I'm sad, need help!
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itsmilli
Posts: 9 Member
I'm very depressed. I have to lose at least 35 lbs by 31st December at any cost. I'm 147 lbs and 5.2" tall. But I'm not consistent. I'm a teacher and spending all day in school drains my energy to workout when I come back home. And when I go to bed I sleep with guilt and sadness. My major problem area is my tummy. I want to dress up nicely but can't wear nice fitted dresses because of my bad shape. I hate myself. Please help me. How to make my routine and what can I do to motivate myself. If this year goes by like this it would be difficult for me to change myself ever again... Help!!!
8
Replies
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What happens January 1 that you think you must be at 112 lb?
Besides that, which is an irrational objective, you should learn that you can love yourself and both nurture and nourish your body while consuming adequate nutrition and remaining in a sensible calorie deficit.
Your OP expresses despair. Don't. Be determined to patiently achieve your goal, which is not a weight target, but is an attitude. Your body shape and weight only describes your attitude toward yourself. Make your attitude toward yourself one of love, and you will achieve your goal both in mind and body.7 -
I hope you mean 31st December of 2019? Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint.
The more excess fat you have, the higher your potential weight loss rate. You are only 11 pounds away from a normal BMI so a good rate to aim for would be 0.5 pounds (0.25 kg) per week.
I know it's hard, but don't let yourself be upset by this. Experiment to find a comfortable way of eating/exercising that puts you at a calorie deficit and settle in for the long haul.5 -
I highly recommend talking to a professional to help work thru the sadness and self hate, and see if you need extra help. Such feelings of despair won't disapear even if you do lose the weight.
loosing 35lbs will not make you better. And there is no way to loose 35lbs that fast in a healthy way.
Seeing up a realistic goal (1lb a week for example) and creating healthy habits (vs relying on motivation) are good first steps (other than talking to a professional about the sadness). Put your stats in MFP and set your goal to loosing 1lb a week.
Try to get a few walks in a week, starting with short ones and slowly increasing.
Look at meal planning and grocery shopping so you have food in the house and a plan on what to make so you are not scrambling last minute when you are alreaady too hungry.7 -
A few things to unpack here.
1) First off, it would be helpful to go into it with realistic expectations. The only way you're going to lose 35 pounds between now and December 31st is to cut off a leg. That's not a realistic or attainable goal and even trying to do so would be very unhealthy.
2) You don't need to exercise to lose weight. You just need to eat/drink less calories than you burn (calorie deficit). Exercise can be a way to help accomplish that and is a good idea for a lot of reasons, but speaking purely in terms of weight loss it's not essential. Your diet will be the prime driver of your weight loss.
3) Spot reduction from your stomach/midsection (or any other part of your body) is not possible. Our fat distribution patterns are determined by our genetics and we can't alter that with any diet, food, supplement or exercise. You just need to maintain a calorie deficit, trust the process and let it happen.
As others have said, set up a realistic calorie and weight loss goal (0.5 - 1 lb. a week given your current weight and target weight), log accurately and honestly and stick to your calories. So much the better if you can mix in a bit of exercise whenever you can fit it in, but not necessary.5 -
Deal with the depression first, and the weight loss second.
6 -
... have to lose … at any cost ... can’t wear nice fitted dresses … hate myself ... difficult for me to change myself ever again ...
I see a number of cognitive distortions in the above, including:- Negative predictions - overestimating that there will be a negative outcome
- Catastrophizing - believing a bad outcome is a catastrophe
- All or nothing thinking - you either win or lose, nothing else
- Magnifying - making a mountain out of a molehill
These are what you're thinking about your situation, not the reality of your situation. Two different things.
I'll recommend two self help books for you: "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns, and "The Beck Diet Solution", by Dr. Judith Beck and Deborah Beck Busis. However -- if you can't do it on your own or you find yourself thinking of self harm, GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP. Almost all depression responds well to cognitive therapy and you're not likely to find the level of help you need in online forums like this one.
https://feelinggood.com/
http://diet.beckinstitute.org/6 -
A few things to unpack here.
1) First off, it would be helpful to go into it with realistic expectations. The only way you're going to lose 35 pounds between now and December 31st is to cut off a leg. That's not a realistic or attainable goal and even trying to do so would be very unhealthy.
2) You don't need to exercise to lose weight. You just need to eat/drink less calories than you burn (calorie deficit). Exercise can be a way to help accomplish that and is a good idea for a lot of reasons, but speaking purely in terms of weight loss it's not essential. Your diet will be the prime driver of your weight loss.
