How to tell yourself you aren’t fat anymore
merekins
Posts: 228 Member
Have been overweight for a number of years and am getting closer to my goal weight. Have lost 75lbs now. How have you adjusted mentally to such a physical change? I still feel like I am heavier. I’m not seeing much change but it’s obviously there as I’m wearing smaller clothes. Did you eventually acclimate to it on your own? Did you need a therapist to help guide you through process?
What can I do help see myself the way other people can see me? I don’t want to go through this and in the end, still think of myself as fat. That is such a limiting and debilitating mindset, at least it has been for me.
What can I do help see myself the way other people can see me? I don’t want to go through this and in the end, still think of myself as fat. That is such a limiting and debilitating mindset, at least it has been for me.
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Replies
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Wow you summed up everything I've been thinking/feeling recently. Lost 89lbs and around 9lbs to go. I've been looking at old photos/videos and that helps me. Sometimes i can't even believe the old me, was me!8
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This is something that takes a long time. I've been in maintenance for over a year now and still have days where I'll approach a mirror expecting to see a bigger me. Overall, I have adjusted to the changes, though. You will catch glances of yourself in the mirror and people will make comments about how great you look. It will click!
My "moment" happened a few months into maintenance. I went on a site visit with a coworker and reviewed his photos later on. He caught someone's REALLY skinny leg in one photo. It was the type of leg that you look at, wishing you could be that in shape. It was long and skinny and you just knew that the woman whose leg it was is in perfect shape... Then I realized that I had worn pants that same color. It was my leg. If my legs look that skinny, then I must look pretty good, too, right? : )21 -
Comparing yourself to old pictures, taking note of new health markers, recognizing what your body is more capable of have all helped me try to see myself in a better light. It does take time for your mind to catch up with your body as well because you are so used to seeing yourself the way you looked before.5
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Such an appropriate topic. Having lost a lot of weight and gaining most back a few times definitely makes this a challenge for me as well. I really believe most people think losing is the hardest part. For me, since I haven't mastered the keeping it off, that's where I know I struggle.3
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It takes time.
For me-transitioning from the weight loss phase to the maintenance phase took about 6 months. During that time there was a lot of changes going on, both physically and then mentally. Not only are you playing around with your calories and trying to get your new routine figured out, but you're also dealing with the mental adjustment of no longer being in the weight loss phase (and all the motivations that come along with that), to the maintenance phase-which has its own sets of challenges that many people aren't prepared for, (hence the very high failure rate of weight loss adherence within 2 years).
OP, it does get better the further along into the process you get, what you're going through is very normal.5 -
Again, it does take time. Pictures can help, especially side by side comparisons. When I got to my lowest size, I remember the first time I picked up that size I thought there was no way it could fit/I was that small. Took them to the dressing room and tried them on and they fit perfectly! Even when I fluctuated 10-15 lbs (up and down) in college, I never saw much difference in my head. Sure there was a difference in how my clothes fit, but I had a hard time seeing it. I would say it took several months for me once I got to my lowest range before I saw it in the mirror.4
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Pictures are the most helpful for me. I still don't fully mentally picture myself at my current size.
The first time it clicked for me was pictures of my son's birthday party, incognito pictures that I wasn't posing for or anything. I went back and stared at those pictures several times, trying to make the connection in my mind.
On the flip side, I also didn't have an accurate mental picture of myself at my heaviest weight either, I thought I looked slimmer. I didn't feel so overweight. Again, realizing how overweight I came from looking at pictures. It was shocking. What led me to MFP and losing weight in the first place.5 -
Oh yes, and clothes shopping. I still picked up smalls and mediums when going swimsuit shopping a couple of weeks ago. The small fit perfectly and I could really use an XS in the bottoms, yet I still picked up a medium "just in case".3
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Photos help. My upper body is bony, so I know I'm at or below a good weight, but I still look down and see a soft belly and thighs and think I'm too fat. Then I see photos of myself at races, and my legs look strong and I look like an athlete. I'm always surprised at photos of me. When I was fat I denied I was fat, until I saw the pictures. Now I deny that I'm thin, until I see the proof.6
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Exactly what @spiriteagle99 says. All of it.
From “my” angle, I still see a big soft belly sticking out over thick thighs that still flatten out when I sit. It’s not til I look at old photographs that I realize my body has gotten very proportionately smaller.
