At what point did people STOP being supportive?
Replies
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PartyKardy wrote: »
So I’ve lost a lot of weight. Nearly 100lbs and still losing a little more so I can hit my ultimate goal weight.
At first when I was losing 20-40 lbs and was still chunky people were so kind and supportive to me on my journey.
When I reached 60-80 I started getting the “isnt that enough?” “When are you going to stop?” “You’re going to get too thin.”
Now that I’m coming up upon 100lbs gone and have recently posted about a milestone of fitting into a size 0 it’s like a bomb went off. Family, friends, those random people from Facebook I hadn’t spoken to since high school suddenly telling me I’m “skin and bones” and asking if I have an eating disorder (which I did have when I was BIG not since I’ve lost weight!)
I’d say it’s pretty clear I don’t have a “too thin” appearance. I lift heavy weights and my weight isn’t really all that low. I am also very short and have always had small hips so size 0 pants isn’t that crazy I think.
Just wondering if any of you have had the same experience? Once you stop being the fat friend or chubby relative people don’t want to accept it.
Don’t think for a second I plan on stopping though! I plan to gain more muscle, strength and get lean. Always healthily!PartyKardy wrote: »
So I’ve lost a lot of weight. Nearly 100lbs and still losing a little more so I can hit my ultimate goal weight.
At first when I was losing 20-40 lbs and was still chunky people were so kind and supportive to me on my journey.
When I reached 60-80 I started getting the “isnt that enough?” “When are you going to stop?” “You’re going to get too thin.”
Now that I’m coming up upon 100lbs gone and have recently posted about a milestone of fitting into a size 0 it’s like a bomb went off. Family, friends, those random people from Facebook I hadn’t spoken to since high school suddenly telling me I’m “skin and bones” and asking if I have an eating disorder (which I did have when I was BIG not since I’ve lost weight!)
I’d say it’s pretty clear I don’t have a “too thin” appearance. I lift heavy weights and my weight isn’t really all that low. I am also very short and have always had small hips so size 0 pants isn’t that crazy I think.
Just wondering if any of you have had the same experience? Once you stop being the fat friend or chubby relative people don’t want to accept it.
Don’t think for a second I plan on stopping though! I plan to gain more muscle, strength and get lean. Always healthily!
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People are jealous af. You look amazing5
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I got comments like that when my appearance became vastly different than what those people were used to seeing me look like. It was at about 80 lbs lost when my body really started to change are take on a “normal” shape - which was so different than what people were used to seeing that it was unsettling for them. Even though I was still a bit overweight, I was looking “normal” (in the sense of a healthy body-not society “normal”) for the first time in decades.
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People have not been very supportive of my loss (130 lb) even though I am still a bit overweight and nowhere near size 0. To be honest, I don't talk about my weight loss or fitness/health with anyone in real life except my husband and mother (a little bit) because others tend to downplay it and say things like "You looked great before, I don't see that big of a difference". Right, no difference between my former size 28 with chronic migraines and a healthy size 10/12. Great!
There was one point at about 90-100 lost when people said "don't get too skinny, your teeth sorta look too big now" or "I think your jaw is getting too sharp for that short haircut you have". Most of my female friends are average sized, have always been average sized, and think they stay that way because of putting coconut oil in their brownies instead of vegetable oil, and other things of that nature. So they attribute my success to "eating healthier" and do not understand the work I've put in.
I say, eff everyone and do what pleases you!14 -
deisebayer wrote: »I'll tell you when I get there. Haha. But yeah, people can be very cruel, going from "you should lose weight" to "you're too thin". It's impossible to please some people and that's actually sad.
BTW you are not "too thin", you are very beautiful!
Yes people are impossible to please!
Also thanks so much for your kind words! I know I’m not too thin I’m just very very short. Size 0 sounds extreme but if you saw me in person you’d think I was pretty normal looking haha1 -
I think you look great, especially with the muscle definition. You’re gorgeous either way though. I wonder if people make these comments only because your weight is so drastically different that you look like a skin and bones version of your old self to them. They’re not seeing the healthy new you. Just speculation.
^This. You look fantastic. I wish I had the muscle definition that you have. You didn't get that way without a lot of hard work. Nobody else wants to be reminded of that either... You worked hard and got results. I don't want to work that hard! But I want the results. (See where that goes?) Keep it up! They'll get used to the new you. You're just completely different than they are used to. Great job!
