At what point did people STOP being supportive?
PartyKardy
Posts: 172 Member
So I’ve lost a lot of weight. Nearly 100lbs and still losing a little more so I can hit my ultimate goal weight.
At first when I was losing 20-40 lbs and was still chunky people were so kind and supportive to me on my journey.
When I reached 60-80 I started getting the “isnt that enough?” “When are you going to stop?” “You’re going to get too thin.”
Now that I’m coming up upon 100lbs gone and have recently posted about a milestone of fitting into a size 0 it’s like a bomb went off. Family, friends, those random people from Facebook I hadn’t spoken to since high school suddenly telling me I’m “skin and bones” and asking if I have an eating disorder (which I did have when I was BIG not since I’ve lost weight!)
I’d say it’s pretty clear I don’t have a “too thin” appearance. I lift heavy weights and my weight isn’t really all that low. I am also very short and have always had small hips so size 0 pants isn’t that crazy I think.
Just wondering if any of you have had the same experience? Once you stop being the fat friend or chubby relative people don’t want to accept it.
Don’t think for a second I plan on stopping though! I plan to gain more muscle, strength and get lean. Always healthily!
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Replies
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I lost a lot of weight a few years back when I was doing WW and people were saying as I almost got to goal that I should stop as I was looking gaunt..... really! I have put some of that weight back on so my journey continues! I am at the gym now and enjoying gaining muscle instead of just counting calories! Good luck with your journey, you are looking great..... Strong is the new skinny!!6
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I have had people make mutterings at me now as I close in towards the top end of the healthy BMI. I'm still pretty far from goal, though people hem and haw when I say I've got a good chunk left to go. So I've not quite reached that point yet, but it might happen. Wtfever, #longhairdon'tcare. I'm getting to a healthy BMI and I'm getting to the middle of the healthy BMI so I have wiggle room.
You are definitely not skin and bones! I have narrow hips too, though my calves are my nemesis. XD Good work on what you've accomplished. Haters gonna hate, so long as you know you're working towards a healthy end goal and you're happy, that's what matters!
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This is why I put all my weight loss related posts on here and not facebook!37
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TavistockToad wrote: »This is why I put all my weight loss related posts on here and not facebook!
I mean people also say it to me in person so I don’t think that matters much. I don’t post a lot about weight loss on Facebook because I don’t want to be annoying haha
It just seems like people are supportive and then suddenly they’re against you!
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First off you look amazing. Secondly, keep it up, try to focus on the positive people in your life, the healthy ones.4
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I've honestly never had that problem but never been in a zero before either. Honestly, in my experience, even supportive people are saying something just for the sake of saying something. I mean I don't think anyone really cared when I had lost over 100 lbs before except to internally link it to themselves (ie-how did you do it? Was it surgery? I have a few to go too-great job). Empty words. Hubby never says anything but I saw the appreciation in his eyes when I lost in the past. My kids (in their twenties) will say something to me and it's legit. Most times though we just joke around so it's more like a funny on how I'm moving it. At Thanksgiving the kids did say I was doing awesome and loved that I will be around longer to annoy them for getting healthy. That's about all that matters to me. The others, they talk. Facebook is a scream for help in my opinion on how a person can get the most attention they seem to be lacking. I keep it off. Even others losing weight always have something to say. It can be said in different ways but they are just words and most have some kind of judgement; even the support.
You look awesome. If your SO is hugging you tighter and longer cause they like what they feel then that is probably the support you need and only that one. Parents are always going to be hard on their kids because they love you and care. If it comes from there then yeah, you gotta talk to them. I am a parent and worry for my daughter all the time. I nag her but it comes from loving her. And I listen to her when she tells me I'm making her feel bad or I'm not doing enough for her with support, etc. Keep positive around but in the end, it's all on you. I say just keep loved ones close and worry about only those that matter to you. No one really cares, honestly. It's just the brutal truth. It's how you feel that matters and how much better life is to you. No one is their weight loss-it's not an identifier. Who you are is the person you always were-the rest is just momentary accolades, comments or whatever.
You done great. Anyone losing over 100 lbs knows the work and that strength is who you are-not what you looked like before or now. Feel great, love more and keep the love as your motivation. Be kind to your family and try to understand it comes from the love and worry they can have. Have a sit down if it really gets to be too much.9 -
When? As soon as my weight got lower than the person I was talking to.
