Motivation - where can I find it?

I've had this thought on my mind for a while now, and I think I can finally put some word to it for discussion. Maybe.

I'm about 135 pounds, 5"1'. I don't think I'm fat, and I don't think I'm thin. I think I'm a healthy weight, even if BMI still calls me obese (if only a little), but I think I'm still very mushy in some spots. At my height, every lb shows, as I know many can relate. At my highest weight, I was probably 155, but I was somewhere between 14 and 16 at the time (I never knew for sure. My family feels it obsessive to have a scale in the house, so I used to sneak onto the scale when I worked at a pharmacy).

So here's my problem. This is sort of how my self-motivation goes:

1. I'm feeling good about myself, comfortable at my weight, eating healthy food no matter what.
2. I watch TV or read a magazine, and see a woman who I consider to be beautiful and skinny, regardless of whether the image is photoshopped or realistic for my height and build.
3. I feel disgusted with myself, and decide it's time to make a change, and lose some weight.
4. Realize that this kind of motivation is unhealthy, and self-hatred will never make me happy, no matter what I weigh.
5. Reset to first stage, and repeat.

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I can clearly see that the solution would be for me to approach any self-improvement from a place of love for myself; a desire to improve how I feel, my energy, my mood. Yet this never seems to motivate me AT ALL, and the first option always lights a fire under me much quicker (but only for a little while).

It makes me think about a few things. Is 135 a happy weight for me? Am I in the wrong mindset completely?

Another issue on the side is that I have been dealing with a lot of health issues lately that have settled down finally. When I asked my doctor about weight loss, he thinks it should be the last thing on my mind. My boyfriend says that I look amazing, and he would love me no matter what I weighed. My family is supportive, but doesn't understand my desire to lose any weight.

I think that if I want to lose weight, it shouldn't matter what a family member or friend says. I feel I should mention that I have never, and will never attempt any crash diets. I'm a food lover, and I know that harming my body in that way is the last thing I want to do.

I'm rambling quite a bit, but I guess where I'm coming from is that, I don't know where to get the right kind of motivation from that works for me, without making me feel awful about myself. I keep gaining and losing the same 3 or 4 pounds, and that's doing very little for my self-esteem. I'm not asking for people to look through my food journal and tell me how to fix it (I know I need to really shape up, and being on vacation for the last 3 weeks hasn't helped much, but it's also given me time to think). If I can find the right kind of motivation, I have no doubt that I have all the tools I need to be successful.

If you took the time to read all of this, THANK YOU. I would love to hear any feedback or opinions, supportive or tough-love. Or if anyone is having a similar problems, I'd like to hear about that too. Always looking for more friends and support along this long and winding road.