Sunday I went through the summer clothes I packed away last November, and they were falling off me. My husband took a photo of me wearing one of the skirts and holding the waistband out to “here” and I keep it on my phone now to remind me how far I’ve come.
It is difficult to wrap your head around. My trainer sends me photos after every session so I can see how muscular my arms are, and I’m very grateful she insists on doing that, although it always embarrasses me in front of the “real lifters”when she does, even though I noticed yesterday I’m doing more weight on the machines than some of the guys do, which surprised me.
Why do our heads punish us like this? It’s very puzzling.8 -
springlering62 wrote: »Exactly what @spiriteagle99 says. All of it.
From “my” angle, I still see a big soft belly sticking out over thick thighs that still flatten out when I sit. It’s not til I look at old photographs that I realize my body has gotten very proportionately smaller.
Sunday I went through the summer clothes I packed away last November, and they were falling off me. My husband took a photo of me wearing one of the skirts and holding the waistband out to “here” and I keep it on my phone now to remind me how far I’ve come.
It is difficult to wrap your head around. My trainer sends me photos after every session so I can see how muscular my arms are, and I’m very grateful she insists on doing that, although it always embarrasses me in front of the “real lifters”when she does, even though I noticed yesterday I’m doing more weight on the machines than some of the guys do, which surprised me.
Why do our heads punish us like this? It’s very puzzling.
I go through your first sentence a lot too. I mentioned in another thread how I wish I had taken progress photos from the POV of looking down at myself so I could see just how much I had lost there. When I look in a mirror, I can see the difference, but looking down at myself doesn't have the same impact. It feels like I haven't lost much, when I've lost almost 40lbs.4 -
I was told once that we aren't fat.. we have fat on our bodies... there is a difference. Saying we are fat defines us who we are a person- and that isn't true. What is your definition of yourself? Who truly are you? It is a truly mental state... It is hard to change and visualize the change that everyone sees, but with a change in mindset I believe it is totally obtainable.4
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I am getting there. At goal for 2 months now. The first time I actually though of myself as "thin" was pretty shocking. When someone referred to me as "petite", I actually laughed at the thought. The real solidified, though, was having to replace my entire wardrobe. I looked in the mirror so many times trying on clothes that the new reality sink in (particularly since I continually picked a too large size to try on first.)
It still feels a bit weird, but in a good way
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I have a long way to go still. In 2017 I actually lost 100lbs but gained 70 of it back. Started back in Feb of 2019. I'm so ready this time around to completely reach my goal and then keep everything off.
This all makes me think though once that day comes, going to therapy wouldn't be such a bad idea. Thank you guys for putting all of your experiences3 -
I think for me after I lost my weight, it was just more of a mental struggle. Kinda like body dismorphia. I dropped 40 pounds and got to my goal weight and still seen myself as fat. Just got use to what I seen in the mirror at the beginning that that's all I seen even after I lost the weight. Don't really have any advice on how to see yourself differently but just to accept yourself and know that you have changed and you have dropped the weight.1
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Lost 100lbs+
Size 10-12 uk now
Still don't think of myself as 'normal' sized.
I talk to the larger people on the office as if I'm still that size without thinking it.
I wonder if I'll ever consider myself as slim.
It's like I know mentally that I've lost weight. But emotionally I still feel obese.
I just don't really see any difference when I look in the mirror.
Such a weird disconnect.
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I agree with all of your thoughts. I'm down 60lbs, started in a size XL and 16 pants, I am currently in smalls and size 4. I dont see it everyday, but clothes shopping definitely helps, I took a dressing room selfie and literally didnt recognize myself. I think it's just going to take time! I'm not really sure. I'm also trying to be in front of the camera more instead of behind it.1
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Time.
Even "slow" weight loss is quite fast for our brains.
Lost most of my weight on MFP at a rate of just under 1.5lbs a week, going from obese to overweight during that time frame.
A year an a half of fairly rapid losses was followed by at least six months during which I would double check whether both legs would fit in my pants because they looked sort of smallish to me.
Three years later it still catches me by surprise sometimes that I can fit between the sign and the outside of the sidewalk, and that air-plane seats are... comfortable-ish... but at least I don't often double check my pants!!!5 -
I struggle with this so much. In the past week a co-worker called me skinny. I was stunned. And then someone at barre class asked for nutrition advice. Again stunned. I hope time will help, but I've been at basically the same weight for a year now.5
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