Is telling someone that they're getting fat a compliment?

Tanie98
Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
edited April 2019 in Motivation and Support
One of my co worker came out of nowhere and said you're getting fat. Look at your behind. I'm pear shaped and bottom heavy. I'm 5'3 and about 135 lbs right now. I used to 125 but have gained back the few pounds I lost.Which I'm already aware of as my clothes fit differently. Then another co worker came shortly and said You're gaining6 weight eh. Ofcourse I was offended by these comments. When I expressed my feelings about it, the first lady was like no you're not fat, you look good . And other lady who also commented on my weight was like yea you're were too skinny before and you look good. These coments are still hurtful and I want to report these ladies as I don't appreciate personal comments in work place . And they only make self conscious. It's not their business

Am I overreacting?

Replies

  • laceygaywilson
    laceygaywilson Posts: 330 Member
    They are out of place 100% but they don't mean to hurt you at all. My family did this to me my whole childhood. Made me struggle with emotional eating and the scale in general!! When I realized my struggle had nothing to do with what they were saying and everything to do with how I felt about myself.....then their words carried no wait. When I stopped reacting to it....they quit saying it. Now I've lost weight three different times and they don't talk *kitten* when I gain it now. Co-workers get comfortable and feel they can talk to you like family....just know you are perfect just as you are!! We will fluctuate 5-10 lbs that's normal!!! Stay positive and strong!!
  • MikePTY
    MikePTY Posts: 3,814 Member
    I think they were out of place, but I don't think I would go as far as reporting them, unless they keep it up. Tell them that you don't appreciate any comments on your body and would hope that they keep their thoughts to theirselves. If they don't stop, then maybe report them. But if they don't do it anymore I would let it go
  • mstarks01
    mstarks01 Posts: 109 Member
    Just say I can lose weight but what are you planning to do about that face?
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    Not a compliment and inappropriate to comment on your body.
  • robertw486
    robertw486 Posts: 2,399 Member
    Maybe PHAT and not fat....

    Pretty Hot And Tempting
    PHAT means "Pretty Hot And Tempting" So now you know - PHAT means "Pretty Hot And Tempting

    phat
    /fat/
    adjectiveINFORMAL
    excellent.
    "a phat and funky sound"

    It doesn't seem to be used as much these days, but for a period of time people used it quite frequently. Since at least the one woman seemed to be paying you a compliment this might be an explanation.

  • csplatt
    csplatt Posts: 1,205 Member
    Some cultures and backgrounds find a less flat, rounder bottom to be preferable and complimentary. But I would have taken it personally too.
  • kbmnurse1
    kbmnurse1 Posts: 316 Member
    I would have said if you nothing good to say don't bother.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,616 Member
    Tanie98 wrote: »
    One of my co worker came out of nowhere and said you're getting fat. Look at your behind. I'm pear shaped and bottom heavy. I'm 5'3 and about 135 lbs right now. I used to 125 but have gained back the few pounds I lost.Which I'm already aware of as my clothes fit differently. Then another co worker came shortly and said You're gaining6 weight eh. Ofcourse I was offended by these comments. When I expressed my feelings about it, the first lady was like no you're not fat, you look good . And other lady who also commented on my weight was like yea you're were too skinny before and you look good. These coments are still hurtful and I want to report these ladies as I don't appreciate personal comments in work place . And they only make self conscious. It's not their business

    Am I overreacting?

    If you're thinking of reporting them, yes you are overreacting.

    However, you are free to tell them that you don't appreciate personal comments in the work place. Then if they continue to do that, you can start working your way up the chain according to your work place policies. But the first step is to talk to them.

    Or you could just smile and say "thank you". :)

  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
    SarahMorganP wrote: »
    Now I know why nobody at work has said anything about me losing almost 50lbs. They are scared I might report them.

    I would wish to be in your place. I hate comments of my weight lose or gain. Losing indicates a disapproval of before. And it's not the same freaking thing..if you were to gain 50 pounds would want your co workers pointing it out?
  • JaydedMiss
    JaydedMiss Posts: 4,286 Member
    I mean...My boyfriend has it in his mind that repeating "damn baby your *kitten* is fat..." is the biggest compliment in the world even when repeatedly told its offensive and should never be said to any woman ever even if shes working hard to build that booty. Sometimes people are just stupid
  • puffbrat
    puffbrat Posts: 2,806 Member
    I would say to let it go this time. If they or anyone else makes a comment in the future, flat out tell them they are being rude and you don't want to hear their comments. They will probably back pedal like you already described and try to make it out to be a compliment. Tell them it doesn't matter, you haven't invited them to comment on your body.

    At this stage reporting them would be a serious overreaction unless there is a huge backstory that we don't know.
  • rickiimarieee
    rickiimarieee Posts: 2,212 Member
    But
    Tanie98 wrote: »
    One of my co worker came out of nowhere and said you're getting fat. Look at your behind. I'm pear shaped and bottom heavy. I'm 5'3 and about 135 lbs right now. I used to 125 but have gained back the few pounds I lost.Which I'm already aware of as my clothes fit differently. Then another co worker came shortly and said You're gaining6 weight eh. Ofcourse I was offended by these comments. When I expressed my feelings about it, the first lady was like no you're not fat, you look good . And other lady who also commented on my weight was like yea you're were too skinny before and you look good. These coments are still hurtful and I want to report these ladies as I don't appreciate personal comments in work place . And they only make self conscious. It's not their business

    Am I overreacting?

    I don’t think you’re overreacting. That’s not okay at all. When they say comments like that express that they shouldn’t be making comments like that especially in a work environment or when they say “you’re gaining weight.” Be like “so are you!”
  • lalalacroix
    lalalacroix Posts: 834 Member
    My husband constantly talks about my fat *kitten*. He loves it and is definitely meant as a compliment.

    I don't really think commenting on others' bodies at work is appropriate though. I would actually say that if it happened again. Personally I wouldn't report them unless it continues, but that's just me.
  • vanityy99
    vanityy99 Posts: 2,583 Member
    edited April 2019
    That is a compliment these days, they didn’t have bad intentions. since you asked, yes I do think you’re overreacting.I wouldn’t mess with their bread and butter over that esp if they have family to support.
  • NCK96
    NCK96 Posts: 146 Member
    Generally in the US this is not something people do or want to hear, but I've lived in different places where it's considered perfectly acceptable and complimentary to tell something they're getting fatter. (People told me I was getting fatter, and I indeed was, but I REALLY tried not to take it personally since I realized it wasn't meant in a hurtful way.) I don't know that I'd report anyone, at least not until I'd spoken with them and told them I didn't appreciate their comments, and then if they continued after that.

    I had a roommate from a small country in South America who was 5'3" and weighed about 87 lbs. She was naturally quite tiny, and I asked her if everyone in her family was as skinny as she was. I didn't realize she was offended by my comment, but she came back with, "No, is everyone in your family as FAT as you are?" I told her that honestly, they were.
  • momm90112
    momm90112 Posts: 8 Member
    Sometimes letting people wonder about what you're going to do about something works GREAT. Next time they say something like that say "Hmmm, I wonder what management would think of you saying that?" or "Wow! In this day and age, I didn't think people still had the guts to say offensive things like that especially at work where it could cost them their job." then wander away from them. They'll definitely spend some time wondering if you're going to report them and often that's much more effective than actually reporting. :smiley:

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