Eating disorders

tanya_p1990
tanya_p1990 Posts: 7 Member
in Motivation and Support
I need a friend to talk to I have always had problems with eating since I was a small child my mum had me at the doctors constantly for my lack of eating. I have never really received any professional help apart from the doctors having me keep a food diary and have a weekly weigh in I always refused to talk to a professional I find it really hard to tell someone face to face how I feel I just can’t get it all out so I have never told someone why I starve my self and make myself sick. I recently had my third child when I’m pregnant it’s like the stress of weight gain and the bad feeling go and I can easliy concentrate on the baby’s needs. But as soon as I give birth it like 9months of feel fat and ugly all hit at the same time. I just need someone that I can message who can relate my partner try’s but has no idea half of what’s in my head I fear telling him as I don’t want to disappoint him but I know he is scared I was 65.6kg when I gave birth and am now 46.4 my baby is 5months old my weight has been bouncing up and down from about 44-46 since she was 1month old thank In great help to my partner who spends a lot of time making sure I eat and don’t be sick. It just makes me feel so low and I have nobody who can relate to how ugly and fat and useless I feel because I don’t look how I feel I should. So is there anyone out there who would be prepared to listen to years of bottled up feelings that might not make much sense as I am not great at talking about took me over an hour to write this maybe I can help you aswell

Replies

  • robertw486
    robertw486 Posts: 2,399 Member
    I would be more than glad to listen to years of bottled up feelings if I thought it would help someone. The problem with that is, I'm not qualified to help you sort out those feelings to help you get on the right track to good health. Only qualified doctors/therapists/possibly nutritionists can really help you long term.

    Since you mentioned it's hard to talk to anyone face to face, you might be able to put your feelings down in words, and get them to a professional that is qualified to help you sort it out. If you've reached a point where you identify it yourself as an eating disorder, it most likely is. Quite a few people go though some level of it, and there should be no shame at all in seeking help.

    And as mentioned by @craziedani above, it might take trying more than one professional. But finding that help should make the lives of your, your partners, your kids, and you loved ones better.
  • OddDitty
    OddDitty Posts: 248 Member
    I'm glad to see people recommending in-person professional help. Though its never a bad idea to have a close friend to talk with, a professional is better equipped to help you with the problems surrounding this issue. Did you know there's also a diary feature on MFP? You can write your feelings down and either keep them private or open them up for all to see. It's really up to you.
  • kbmnurse1
    kbmnurse1 Posts: 316 Member
    Please see a mental health professional.
  • JBanx256
    JBanx256 Posts: 1,479 Member
    A friend to talk to is always a great thing BUT when it comes to actual disorders and medical issues, the best friend on earth is no substitute for professional help. You may have to try a couple to find one that "clicks" with you, but please seek out someone who has the credentials, experience, etc to really be able to help you on this.
  • tanya_p1990
    tanya_p1990 Posts: 7 Member
    Thanx for the advice everybody I’m just not ready to talk to someone face to face and have them try to get further inside of my mind there is stuff that I just don’t wanna talk about and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready just really looking for someone to talk to when I can’t bring myself to talk to the people around me to try stop me from isolating myself from the world
  • Caseyloupuckett
    Caseyloupuckett Posts: 1,037 Member
    tanya_p1990 wrote: »
    Thanx for the advice everybody I’m just not ready to talk to someone face to face and have them try to get further inside of my mind there is stuff that I just don’t wanna talk about and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready just really looking for someone to talk to when I can’t bring myself to talk to the people around me to try stop me from isolating myself from the world

    Tanya it's understandable that you have reservations about talking to a professional. But they should each you into the process. I hid my binge eating from the world for a very long time for some of the same reasons you mentioned in your 1st post. (Other than the being a mom part). From experience I can tell you that you need to talk to someone who can really help you. Some clergy are also certified. So if a health care professional doesnt feel like an option for you than maybe that?

    Somethings that helped me and even some I'm still learning.

    Our choices don't only effect us. You love your children and thats obviously enough by your post. So ask yourself do you love then enough to suck it up and get real help. Or would you prefer to leave them without a mom?