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girlwithcurls2 wrote: »I think you look great, especially with the muscle definition. You’re gorgeous either way though. I wonder if people make these comments only because your weight is so drastically different that you look like a skin and bones version of your old self to them. They’re not seeing the healthy new you. Just speculation.
^This. You look fantastic. I wish I had the muscle definition that you have. You didn't get that way without a lot of hard work. Nobody else wants to be reminded of that either... You worked hard and got results. I don't want to work that hard! But I want the results. (See where that goes?) Keep it up! They'll get used to the new you. You're just completely different than they are used to. Great job!
Yeah people definitely DO NOT like to be reminded that work goes into change.
I mean I was definitely not receptive to that message when I was obese either!
I have gotten messages asking for advice or how I lost weight and when I tell them they always seem disappointed. Everyone asks for a secret when there isn’t one 🤷♀️
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You short girls get it super easy in the clothes department too...you can wear short skirts around the office and no one even notices...even kids clothes look cute and professional on you...sometimes you can find those awesome velcro dress shoes in your size, I know they are for kids, but it's so much more convenient than real buckles...just about everything in my size was clearly made for someone 6-9 inches shorter than me...even in patterns I have to add length to everything, hems, bodice, all of it needs to be taller, it's a good think I can sew...I'm totally jealous short girls...except when I'm getting that box of cereal off the top of the cabinets without need a chair or a stool...then I'm not feeling the jealousy!!!
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tcunbeliever wrote: »You short girls get it super easy in the clothes department too...you can wear short skirts around the office and no one even notices...even kids clothes look cute and professional on you...sometimes you can find those awesome velcro dress shoes in your size, I know they are for kids, but it's so much more convenient than real buckles...just about everything in my size was clearly made for someone 6-9 inches shorter than me...even in patterns I have to add length to everything, hems, bodice, all of it needs to be taller, it's a good think I can sew...I'm totally jealous short girls...except when I'm getting that box of cereal off the top of the cabinets without need a chair or a stool...then I'm not feeling the jealousy!!!
I have a little stool collection. One for each room, lol.
But for OP, if you're checking your weight against BMI recommendations and you fall within the normal range, the naysayers can buzz off.2 -
I think it’s crazy how after about 70 lbs lost, people started to talk like I’m starving myself. I’m still losing and hit the size zero mark recently too. I know I need to tone more and shed a little more fat, and it’s not unhealthy—quite the opposite. People telling me I need to eat. Is that a first-world mindset? Grr
Maybe they’re worried that I’m still obsessing over food, but in reverse?1 -
I found in the last month or so I started getting those questions from family and friends. "you are done right? you are already too skinny". which is technically no true as i am still sorta just coming into the BMI range for my height (on the top end). I think people get used to you being overweight so when you are at a healthy weight it seems like you are "too skinny". though some people may go too far on the weight loss as well. Anyway I just politely smile and nod and say i'm pretty much done.TavistockToad wrote: »This is why I put all my weight loss related posts on here and not facebook!
I don't post really on the weight loss topic either. something may slip in here and there but i really try not to and do succeed most of the time.
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wanderingarcher wrote: »I think it’s crazy how after about 70 lbs lost, people started to talk like I’m starving myself. I’m still losing and hit the size zero mark recently too. I know I need to tone more and shed a little more fat, and it’s not unhealthy—quite the opposite. People telling me I need to eat. Is that a first-world mindset? Grr
Maybe they’re worried that I’m still obsessing over food, but in reverse?
Because I’m vegan my family already assumed I was too obsessed with food before I even started to lose weight haha.
My weight only recently went into the normal BMI as well but since I do bodybuilding (kind of) I know BMI will score me a bit higher probably and since I’m short BMI wants me pretty lightweight haha
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Wow. I’m in the same boat as you all. I can’t talk about my “get fit” journey to family and/or friends without negativity. Even my mom is telling me I’m too skinny and why am I doing it. Here’s my 2 cents:
For those of us who decided to get healthy and take control back of our bodies, it sends a message to others that “they aren’t”. And they don’t like that feeling, so they put us down. I think it’s just their insecurity coming out about themselves.
I remind myself that I am doing this and I’ve sacrificed, suffered and am getting it done through hard work and discipline. To hell with the neysayers! Get healthy my friend, feel good about yourself and enjoy the fruits of your labor. You look great! Keep it up!10 -
I lost 126 pounds several years ago. People became so mean to me because of it. They were actually nicer when I was fat. It lead me to actually having an eating disorder. I gained a bunch of wait back really fast. They made the same comments to me that they are making to you. I remember posting pics on FB at certain points 100lbs lost, goal weight etc. Im trying to re lose about 40lbs and this time I am not telling anyone. If they notice I can stop them from saying something, but hopefully it won't happen to the same extent this time.
