Does your family know you’re “dieting”?

asochable · February 2019

I’m back to tracking my food to lose a little holiday weight but mostly to eat healthier and improve my running. I just got my husband to rejoin MFP because he does need to lose more weight for health reasons. Whenever we go visit his family, it is usually a weekend of super unhealthy eating (very carb heavy, big meals, lots of snacking and eating out). I know if I say I am watching what I eat, they will tell me I don’t need to lose weight, blah blah blah, but it’s not really about the weight loss and my husband does actually need to lose weight. I don’t know if they would be supportive or know what to do if we said we were on a “diet” (we know it’s a lifestyle change but to them I’m sure it would be perceived as a diet).

How have you gone about discussing your new eating habits with your extended family, etc.? Do they know about MFP? Or do you just call the weekend a wash and regroup with better habits the next day?

TavistockToad · February 2019

Can you not just politely decline snacks and order things that won't blow your calorie goal when you go out?

Duck_Puddle · February 2019

I make the best choices I can in whatever situation I’m in. Sometimes even the best choice isn’t “good” but it’s the best I can do.

My extended family, friends, coworkers, etc haven’t decided to alter what they eat, nor should I expect them to in order to cater to my preferences.

I’ll just do my best. Eat a little less, get a little more activity, balance out my intake so I have a little less the rest of the week, etc.

Or sometimes just roll with it and know I’m at maintenance or even a little over and maybe my entire weight loss effort is slowed by 2 days. I can live with that too.

asochable · February 2019

@TavistockToad Yes, I can order healthier choices when we go out. But then they will make a big pancakes and bacon breakfast or pick up bagels and pizza (my husband is from New York originally so they know he can’t get “good” ones at home) and stock up on tons of snacks (cookies, chips, ice cream, etc) that they know we like simply because we are coming to visit.

TavistockToad · February 2019

asochable wrote: »

@TavistockToad Yes, I can order healthier choices when we go out. But then they will make a big pancakes and bacon breakfast or pick up bagels and pizza (my husband is from New York originally so they know he can’t get “good” ones at home) and stock up on tons of snacks (cookies, chips, ice cream, etc) that they know we like simply because we are coming to visit.

Again, you don't have to eat all of the things that they have in the house?

Work to your weekly goal or maintenance.

Smile and say no thank you and change the subject after 1 cookie.

asochable · February 2019

@TavistockToad thanks. I’m pretty good about limiting the snacks. My husband has a hard time with it not just because it’s his favorite foods but then the guilt of his family going out of the way to please him when he visits. 🤷🏼‍♀️

mmultanen · February 2019

For many people, food is a way to show love and it sounds like that's the case with your in laws. They are doing the things they think you both like because they love you and want to make sure you're taken care of. And, sometimes, people (specially family) think you're dieting "AT" them when you look to change your habits for the better. Every family dynamic is different, there's no one answer that will work for everyone but what I would do in your shoes is before going to visit make some casual references to changing the way my husband and I are eating.

I wouldn't call it a diet, I wouldn't say we (he) is trying to lose weight but I would say things like "after some conversations with our doctors we're making a few little changes to be healthier" or "I've got a big race coming up and my husband is being very sportive, so we're making some changes to how we eat and exercise together". Dropping those into conversations prior to going to visit mean nobody is blindsided. Maybe it even opens the door to a conversation about what foods you would prefer to be on hand. I wouldn't say diet, I wouldn't even say lifestyle change.

I'd also try to focus family on experiences you and your husband would like to have while visiting saying things like "you know we haven't be to the museum in for ever and I'd love to see xxx when we're there" can help take the focus away from the foods as the main highlight of the visit.

Finally, I'd just try to eat less, move more and not make a massive thing about it while there. Best of luck.

kimny72 · February 2019

I don't know if this will help or not, but I often find that people are much more likely to comply when you frame it as asking them for help, rather than telling them what you guys are doing. Since it sounds like your husband does really need to lose weight, and it's his family anyway, perhaps ask them ahead of time to help him by not going all out this time. Obviously this depends on how your hubby feels about his weight and what his relationship with his family is like. Maybe they could skip the snacks and just get bagels for breakfast one day and pizza for dinner once.

hesn92 · February 2019

I'm not dieting now, but when I am, no I don't tell anyone. It doesn't really ever come up. If I was in the situation you are describing, I would just pick what I wanted to eat. You don't have to eat everything there because it's available. I would eat a reasonable portion of the pancakes or whatever it was and that would be that. No discussion necessary.

RachelElser · February 2019

no, it's none of their business and honestly not that interesting a topic. I just say no thanks when I don't want something.

whatalazyidiot · February 2019

Never. The only person who knows is my sister because I live with her. When I am in a situation like that, I just pick the healthiest of what is available. I never tell people I am dieting or explain my food choices. It hasn't really been an issue anyway. Nobody has been like "But why aren't you eating that?".

kimny72 · February 2019

I would generally agree that it's none of their beeswax

but it sounds like they run out and buy all sorts of special snacks plus bagels and pizza specifically because they're coming. If they've always done that, and OP and hubby have always eaten it, I think it would be a little un-thoughtful to let them go out and spend $$$ on that stuff and then just say "no thanks" to all of it.