    We are our biggest giant. No one is as disappointed in us as we are and the people that love us truly just want to see us get better

    And finally. It has to be your choice. Nobody can make it for you.

    Like I said still learning these lessons myself but asking for help from someone who cab help will make the boggest difference
  • Caseyloupuckett
    Caseyloupuckett Posts: 1,037 Member
    Also theres a show on youtube call superskinny vs superfat you should check it out!
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    tanya_p1990 wrote: »
    Thanx for the advice everybody I’m just not ready to talk to someone face to face and have them try to get further inside of my mind there is stuff that I just don’t wanna talk about and I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready just really looking for someone to talk to when I can’t bring myself to talk to the people around me to try stop me from isolating myself from the world

    I realize that talking to a professional is scary, but at some point you have to trust that wading through whatever is bouncing around in your skull (or hiding in the recesses) can lead you to a place that is much better than the place you are currently stuck. I hope you get to that point before you hit middle age. Best thing I ever did was talking to someone (professional) about all my crap. Your kids need their mom. How would you respond if one of your kids was going through similar things? Wouldn't you do everything possible to ensure that they got to a better place in their life? I hope this makes some sense to you.
  • TexasTallchick
    TexasTallchick Posts: 137 Member
    You can also google ‘online counseling,’ and find someone to speak to without leaving the house.
  • Unknown
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  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,069 Member
    mgobluetx wrote: »
    You can also google ‘online counseling,’ and find someone to speak to without leaving the house.

    I was going to suggest this as well. See if your health insurance pays for virtual doctor visits. Telehealth for mental issues is skyrocketing. You can even turn your back to the camera if you don't want to face the therapist. And you can use the therapist as just someone to talk to until you are ready to delve a little deeper. They won't push you beyond what you are comfortable with.
  • helene4
    helene4 Posts: 120 Member
    edited December 2018
    I have an eating disorder
    I didn’t want to get help
    Bc I thought I should be able to stop the behavior on my own
    but the reality is I can’t
    And I felt like a failure that I couldn’t stop my eating disorder on my own
    And I didn’t want to admit I had a problem
    Bc that just isn’t who I am - a woman with an eating disorder. I was so ashamed.

    Ultimately, I decided to get a therapist
    Mainly bc my life was on the line
    I don’t want to die
    And I don’t want you to die

    Your life is sacred

    My friend (who has a therapist she loves) asked me - don’t you think I’d be nice to have someone to talk to who is focused on you being who you want to be in this life? And I thought that would be cool to have

    If you’re not ready to talk about certain life experiences, you can still see a therapist and talk about other important things going on in your life

    I had to find a therapist I was comfortable with. She’s really kind, and I don’t feel like she judges me. She makes me feel safe and that everything’s going to be ok bc she’s just one more person I have in my corner helping me through life’s challenges. I need as mucbh help as I can get! And life is so much better since I started asking for help. It’s too much when I try to take it on all on my own

    I sleep better because of it
    I can show up and love my family and friends better because of it
    And especially myself. I love myself now. Finally. Thank god.

    How free do you want to be?

    I know I reached a point where it was too painful to remain trapped in my eating disorder. I did something about it, and totally turned my life around. For the most part, I’m a normal eater now!