You look great btw. Don’t let others into your head. Keep to yourself on this. Give it time and people will forget. Try to stick to weight loss boards when posting about WL and change the subject on FB.28 -
When? As soon as my weight got lower than the person I was talking to.
You look great btw. Don’t let others into your head. Keep to yourself on this. Give it time and people will forget. Try to stick to weight loss boards when posting about WL and change the subject on FB.
It’s an interesting character study isn’t it?
It really showed me how uncomfortable people felt about me when they started to see me as equal to them.
This must be why you see so many relationships and stuff end when one decides to lose weight or change something dramatically.
I’m not that pressed about it more was just trying to start an interesting conversation about this phenomenon
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I’ve always been interested in this- at 285lbs, I was in serious trouble, CPAP, HBP, debilitating back pain, a seemingly permanent cough. Exactly one person, my best friend, expressed concern about my weight. But about the time I hit the 2/3 mark of my 100lb loss, it seemed like everyone I knew had something to say about my weight.
Btw, my goal was the top end of normal BMI.
And I never invited conversation about weight loss. If anyone asked how I was doing it - Old fashioned diet and exercise- and walk away.14 -
I’ve always been interested in this- at 285lbs, I was in serious trouble, CPAP, HBP, debilitating back pain, a seemingly permanent cough. Exactly one person, my best friend, expressed concern about my weight. But about the time I hit the 2/3 mark of my 100lb loss, it seemed like everyone I knew had something to say about my weight.
Btw, my goal was the top end of normal BMI.
And I never invited conversation about weight loss. If anyone asked how I was doing it - Old fashioned diet and exercise- and walk away.
I also wonder if in America we almost are inclined to see a healthy thin body as too skinny.
In Japan when I tell my friends I wanna lose more weight they’re like “yeah that seems fine”
Instead of
“OMG MORE WEIGHT YOUR WASTING AWAY”
Haha 😅
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I think you look great, especially with the muscle definition. You’re gorgeous either way though. I wonder if people make these comments only because your weight is so drastically different that you look like a skin and bones version of your old self to them. They’re not seeing the healthy new you. Just speculation.7
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I think you look great, especially with the muscle definition. You’re gorgeous either way though. I wonder if people make these comments only because your weight is so drastically different that you look like a skin and bones version of your old self to them. They’re not seeing the healthy new you. Just speculation.
that’s actually a great point! I suppose there may be big time gaps when people see me so they think it’s like I’ve suddenly changed when it’s actually been a slow process behind the scenes.
Thanks for the input that’s something I hadn’t considered
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People stopped encouraging me the second they found out I was serious. 5 pounds? Yay that’s great! 10 pounds? Whoa look at you go! 15 pounds? Wow you’re really serious aren’t you? 20+ pounds? Can’t you just have one free day? Why do you have to care so much about what you eat? You’re such a buzz kill.21
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^ Good point. A lot of the comments stem from the other person's jealousy of your success, and/or their insecurity over the fact that you're accomplishing something they're not. It's more about them than it is about you.When? As soon as my weight got lower than the person I was talking to...
Other than on this forum, I've made exactly zero social media posts about anything to do with my weight loss, eating and/or exercise habits. Social media is a sewer for nasty comments and some people just can't resist the urge. Even in person, I don't discuss those topics with other people unless they initiate the conversation - and on those occasions I keep it short and sweet.15 -
I have had my family tell me I am "too thin" and I'm 150lbs (5'9" size 3) and that's not too thin at all...and so far pointing out my actual weight is enough to make them just stop...but, I do feel like part of that idea of me as "thin" is what they are used to...almost everyone in my family is obese, so I am smaller than my younger siblings, and smaller than many of my nephews and nieces who are teens or pre-teens, and it's kind of sad because what they see as a "normal" size is not healthy and this idea of what is "normal" is likely going to shape their world to some extent even as adults. They will likely grow up to be those people who see someone who is a healthy weight and think they are "too thin" and it's just not good for our culture and the future of society.
