Being called fat

stephiecedillo
stephiecedillo Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
Why does it hurt to be called fat so much? I use to be 145 before I had my son who just turned 4 on Jan 25th. I have a thyroid problem that I’ve been dealing with for years before the baby and how I found out was that my weight always fluctuated. I’ve always been comfortable in my skin in 150s but since I had my son I haven’t lost not just 3lbs. I had him at 220 and I haven’t lost anything. I know I’m not a workout guru and never have ever claimed to be but I consider myself active enough, I guess we’re it was enough to work before. Today walking with my son I accidentally knocked over some crazy persons drink and she said I needed to watch we’re my fat *kitten* was going. The father of my child constantly cheats on me and they all call me fat and ugly. I was a waitress, bartender and cocktail waitress my whole life. I’ve always been humble bc I Have always been the biggest one out of everyone but never been called fat. I think I will always be fat but I don’t care about a guy or anything what if one of my sons friends teases him...I just don’t want to be today

Replies

  • thatjodiegirl
    thatjodiegirl Posts: 95 Member
    edited April 2019
    I am so sorry you're feeling this way. I think most everyone on this board has felt like you felt at one time or another. Please know that it is not too late for you to make changes. There is a ton of support on this board. You can read my story by clicking on my profile.

    As for the people who are mean to you, shame on them. Karma is very real. But don't focus on them. Focus on you. You can do it!

    I just sent you a friend request.
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    People can be very cruel and insensitive. Many of us have experienced this ourselves.
    There is no justification for rudeness. Some people just have no manners and lash out at others because it makes them feel better about themselves. You can’t do much about strangers, but you can eliminate your child’s father. Let him know how you feel about this. If it continues, get him out of your life, as much as you can with sharing a child together.
    As for losing weight, you can do this, and you are more than worth the effort it will take, sweetie!
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
    Regarding the rude comment from the stranger, I know it hurts but try to remember it's a reflection of the type of person they are, not you.

    As for your relationship, consider long and hard the type of behaviour you want modeled for your child(ren). If you think they don't or won't pick up on that, think again. They will see how you are treated and key off that.
  • mstarks01
    mstarks01 Posts: 109 Member
    You don't deserve being treated the way you are. Just try to remember that they are the ones who have to carry around that misery in their brains. How sad for them. You, however, can choose to be happy. Choose happiness for yourself and let others despair as they will.
  • k8eekins
    k8eekins Posts: 2,264 Member
    stephiecedillo wrote: »
    Why does it hurt to be called fat so much? I use to be 145 before I had my son who just turned 4 on Jan 25th. I have a thyroid problem that I’ve been dealing with for years before the baby and how I found out was that my weight always fluctuated. I’ve always been comfortable in my skin in 150s but since I had my son I haven’t lost not just 3lbs. I had him at 220 and I haven’t lost anything. I know I’m not a workout guru and never have ever claimed to be but I consider myself active enough, I guess we’re it was enough to work before. Today walking with my son I accidentally knocked over some crazy persons drink and she said I needed to watch we’re my fat *kitten* was going. The father of my child constantly cheats on me and they all call me fat and ugly. I was a waitress, bartender and cocktail waitress my whole life. I’ve always been humble bc I Have always been the biggest one out of everyone but never been called fat. I think I will always be fat but I don’t care about a guy or anything what if one of my sons friends teases him...I just don’t want to be today

    The liberties of life's reality-reels. What we all forget is, outside ourselves, no one really has to respect you and they're allowed to not. When anyone chooses to bodyshame-stamp, how you process and reconfigure it to benefit you, is entirely on you. I've always been of the mind, that if anything were to be remotely offensive, that just maybe, there's an ounce of a conscience, or a sense of consideration. My sister would turn to me, and without any hesitation, she'll remind me that what I forget is, that people don't have to care and to not have a care, allows for grave disrespect and they're allowed those liberties. It's about how you handle yourself because of what was triggered or what may have been triggered, that determines the outcome. You choose.

    Beyond how they see you - how do you value yourself? What does your reflection look like? What are you going to do about it? Where will you start?
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    Please believe that I mean this with kind intentions, but you've got waaay bigger problems here than being called fat. My guess is that you've absorbed so much pain that you had to let it out somewhere. That's why it hurts as much as it does, because there's a lot of pain under the surface trying to work it's way out.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,182 Member
    The "why" of it hurts so bad is called social defeat.
    From https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0031938401004905
    "Victims of bullying are known to suffer from depression, anxiety, sociophobia, loss of self-esteem, psychosomatic diseases, and other behavioral symptoms."