    Never give up
    Never give in
    Keep going
    You’re worth it
  • LetsDoulaThis2018
    LetsDoulaThis2018 Posts: 14 Member
    One of the things they told me most often in eating disorder treatment is that fat is not a feeling. If you are feeling fat but objective scientific reality says your body weight is low, then you are really feeling something else and mislabeling it as fat. Treatment helps you figure out what that is so that you can have your perceptions of yourself line up with reality. I used to be a peer counselor at a psychiatric hospital in my area. I am not qualified to treat anything but if you want to chat and maybe talk through some of what is making you hesitant to get more specialized treatment, I am all ears. I am on a weight loss journey now in a healthy way, but when I was younger I had a severe eating disorder that nearly killed me. I had to spend a long time in the hospital because of it. I understand all about how what you see does not match what everyone else sees and I have spent a lot of time in group therapy with other young women struggling with these issues. I am also a postpartum doula and mother of two so I also know how the demands of motherhood make these kinds of issues so much harder. Feel free to message me if you would like. :)
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    LetsDoulaThis2018 wrote: »
    One of the things they told me most often in eating disorder treatment is that fat is not a feeling. If you are feeling fat but objective scientific reality says your body weight is low, then you are really feeling something else and mislabeling it as fat. Treatment helps you figure out what that is so that you can have your perceptions of yourself line up with reality. I used to be a peer counselor at a psychiatric hospital in my area. I am not qualified to treat anything but if you want to chat and maybe talk through some of what is making you hesitant to get more specialized treatment, I am all ears. I am on a weight loss journey now in a healthy way, but when I was younger I had a severe eating disorder that nearly killed me. I had to spend a long time in the hospital because of it. I understand all about how what you see does not match what everyone else sees and I have spent a lot of time in group therapy with other young women struggling with these issues. I am also a postpartum doula and mother of two so I also know how the demands of motherhood make these kinds of issues so much harder. Feel free to message me if you would like. :)

    I love that... fat is not a feeling :heart:
  • tanya_p1990
    tanya_p1990 Posts: 7 Member
    Thank you everybody I live in the uk we have free health care so I don’t have insurance and can not afford private health care. My partner made an appointment for me yesterday and took me to the doctors my bmi is not low enough on there scale to refer me for help with eating disorders and hurting my self is not enough reason to see a mental heath specialist as I haven’t tried to kill myself seems stupid but those are the rules as the services are too stretched to help everybody. She offered me anti depressants and told me to join a group for mother’s with postnatal depression I know I don’t have postnatal depression I feel the same as before I had any kids about how I look I can’t have had postnatal depression before I’d ever been pregnant. So I probably have to find a new doctors as we were asked to leave when my partner started screaming at her. I don’t no what I’m going to do but we deffo can not afford private care we have 4 kids between us only he is in work I stay home with the baby and my son who is disabled so money is already pretty tight.i don’t think I want to start taking anti depressants I’m not sure that depression is really what’s wrong and she said that there is a small risk that they could make me worse so I don’t know if it’s worth it. I am really greatful for all your help and advice
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    tanya_p1990 wrote: »
    Thank you everybody I live in the uk we have free health care so I don’t have insurance and can not afford private health care. My partner made an appointment for me yesterday and took me to the doctors my bmi is not low enough on there scale to refer me for help with eating disorders and hurting my self is not enough reason to see a mental heath specialist as I haven’t tried to kill myself seems stupid but those are the rules as the services are too stretched to help everybody. She offered me anti depressants and told me to join a group for mother’s with postnatal depression I know I don’t have postnatal depression I feel the same as before I had any kids about how I look I can’t have had postnatal depression before I’d ever been pregnant. So I probably have to find a new doctors as we were asked to leave when my partner started screaming at her. I don’t no what I’m going to do but we deffo can not afford private care we have 4 kids between us only he is in work I stay home with the baby and my son who is disabled so money is already pretty tight.i don’t think I want to start taking anti depressants I’m not sure that depression is really what’s wrong and she said that there is a small risk that they could make me worse so I don’t know if it’s worth it. I am really greatful for all your help and advice

    sorry, but that isn't true at all. my husband has had referrals for mental health support for anxiety without having tried to kill himself.