I don't think that people should be mistreated for being overweight, or underweight, but I do think it's a bad sign for society that being morbidly obese is socially acceptable and no one acknowledges the health burden that come with that...it's not "a natural part of aging" at all, and it's not just about your genetics...it's about caring for yourself and being deliberate about your health...you only have one place to live and if you want to upgrade it, no one can do that for you, it's all YOU.12 -
Thankfully my family has been supportive for my entire journey so far. They have even asked my to set them up on MFP. But some "friends" from work stopped being supportive when the weight loss became noticeable and wasn't just talk anymore. They thought that I was being a bad mom for focusing on me and not my kids. Totally not the case as I am a very devoted mother, but they just assumed I was ignoring them to work out for hours or something and kept trying to make me feel guilty. So I just stopped talking to those "friends" about my weight and my family and put them strictly in the work acquaintance category.7
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It could be concern and not jealousy/lack of support. A size zero is very small regardless of the starting weight. There comes a point when the weight loss is unhealthy (I.e bulimia and anorexia. They could just be showing you that they are concerned. I wouldn’t take it as a lack of support.15
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Which brings up another good reply to people if you want to shut them down. When they comment on you being too skinny or losing too much weight, reply "Yeah? So where were you when I was 270 pounds, to tell me I was too fat?".tcunbeliever wrote: »....I do think it's a bad sign for society that being morbidly obese is socially acceptable and no one acknowledges the health burden that come with that...
Overweight is pretty much a taboo topic in conversation, but nobody seems to mind offering their opinions when you're no longer overweight. Fit shaming is no more acceptable than fat shaming.
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I'll tell you when I get there. Haha. But yeah, people can be very cruel, going from "you should lose weight" to "you're too thin". It's impossible to please some people and that's actually sad.
BTW you are not "too thin", you are very beautiful!7 -
PartyKardy wrote: »
So I’ve lost a lot of weight. Nearly 100lbs and still losing a little more so I can hit my ultimate goal weight.
At first when I was losing 20-40 lbs and was still chunky people were so kind and supportive to me on my journey.
When I reached 60-80 I started getting the “isnt that enough?” “When are you going to stop?” “You’re going to get too thin.”
Now that I’m coming up upon 100lbs gone and have recently posted about a milestone of fitting into a size 0 it’s like a bomb went off. Family, friends, those random people from Facebook I hadn’t spoken to since high school suddenly telling me I’m “skin and bones” and asking if I have an eating disorder (which I did have when I was BIG not since I’ve lost weight!)
I’d say it’s pretty clear I don’t have a “too thin” appearance. I lift heavy weights and my weight isn’t really all that low. I am also very short and have always had small hips so size 0 pants isn’t that crazy I think.
Just wondering if any of you have had the same experience? Once you stop being the fat friend or chubby relative people don’t want to accept it.
Don’t think for a second I plan on stopping though! I plan to gain more muscle, strength and get lean. Always healthily!PartyKardy wrote: »
So I’ve lost a lot of weight. Nearly 100lbs and still losing a little more so I can hit my ultimate goal weight.
At first when I was losing 20-40 lbs and was still chunky people were so kind and supportive to me on my journey.
When I reached 60-80 I started getting the “isnt that enough?” “When are you going to stop?” “You’re going to get too thin.”
Now that I’m coming up upon 100lbs gone and have recently posted about a milestone of fitting into a size 0 it’s like a bomb went off. Family, friends, those random people from Facebook I hadn’t spoken to since high school suddenly telling me I’m “skin and bones” and asking if I have an eating disorder (which I did have when I was BIG not since I’ve lost weight!)
I’d say it’s pretty clear I don’t have a “too thin” appearance. I lift heavy weights and my weight isn’t really all that low. I am also very short and have always had small hips so size 0 pants isn’t that crazy I think.
Just wondering if any of you have had the same experience? Once you stop being the fat friend or chubby relative people don’t want to accept it.
Don’t think for a second I plan on stopping though! I plan to gain more muscle, strength and get lean. Always healthily!
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People are jealous af. You look amazing5
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I got comments like that when my appearance became vastly different than what those people were used to seeing me look like. It was at about 80 lbs lost when my body really started to change are take on a “normal” shape - which was so different than what people were used to seeing that it was unsettling for them. Even though I was still a bit overweight, I was looking “normal” (in the sense of a healthy body-not society “normal”) for the first time in decades.