3) Spot reduction from your stomach/midsection (or any other part of your body) is not possible. Our fat distribution patterns are determined by our genetics and we can't alter that with any diet, food, supplement or exercise. You just need to maintain a calorie deficit, trust the process and let it happen.
As others have said, set up a realistic calorie and weight loss goal (0.5 - 1 lb. a week given your current weight and target weight), log accurately and honestly and stick to your calories. So much the better if you can mix in a bit of exercise whenever you can fit it in, but not necessary.
Thanks a lot.... It's very helpful 😍0 -
... have to lose … at any cost ... can’t wear nice fitted dresses … hate myself ... difficult for me to change myself ever again ...
I see a number of cognitive distortions in the above, including:- Negative predictions - overestimating that there will be a negative outcome
- Catastrophizing - believing a bad outcome is a catastrophe
- All or nothing thinking - you either win or lose, nothing else
- Magnifying - making a mountain out of a molehill
These are what you're thinking about your situation, not the reality of your situation. Two different things.
I'll recommend two self help books for you: "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns, and "The Beck Diet Solution", by Dr. Judith Beck and Deborah Beck Busis. However -- if you can't do it on your own or you find yourself thinking of self harm, GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP. Almost all depression responds well to cognitive therapy and you're not likely to find the level of help you need in online forums like this one.
https://feelinggood.com/
http://diet.beckinstitute.org/
Thanks, I would surely consider your advice. Thanks for sharing all the positivity 😍0 -
I highly recommend talking to a professional to help work thru the sadness and self hate, and see if you need extra help. Such feelings of despair won't disapear even if you do lose the weight.
loosing 35lbs will not make you better. And there is no way to loose 35lbs that fast in a healthy way.
Seeing up a realistic goal (1lb a week for example) and creating healthy habits (vs relying on motivation) are good first steps (other than talking to a professional about the sadness). Put your stats in MFP and set your goal to loosing 1lb a week.
Try to get a few walks in a week, starting with short ones and slowly increasing.
Look at meal planning and grocery shopping so you have food in the house and a plan on what to make so you are not scrambling last minute when you are alreaady too hungry.
Thanks for being there and writing for me 😍 It really helped.0 -
I hope you mean 31st December of 2019? Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint.
The more excess fat you have, the higher your potential weight loss rate. You are only 11 pounds away from a normal BMI so a good rate to aim for would be 0.5 pounds (0.25 kg) per week.
I know it's hard, but don't let yourself be upset by this. Experiment to find a comfortable way of eating/exercising that puts you at a calorie deficit and settle in for the long haul.
Thanks a lot dear for your concern and advice.0 -
JeromeBarry1 wrote: »What happens January 1 that you think you must be at 112 lb?
Besides that, which is an irrational objective, you should learn that you can love yourself and both nurture and nourish your body while consuming adequate nutrition and remaining in a sensible calorie deficit.
Your OP expresses despair. Don't. Be determined to patiently achieve your goal, which is not a weight target, but is an attitude. Your body shape and weight only describes your attitude toward yourself. Make your attitude toward yourself one of love, and you will achieve your goal both in mind and body.
Thanks to take out time and reading my rant and writing back. It means a lot to me. Thanks0 -
Not at the cost of your health you don't. Good health is a precious freebie for the ones that have it and can enjoy it, so please don't mistreat it. Also 35 lbs by 31st December 2018 would roughly mean a 3,150 cal deficit per day so unless you plan on eating water with a side of water, running like 3 hours straight each day and ultimately running yourself into the ground, it's ridiculous. Set the goal for 21 December 2019 - that's a feasible 300 cal deficit per day, and perfectly sustainable.I have to lose at least 35 lbs by 31st December at any cost.
The cycle of self-loathing will only stop if you do something. Start slow, if you like. 5 minutes per day before bedtime. 10 minutes. A 30 minute bodyweight circuit. As you start exercising, your stamina and energy will increase, working out has that effect.I'm 147 lbs and 5.2" tall. But I'm not consistent. I'm a teacher and spending all day in school drains my energy to workout when I come back home. And when I go to bed I sleep with guilt and sadness.
You can't spot reduce, but you *can* start exercising with a direct improvement on your midsection as well. There's a saying going `abs are made in the kitchen` - the most important part of achieving what you want will come from the diet side. Maintain a reasonable caloric deficit and results will show.My major problem area is my tummy. I want to dress up nicely but can't wear nice fitted dresses because of my bad shape.
I am sad to read this. Have you considered speaking to a therapist? It seems like you need a friend, so maybe enrolling in after-school group exercise such as aerobic, and being around others, could help.I hate myself. Please help me. How to make my routine and what can I do to motivate myself. If this year goes by like this it would be difficult for me to change myself ever again... Help!!!
