SO MEAN

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  • DawnWendalynn1973
    DawnWendalynn1973 Posts: 97 Member
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    WOW! just WOW!
  • SarahAlt
    SarahAlt Posts: 44
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    You should explain to him that when he says things like that it hurts your feelings and undermines your efforts. Men don't usually understand how much women weigh. Weight sits on our bodies differently than men. But also, forgive him after you've calmly explained how that makes you feel. People, not just men, say cruel thoughtless things when they're pouting and not getting their way. Part of being married or learning to be married is learning to deal with situations like that. My husband is occasionally thoughtless but not because he wants to hurt me. It's because he's only thinking of himself. Chances are that he really had his heart set on going to that diner.

    I recently had a friend make sarcastic comments about my weight loss efforts. I hadn't seen him in months and he came waltzing in our house the other day making sarcastic comments about how good I looked and how my double chin was gone (I've never had a double chin). It really hurt my feelings because he was someone I admired when it came to fitness. So just last night he was over visitng and he made a sarcastic comment AGAIN and so I said, "Thanks, I'm glad you're proud that I've lost 25 pounds." That sort of stunned him and stopped him in his tracks. And then he stopped making jokes and said, "25 pounds? Good job." and dropped the subject.
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    My fiance and I were deciding where to treat ourselves to go out to brunch today, and there's this amazing "upscale diner" that has great food, but it's not the best for you. I said I didn't want to go there today because what I got would be too high in calories, so he asked me when we were ever going to go there again was, and I said "I don't know, when I am 130 pounds" and, (this is the important part) he said " wow, so I guess we're never going there then". When he saw my facial reaction of SHOCK and DISBELIEF, he followed up by saying " I meant we probably won't live here anymore by then" (as if the first thing he said wasn't bad enough). Needless to say, we didn't end up going out to a yummy breakfast, I just had an apple and a yogurt. I seriously want to cry, allthewhile he's pleading with me to not be mad at him and that "he didn't mean it that way"

    Honestly in my 50 years of experience, men say things in a different way than we hear them. I remember after losing weight, and feeling so great, I was modeling a new pair of jeans for him. He said "How much weight did you lose?" To which I replied, "TWENTY POUNDS" :bigsmile: :happy:

    His reply??? "OH is that all?":huh:

    After 2 days of not speaking to him, which was probably a treat to him:wink: , he said he meant that I didnt look like I needed to lose that much weight and he was surprise I had lost 20 pounds.

    All I am saying is, give him a chance. If he is supportive in other ways, and loves you as you are, let this one slide?:ohwell:
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    OK, I'm a guy and I have a mean streak to me. I can honestly say that I have said things like that in the past and meant them. I also have said things like that either looking for a fight or looking for a reaction. Then I've said some unintentional incredibly stupid things as well. Only you and he know what his true meaning was but if he was so quick to backtrack, he was probably just looking for a reaction and is now doing damage control. If he really meant it there would most likely be additional comments about your efforts. The best thing you can do is proove him wrong. Also, when people say "I could kill him" or "we're never going to get there", they don't really mean it do they?

    <---bows down

    Thank you for your honest and frank response. I for one appreciate it. I swear some fights would not have gone on if he just said "I was trying to be mean, sorry"

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