Hugs to you! Please ignore them and don't let it get to you5 -
You look great, you don't look too skinny. Look at that muscle!!0
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maronesax1972 wrote: »Wow. I’m in the same boat as you all. I can’t talk about my “get fit” journey to family and/or friends without negativity. Even my mom is telling me I’m too skinny and why am I doing it. Here’s my 2 cents:
For those of us who decided to get healthy and take control back of our bodies, it sends a message to others that “they aren’t”. And they don’t like that feeling, so they put us down. I think it’s just their insecurity coming out about themselves.
I remind myself that I am doing this and I’ve sacrificed, suffered and am getting it done through hard work and discipline. To hell with the neysayers! Get healthy my friend, feel good about yourself and enjoy the fruits of your labor. You look great! Keep it up!
I think that is a huge portion of it. People realizing they could do more but don’t and I’m a reminder to them of that.
I post about my weight loss and stuff though so show people IT CAN BE DONE!
I want people to feel inspired and motivated so I suppose I have to accept the negativity that comes with that 🤷♀️
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So I’ve lost a lot of weight. Nearly 100lbs and still losing a little more so I can hit my ultimate goal weight.
At first when I was losing 20-40 lbs and was still chunky people were so kind and supportive to me on my journey.
When I reached 60-80 I started getting the “isnt that enough?” “When are you going to stop?” “You’re going to get too thin.”
Now that I’m coming up upon 100lbs gone and have recently posted about a milestone of fitting into a size 0 it’s like a bomb went off. Family, friends, those random people from Facebook I hadn’t spoken to since high school suddenly telling me I’m “skin and bones” and asking if I have an eating disorder (which I did have when I was BIG not since I’ve lost weight!)
I’d say it’s pretty clear I don’t have a “too thin” appearance. I lift heavy weights and my weight isn’t really all that low. I am also very short and have always had small hips so size 0 pants isn’t that crazy I think.
Just wondering if any of you have had the same experience? Once you stop being the fat friend or chubby relative people don’t want to accept it.
Don’t think for a second I plan on stopping though! I plan to gain more muscle, strength and get lean. Always healthily!
Listen, there's way too many "experts" online (and offline). If you're not anorexic or something then screw 'em! A size 0 may be appropriate to your bone and height and as long as you're not sick, who is anyone else to tell you how thin to be?
[Post edited by MFP Mods]
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It seems like people comment to extremes.
For example, many who've lost a significant amount of weight, hear a lot of the kinds of comments OP is hearing. Sometimes even if you don't have a ton to lose, but comment on wanting to lose those last 5 pounds. Plus, going from obese to healthy, you look like a different person. They aren't used to that person yet. Hopefully with time, they will adjust.
On the other hand, I have experienced the opposite on more than one occasion where someone who was (maybe) thinner than me, commented on the fact that I could, obviously, stand to lose some weight.
Don't get me wrong, I do have another 18-25 pounds to lose to be at my "ideal" weight (it's currently a range due to muscle mass possibly throwing that off a bit), but it's not a LOT of weight to lose. I'm well within a healthy BMI, and slowly, but steadily, losing. But these people will make me feel like the obese person at the buffet "are you sure you really want to eat that?" "don't you want to do something on your day off besides laze around?" "shouldn't you skip the [insert food/condiment here]?"
You get the idea.
I think it boils down to people comment when they feel justified. Because I have mentioned or talked about the gym or my diet to someone, they feel entitled to pass judgement on my actions, regardless of if I asked for their feedback or not!5 -
tcunbeliever wrote: »You short girls get it super easy in the clothes department too...you can wear short skirts around the office and no one even notices...even kids clothes look cute and professional on you...sometimes you can find those awesome velcro dress shoes in your size, I know they are for kids, but it's so much more convenient than real buckles...just about everything in my size was clearly made for someone 6-9 inches shorter than me...even in patterns I have to add length to everything, hems, bodice, all of it needs to be taller, it's a good think I can sew...I'm totally jealous short girls...except when I'm getting that box of cereal off the top of the cabinets without need a chair or a stool...then I'm not feeling the jealousy!!!
As someone (mostly) 5'3, I've never opened the cabinets above my fridge because of the ladder involved and now too scared to see what might be in there after all this time ...6
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