Coming Back to MFP - AGAIN!

This must be the tenth time I've used MFP. I want this time to be the last. Here is my story...

I've always been overweight and struggled with sweets. I just eat too much of them, regardless of how full I may feel. I graduated high school weighing 179 pounds and thought I was huge then. My 5'3" frame carried it well, but I wanted to weigh less. Yet, instead of losing weight I gained. In fact, over the course of the past 18 years I have gained 68 pounds. Now I'm bigger than I've ever been (obviously) and find myself more desperate to lose weight every day. Yet, that desperation has never carried over to actual results.

I've done MFP and WW with minimal success. In fact, I haven't been able to successfully lose more than 20 pounds before starting to gain again, and each gain added 10 more pounds when I was done. Looking back, that scares me. I'm 36 years old and I've missed out on so much because I've been sitting lazily on the couch. My son starts kindergarten this year and I keep telling myself I'm going to make the most of our free days together, but I don't. I sit on the couch because I'm so tired from eating all the junk food the night before and not fueling my body properly.

I know how to lose weight. I could write a book on it. I understand calories in and calories out. I know about empty calories, protein, sugar and carbs. I know that not all calories are equal and I know how to eat low calorie foods and be satisfied. I just don't do it.

Until now.

On Valentine's Day my husband proposed to me again. He said he felt like he didn't do it right the first time, 14 years ago. I opened my new wedding ring set and cried. Then I went to the bathroom and really cried. You see, I've gained so much weight that I can't get my current ring off my finger. No amount of butter or dawn or anything else is getting that sucker to move. I looked in the mirror and saw how large I've really become. I'm great at hiding my size and wearing clothes that make me look smaller than I really am (or at least I think they do) but when you're broken and you see the truth in front of you - reality hits hard. I started looking at pictures and I've gained way too much weight and given up far too much of my health.

In that moment I made a decision that I was done. Done with the mess I had put myself in. Done with being unhealthy and lazy. Done with being embarrassed by my size and overall health. I am not expecting a rapid and smooth transition. I know from past experience that this will be difficult and that mistakes may happen. I will do everything to avoid those mistakes, or if I want to eat something that is less than healthy for me I'll make sure that there is a calorie allotment or find a healthy alternative.

Here is my plan for the next 30 days:
- No soda (this is something I can easily give up because I don't drink that much of it anyhow)
- No buying junk food at the store (I do most of the grocery shopping and if I don't buy it, it won't be home for me to eat it)
- No fast food (I waste too much money on this as it is and need to get away from this habit)
- Log my food to see just how much I really am eating.

That's it - plain and simple. I'll make more adjustments as I go on, but for now that's my focus. One step at a time, one day at a time. I plan to lose 107 pounds by my 38th birthday - that gives me approximately two years. I'm down 8 pounds from my heaviest weight, so that's a good start. Only 99 pounds more to go!!!