    maybe go to the doctor without your partner so you can actually discuss treatment options next time.
  • tanya_p1990
    tanya_p1990 Posts: 7 Member
    That is what the doctor said to me that I cannot be referred because I don’t meet the guidelines tbf I think they are just passing me off because I had a baby a few months ago so obviously it must me postnatal depression when my son was first born I knew something was wrong with him but nobody would listen to me and just kept trying to give me pills saying I had postnatal depression but I was right there was something wrong with him so I know they just cannot be bothered and she did discuss anti depressants and the pros and cons of taking them and then how she felt I may have postnatal depression and that I should attend group meetings for it then my partner got mad that they are just not listening and wanting me to be whatever they say I am and that isn’t gunna help me he had spent a long time trying to get me to go to a doctor
  • MacCroc
    MacCroc Posts: 50 Member
    Hey, feel free to message me. I think I can relate.
  • chloeaaa
    chloeaaa Posts: 3 Member
    I agree in the sense that you should seek professional help, but I’ve been where you are(and am currently struggling still) and with all of the professional help you could possibly receive, having someone to talk to about everything really does make a difference. If you still need someone who understands, I’m always open. I wish you luck in your recovery :)
  • Dame_sans_merci
    Dame_sans_merci Posts: 74 Member
    Hey, I’m in the UK. I had a full on crying/shaking episode with the general nurse at my GP practice during my ‘3 year check up’. She referred me to a women’s health specialist at my surgery and I got referred for therapy from there. It was very cathartic once I managed to talk about stuff. Ask your GP if they have anyone at the practice that might work as a specialist on eating disorders or women’s health or even if they have someone that specialises in the area of past trauma that you know to be a possible source of the disorder and see if you get a more positive outcome that way. Maybe don’t take your partner if they are likely to get angry during the appointment, even though their frustration stems from their love for you. Hoping you get the help you need. DM me or any of the other members offering assistance if you ever need an anonymous ear. Xx
  • ghudson92
    ghudson92 Posts: 2,061 Member
    OP, I agree with others that you should persevere with professional support as no one here has the correct knowledge to help you in the ways you need. The UK health care system can be tricky to navigate at times, but don't lose hope. Keep trying until someone hears you!
    A close friend of mine is in recovery from an eating disorder so I'd be happy to lend a supportive ear if you think that will help.
    You mentioned that there are certain things you aren't ready to discuss face to face. I know it sounds silly, but have you tried saying them aloud when you are by yourself? Or writing those things down? Sometimes it is scary to say things aloud, because then they become a part of the outside world and are no longer just inside of your head. However, the more you say it, the easier it becomes. I used this technique to grow comfortable in admitting to my partner I had an anxiety disorder. However, this is purely anecdotal and may or may not work for you.
    I truly hope you find the help you need, so that you can love yourself and your family.
  • H2596
    H2596 Posts: 286 Member
    The difficulty for the GP is you can’t tell him/her what it is that’s troubling you. You’ve arrived in the surgery saying you’re struggling, which coincidentally is after you’ve had a baby, so to the GP postnatal depression could well fit the bill.

    Could you book another appointment after you’ve written down some or all of what you can’t say? A doctor or therapist is much more likely to be able to help with facts.

    Think of it as a maths problem. If you ask them to add up two numbers but only give them one what is the correct answer?
    55 + ? =


  • kooshajan
    kooshajan Posts: 174 Member
    edited January 2019
    Hmm...in the past prior to my pregnancy I very much was going through the same thing. I was quite thin but always felt huge. I lived off canned soup. Didn’t eat anything else. My mother pulled me aside one day and told me I had to stop. I was sick all the time. When I began eating normally again my boyfriend and the time told me I was “getting kind of soft” which lead to another downward spiral. After we broke up I went from not eating to eating. I went from 105lbs to 130lbs. I thought that was healthy. I did feel much better. Than I met my daughters father, got pregnant and Interesting enough when I gained 85lbs during my pregnancy. From 130 to 215lbs. I have lost a little over 60lbs of it. But After my pregnancy I had more confidence in my body than I do now. I am extremely insecure of my body all over again. And again have been dealing with eating disorders. After a pretty big anxiety attack a few weeks ago I’m realizing I need to start taking care of myself better. Emotionally, mentally and physically. It’s not going to be easy but I know I can do this. Today I ate breakfast, lunch and supper. I haven’t done that in years. I bought a gym membership too and will be beginning counselling. I’m paranoid that I will gain weight because of the increase in food but I am trying to teach myself that self love is super important-and I need to eat regularly. My brother recently told me that sometimes the worst place we can be is inside our own heads. It’s true. Stay focused. Stay positive. I know that’s super hard to hear...I scoff when I’m told it too. Slips ups will happen...we are only human but if doing all this will help end this torment I’ve been putting myself through than I’m all in for the ride..one day at a time.

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