This has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss BUT...

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BeautyFromPain
BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
in Motivation and Support
How do you deal with parents who make you want to snap?
'My parents always call me names, tell me everything is my fault, they wish I was never born, etc
My brother used to physically abuse me and even after he stabbed me they told me to get over myself and stop starting stuff? :S


P.s. No I am not trying to be attention seeking I am trying to look for advice on what to do...
I am planning on moving out as soon as I get a APS job but until then what can I do?

Replies

  • ingeh
    ingeh Posts: 513 Member
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    I know how yuo feel. My mu is like this to me but she has paraniod tendencies and possible shcizoprenia and damage due to epilepsy so her problems have always been mental. I just got a job and college at 16 now im 20 with a baby and fiance and have distanced myself from it all. Im alot happier now and you will be too once you get away from it all x
  • aalanclose
    aalanclose Posts: 125 Member
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    :( That is horrible. I don't have any advice on how to deal with your parents but just wanted to say that i hope you are able to move to a safer more supportive environment soon
  • leslturn8
    leslturn8 Posts: 505 Member
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    Thats a sucky situation, I usually play dumb when it comes to anything, dont talk unless required and I get alot of insults that are like nicknames, though i dnt like them....
  • CarolynB38
    CarolynB38 Posts: 553 Member
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    Your parents' behaviour is their problem not yours. Accept that they don't know how to be good parents and interact with your friends more instead. Try to ignore what they are saying, it is wrong. It is even more wrong to say it to your own child. Take this as an opportunity to find out what a wonderful young woman you are, what your strengths are and your abilities. Start focusing on these positive aspects instead. Nothing your parents are saying is true, it's just their way of dealing with their own issues and it is inexcusable that they are taking it out on you.

    As you get older you will learn that just because people say hurtful things it doesn't mean that they mean what they say. some people can't accept their own short-comings and take it out on friends and family instead. They can't accept that they need to do something about it, they wont' take responsibility for their own actions and they blame others instead. You know you are not to blame for your parents' issues so just get on with living your life the way you want to and don't let them stop you.

    You are a lovely young woman with the world at your fingertips. Don't let people bring you down.
  • moushtie
    moushtie Posts: 371 Member
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    They're throwing all their issues at you, which sucks. I had a crappy family situation too. It still exists, I just moved myself 200 miles away from it when I went to uni. All I can say is hang on in there, and stay out of the firing line.

    If they want a response from you, stay calm. Giving them more reasons to yell is not in your best interests. If you do feel the need to correct them, keep a calm voice. I found questioning the parentals views calmly but firmly makes them stop and think, your mileage may vary. Friend me if you want to chat.
  • ProTFitness
    ProTFitness Posts: 1,379 Member
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    Walk away...
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    Your parents' behaviour is their problem not yours. Accept that they don't know how to be good parents and interact with your friends more instead. Try to ignore what they are saying, it is wrong. It is even more wrong to say it to your own child. Take this as an opportunity to find out what a wonderful young woman you are, what your strengths are and your abilities. Start focusing on these positive aspects instead. Nothing your parents are saying is true, it's just their way of dealing with their own issues and it is inexcusable that they are taking it out on you.

    As you get older you will learn that just because people say hurtful things it doesn't mean that they mean what they say. some people can't accept their own short-comings and take it out on friends and family instead. They can't accept that they need to do something about it, they wont' take responsibility for their own actions and they blame others instead. You know you are not to blame for your parents' issues so just get on with living your life the way you want to and don't let them stop you.

    You are a lovely young woman with the world at your fingertips. Don't let people bring you down.

    Aww thankyou hunny! See the thing is, they treat my 2 brothers properly- just not me? :S
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    Walk away...

    If I walk away they literally follow me,... and then yell at me for walking away.... :/
  • balancebean
    balancebean Posts: 96 Member
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    This may seem extreme, but have you considered a Battered Woman's Shelter? What you describe is definitely abuse. My prayers are with you.
  • bkelley32148
    bkelley32148 Posts: 279 Member
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    Obtain a counselor and talk through solutions together... counselors help empower you to find your own solution with support.
  • fatoldgeezer
    fatoldgeezer Posts: 2
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    This is a tough situation you are in. There are a lot of factors (a lifetime) that are unknown by those of us outside your 'world'. My advise would be that there are issues that go way back and that compassion , patience and Saint-like understanding may help. From my own experience with times such as you have described, issues from others' past they take out on others. It is sad but true and each one of us are disgustingly 'human'.
    Just a thought - IF - you have a 'part' of the problem, should you leave, you will take the 'issue' with you. The problem would resurface with 'others'. If you are NOT part of the problem - please don't make knee-jerk reactions which are not well thought out. Those end up in disaster with even more problems compiled on what you already have.
    Please do talk t someone you can trust - who is older than you (not peers), who can give advise and direction.
    My heart goes out to all involved in this situation. God Speed to you Ellie.
  • Shyloh1
    Shyloh1 Posts: 422 Member
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    I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this.

    My advice to you is either go to a women's shelter or a friends house until you can get your life in order.

    No one deserves to have to go through the mental abuse that you are dealing....Hugs!
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    This is a tough situation you are in. There are a lot of factors (a lifetime) that are unknown by those of us outside your 'world'. My advise would be that there are issues that go way back and that compassion , patience and Saint-like understanding may help. From my own experience with times such as you have described, issues from others' past they take out on others. It is sad but true and each one of us are disgustingly 'human'.
    Just a thought - IF - you have a 'part' of the problem, should you leave, you will take the 'issue' with you. The problem would resurface with 'others'. If you are NOT part of the problem - please don't make knee-jerk reactions which are not well thought out. Those end up in disaster with even more problems compiled on what you already have.
    Please do talk t someone you can trust - who is older than you (not peers), who can give advise and direction.
    My heart goes out to all involved in this situation. God Speed to you Ellie.

    I try my hardest to be as nice as possible to everyone, (but still it always gets thrown back in my face!) and when they say this stuff I generally just stand there without saying anything or walk away...
  • vanessaclarkgbr
    vanessaclarkgbr Posts: 765 Member
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    I didn't get it all into perspective until I saw a counsellor. I don't have contact with my parents now, but I'm happier for it - point I'm making is if you can talk to a professional they might be able to help you work through this. As far as the practical side goes, I was out at 16, it was tough but I never regretted it. Keep strong, stick to your goals you'll be out of this situation before you know it (and your topic has everything about weight loss, it's an emotional subject and very often = food!) Good luck, and remember, this is one little part of your life, you can and will move beyond it x
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    I didn't get it all into perspective until I saw a counsellor. I don't have contact with my parents now, but I'm happier for it - point I'm making is if you can talk to a professional they might be able to help you work through this. As far as the practical side goes, I was out at 16, it was tough but I never regretted it. Keep strong, stick to your goals you'll be out of this situation before you know it (and your topic has everything about weight loss, it's an emotional subject and very often = food!) Good luck, and remember, this is one little part of your life, you can and will move beyond it x

    Yeah I moved out when I was 17 but after a year I had to move back as I did not have the funds to live by myself and the person I was living with passed away. :( I'm planning to move out AT least by my 20th I just need to find a decent job first but the problem with all decent jobs is they have such a long process of interviews/everything else. x
  • eileenstevens
    eileenstevens Posts: 8
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    If you are unable to seek conciling there is a book I highly recomend, it's called The Dance of Anger by Dr. Harriet Lerner. I read this book about six months ago and it really helped me. Best of luck to you!

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