Eating disorders

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tanya_p1990
tanya_p1990 Posts: 7 Member
in Motivation and Support
I need a friend to talk to I have always had problems with eating since I was a small child my mum had me at the doctors constantly for my lack of eating. I have never really received any professional help apart from the doctors having me keep a food diary and have a weekly weigh in I always refused to talk to a professional I find it really hard to tell someone face to face how I feel I just can’t get it all out so I have never told someone why I starve my self and make myself sick. I recently had my third child when I’m pregnant it’s like the stress of weight gain and the bad feeling go and I can easliy concentrate on the baby’s needs. But as soon as I give birth it like 9months of feel fat and ugly all hit at the same time. I just need someone that I can message who can relate my partner try’s but has no idea half of what’s in my head I fear telling him as I don’t want to disappoint him but I know he is scared I was 65.6kg when I gave birth and am now 46.4 my baby is 5months old my weight has been bouncing up and down from about 44-46 since she was 1month old thank In great help to my partner who spends a lot of time making sure I eat and don’t be sick. It just makes me feel so low and I have nobody who can relate to how ugly and fat and useless I feel because I don’t look how I feel I should. So is there anyone out there who would be prepared to listen to years of bottled up feelings that might not make much sense as I am not great at talking about took me over an hour to write this maybe I can help you aswell
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Replies

  • robertw486
    robertw486 Posts: 2,388 Member
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    I would be more than glad to listen to years of bottled up feelings if I thought it would help someone. The problem with that is, I'm not qualified to help you sort out those feelings to help you get on the right track to good health. Only qualified doctors/therapists/possibly nutritionists can really help you long term.

    Since you mentioned it's hard to talk to anyone face to face, you might be able to put your feelings down in words, and get them to a professional that is qualified to help you sort it out. If you've reached a point where you identify it yourself as an eating disorder, it most likely is. Quite a few people go though some level of it, and there should be no shame at all in seeking help.

    And as mentioned by @craziedani above, it might take trying more than one professional. But finding that help should make the lives of your, your partners, your kids, and you loved ones better.
  • OddDitty
    OddDitty Posts: 248 Member
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    I'm glad to see people recommending in-person professional help. Though its never a bad idea to have a close friend to talk with, a professional is better equipped to help you with the problems surrounding this issue. Did you know there's also a diary feature on MFP? You can write your feelings down and either keep them private or open them up for all to see. It's really up to you.
  • kbmnurse1
    kbmnurse1 Posts: 316 Member
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    Please see a mental health professional.
  • JBanx256
    JBanx256 Posts: 1,473 Member
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    A friend to talk to is always a great thing BUT when it comes to actual disorders and medical issues, the best friend on earth is no substitute for professional help. You may have to try a couple to find one that "clicks" with you, but please seek out someone who has the credentials, experience, etc to really be able to help you on this.
  • tanya_p1990
    tanya_p1990 Posts: 7 Member
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    Thanx for the advice everybody I’m just not ready to talk to someone face to face and have them try to get further inside of my mind there is stuff that I just don’t wanna talk about and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready just really looking for someone to talk to when I can’t bring myself to talk to the people around me to try stop me from isolating myself from the world
  • Caseyloupuckett
    Caseyloupuckett Posts: 1,037 Member
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    tanya_p1990 wrote: »
    Thanx for the advice everybody I’m just not ready to talk to someone face to face and have them try to get further inside of my mind there is stuff that I just don’t wanna talk about and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready just really looking for someone to talk to when I can’t bring myself to talk to the people around me to try stop me from isolating myself from the world

    Tanya it's understandable that you have reservations about talking to a professional. But they should each you into the process. I hid my binge eating from the world for a very long time for some of the same reasons you mentioned in your 1st post. (Other than the being a mom part). From experience I can tell you that you need to talk to someone who can really help you. Some clergy are also certified. So if a health care professional doesnt feel like an option for you than maybe that?

    Somethings that helped me and even some I'm still learning.

    Our choices don't only effect us. You love your children and thats obviously enough by your post. So ask yourself do you love then enough to suck it up and get real help. Or would you prefer to leave them without a mom?

    We are our biggest giant. No one is as disappointed in us as we are and the people that love us truly just want to see us get better

    And finally. It has to be your choice. Nobody can make it for you.

    Like I said still learning these lessons myself but asking for help from someone who cab help will make the boggest difference
  • Caseyloupuckett
    Caseyloupuckett Posts: 1,037 Member
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    Also theres a show on youtube call superskinny vs superfat you should check it out!
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
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    tanya_p1990 wrote: »
    Thanx for the advice everybody I’m just not ready to talk to someone face to face and have them try to get further inside of my mind there is stuff that I just don’t wanna talk about and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready just really looking for someone to talk to when I can’t bring myself to talk to the people around me to try stop me from isolating myself from the world

    I realize that talking to a professional is scary, but at some point you have to trust that wading through whatever is bouncing around in your skull (or hiding in the recesses) can lead you to a place that is much better than the place you are currently stuck. I hope you get to that point before you hit middle age. Best thing I ever did was talking to someone (professional) about all my crap. Your kids need their mom. How would you respond if one of your kids was going through similar things? Wouldn't you do everything possible to ensure that they got to a better place in their life? I hope this makes some sense to you.
  • TexasTallchick
    TexasTallchick Posts: 133 Member
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    You can also google ‘online counseling,’ and find someone to speak to without leaving the house.
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,070 Member
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    mgobluetx wrote: »
    You can also google ‘online counseling,’ and find someone to speak to without leaving the house.

