and i really hate to think that this little girl is growing up thinking this behavior is acceptable and that this is what 'family' is.

    I totally agree with this last statement and it is NOT ok. Unfortunately, there is little you can do about it. I was in a similar situation, except my ex wasn't remairred but still coming over to be intimate, not helping out at ALL, mentally and physically abusive... It sounds like she has the mindset I once had. No matter how many times people told me he would not change, or he would not be there for me 100% I still looked for the good in him and refused to believe what they were saying. I knew deep down he would probably be a mooch and a jerk forever but the other 50% of the time he was very sweet, romantic. Two-face.

    It will just take time for her to learn. For me it took 5 years.
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
    and i understand what others are saying about providing the children with both parents but if this guy isn't even helping them with homework, dinner, financially, and doesn't make it home til after they're in the bed, what justification is left really?
  • busywaterbending
    busywaterbending Posts: 844 Member
    let me get this straight:
    she is his ex, and they have 3 kids together,
    her ex is remarried, yet goes to her for playtime.

    sicko. bad situation. Tell her to get a counsler or call an 800 no. for venting. You are at work. If it starts making you crazy tell her she's making you crazy. Sometimes you have to tell the crazies to back off, then get a restraining order if they don't. You already know my pov, but that's how life is now a days.

    Too many crazy people want to make you crazy just to make them feel better. That's called abuse. Don't let her abuse you!
  • SkateboardFi
    SkateboardFi Posts: 1,322 Member
    let me get this straight:
    she is his ex, and they have 3 kids together,
    her ex is remarried, yet goes to her for playtime.

    sicko. bad situation. Tell her to get a counsler or call an 800 no. for venting. You are at work. If it starts making you crazy tell her she's making you crazy. Sometimes you have to tell the crazies to back off, then get a restraining order if they don't. You already know my pov, but that's how life is now a days.

    Too many crazy people want to make you crazy just to make them feel better. That's called abuse. Don't let her abuse you!

    yes. that's pretty much the situation. what makes it worse for ME is that while he's at her house, it's after the kids are sleep. so it's not like he's helping with dinner. or helping with homework. or spending ANY time with them at all. it's not driving me crazy, and i think she realizes that i'm not going to be like everyone else and call his new wife 'crazy' when she's just checking on her husband. i'm getting to the point where i don't care anymore. i just think it's sad because she's in her 30s and i feel she's too grown to be so dumb behind a man..

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