Lastly, I would like to make two points:- Motivation is fleeting, and for most of us, barely there or none at all at one point or another. Power of will, discipline and routine are your best friends... forget about motivation.
- It is NEVER too late to change. Never. I have seen amazing results here from people at all ages, turning points happening at 60, and so on. This now-or-never mentality can work, but it can also do you wrong when you inevitably slip up. Because we all slip up. The trick is to get back up regardless and push on, not dwelling on the mishaps.
Good luck!5 -
SabAteNine wrote: »
Not at the cost of your health you don't. Good health is a precious freebie for the ones that have it and can enjoy it, so please don't mistreat it. Also 35 lbs by 31st December 2018 would roughly mean a 3,150 cal deficit per day so unless you plan on eating water with a side of water, running like 3 hours straight each day and ultimately running yourself into the ground, it's ridiculous. Set the goal for 21 December 2019 - that's a feasible 300 cal deficit per day, and perfectly sustainable.I have to lose at least 35 lbs by 31st December at any cost.
The cycle of self-loathing will only stop if you do something. Start slow, if you like. 5 minutes per day before bedtime. 10 minutes. A 30 minute bodyweight circuit. As you start exercising, your stamina and energy will increase, working out has that effect.I'm 147 lbs and 5.2" tall. But I'm not consistent. I'm a teacher and spending all day in school drains my energy to workout when I come back home. And when I go to bed I sleep with guilt and sadness.
You can't spot reduce, but you *can* start exercising with a direct improvement on your midsection as well. There's a saying going `abs are made in the kitchen` - the most important part of achieving what you want will come from the diet side. Maintain a reasonable caloric deficit and results will show.My major problem area is my tummy. I want to dress up nicely but can't wear nice fitted dresses because of my bad shape.
I am sad to read this. Have you considered speaking to a therapist? It seems like you need a friend, so maybe enrolling in after-school group exercise such as aerobic, and being around others, could help.I hate myself. Please help me. How to make my routine and what can I do to motivate myself. If this year goes by like this it would be difficult for me to change myself ever again... Help!!!
Lastly, I would like to make two points:- Motivation is fleeting, and for most of us, barely there or none at all at one point or another. Power of will, discipline and routine are your best friends... forget about motivation.
- It is NEVER too late to change. Never. I have seen amazing results here from people at all ages, turning points happening at 60, and so on. This now-or-never mentality can work, but it can also do you wrong when you inevitably slip up. Because we all slip up. The trick is to get back up regardless and push on, not dwelling on the mishaps.
Good luck!
Thanks for writing in such detail and with inspiring words and thoughts. Your each word is a motivation for me and I will definitely consider what you suggested. Thanks for being there for me.2 -
If I were you I'd go with a big smile on my face and make the rounds talking to everyone and ask how THEY are. If you go looking gaunt and washed out--people will talk. If you look confident and happy they will enjoy your company. That's more important than a new dress.
By the way--I love your profile pic.3 -
Well, you’ve struck a nerve with me and a lot of others. Please seek treatment for your depression.
You can go on your family holiday, looking good, feeling good and having fun. As noted, a crash diet will likely leave you looking sickly. And even if you succeed in losing a lot of weight, you will likely lose your mind doing it.
You’re going to have to settle for being a work in progress for your holiday. But there is one change you can make right now, you can change your mind.
I didn’t decide I loved my 285lb self, but I did decide that I had a right to basic human respect. Similar to you, my job was to help people with a certain set of problems. I never once decided that I wasn’t going to help someone because of their weight. Or depression or mental illness. Or because they were difficult. Or even unappreciative or argumentative.
In fact, if I caught myself reacting negatively to someone, I’m only human, I concentrated a bit harder on treating them well, lest I unconsciously not do a good job for them. Hope that makes sense. They were all people in trouble and entitled to basic respect.
One day it occurred to me that I was entitled the same. And it was up to me to see that I got it for myself. No one could do it for me. My life was passing by. I was unhappy and I was letting it happen. I vowed to change.
Change your life. You can do it. In fact, only you can do it. Seek treatment for your depression, start some kind of exercise (it will lift your mood and build confidence) start a long term weight loss program. You can go to your holiday a changed person by changing your mind.
We only get one life. Decide what you want and respect what you choose for yourself by making it happen. You really can do it.7 -
I'm a teacher too. Teaching sucks the life and energy out of me. I love it but I hate what it does to me. I get in shape every summer just to get out of shape during the school year. This year I am trying not to let that happen again. I'm on every day so feel free to add me.1
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