    I was going to suggest this as well. See if your health insurance pays for virtual doctor visits. Telehealth for mental issues is skyrocketing. You can even turn your back to the camera if you don't want to face the therapist. And you can use the therapist as just someone to talk to until you are ready to delve a little deeper. They won't push you beyond what you are comfortable with.
  • helene4
    helene4 Posts: 120 Member
    edited December 2018
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    I have an eating disorder
    I didn’t want to get help
    Bc I thought I should be able to stop the behavior on my own
    but the reality is I can’t
    And I felt like a failure that I couldn’t stop my eating disorder on my own
    And I didn’t want to admit I had a problem
    Bc that just isn’t who I am - a woman with an eating disorder. I was so ashamed.

    Ultimately, I decided to get a therapist
    Mainly bc my life was on the line
    I don’t want to die
    And I don’t want you to die

    Your life is sacred

    My friend (who has a therapist she loves) asked me - don’t you think I’d be nice to have someone to talk to who is focused on you being who you want to be in this life? And I thought that would be cool to have

    If you’re not ready to talk about certain life experiences, you can still see a therapist and talk about other important things going on in your life

    I had to find a therapist I was comfortable with. She’s really kind, and I don’t feel like she judges me. She makes me feel safe and that everything’s going to be ok bc she’s just one more person I have in my corner helping me through life’s challenges. I need as mucbh help as I can get! And life is so much better since I started asking for help. It’s too much when I try to take it on all on my own

    I sleep better because of it
    I can show up and love my family and friends better because of it
    And especially myself. I love myself now. Finally. Thank god.

    How free do you want to be?

    I know I reached a point where it was too painful to remain trapped in my eating disorder. I did something about it, and totally turned my life around. For the most part, I’m a normal eater now!

    Never give up
    Never give in
    Keep going
    You’re worth it
  • LetsDoulaThis2018
    LetsDoulaThis2018 Posts: 14 Member
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    One of the things they told me most often in eating disorder treatment is that fat is not a feeling. If you are feeling fat but objective scientific reality says your body weight is low, then you are really feeling something else and mislabeling it as fat. Treatment helps you figure out what that is so that you can have your perceptions of yourself line up with reality. I used to be a peer counselor at a psychiatric hospital in my area. I am not qualified to treat anything but if you want to chat and maybe talk through some of what is making you hesitant to get more specialized treatment, I am all ears. I am on a weight loss journey now in a healthy way, but when I was younger I had a severe eating disorder that nearly killed me. I had to spend a long time in the hospital because of it. I understand all about how what you see does not match what everyone else sees and I have spent a lot of time in group therapy with other young women struggling with these issues. I am also a postpartum doula and mother of two so I also know how the demands of motherhood make these kinds of issues so much harder. Feel free to message me if you would like. :)
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    LetsDoulaThis2018 wrote: »
    One of the things they told me most often in eating disorder treatment is that fat is not a feeling. If you are feeling fat but objective scientific reality says your body weight is low, then you are really feeling something else and mislabeling it as fat. Treatment helps you figure out what that is so that you can have your perceptions of yourself line up with reality. I used to be a peer counselor at a psychiatric hospital in my area. I am not qualified to treat anything but if you want to chat and maybe talk through some of what is making you hesitant to get more specialized treatment, I am all ears. I am on a weight loss journey now in a healthy way, but when I was younger I had a severe eating disorder that nearly killed me. I had to spend a long time in the hospital because of it. I understand all about how what you see does not match what everyone else sees and I have spent a lot of time in group therapy with other young women struggling with these issues. I am also a postpartum doula and mother of two so I also know how the demands of motherhood make these kinds of issues so much harder. Feel free to message me if you would like. :)

    I love that... fat is not a feeling :heart:
  • tanya_p1990
    tanya_p1990 Posts: 7 Member
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    Thank you everybody I live in the uk we have free health care so I don’t have insurance and can not afford private health care. My partner made an appointment for me yesterday and took me to the doctors my bmi is not low enough on there scale to refer me for help with eating disorders and hurting my self is not enough reason to see a mental heath specialist as I haven’t tried to kill myself seems stupid but those are the rules as the services are too stretched to help everybody. She offered me anti depressants and told me to join a group for mother’s with postnatal depression I know I don’t have postnatal depression I feel the same as before I had any kids about how I look I can’t have had postnatal depression before I’d ever been pregnant. So I probably have to find a new doctors as we were asked to leave when my partner started screaming at her. I don’t no what I’m going to do but we deffo can not afford private care we have 4 kids between us only he is in work I stay home with the baby and my son who is disabled so money is already pretty tight.i don’t think I want to start taking anti depressants I’m not sure that depression is really what’s wrong and she said that there is a small risk that they could make me worse so I don’t know if it’s worth it. I am really greatful for all your help and advice
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    tanya_p1990 wrote: »
    Thank you everybody I live in the uk we have free health care so I don’t have insurance and can not afford private health care. My partner made an appointment for me yesterday and took me to the doctors my bmi is not low enough on there scale to refer me for help with eating disorders and hurting my self is not enough reason to see a mental heath specialist as I haven’t tried to kill myself seems stupid but those are the rules as the services are too stretched to help everybody. She offered me anti depressants and told me to join a group for mother’s with postnatal depression I know I don’t have postnatal depression I feel the same as before I had any kids about how I look I can’t have had postnatal depression before I’d ever been pregnant. So I probably have to find a new doctors as we were asked to leave when my partner started screaming at her. I don’t no what I’m going to do but we deffo can not afford private care we have 4 kids between us only he is in work I stay home with the baby and my son who is disabled so money is already pretty tight.i don’t think I want to start taking anti depressants I’m not sure that depression is really what’s wrong and she said that there is a small risk that they could make me worse so I don’t know if it’s worth it. I am really greatful for all your help and advice

    sorry, but that isn't true at all. my husband has had referrals for mental health support for anxiety without having tried to kill himself.

    maybe go to the doctor without your partner so you can actually discuss treatment options next time.

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