    Knowledge is power, so get powerful and beat the *kitten* out of those symptoms.
  • o0kody0o
    o0kody0o Posts: 642 Member
    Sorry to hear you’re having a tough time just now. First of all, you’re beautiful! Secondly, I’d maybe make an appointment with your doctor to discuss how you’re feeling and to see if he/she could maybe point you in the right direction regarding your weight loss, or lack of it, as you mentioned. Lastly, it might be hard but if your partner is cheating on you then get rid of him. I know the thought of being “alone” can seem scary but you deserve so much better. Feel free to add me as a friend. Take care of yourself 😊
  • laceygaywilson
    laceygaywilson Posts: 330 Member
    Wow we sound like sisters!! My thyroid went nuts during my second pregnancy!!! When she was born 263lbs!!! Took six years to get off the 63lbs!! Just frustrated.....and on top of that I was fighting with my husband because he would not stop calling me fat!!!! Everyday!!! He knew how much it hurt me....my parents did the same when I was a kid!!! When I met my husband I weighed 254 lost 100lbs!! Gained 125 with baby#1 lost it within a year and another 25lbs....size 4 smallest ever in my whole life!!! Gained it all back with baby#2!!! The struggle was so insane after that. Thyroid hurts your motivation your energy and your over all mindset!!! Took time but I got my husband to stop...still struggle with the echo of his words BUT I got motivated I stopped thinking I'd never lose it!! I pushed through the fog the frustration and I lost 35lbs last fall!!!! Gained 9 during winter and I just lost that last week!!! Yep!! This time it's for me. I wanna feel good. I wanna be able to run and play with my kids and not hurt!!! Just know you can do it.......tell your brain and keep telling it and the body will fall in line!!!! Add me!!! Happy to help!!!!
  • TanyaHooton
    TanyaHooton Posts: 249 Member
    Why does it hurt to be called fat? Because although it is a statement of fact (i.e. you carry more fat cells than you probably should), it is also used as a moral judgment of another person, and as a shaming device. Many people (not all) hold low opinions of overweight people, a belief that overweight individuals are less worthy, less disciplined, less strong, less attractive, less desirable, less, less, less and are not as valuable or worthy as someone who is conventionally attractive. And so the word "fat" is weaponized to induce shame in the victim - it means more than just "you have too many fat cells;" it also means "you are ugly, worthless, and less valuable than what I deem to be right." Never mind that they are NOT the arbiter of what is right and appropriate. Maybe they appointed themselves as the expert of everything, but they're living in a fantasy world.

    Someone who will call you fat for bumping into them is someone who will call you a dumb bunny or an anorexic bimbo if you bump into them when you are underweight. So pay them no mind. It must be awful living in their world, where everyone is out to get them and there's nothing but annoyance and grief to be had.

    Also, your partner sounds awful. I say lose that dead weight before even trying to lose any weight on yourself.
  • kimber0607
    kimber0607 Posts: 994 Member
    First off it doesn't matter if you are green, blue or purple...skinny or heavy or average.,..you dont 'deserve' to be cheated on and your deserve to be with someone that is committed to you and values you and tells you that you are beautiful! I hope you believe that!
    I had thyroid issues as well and my thyroid was going back and forth from over active to under active....the only way I got the weight off (and it took a few years) was to count every single calorie...

    ((HUGS))
    and that lady that called you a horrible name.....what a nasty mean-spirited nasty person!
    Im sorry she hurt your feelings....
    Yuck!
  • stephiecedillo
    stephiecedillo Posts: 3 Member
    Thank you so much guys for the words I needed to hear, it’s taken me a few days to get back to y’all with my kid & life in general but after reading this I feel better about holding my head up high. I know you y’all are going to freak but for the past 3 years now I’ve lived in an apt with a jacuzzi, pool and WORKOUT ROOM...yes and I’ve been in them just to look. Last week was the first time I actually went into the workout room terrified about what everyone was thinking of me bc for some reason they are always the perfect looking ones? Maybe in their heads they we’re thinking things but no one bothered me or even looked my way, they we’re focused of themselves....3 years I could have taken advantage of these accommodations but I was so scared of what others would think? As far as the partner goes your right he has tore me down completely and I blame him for the lack of self esteem but I wanted a family so bad I took 4 years of mental abuse & I am paying for that as well with having issues with my son now and I’m in therapy now (which it needed to be done) Seeing my son suffer and try to protect his mommy now that is not something any 4 year old should be in and now I have to put him in therapy. The stress alone I have no idea why I’m not losing weight? I’ve had the same primary for the last 10 years and he is the one that told me I had a thyroid problem put me on meds and the weight would drop right off. Nothing. I have him do blood test every few months but he says it’s nothing. I’m begging to think I need to see a specialist all this weight is hurting my body, my mind and playing with my son. Anyways thank you guys all. I do not have the app you pay for does everyone on here have it? Is it worth it?😉
  • THS2HASPASSED
    THS2HASPASSED Posts: 1,055 Member
    people are ridiculous. 4 years ago I was 472lbs and called fat many times. I never let it bother me because people just suck! Now I am a lean muscular 300lbs and yet I still get stared at and told things like "your veins are gross, too much muscle" and the famous "steroid" comments.. still I don't let it bother me. we are all humans no matter our weight or anything else so anyone that calls you a name is simply insecure within their lives for whatever reason.. you are a beautiful lady. focus on yourself and to hell with everyone else!

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