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People have not been very supportive of my loss (130 lb) even though I am still a bit overweight and nowhere near size 0. To be honest, I don't talk about my weight loss or fitness/health with anyone in real life except my husband and mother (a little bit) because others tend to downplay it and say things like "You looked great before, I don't see that big of a difference". Right, no difference between my former size 28 with chronic migraines and a healthy size 10/12. Great!
There was one point at about 90-100 lost when people said "don't get too skinny, your teeth sorta look too big now" or "I think your jaw is getting too sharp for that short haircut you have". Most of my female friends are average sized, have always been average sized, and think they stay that way because of putting coconut oil in their brownies instead of vegetable oil, and other things of that nature. So they attribute my success to "eating healthier" and do not understand the work I've put in.
I say, eff everyone and do what pleases you!14 -
deisebayer wrote: »I'll tell you when I get there. Haha. But yeah, people can be very cruel, going from "you should lose weight" to "you're too thin". It's impossible to please some people and that's actually sad.
BTW you are not "too thin", you are very beautiful!
Yes people are impossible to please!
Also thanks so much for your kind words! I know I’m not too thin I’m just very very short. Size 0 sounds extreme but if you saw me in person you’d think I was pretty normal looking haha1 -
I think you look great, especially with the muscle definition. You’re gorgeous either way though. I wonder if people make these comments only because your weight is so drastically different that you look like a skin and bones version of your old self to them. They’re not seeing the healthy new you. Just speculation.
^This. You look fantastic. I wish I had the muscle definition that you have. You didn't get that way without a lot of hard work. Nobody else wants to be reminded of that either... You worked hard and got results. I don't want to work that hard! But I want the results. (See where that goes?) Keep it up! They'll get used to the new you. You're just completely different than they are used to. Great job!
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girlwithcurls2 wrote: »I think you look great, especially with the muscle definition. You’re gorgeous either way though. I wonder if people make these comments only because your weight is so drastically different that you look like a skin and bones version of your old self to them. They’re not seeing the healthy new you. Just speculation.
^This. You look fantastic. I wish I had the muscle definition that you have. You didn't get that way without a lot of hard work. Nobody else wants to be reminded of that either... You worked hard and got results. I don't want to work that hard! But I want the results. (See where that goes?) Keep it up! They'll get used to the new you. You're just completely different than they are used to. Great job!
Yeah people definitely DO NOT like to be reminded that work goes into change.
I mean I was definitely not receptive to that message when I was obese either!
I have gotten messages asking for advice or how I lost weight and when I tell them they always seem disappointed. Everyone asks for a secret when there isn’t one 🤷♀️
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You short girls get it super easy in the clothes department too...you can wear short skirts around the office and no one even notices...even kids clothes look cute and professional on you...sometimes you can find those awesome velcro dress shoes in your size, I know they are for kids, but it's so much more convenient than real buckles...just about everything in my size was clearly made for someone 6-9 inches shorter than me...even in patterns I have to add length to everything, hems, bodice, all of it needs to be taller, it's a good think I can sew...I'm totally jealous short girls...except when I'm getting that box of cereal off the top of the cabinets without need a chair or a stool...then I'm not feeling the jealousy!!!
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tcunbeliever wrote: »You short girls get it super easy in the clothes department too...you can wear short skirts around the office and no one even notices...even kids clothes look cute and professional on you...sometimes you can find those awesome velcro dress shoes in your size, I know they are for kids, but it's so much more convenient than real buckles...just about everything in my size was clearly made for someone 6-9 inches shorter than me...even in patterns I have to add length to everything, hems, bodice, all of it needs to be taller, it's a good think I can sew...I'm totally jealous short girls...except when I'm getting that box of cereal off the top of the cabinets without need a chair or a stool...then I'm not feeling the jealousy!!!
I have a little stool collection. One for each room, lol.
But for OP, if you're checking your weight against BMI recommendations and you fall within the normal range, the naysayers can buzz off.2 -
I think it’s crazy how after about 70 lbs lost, people started to talk like I’m starving myself. I’m still losing and hit the size zero mark recently too. I know I need to tone more and shed a little more fat, and it’s not unhealthy—quite the opposite. People telling me I need to eat. Is that a first-world mindset? Grr
Maybe they’re worried that I’m still obsessing over food, but in reverse?1
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