At what point did people STOP being supportive?

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  • workinonit1956
    workinonit1956 Posts: 1,043 Member
    Like @netitheyeti when I would go from obese (31-32 BMI) to overweight (27 BMI) which was always my “get back down to” weight, people noticed and commented positively. I did this many times over the years.

    This time I went from 31 BMI down to 23 BMI and it’s different. Reactions run the gamut between no comments at all to “why???” and “be careful not to lose too much”. I’ve had a couple nice compliments, but I’m surprised by the others.

    I think a lot of it is that I’ve never been at a normal BMI in my adult life so it’s jarring to people. It was even a little shocking to me, to be honest, with the smaller clothes, visible bones, etc.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    I did share that I planned meals with a few people and they acted like it was weird. Knowing what you are going to eat in advance is apparently weird. Eating 3 meals a day was weird.

    eating 3 meals a day isn't weird. Something is wrong with those people.

  • dhiammarath
    dhiammarath Posts: 832 Member
    PartyKardy wrote: »
    I’ve lost 60. 30 to go. My husband gets angry when people mention my weight loss. It actually pisses him off. He has never been supportive or said anything kind about it. When I said I needed a new winter jacket as the one I purchased last year was 60 pounds ago, he told me, straight faced, it fit fine. Some people don’t say anything to me. Some are really nice. But even some of my friends are ignoring the weight loss. It’s really strange.

    No offense but what an *kitten*!
    I cannot understand how people don’t support those they love prolonging their life through a healthy lifestyle like why?

    My boyfriend is on board for anything I do pretty much. I remember when I first started heavy lifting my mom made a comment like “oh don’t try to get big muscles because no man wants to have a woman who feels hard” and my boyfriend said “I’m not an insecure b****.” And she didn’t know what to say to that haha.

    I hope your husband can get over whatever hang up he has about your journey and realizes it’ll make your lives together longer and happier!


    Your boyfriend is awesome! My husband is the same way, and he's supported me through weight loss and food allergies and heavy lifting, and I am so grateful for that. Especially when reading comments about how other SOs do not support so much.

    I haven't yet dropped out of the Overweight category, but I'm getting close. So after reading through all these responses, I'm curious if I will experience these things when I start drifting through the healthy bmi zone (my goal is smack dab in the middle of what's healthy for my height).

    This is going to be like a fun social science experiment.
  • bigbandjohn
    bigbandjohn Posts: 769 Member
    PartyKardy wrote: »
    So I’ve lost a lot of weight. Nearly 100lbs and still losing a little more so I can hit my ultimate goal weight.

    At first when I was losing 20-40 lbs and was still chunky people were so kind and supportive to me on my journey.

    When I reached 60-80 I started getting the “isnt that enough?” “When are you going to stop?” “You’re going to get too thin.”

    Now that I’m coming up upon 100lbs gone and have recently posted about a milestone of fitting into a size 0 it’s like a bomb went off. Family, friends, those random people from Facebook I hadn’t spoken to since high school suddenly telling me I’m “skin and bones” and asking if I have an eating disorder (which I did have when I was BIG not since I’ve lost weight!)

    I’d say it’s pretty clear I don’t have a “too thin” appearance. I lift heavy weights and my weight isn’t really all that low. I am also very short and have always had small hips so size 0 pants isn’t that crazy I think.

    Just wondering if any of you have had the same experience? Once you stop being the fat friend or chubby relative people don’t want to accept it.

    Don’t think for a second I plan on stopping though! I plan to gain more muscle, strength and get lean. Always healthily!

    Yeah. Some people get intimidated. I have about another 30 to go. about 290 down. I am fortunate that many of my friends are supportive still, but when I went on vacation I did get the "Come on! It's holiday! Enjoy things!" attitude. I realize I will never indulge as much as I use to, but still have a good time. Don't worry. You're doing great, and it shouldn't be about them. It's about you.
  • SomeMorr
    SomeMorr Posts: 220 Member
    Legit, the third picture down on the left in the scooby doo (?) tee.... I thought you were me, I even have that same headband. If you can get a crazy defined jaw there is hope for me after all!!
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,427 Member
    smantha32 wrote: »
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    I did share that I planned meals with a few people and they acted like it was weird. Knowing what you are going to eat in advance is apparently weird. Eating 3 meals a day was weird.

    eating 3 meals a day isn't weird. Something is wrong with those people.

    Well, I also think it is pretty normal to eat 3 meals a day. I think it is normal to meal plan too. I don't think they really thought these things were weird but were defensive about their own choices even though there had been no criticism. I believe they just wanted to put me down so I wouldn't feel I was better. There is something wrong with that and I guess that is a theme in this thread.
  • cariwaldick
    cariwaldick Posts: 189 Member
    To OP, if you were my friend or loved one, I might be concerned. Don't get me wrong, you look great, and you've got a positive outlook. For me it's that size 0 that sets off alarms. My daughter is now a size 6, and she looks tiny to me. Even if you're short with a small frame, a 0 is pretty small.

    I wouldn't criticize unless you were doing things that weren't healthy, like working out too long, skipping meals, or taking something to help you lose weight. I'd recommend seeing a doctor and/or a dietitian, just to make sure you're taking care of your health. Some diets leave gaps in nutrition that can hurt in the long run.

    I think Gary Strickland (11 posts up) is right. As a nation we don't have a good idea of what a healthy weight looks like. Lots of people are perfectly happy being a bit overweight. I think the average size for us is 14 or 16. Seeing a zero is unusual. Assure your friends and family that you're healthy, you're happy, and you aren't doing anything dangerous.
  • ImSoSquishy
    ImSoSquishy Posts: 57 Member
    when i first started my fitness journey, most of my old friends i now no longer talk to, i would say about 80% already doubted me and said they doubt i'll stick to it after a few months. but it wasn't a big deal since those were mostly people i'm not very close with anyway. as for the rest of the other people i spoke and more close to, they either slowly stopped talking to me within a year of time, they started making negative comments to put me down constantly, even a few people from my former tight social circle did attempt to sabotage by constantly pressuring me to go out drink alcohol and choose only the places that would serve food with a lot of grease very often than usual. whenever i said "no" to them, they would start saying i'm a party pooper, how i changed so much, how i never use to be like this and now i probably think i'm better than them and etc. to make me give in and start drinking and smoking with them again like in the past.
  • lacyphacelia
    lacyphacelia Posts: 58 Member
    This will sound crazy, but I stopped getting support when my aunts told me in a roundabout way that I was getting as pretty as my mom was at the same age.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
    This will sound crazy, but I stopped getting support when my aunts told me in a roundabout way that I was getting as pretty as my mom was at the same age.

    It does not sound crazy to me. Families can be especially weird & competitive. A couple of my aunts and my mom have been so weird about my being a smaller size in clothing than they are, perhaps because it's the first time that's happened since I was in 5th grade/11 years old. They are all getting older and have put on weight and I'm finally at a normal weight and they are very weird about it, very vain. Sometimes I am honestly very glad that I was always the fat, smart, funny friend/daughter/niece...whatever. And I still am the weird one. I wouldn't have wanted the stress of being in the running for "pretty one" anyway tbh!
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    bump