Back in the day, we used to have out of state relatives come visit once a year, and we would always run out that morning and get a dozen bagels, pastries from the bakery, and plan a pizza dinner one night as those were foods they always said they missed about NY. If one year we did all that, and they just said no thanks to all of it, I would've been a little peeved, not to mention out a fair chunk of change! Especially when they could have told us ahead of time they really didn't want to eat that stuff this time.

debrakgoogins · February 2019

I don't consider what I eat to be dieting but my immediate family knows that I am trying to eat healthier - mostly because there is no soda, chips, and snack crackers in the house anymore. It isn't because I don't ever have those things but because my willpower for those is nonexistent. When we go out with others, I just make better choices - usually a 6 oz steak or salmon, potato and vegetable. Noone questions it if I don't make a big deal about it.

RelCanonical · February 2019

I don't see my extended family enough to where it would become an issue (i.e. only on Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter). I normally just eat what everyone is eating and just watch my portions. I try to fill up on things that are less calorie-dense so I'm less tempted to eat a lot of the other things.

They know I'm dieting because they see me lose weight, but they generally don't see the day-to-day impact it has had on my food habits because they only see me during holiday-eating mode.

I don't know if it's just like, my family, but I visit my parents on a weekly basis since they live just outside of the town I'm in, and they don't buy me things. If I want to have something at the house and they don't have it, I have to bring it, lol. This is the first time I've seen that as an advantage.

theowlbox · February 2019

Duck_Puddle wrote: »

I make the best choices I can in whatever situation I’m in. Sometimes even the best choice isn’t “good” but it’s the best I can do.

My extended family, friends, coworkers, etc haven’t decided to alter what they eat, nor should I expect them to in order to cater to my preferences.

I’ll just do my best. Eat a little less, get a little more activity, balance out my intake so I have a little less the rest of the week, etc.

Or sometimes just roll with it and know I’m at maintenance or even a little over and maybe my entire weight loss effort is slowed by 2 days. I can live with that too.

this but i would add: people know i'm dieting because sometimes it's applicable to mention it and because it isn't shameful or up for someone else's approval. it's no different than other accommodations we make for others.

then again i am pretty direct about things so it might not be your style. best of luck with the family!

MsBaz2018 · February 2019

I have lunch every week at my aunt's place. She usually make a really nice dessert and sometimes the rest is heavy too. I eat a little less during the week and plan for it. I also take leftovers and spread them out during the week. Or freeze them.

"oh I am too full right now" works well. Eating slowly and not taking seconds works too. I also usually exercise a bit more those days.

But no I don't tell anybody I am trying to lose weight or using MFP. I can't deal with those discussions. I'll forever have to watch my weight and I'll forever have the same family. I just have to deal with it.

asochable · February 2019

Thanks for all the different points of view!

I agree with the sentiment that it’s not their business which is why I haven’t said anything at this point to them. But, as @mmultanen said, I do think food is the family’s way to show love and like @kimny72 points out, I don’t want to upset them. It’s probably my husbands place to tell them to kindly not get us all that food, but that would definitely be hard for him to do, both because he does love his NY bagels and because he doesn’t want to somehow upset them or have the uncomfortable conversation that he’s trying to eat better. His family knows I run a lot and that we go to crossfit to get in better shape.

So far it sounds like the best option is to make the best choices we can in the situations that come up and get back on track when we get home.

elisa123gal · February 2019

dieting ..or restricting your eating or totally changing your eating habits is YOUR business. Is not your place to tell the people you visit to accommodate your eating habits. If you invite them to your home, serve healthy food and call it a day..it is your choice. If you visit them...bring a dish you can eat.

It seems logical that you should be able to say something and be considered at gatherings outside your home. But, really it is an imposition on people who have invited you to be kind. The bottom line.. people who make huge announcements about their vegetarianism, vegan diets, lactose intolerance...gluten allergies... are hardly celebrated as guests you just can't wait to invite again.

asochable · February 2019

@elisa123gal I’m not talking about going over for dinner at a friends house. I’m talking about staying with my in-laws for a few days where they often go out of the way to get us foods they know we like but are not good for us. It’s not really feasible to bring our own dish for the whole weekend and if anything I feel like that would be insulting to our families that we won’t eat their food.

bumbambi · February 2019

I completely understand where you're coming from. I think this situation requires a bit of self preservation skills from you and your husband. At the end of the day you have two choices. Either you have the uncomfortable situation of telling them "Please don't buy any of this junk food specifically for us, because we have a hard time saying no" or you both just need to start saying no regardless of whether they offer it or not. Sometimes it's hardest not letting people guilt you into eating food that are high in calories and will throw you back a whole weeks worth of progress. At the end of the day though, even if you don't want to specifically tell them to please stop buying all these things, they surely will get the message after the 3rd or 4th time you guys come to visit and decline their well meant offerings.

lorrpb · February 2019

“Don’t go out of your way to stock up on special food/snacks. I’d love to go shopping with you when we arrive.”

Does your family know you’re “dieting”?

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