Random insults for later

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pizzamyheart
pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
edited March 2019 in Chit-Chat
Sometimes that jerk in the next cube won’t stop taking your stapler. And humming while eating. And forcing you to look at a thousand pictures of his kids from their vacation. And he speaks in cliches. And takes smoke breaks that are too long and bathroom breaks that are even longer. You hate that guy. Then you go home and step in dog poop. You don’t even have a dog. Your neighbor, with a fat droopy mustache, too tight dirty white T-shirt, boxer shorts and slippers, smoking a cigar and holding a beer in one hand and his yappy ugly dog in the other shouts “that’s crappy!” And laughs a stupid annoying laugh. Then you get inside and answer the ringing phone...telemarketer. Sometimes you want to have the right thing to say to these people. But maybe you are too nice. Or maybe not good with words. Or maybe you think of it while you are laying in bed at 3am not able to sleep. So In this thread....let em rip. Random insults. For random situations. In our random lives. Because some of us are too nice to come up with our own and might need to borrow some if any good ones are posted......
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Replies

  • pizzamyheart
    pizzamyheart Posts: 1,836 Member
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    JustPassingTime wrote: »
    It took me 3 min to give this a hundred views. Yeah I'm bored

    It’s well written and amazing. Quality stuff. I’d like an honorable mention in the Crush thread now.
  • Cowsfan1
    Cowsfan1 Posts: 7,937 Member
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    Yo momma went to college ??

    .yo momma wear combat boots ??

    Yo momma so stupid she went to Dr Dre for a flu shot??

    In degrees of insultary depending on your situation
  • Reckoner67
    Reckoner67 Posts: 3,344 Member
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    I’ll rip out yer heart n dance to the beat, arrr

    Oh sorry that’s a pirate threat not an insult

    I’m not very good at this
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
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    I don't understand how you function, your intellect is not compatable with life
  • amorfati601070
    amorfati601070 Posts: 2,862 Member
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    "Dickhead", short, succinct to the point. A classic.
  • Tankiscool
    Tankiscool Posts: 11,105 Member
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    "You're mom goes to college" from Napoleon Dynamite always catches people off guard for me at least lol.
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
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    Dirty cat litter smells less offensive than you do
  • funjen1972
    funjen1972 Posts: 949 Member
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    They say it's the thought that counts and I think you're an *kitten*

    😁😁😁
  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
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    "quick- you better run along before someone drops a house on you too!"
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
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    I thought snapchat filters made everyone look cute...I was wrong
  • Den_of_Iniquity
    Den_of_Iniquity Posts: 424 Member
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    "Here, try this cauliflower crust pizza". I really cant think of anything worse to say to someone right now.
  • caco_ethes
    caco_ethes Posts: 11,962 Member
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    Den_of_Iniquity wrote: »
    "Here, try this cauliflower crust pizza". I really cant think of anything worse to say to someone right now.

    Hahaha!
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
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    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    around here ‘bless your heart’ or ‘youre a peach’ or sometimes ‘i’ll pray for you’ are super bad insults

    I heard that about southern people...problem is their soft accent makes everything sound good.

    "I'm sorry ma'am, it's the end of the world, your dog is dead and you're gonna burn for eternity".
    I'd find somewhat soothing spoken in a southern accent, a smooth one.
  • Tankiscool
    Tankiscool Posts: 11,105 Member
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    Den_of_Iniquity wrote: »
    "Here, try this cauliflower crust pizza". I really cant think of anything worse to say to someone right now.

    Brb gonna try and make a broccoli crust pizza to piss you off even more! ;):D
  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
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    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    Vikka_V wrote: »
    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    around here ‘bless your heart’ or ‘youre a peach’ or sometimes ‘i’ll pray for you’ are super bad insults

    I heard that about southern people...problem is their soft accent makes everything sound good.

    "I'm sorry ma'am, it's the end of the world, your dog is dead and you're gonna burn for eternity".
    I'd find somewhat soothing spoken in a southern accent, a smooth one.

    ya someone could say pretty vile *kitten* in a southern accent and it sounds just dreamy

    dis me?
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
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    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    Vikka_V wrote: »
    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    around here ‘bless your heart’ or ‘youre a peach’ or sometimes ‘i’ll pray for you’ are super bad insults

    I heard that about southern people...problem is their soft accent makes everything sound good.

    "I'm sorry ma'am, it's the end of the world, your dog is dead and you're gonna burn for eternity".
    I'd find somewhat soothing spoken in a southern accent, a smooth one.

    ya someone could say pretty vile *kitten* in a southern accent and it sounds just dreamy

    Please vague post what 'kitten' is in your post!

    *wow...if I had just posted my unedited post....I would have had to delete account and come back as a lurker before my ego could recover
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
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    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    Vikka_V wrote: »
    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    Vikka_V wrote: »
    tinkerhellraiser wrote: »
    around here ‘bless your heart’ or ‘youre a peach’ or sometimes ‘i’ll pray for you’ are super bad insults

    I heard that about southern people...problem is their soft accent makes everything sound good.

    "I'm sorry ma'am, it's the end of the world, your dog is dead and you're gonna burn for eternity".
    I'd find somewhat soothing spoken in a southern accent, a smooth one.

    ya someone could say pretty vile *kitten* in a southern accent and it sounds just dreamy

    Please vague post what 'kitten' is in your post!

    *wow...if I had just posted my unedited post....I would have had to delete account and come back as a lurker before my ego could recover

    pleasant violence

    excellent descriptor!!
  • Sunshine_And_Sand
    Sunshine_And_Sand Posts: 1,320 Member
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    This is not really an insult, but a former neighbor used to pride himself on getting the telemarketers to hang up on him. He happened to be at my house on a day that the telemarketer called my phone, and he asked if he could talk to them for me. The conversation went something like this:
    Telemarketer: can I speak to _____ (female name)?
    Neighbor: This is me. (In his normal obviously man voice)
    Telemarketer: You're not _______. Is she home?
    Neighbor: If you think it's weird for me to be named ______ now, imagine how hard it was for me in middle school.

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